Would you be a dream?
Some people never meet their soul mate. They spend their whole lives waiting for fate to bring them together, and sometimes it just doesn't happen before one can feel the exact moment their other half's heart ceases beating.
Blaine Anderson is lucky enough to have grown up with his soul mate. He could chart the way his cheeks hollowed with age and the exact months and year of his growth spurt as efficiently as he could map those things for himself.
They played together as boys, and grew into young adults who loved each other as only soul mates could. The pendants, Blaine's on a silver chain and his on a cord of black leather, were practically never without their match.
A spiral, curling out clock-wise once and arching back briefly to stop above the curve. Solid, black.
Some wear it above their blouses, others hide it underneath, and some let it frame the curvature of their neck while others let it dangle at the space of their heart. Each one is different in shape, color, design, and size, only matching exactly with one other – the wearers' soul mate.
The pendants are not the determiner, but rather a symbol; it's what they represent that matters. The birthmarks on each child's palm, most vibrant within the first few minutes of life outside the womb, fade with time and are completely absorbed into the skin by the time the umbilical cord falls away. Though the marks can be photographed and documented down to a T, it's the timelessness of the pendants that make them so commonplace they practically have become the very thing they represent.
It is not uncommon to get a tattoo of the birthmark upon one's coming of age at 18, but even then the pendants retain the spiritually-connecting power that society places upon them. They're more than mere items. They're hope.
Sometimes, he and Blaine would draw the design on each other's hands and press them together, palm to palm, feeling the heat of the temporary sharpie pulsing underneath their skin and in their joined hearts.
It was their forever, Blaine was his and he was Blaine's.
"Do you think the concept of soul mates can relate to friends too?" Kurt asks one day while they're out in the May sun. He's too embarrassed to look up from his copy of the July Vogue, but he can tell when Blaine glances up at him from his book, humming with the intention to speak. But Kurt continues, hurriedly, "I just mean we form all sorts of relationships, not just romantic ones. Doesn't it seem likely that we could have a soul mate that's platonic as logically as we have one that's romantic?"
"I don't think it's entirely impossible. But the phrase 'soul mate' does apply to our intended one and only, Kurt. How could we share our soul like that?"
"It's silly," Kurt says, shaking his head with suppressed vulnerability. Blaine can see it in Kurt's eyes and something in Blaine shatters.
"It's not. It's a lovely idea," Blaine amends, sitting up and gently rubbing his hand in circles on Kurt's back which is lightly bruised with the remains of the locker slams from school. Kurt leans onto Blaine's shoulder, closing his eyes with the sensation that feels so right. It's clear that Kurt's not really asking about platonic soul mates. He's asking about them.
Something is there. Why can't we be something?
And from where the pendant dangles free from beneath Kurt's shirt is the design that doesn't match Blaine's no matter how they spin it, the curse that ensures that their brand of 'something' is not meant to be.
So they stop themselves, even if Kurt in his arms feels so right, even though Kurt has committed the scent of Blaine to memory and even though they breathe each other in with all they have because it's not meant to last, whatever they are.
Friends.
And it scares them both that they could be more if fate had let them - that it feels like they should be more.
Kurt Hummel was sincerely underwhelmed by the design of his soul mate mark, a vertical line curving to the left at the top and to the right at the bottom where it pooled into a tiny circle. It reminded him of one of his dad's fishing rods– the kind that he used with the fake bait and the circular bobber.
It was interesting, for sure, but not nearly fabulous enough to advertise to the world. He kept it relatively hidden under his shirt, but if it showed it wasn't a huge deal. He knew that somewhere out there, his match had the same design and maybe he could make sense of it. It was, after all, the symbol of both of their souls, not just Kurt's.
As a child, his tiny hands could grasp the length of the line, and there are countless baby pictures where he's doing exactly that. Older, Kurt often spins the design between his thumb and pointer finger as mindlessly as when Rachel sticks her tongue out when concentrating or when Mercedes bites her pencils.
It's a nervous habit and a comfort, and so natural it doesn't feel like anything at all. But he wonders, while he's subconsciously thinking about his soul mate, if his fated companion is out here thinking of him too.
