Title: Junctures
By Jaye Reid
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Goodbyes (sort of)
Commenced: 27.08.2000
Completed: 05.09.2000
Disclaimer: Not owned by me... because if it was, Harm and Mac would have been happily married long ago with a tribe of happy kids. Donald P. Bellisario, Paramount and CBS apparently own them, but you could make your characters happier guys! I don't make money from this (just taking a look around my place tells you that!) so there is no point suing because I have nothing.
Authors notes: Fanfiction is all about creative licence. And believe me I've taken a huge leap with it in this one!! The premise of Harm finding out he can play with his toys again is about as close to the episode 'Goodbyes' as it gets. Also, just because I can, I decided that Harm was already seeing Renee at this point in time, not Jordan.
Please forgive me for writing something that has probably been written countless times before. I am one of the resident newbies, and we've only just started season five here in Australia.
Feedback: Would be lovely… But remember this is my first JAG fic so please don't be too harsh!
~*~*~*~
Leaving?
The words rang in her ears as she walked through the bullpen towards her office. Straying towards a photocopier, Mac pulled a few sheets of paper from the file she was carrying. Three – zero – copy. The machine sprang to life, creating duplicate copies of a memo outlining the avocation of plastic plants rather than live ones in the office! Just more scrap paper she thought as she strained her ears to hear the two junior officers over the humming of the machine.
"Honestly? Commander Rabb leaving?" said one, "I thought he'd be here forever."
"No… leaves the day after tomorrow," replied the other.
Mac couldn't believe what she was hearing. Harm was going and he hadn't said anything? He was leaving JAG? He was leaving her? Where was he going? Why? He was leaving *her*? Oh… she realised that she'd already had that thought. Maybe it wasn't true? He wouldn't leave just like that?
Questions!
So many of them reverberating around in her head.
"Major? Major Mackenzie? Major!"
Mac blinked and realized Bud was standing in front of her.
"Are you feeling unwell Major?" queried Bud.
Mac just looked at him.
"Permission to speak freely Ma'am?"
Mac nodded.
"You *do* look a little pale Major," he offered.
"No Bud. No…" she summoned a smile, "I'm fine. Really."
"Well, if you say so Ma'am. If you would like me to finish photocopying for you, I would be happy…"
"No," she interrupted and hastily removed the papers from the copy tray. "I'm done."
She shoved the papers into the folder and quickly retreated to her office.
Mac sat at her desk, trying to reconcile the days events. She was feeling bad enough before the latest bombshell. She didn't hear the soft knock on the door. Her mind was flicking through all the legal jargon, the cross examinations, the objections. The pen in her hand absentmindedly drawing circles on the page in front of her.
Every word she had uttered. But nothing. Absolutely nothing came to her that said 'this is where she lost it.' There had to be something she could have, should have done or said that would have made a difference. But logical explanations were hard to come by.
Harm knew Mac was in her office and when she didn't answer his knock, he turned the door knob and gently pushed it open. He peered around and witnessed his friend gazing off into the distance, despite the fact that the wall was only 6 foot in front of her.
He coughed quietly and Mac returned from the place she had been, giving him a faint smile of acknowledgement.
"Permission to enter?" he asked formally.
She scoffed and smiled. "Since when do *you* ask Flyboy?"
"Gotta be a first time for everything," he replied with a joking grin. He stepped into the room, turned, and gently closed the door behind him.
"I heard about the case today," he offered sympathetically, he could see there was something troubling her. "You know, it's not your fault Mac. There just wasn't enough evidence to back up your argument. Everything pointed their way."
"I know," she replied with a defeated tone as Harm slumped himself into the chair opposite her. "I kept thinking there must have been something I missed, just *something.* I *hate* to lose Harm."
"Yes… I know. Ah Mac… there's something I need to tell you."
Mac's heart sank.
"So it *is* true. You *are* leaving," she stated.
"What? You've heard?? How the …"
She tried to smile. "Harm, I'm a JAG lawyer – as well as a marine. It's my job to hear things."
Harm shook his head. "Gees Mac, I'm really sorry. I wanted to be the one to tell you. To explain."
"Explain?" she asked putting on her best marine brave face. "Why would you feel the need to explain yourself to *me*."
He just looked at her for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Well… because we are friends… and friends don't usually keep secrets. I just didn't want to say anything incase it didn't eventuate."
"So where are you transferring to?"
"You don't know?" he asked with wide eyes. "I thought you said it was your job to hear things?"
"No, I don't. Come on, don't keep me guessing."
Harm's face grew into a huge grin, his eyes merely glancing upwards.
Despite her distress, she realized his meaning. She smiled excitedly for him.
"So… the flyboy is going to fly again. Congratulations Harm!"
"You really mean that don't you?" he asked cautiously.
"Harm! Of course I do. You're a flyboy, always have been, always will be. You know the old saying… you can take the flyboy and put him in the courtroom," she joked, "but his heart and mind is always going to be in the blue sky."
"Old saying eh?" he grinned. "You understand then? This is just something I have to do."
"Of course I understand Harm."
