Just Kill Me Now, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER. I AM NOT J.K. ROWLING. Nor am I J.K. ('just kidding') about that. I'm not affiliated with Warner Bros. or Bugs Bunny. Sorry.

Ok. So this is something random I came up with in the shower, and the only reason I wrote it down is A) I thought it was rather funny at first and B)I haven't posted anything in a while, and I really, REALLY want to kick down that Trivial Delay series. So here's this tidbit. When I wrote it, I had Billy Joel's We Didn't Start the Fire on my mind, so it's in the same style in the beginning. But otherwise, my words are completely original. It's completely unedited, so the first two verses are practically nothing like the rest of the song. But they were so cute, I could not resist keeping them in writing this out. So let me end this little prologue by saying. . . enjoy!

Just Kill Me Now

Pumpkin juice that does explode
Fire crackers, rabid toad
Moon-howler with a brood
Potter and that Weaseley nude (ugh!)
Dumbledore wearing a dress
Dark Lord playing wizard chess
Granger and her term 'unfair'
Houselves washing underwear

Feather with a razor tip
A verituserum slip
Fanfic writers do adore
Umbage and I on the floor
Wrote myself a better name
Rowling kills me just the same
And then after all that
Go to hell with that damn rat!

Just kill me now
For then I can evade the future
Just kill me now
And this worthless hulk will leave forever
Just kill me now
For my own way of dying is slow
Serendipity means no more to me than my hair.

McGonagall once said to me
"Dear boy, let your life go free
For the time that you have left
Make it the best you had yet"
That was thirteen years ago
Yet to take her advice, though
Like a woman, she won't learn
Hatred's all I'll ever earn

Accidental embargo
Sending shipments to and fro
England's under attack
From its own intestine track
Absolutely positive
My soul's all I got to give
Dumbledore forced me to
Do that which I hate to do!

Going back to random things
Why do they say I have wings?
Not a bat, neither fat
Just used as a 'welcome' mat
Ought to read more Dante now
Gotta know where I'll be found
If one follows mine own soul
Pray to them I'll be gentle!

Wishing you were here again
Anger at my own sin
Mr. Potter; Mr. Black;
Werewolf Lupin on the rack!
Gone to where yourself has gone
Beyond reach of giant's yawn
If once more I just could see
Your hand near so close to me!

Ever after I retire
I see visions on the mire
Bloody figures all endowed
Drag me to a hell of loud
Merging is my destiny
Cursing my stupidity
Hitler, Brutus, and Saddam
Greet me with an open palm

But then retribution comes
I awake from thorns and drums
Bleeding red all everywhere
I meet the just moon's cold stare
With a hasty patching-up
Motion into my legs rub
Escape in the scathing air
Though my throat had got a tear

……………………..

White trash and Americans
No one sees that beatnick's done
Lodged away in a new home
Wrote a misanthropic tome
Burned up all his dark arts books
One fresh Muggle wife he took
Never quite made up for her
This is not a non sequitur!

Finished all at 123
Nine children had he thee
One for every rung of hell
For his birthday date as well
Buried with an ancient creed:
"Loved all now, bewarnd of greed"
Without this the little man
Might ne'er got to heaven!

Don't kill him now
He's not to evade his future
Don't kill him now
He needs to survive forever
Don't kill him now
For his own way of dying is slow
Serendipity will plague him no more!

I kinda need Billy Joel to record this for me. Yeah right. 'K, so it sucked. 'Specially the last two verses in third person (not supposed to be Snape's p.o.v.) I guess there was a lot of incomprehensible imagery in there, so, basically, this poem illustrates random things Snape thinks, taking note of the fact that he survived Nagini's bite and went to America to live a 'normal' life afterwards. Strange? Yes.
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