Blaine was lucky enough to have met his soul mate at age 4, but his luck did not last but 10 years. They never traveled the world together, never got married in the park like they planned, never had kids or owned a dog, and never even went "all the way."
They went through school together, not knowing that would be all the time they had. At age 14, Blaine and his soul mate went to homecoming as dates, as lovers, as everything.
At 3:00 PM, Blaine was showering, trying to gel his hair into submission.
At 5:15 PM, Blaine was standing arm and arm with his soul mate, their matching necklaces exposed, grinning for their parents and the camera – but mostly for themselves.
At 6:32 PM Blaine was memorizing the swirls in his soul mate's green eyes over dinner.
At 8:40 PM, Blaine and his soul mate were dancing slowly, their foreheads pressed together in reverence of the moment while their song played around them.
At 9:00 PM Blaine and his soul mates stole a moment to breathe away from the sweaty, flush bodies of their classmates.
At 9:03 PM, Blaine's life was changed forever and his soul mate's life ended with one well-aimed swing to the head.
And Blaine, through his own bleeding injuries, felt like the death was his own, sure he wouldn't wake after all went white. He didn't even know the pain in the left of his chest was Perry until he woke up three days later, empty and alone.
Kurt will never tell him, but the first time he met Blaine he felt sure that he'd just met his soul mate. He hadn't even needed to hear the Warblers perform "Teenage Dream" to know that this boy was his.
It wasn't until they sat down for coffee the same day, and when Blaine loosened his tie and shirt, that the necklace came free and Kurt noted how blatantly the design was un-like his.
Kurt immediately recoiled, but was grateful that the blow at least came early. He'd been so sure.
He and Blaine shared a pupil-mentor type of relationship for a while, but by the time Christmas came around, they were equals, friends. Kurt hadn't wanted a mentor, he wanted a companion in whatever capacity Blaine was willing to give him. Friends was perfect.
Slowly the barriers lifted away under Kurt's touch, and he learned Blaine quicker than he'd learned any school subject.
Sometimes, Blaine wakes up from nightmares, not sure of who he is and where he's located. Sometimes he just feels not himself, other times he feels like Perry. The worst is when he wakes up as Blaine.
Kurt remembers the night Blaine told him what it was like to die. It was 3:00 in the morning, one day in late January, and Kurt had been deep in REM sleep. But he'd woken violently at the ringing of his phone.
Blaine told him everything that night, yelping through his tears about Perry and the beating and dying and being alone forever. Kurt, able to do little and feeling powerless, remained on the phone until Blaine cried himself to sleep. And he stayed on the line even after, listening to Blaine breathe, because he couldn't sleep with the image of Blaine bleeding and coughing life away burned into his brain.
Kurt remembers this night because it was the first time he said 'I love you,' though Blaine will never know it.
"I want to be with you" comes beneath that May sun, as Blaine holds Kurt to him, even with the phantom of their true soul mates at their shoulders. Kurt says the words they'd been resisting since they met and kisses Blaine for the first time, lips pressing together deeply.
And Kurt cries with the beauty of it.
But it feels like betrayal. Blaine, having resigned himself to a life alone, feels like he's cheating on Perry. And he's only hurting himself, as Kurt can never be with him fully the way Blaine knows and lost and Kurt will never experience if bound to Blaine. He won't do that to Kurt.
So he runs.
And Kurt feels betrayed for putting himself out there and losing a best friend in the process. Because despite what Blaine had said, if friend soul mates existed, his would be Blaine. They, at least, had that.
Kurt, suddenly drained, folds his blanket and picks up his magazine and the book Blaine left. He can't say he's surprised, but it still hurts.
They don't speak until two weeks later.
He and Kurt are still on edge, but Blaine finds he feels truly alone and miserable with Kurt absent from his life. Blaine finds him in the library one afternoon, studying for finals, and with a single smile the crippling tension fizzles away. It's just him and Kurt. Like it should be. And they apologize.
But things have changed, the unspoken spoken and nothing hidden. They want to be together. They can't. The 'now what?' has yet to be answered.
Kurt invites him to Friday Night Dinner at the Hummel-Hudson's that weekend, and Blaine packs his overnight bag for the three days away from Dalton.