"I wish everyone understood like you Mac," he replied despondently.
"Ah Renee you mean?" she asked with a faining concern when she was rather pleased that this decision was not met with enthusiasm by the girlfriend.
"Hmm yes, well. I came to see you but you were in court. Renee called in, and I told her."
"Didn't go well?" asked Mac with an innocent tone.
"Mac… you don't have to play that game," he stated. "I know you didn't like her."
"I never said that!" she remonstrated, trying hard to look shocked that Harm could even *suggest* such a thing.
How could he think that Mac looked at Renee as a teasing, stuck-up, air-head? So what if the biggest drama for her was breaking a nail or deciding which dress to wear? If Renee was the one Harm shared candlelit dinners with – well fine. So what if Renee was the one who woke up in his bed? Mac tried to convince herself that she didn't care. She rationalized that he spent more waking hours with her than Renee. But now that he was leaving. Then a word caught in her brain… he said 'didn't' – past tense. He said he 'she didn't like her'. Not 'I know you don't like her.'
"Mac? Maaaaac… Earth to Mac?"
"Hmm… what? Oh sorry," she smiled embarrassed.
"Where'd you go there for a minute?" he laughed.
"Oh… I don't… sorry. Renee, we were talking about… she'll come around I'm sure," said Mac trying to sound like a supportive friend.
"I dunno, it wasn't pretty when she left," he replied. Now Mac knew how the junior officers must have found out. They had over heard the 'discussion.'
"Hey Mac, come over and have dinner with me tonight. I could do with the company of someone who understands."
"Me? Don't you want to spend what evenings you have left with someone you… well, at least patch things up with Renee?"
"Mac… her last words were 'don't call me, I'll call you' – and to be honest, if she doesn't call, I don't think I'm going to be too upset. I can't believe I could spend so much time with someone and she really doesn't understand the first thing about me."
"Well…," started Mac, the idea of spending time with Harm certainly appealed to her, "if you're sure."
"Definitely sure. I'll cook.. ah and you can… you can pick something up for dessert if you like. There's that great ice-creamery around the corner from your place. What do you say?" he smiled.
"Okay… I'll get something," replied Mac, seeing that Harm was keen on her going around to his place.
"Right, well the Admiral wants to make an official announcement regarding my departure in around 10 minutes," said Harm looking at his watch and standing, "shall we say seven?"
"I'll be there," she replied.
Harm headed for the door, stopped, turned and smiled. "Just once in your life an opportunity comes along Mac. And you just have to grab it – you know?"
Mac forced a smile. "Yes Harm, I know."
Mac leaned back in her chair and watched him leave her office. She sighed, and started to pack up her desk. She'd had enough for one day and decided to go and seek permission to leave early.
The Admiral at first denied her request, informing Mac that her presence was required at a meeting. Mac quickly informed him that she was aware of the topic, and on that insight he dismissed her for the day.
Driving home, Harm's words spun in her head. "Grabbing opportunities" she said out loud. She knew he was right. He might not get the chance to go back flying. If he passed it up now, another chance may never come along.
After driving around the car park at the shopping complex she finally found a free space. Dessert she told herself. More than likely it would be awhile before they shared another meal together, it needed to be special.
Mac arrived home and put her shopping in the kitchen. She figured that as she had left work early, there was also time for groceries. Now she felt exhausted. It had been a horrible, emotionally draining day. And if she was going to enjoy the evening with Harm, she needed a long warm bath with plenty of bubbles and oils to relax.
As Mac prepared to knock on Harm's door, it flew open and she was nearly knocked over by Renee making an obviously abrupt exit. A book tumbled out of the small cardboard box she was carrying.
"Renee!" stated Mac, trying on a fake smile as she bent down, picked up the book, and handed it to her.
"Humph!… should have *known* he was cooking for you."
"Sorry?" queried Mac, wondering what her part had been in the conversation between Renee and Harm that she had missed.
"Never mind," Renee replied hastily, "have a nice life Harm, she called and then disappeared out of the building.
"What was that?" Mac asked, casting an eye towards Harm, now leaning in the doorway.
"The end?" he replied with a quiet laugh. "She rang, said she was coming to collect her things."
"Oh Harm… I'm sorry," she lied.
"Don't be," he chuckled, "if she hadn't called, I would have phoned her to come and get her things anyway."
"Oh…" was all Mac could find in reply.
"So… are you coming inside Marine or do you just plan to make the area look untidy?" he grinned. "Dinner is just about ready."
"Let me guess… rabbit food on the menu?" she asked with a smirk as she stepped into his apartment, allowing him to close the door.
"Come on Mac, with me going for awhile, this may be the last healthy meal you eat until I get back."
"If you come back," she uttered before realizing she'd verbalized that thought.
"Mac… *when* I get back, *when*."
"Okay *when*" she repeated, trying to sound convinced.
"Better. Because *when* I get back and every *other* time I come back, I'll have you over for dinner again. You'll need a dose of decent food. You know, the thought of you living on Beltway burgers, fries and soda's between now and then disturbs me somewhat," he lectured.
