This is the result of my brief return to the world of fanfics (don't get used to it). It's inspired by the crackshipping of one of my Tumblr friends. It's not so much of a romatic ship as a brotp- five au instances of interaction. I hope you like it! (sidenote: Ned Stark is already dead)

Disclaimer: I don't own ASOIAF. If I did, everyone would be much, much, happier.

Theon Greyjoy swore under his breath. He was going to murder Robb Stark.

Ten years of friendship meant nothing to the sixteen-year-old boy. He had forgiven his best friend offences before, (Theon still maintained that only a saint like himself would forgive Robb for that toilet trick he played), but this time, there was nothing to save the prissy wanker from his wrath.

One simply doesn't tell their best mate they're setting them up with a blind date, only to dump their kid sister on them for a babysitting job instead.

"Can I sit up in the front now?"

"No."

Arya Stark was eleven and tiny, yet still a huge pain in the ass. Though he admittedly wasn't in the best mood at the moment, he had become severely annoyed when she had argued with him about sitting in the backseat. He had impatiently explained to her that only those who had proved their worth got to ride shotgun, and she responded with an dramatic "That's stupid".

He made her sit in the back.

Theon checked his watch. Two more hours with the brat (Fuck you, Robb Stark), and he had already spent half of the money in his wallet trying to distract her with froyo. The froyo was long gone, and he kept glancing in the rearview mirror to see if she was still glaring resentfully at him.

Affirmative.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. How does one entertain little girls with a limited budget anyway? Not that he really felt obligated to do so, but it was less of a headache for him if she was reasonably content. Although...there was a piece of business he had to attend to...

"How do you feel about doing some spying, kid?"

Arya perked up immediately. "Spying? Where? And on who?"

"We're gonna spy on someone's date."

She deflated. "That sounds boring. Nothing happens on dates. Not on Robb's or Jon's, at least. Especially not on Sansa's."

Theon smirked. He knew for a fact that both Robb and Jon were hopeless at dating. Not suave enough. He himself made up for it. "Yeah, well, this is a special girl, and a VERY special boy. I don't suppose Robb has introduced you to Ros? Pity. She's fantastic. It's her date I'm worried about."

Arya examined her fingernails, only half paying attention. "Who is he, some pervy pedophile-type from 'To Catch a Predator'?'

Theon actually chuckled. "Not far off. He's this college kid name Petyr Baelish-"

A feral growl cut him off. "Baelish?! I hate him. He creeps on Sansa when we got to Mr. Baratheon's parties. He creeps on my mom too, sometimes."

"That was him?" Theon shook his head in disgust. "Robb mentioned it but never said who...ugh. Ugh. That's disgusting. Your mom AND your sister? That's like, at least a twenty year age difference between the two of them. Does he hit on them at the same time?"

Arya stared at him pointedly.

He cleared his throat. His teenage mind was unstoppable. "Erm, right, inappropriate, shouldn't have asked...but c'mon, does he?"

"Theon" She sounded so much like her mother that he almost it the car in front of him in terror. After a few beats of silence, she asked, "What are you going to do to him?"

He choked. "Do? I'm not going to do anything. I'm just going to spy on his date!"

She scoffed. "I think you could at least like, vandalize his car or something."

As soon as she said it, his mind leaped away from him and started planning sweet revenge upon Petyr Baelish (Theon had a grudge against him, but that's another story). "Nah, we shouldn't...I mean... it would be great but...it's like, illegal and morally wrong and-"

"And it would be hugely satisfying?" Arya questioned, eyebrow cocked.

He knew she had already won. He knew he should be put out about a pre-pubescent twerp convincing him to break the law. But imaging the smug little grin being wiped from Petyr's face made him realize he didn't mind all that much.

He jerked over to the side of the road. Turning around to look at the little girl, he grinned. "Come to the front. You've earned shotgun."

As she clambered into the front, beaming in triumph, he set about putting the car back on the road.

"You know," he said conversationally, "You're much more fun than Robb."

Part 1 of 5. Leave reviews, please!