When they arrive in Lima, Kurt retreats to his room to wash up for dinner and Blaine sits himself at their kitchen table, watching as Burt and Carole dance around each other while cooking the meal. Burt cuts the vegetables for the salad, and, as Carole reaches over for the wooden spoon, Burt ducks out of the way without having to be asked.
They move with each other. Like soul mates, even though Kurt has told him his father's soul mate was Kurt's mother.
"I can't believe you both aren't soul mates," Blaine mutters, and when the two adults suddenly stop to look at him, he realizes he was being rude. "I mean… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to - I shouldn't have said that."
"It's okay, kid," Burt says. "I know you didn't mean anything by it."
"It's just you act so much like you are, and well, it's admirable that you do…when you're not."
"Thank you?" Burt responds.
"Oh god. I've offended you. I'm sorry, I should just go."
"Sit down, Blaine. You haven't offended us," Carole assures him, continuing to stir the pasta sauce. "You're right. We aren't soul mates. But you do realize that your soul mate doesn't have to be the only one for you, right?"
"What do you mean?"
"Just because you don't match doesn't mean you don't fit together. Burt and I both love our soul mates very much, but we would've lived sad lives if we resigned ourselves to a life alone with them gone. It took some time, but we couldn't be happier we found each other." They smile at each other across the kitchen, and Blaine feels caught in the middle of something special.
Just because you don't match doesn't mean you don't fit together.
Because that's the thing – he and Kurt have always fit together.
Their second kiss goes a lot better than their first. Blaine doesn't run away, for one. He also initiates it.
"I want to be with you, Kurt. I don't care if you find your soul mate next week or next month or in 10 years, I want every moment I can have with you. And it's selfish of me to ask when I know you're waiting for him, but please. Be with me."
Blaine loses himself in the widened quarters of Kurt's eyes as they gleam with tearful happiness. This time the kiss is mutual, and as they rock together, the cord between their hearts locks into place. Blaine knows that tomorrow his heart could be all too easily broken, but in this moment, he doesn't care.
They aren't destined, but that doesn't make them any less real.
"I've only been waiting for you, Blaine," Kurt hiccups into his loosening curls. "I wanted it to be you."
Blaine can't say the same because part of him still aches for Perry, but he knows Kurt would never ask him to do so. Instead, he whispers, "You're everything" and Kurt captures the words with his lips.
When Blaine tells Kurt over coffee of the conversation he had with his dad and stepmother, Kurt first laughs at the awkwardness of the situation and then stops abruptly.
"We kinda' do," he ponders.
"Do what?"
"Fit."
"Well, duh. I could've told –"
"No. Look. We really… do you have a pen?" Blaine hands over the black ballpoint he keeps on his him, and watches fascinated as Kurt draws to scale the swirl Blaine can feel against his skin. "Here's yours. And now –" Kurt shows Blaine his necklace, even though he knows Blaine has memorized the shape and knows it as intimately as his own. Kurt brings the pen to the napkin and swoops down quickly so that his design runs through the middle of Blaine's.
"Ohh wow," Blaine whispers, tracing the two designs with his finger. "That's –"
Kurt nods. "A G clef."
They make it through high school. And college. And then, with Kurt pursuing a promotion at Vogue and Blaine trying out for auditions around the Broadway scene, they make it through the first year of living together as adults. And then a second and third.
Blaine doesn't take a single moment for granted, thanking fate every day for letting him have a second chance, for Kurt choosing him when he didn't have to and when he probably shouldn't have.
But when Blaine slides into bed late at night after rehearsal and Kurt turns his body to his even in sleep, Blaine knows they are as truly connected as two people can be. Even if Kurt's soul mate were to show up tomorrow, Blaine would know Kurt more. He could paint in pictures the exact color of Kurt's eyes in the moonlight and could write the sensation of Kurt's creamy skin against his own into poems for the ages.
And no Adam or Harry or Michael could take that away from him.
And, yes, Blaine sometimes tries to test the possibilities with Kurt's name, but the combinations never sound as euphonic as KurtandBlaine or BlaineandKurt.
BlaineandKurt, Blaine thinks to himself when Kurt turns to him that night. It's the last thought he thinks before also sinking into dreams.
They lay tangled in each other when Kurt awakens, screaming, kicking away from Blaine. The blankets wrap furiously around his form while he spasms, clutching his chest.