"Oh honestly Harm, I'm not *that* bad!" she complained.
He smiled, she laughed. Mac loved their playful banter. She was going to miss it.
"Come on, I'm about to dish up Marine," he laughed. "No need to ask if you're hungry I suppose?"
During the meal, they talked and joked about past situations and cases that they had found themselves embroiled in. Soon their plates were empty.
"Hey," started Harm as he stood and put the dirty plates in the sink. "Thanks a million for bailing out on me this afternoon by the way."
Mac gave him a confused look.
"The meeting? You know with everyone? I could have done with you in there for some moral support."
"Sorry Harm, but I had some shopping to do. You remember, dessert etc., for tonight," she replied.
"Yeah, ice-cream. I didn't see you with it," he replied. "Did you forget and leave it in the car? It'll be melted by now."
"No," she replied giving him a friendly glare. As if she would forget something she thought. "I changed my mind on the ice-cream," she replied cautiously.
"Then what's for dessert?" he queried leaning back against the cupboard with a grin.
"Me."
"Yyy..ou…?" he spluttered, his expression turning from mirth to one of surprise.
Mac took a deep breath and hoped she really knew what she was doing.
"Yes," she answered back firmly. She stood and walked over to him, placing a hand on each shoulder, before losing herself in his eyes before speaking. "I went shopping and decided black lace might be a nice wrapping."
Harm searched the eyes that were now in front of him, trying to tell if she was serious or merely teasing him. But if it was a joke, she was extremely convincing he thought. Hell, what if it *was* just a joke? He broke away and went to retrieve the empty glasses from the table. He gave a quiet laugh.
"You know, you're seriously scaring me, for a minute I though you were…"
He turned back and looked at her. Slowly, he put the glasses back down on the table.
The pain etched in her face, it was as if he had physically hit her.
His heart sank.
He'd done that to her.
"Mac…" her name softly escaping his lips, "you're serious aren't you?"
She looked down at the floor for a moment, willing herself to hold it together, before returning to his gaze. Her arms now folded across her body. She put the barrier quickly up around her.
"Yes… I was. I thought that maybe, you just might feel the same way… but I guess I was wrong. I shouldn't have… Perhaps I'd better go," she faltered and started for the door. She wanted to get out of there before she lost control. She could feel the warm sting of tears beginning to form and her chest felt tight as if it would explode without allowing her further breath.
"Hey Mac… don't…"
"I'm sorry Harm… I shouldn't have…"
"Sarah! No!" he went after her, catching and turning her around as she reached the door.
"Please? Tell me why? Tell me why *now*?" he asked almost pleading as he looked in her eyes. Searching for the answer and hoping to find it there.
He was holding her close, and she was forced to look into his eyes. There was nowhere else for her gaze to fall, and she knew she could easily lose herself there.
"Because, today. Today you asked me if I understood that sometimes you just had to grab a chance. Well you and Renee…"
"Please don't remind me of her," he gently laughed. "Not at this moment anyway…"
Mac smiled. "well that's over and now you're going so…"
"You thought you'd take the chance?" he questioned softly.
She tried to look away. "Yes, something like that. Foolish, I suppose."
"Not foolish Mac. Tell me… how do you feel about me?" he asked.
"Oh Harm… don't do this to me. Don't…"
Her words were interrupted as he wrapped his arms around her body and kissed her.
Their lips slowly parted after the surprise embrace, and she had to remind herself to breathe.
"Do you love me the way I love you Sarah?"
He gently ran his fingers through her hair and down her cheek. She put her hand on his, entwining his with her fingers and moving his hand to her lips. She kissed his hand gently and just held it.
"I love you more if it's at all possible," she replied, no longer afraid to look into his eyes. She could see that his feelings mirrored hers.
"Why didn't we do this before?" he asked as he pulled her close and buried his face in her hair.
"Perhaps…. well perhaps the chance wasn't there before. Not properly or when we were both ready to take it," she replied.
"So, you're prepared to take the chance?" he asked leaning back to look at her. His arms still encircling her.
"Are you?"
"I asked first Sarah."
She gave him a little smile. "I like the way you call me Sarah."
"I like *calling* you Sarah… and don't change the subject," he grinned his best Flyboy grin that always made her heart melt.
"I'm prepared to take that chance Harm."
"Well I just want you to be clear on how I feel here. I don't want this to be just a one night chance. I want it to be something real… something always there. Not just tonight."
"Is that a promise Flyboy?" she asked with a mischievous grin.
"You bet your air-craft carrier it is," he replied.
"Don't you mean *your* air-craft carrier?" she joked.
"Jar-head!"
"Flyboy!"
"Marine."
"Pain in the…"
"Want dessert Harm?"
"I'm not that hungry."
"Are you sure?" she asked as she reached her hand between them, undoing a button or two and revealing the tiniest hint of the black lace hidden beneath her shirt.
"Oh… *that* kind of dessert," he replied cheekily, "I think my appetite just returned."
Harm locked his fingers around hers and led her to his bedroom.
The end