Point Place, Wisconsin
April 20th, 1986
11:06 PM
Location: Jackie and Hyde's Apartment
"People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one, and we've just begun,
Think I'm gonna have a son."
A dad? How can I be a dad? I don't even know what being a dad means.
There was Bud, who I knew as my real father until I was 19. I don't even remember him being around for more than a day at a time and even then he was always shooting up or in the bedroom with my mom and then disappeared for weeks at a time. After he was gone for good, many dads came in and out (or uncles, as I was told they were). There were uncles Larry, John, Mark, James, Andrew, Chet, even an uncle Leslie who I swear to this day was a guy, though I still have my suspicions. When I was 17, Leo came into my life. I guess… well, I know he wasn't exactly the best example of a father, and I also told him I'd be his dad, but he made me realize that one wrong move and I'd be him, always high, stupid, high, insane, and, well, high. I can't exactly say that WB is my dad, I mean, I know he biologically is my dad, but he hasn't had much as an impact on my life as most of the fathers that came into my life, good or bed.
But the best dad of all is Red Forman.
Let me paint you a picture. It's the most anticipated first day of kindergarten. All summer your parents (or who you think are your parents) have been preparing you for that one day that will ultimately decide your social structure for the next twelve or so years you will be in the public school system. Finally, the day comes and you practically drag your parents into the classroom with all the other kids. You excitedly run to play with the toy dinosaurs while your parents talk with the teacher and when they come over to you asking for a hug before they go you start bawling your eyes out. After the teacher assures you that your parents are not leaving you forever, the day goes pretty normal. At the end of the day, you run into your parents' arms and talk about every detail from the boy that walked into a girl in the bathroom to the kid who wouldn't fall asleep during nap time.
Do you remember what it was like? Yeah, I don't either. Except my excuse isn't because I just don't remember it, it's because my first day of kindergarten was completely different then the normal kids.
After I dragged my mom into the class and made her get out right away, I didn't cry, I slept the whole time during nap. When the end of the day came, I was the kid hiding in the corner because he didn't want to leave. And I didn't want to leave just because I had so much fun; it was because I didn't know what it would be like when I got home.
I remember sneaking out past the teacher and the other moms and dads carrying out their children. I slinked down the halls of the elementary school and out to the front. I knew for a fact my mom wasn't going to pick me up and it wasn't such a long walk home anyway, so that's what I ended up doing. I was about halfway down the sidewalk in front of the school when I felt a hand come down on my shoulder.
I jumped and when I turned around it turned out to be the guy I would later know as Red Forman. He made me get in his car and made me tell him where I lived, so he could drop me off at home… if you could call it that. It wouldn't be until a year later when I finally became friends with his son and it would be 9 years after that until I moved in with them.
My reason for telling you that story? It's because I've decided that I want to be the kind of dad that Red Forman is.
My reason for telling you that? It's because I'm going to be a dad soon.
Yeah, that's right: Steven Hyde is having a baby.
But not just one baby, two.
It's okay to be shocked; Jackie just sprung the news on me today, well, she just found out the news herself.
"He will be like she and me, as free as a dove, conceived in love,
Sun is gonna shine above."
But how? It's something that's been running through my head all day. I mean, I've known it since we were eleven when I walked in on Donna telling Kitty that she got her period and Eric, Kelso, and I were forced to sit through an hour lecture from both of them on what it mean (by the way, weirdest mom lecture of my life). And obviously Jackie and I have had sex before, but I should have known it was coming; it was only a matter of time before I realized her not taking birth control would backfire.
But what about the twins part? How does that happen?
I found out this morning, when Jackie called me up from the hospital. She'd gone for Donna's 34 week check up (yeah, she's… was pregnant again) and Jackie decided she wanted to have an ultrasound of her own; big surprise that was. And, wait for it, when the doctor announced there is twins inside of her, Donna went into labor.
Jackie called up the Formans casually to tell them to come quick and, being the lucky bastard I am, I just happened to be there, standing next to the phone when she called. After that, all I can remember is falling onto Red when he walked through the swinging door and muttering, "Oh, crap," and suddenly I was a dad.
And the baby? Lucas Steven Forman is just fine. Yeah, that's right; they named the baby after the stupid Star Wars character, even though Eric insists it's after George Lucas who created the movie (which isn't any better).
Oh, you meant the middle name. Yeah, it was after me, but I don't really care. It's just a name, right? I know if I said that to Jackie, though, she'd kill me.