Blaine springs forward and pulls Kurt's hand away from his heart in attempt to see what could be hurting.
"What's wrong, baby?" he says, trying to reign in his panic when it's clear there's nothing visible to warrant Kurt's pain. It could be internal – a heart attack or a clot or something he's never heard of.
"It hurts," Kurt cries, giving Blaine little to work with before shrieking again.
"Kurt!" Blaine hollers.
"..It's him," Kurt gasps, trying to claw at his skin even through Blaine restraining his hands. He shudders at the pain. "Not me."
Kurt finds the strength to sit up and collapse into Blaine's waiting arms. "It's not me," he whimpers, still writhing with the pain.
Blaine can do nothing but hold him close and hope the shivers stop. But after a few intense minutes with no change in Kurt's cries, Blaine decides to take him to the hospital.
It wasn't like this for him.
They sedate Kurt into painless sleep because that's really all they can do when someone's soul mate dies.
They don't let Blaine stay the night with Kurt because he's not technically family, but Blaine sits in the waiting room until the morning light. He calls Burt, whom he knows Kurt is going to want when he awakes, and then spends the rest of the night with his eyes glued to the internet in the case any information arises about Kurt's soul mate.
It's unlikely to happen so soon, though, and Blaine knows it.
After a restless night, Blaine takes an achy Kurt back to their apartment where he kisses away the tears dripping down Kurt's cheekbones. Burt arrives shortly after 10:00 that morning, immediately rushing to gather a blanketed Kurt in his arms while Blaine tiredly makes them all coffee.
He keeps an attentive ear on them while he works.
"It's not supposed to feel like this," Kurt mumbles into Burt's shirt.
"Sure it is, kiddo."
"I didn't even get to know him."
"But you felt him. He's still a part of you, Kurt. You're allowed to hurt."
Blaine almost drops the coffees as his heart drops to his toes at the sorrow with which Kurt speaks about his soul mate. They don't even know his name, and Blaine blames himself entirely. He's the reason Kurt never sought him out.
And somewhere in him, Kurt still loves the nameless soul mate. Of course he does. Just as Blaine still loves Perry. The difference is that Kurt could've had a life with his other half.
Kurt could be regretting everything.
Eyes low, Blaine comes forward and hands Burt his coffee before sliding the one he made for Kurt into his shaking hands. Blaine retreats back into the kitchen to grab the third cup – his – and breathes deeply before returning to the other room.
Burt looks up at him with sympathy and Kurt… Well, Kurt reaches out for him like always. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he says, gently pulling Blaine down to join them.
It's the first time all their friends have come together since graduating, and they must admit that it's a little odd to see their business friends mingling with their college friends who are talking to their high school friends – Warblers and New Directions alike.
Blaine and Perry had always dreamed about getting married in the park where they played as kids. Kurt and his soul mate had never had the chance to dream.
Blaine and Kurt chose to join on a beautiful spring afternoon in Central Park with their loved ones close. The sun shines through the trees, casting specks of light onto the party, as their hearts beat together.
And when the acting preacher asks for them to mark their union with rings, they do something completely unheard of.
They have no rings.
Instead, Blaine bows his head and slides the silver chain from his neck as Kurt unfastens his own chain. Trembling, Blaine gives away his soul and entrusts it with his love. The familiar spiral then rests at the top of Kurt's suit vest.
Blaine shakes harder when Kurt refastens his soul mate necklace around Blaine's neck, grazing the tan skin with his smooth hands.
When it's done their guests are silent with shock, but they don't notice, gazes locked.
They hold each other close, and Kurt presses his forehead to Blaine's. Seconds, minutes, they don't know.
But eventually the silence turns into happy chatter and applause. With a sly smile, Kurt turns to the preacher for permission.
"Uhh… you may now kiss as husbands."
So they do.
End
End Note: Thank you for reading! As you can tell, I got bitten by the soul mate bug, but I really wanted to do something different - where Kurt and Blaine weren't soul mates, but were together anyway. Please let me know what you thought. Please note, the title comes from the song "Out Loud" by Dispatch, which is one of my absolute favorite bands. Definitely worth the listen. It was the inspiration for the tone of this piece.