We'll probably have to move now; this little old apartment won't be big enough for the four of us. We could always use the spare bedroom; it hasn't been used before, even when I moved Jackie's stuff in after she broke up with Fez, four months after they started up. I remember her saying something about how she never wanted to spend another night away from me, but I think she just thought the room wasn't big enough for her, which would also make it too small for two babies. Jackie mentioned something about the Pinciotti's old house being up for sale again and how it would be cool if we lived next to Kitty and Red and it really would, maybe we'll go to open house tomorrow.
Having twins will be cool, I guess. They'll be one for both of us, as long as Jackie doesn't hog the two of them, unless it's during diaper changing time, which I'll be all for her taking control of both of them. It'd be awesome if we had two boys, I could show them how to play sports, get chicks, be Zen. Two girls would be great also, as long as Jackie doesn't turn them into pageant stars. I'd help them in the ways of life, fighting off all boys that broke their hearts, teach them how to ride a bike. But if we had a boy and a girl, we'd have the best of both worlds: a boy I could make into a real man and a girl I could protect, from Jackie and the evils of life. If it was my choice, I would have found out what they are today, but there wasn't enough time between the doctor's announcement of, "There's two of them" and Donna's, "Oh, my God, my water just broke.
It's funny to think that today is me and Jackie's fourth wedding anniversary. It's even funnier to think that a decade ago I never thought I'd be saying it was my whatever number wedding anniversary, let alone with Jackie on the other end of the equation.
Like most normal people, I remember the night of our wedding very clearly. Not just because of the sex, but because of all of the crazy thoughts that went through my head afterwards when I was holding her; t made me think of the first night she ever spent with me.
We were a month into our crazy fling and she had eaten dinner with me Kitty, Red, and a sulky Eric. Afterwards, we stopped making out on the couch long enough to realize it was almost eleven and pitch black outside. I offered to let her stay the night with me and lent her one of my t-shirts that was big enough for her to wear as a nightgown. Even though we never said it, we both knew the reason why we didn't have sex that night was because she wasn't fully ready to give herself to another guy and I wasn't really ready either. It wouldn't be until two weeks later that we didn't take that step. Lying in bed that night so long ago, my arm wrapped around her waist, I remember thinking how perfect we were together, even though it was so wrong. I remember laughing a bit at how I promised I'd never have a girl in my bed and not get laid after making fun of Forman and Donna when they'd sleep together, but didn't sleep together. Something changed inside me that night: I fell in love.
"And even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be all right."
It's crazy to think now Jackie is going to be the one Donna would be making fun of when she downed her third hotdog in the row. It's crazy to think Jackie might be clawing my eyes out if I look at her the wrong way. It's crazy to think I won't just be responsible for me and Jackie's lives; I'll have two more little beings to protect. I'll be the one they go to when they have a problem, the one they'll go to when Jackie won't give in.
We're all going forward in our lives; it's kind of scary that we are, in hindsight we all should have known it was going to happen sooner or later. We're no longer the teenagers who used to sit in the basement of our friend's house, smoke our stashes, and chase down the guy or girl we wanted at the moment. All of us have grown up tremendously, whether we like it our not.
Fez and his old girlfriend from where ever he's fun met again at Eric and Donna's wedding 5 years ago. Last year, at their elopement at Las Vegas, Forman, Kelso, and I were his three best men. Kelso also got his woman when he finally moved in with Brooke and Betsy and sooner or later they're going to get married.
Forman and Donna got engaged on the day Donna gave birth to their daughter Charlotte, the result of their first night together the day Eric got back from Africa. Now, their son Luke is in it for the long haul. It's Donna's dream to travel the world and in a few weeks, her journalism job will them to Europe until Thanksgiving. It's the best of both worlds for them, Forman gets the family he wanted and Donna gets her career.
And you know what's going on me and Jackie's life. It's going to take a while to get used to, but I think I'm going to like having kids. It'll give my life something more than what it is now: running a record store with my over controlling wife. Never before did I think I'd be doing this, I always thought I'd be on the run from state to state. Like the song The Joker says, I always thought I'd be getting my loving on the run. Now that I'm going to be a father, more things have to change, some I may like and some I might not. I know one thing, though: nothing will ever be the same the moment I hold those two in my arms.
"Seems as though a month ago I beta chi, never got high, And even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with ya honey,
Oh, I was a sorry guy.
And now a smile, a face, a girl that shares my name,
Now I'm through with the game, this boy will never be the same.
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning when I rise, you bring a tear of joy to my eyes,
And tell me everything is gonna be all right."