The trail has been cold for months. Emma still hangs out with Regina and Henry a few times a week for dinner and the occasional movie night, but talks of finding the author were subsiding. Emma can see Regina is giving up hope, but isn't about to let her. If there is one thing she wants, one thing she is willing to fight for, it is Regina's happiness. I'm the God damn Savior. Emma knows she can't go at her with the patented "Snow White Hope Speech" bullshit, though. Regina is too good for that. After all, she is a queen. A former evil queen, who needed to know that the debatably justified evil streak didn't ruin her chances at finding her happy ending. This is Regina effin Mills.
Emma pulled up to the mansion and hopped out of the bug. Just as she was about to knock, she heard music blaring from inside. She knew Henry wasn't around, not that Regina would let him listen to his music this loud; it had to be her. The idea of Regina listening to music loud enough for Emma to hear outside made her pause.
This is either really, really good or really, really bad.
Emma knocked, just so she could say she did, and let herself in. She followed the music towards the kitchen and called out, "REGINA?" a couple of times. Not getting an answer, she walked into the kitchen and stopped. There was Regina, in black yoga pants and a loose white tee-shirt scrubbing the stove. She had her hair flopped up in a loose ponytail and was singing along with the radio, at the top of her lungs.
"…Every day I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person staring back at me
I'm a hazard to - ShitShitShit! MISS SWAN!"
Regina shot up and grabbed her iPod to shut it off. "Have you ever heard of knocking?"
Despite all the time they've spent together recently, some things haven't changed. She still is, and suspects always will be, Miss Swan. It carries less bite these days, but old habits and all that.
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Yeah, I knocked, but you have your iPod at concert level decibels. By the way, nice choice. Didn't take you for a Pink girl."
"There's still quite a bit you don't know about me, Sheriff."
Maybe there was a lot Emma still didn't know about the former mayor, but what she did know could now fill volumes. After countless late night, wine-soaked hours discussing the author, past loves, difficult upbringings, and possibilities of the future, Emma knew her better than anyone ever has.
"Not criticizing or anything. I'm a big fan myself. It's just… Are you ok?"
"Miss Swan, as you can see, I'm rather busy. What do you want?"
What's with the walls again all of a sudden?
"Regina, you are perfectly capable of poofing your house clean and you are listening to your music at angst-level volume. Talk to me."
Regina rolled her eyes, but took off her rubber gloves, grabbed a couple bottles of water and headed to the patio. Emma followed and plopped down on the chair next to her.
"To what do I owe this Charming intervention?"
Emma knew Regina was trying to throw a low dig. Emma loves her family, but doesn't feel like a Charming. She knows she falls somewhere in the mid-grays on the light vs dark scale, unlike her pure as snow parents. She has plenty of skeletons in her closet and Snow would rather not acknowledge her past. It was easier to have a perfect storybook family that way. (Or easier for Snow to ignore the guilt for throwing her newborn in a tree and shipping her off to another realm) Emma made it clear the night she joined Operation Mongoose that she wouldn't give Regina that same blind optimism bullshit.
"I'm worried about you. We rarely discuss Operation Mongoose anymore and you become easily distracted or annoyed if we do. And now the loud music and cleaning? What gives?"
"Miss Swan," she started, but the venom was gone, "this conversation is treading dangerously into your mother's territory." Regina face softened and she gave her a small grin. It wasn't an evil or entirely happy grin. It was tired. Regina looked tired. "If you must know, the music and cleaning helps me clear my head and think. And I need something to do. I can't spend all my time looking for the author. The dead ends and lack of leads are very…. Disheartening. "
"I know that Regina, but you can't just give up -"
"Right now," she interrupted, a little more sternly, "I'm both frustrated and discouraged. I need a break." The quiver was apparent in her voice. The walls were coming down again.
Damn you, Swan.
These past few months have been brutal on Regina. She questioned everyone she could think of about the author, including that infuriating fairy, Blue. She tracked down leads, traipsed through the woods, sat in that hunk of junk Emma calls a car for hours on end during stake-outs and for what? They weren't any further along than they were when they started. But, in that time, she really got to know Emma. The family dinners between the three of them were frequent. Most nights, after Henry went to bed, the wine kept flowing and they kept talking. Some nights turned into mornings. They text or spoke more days than not. The light verbal sparring continued, but sounded more like flirting without the vitriol behind it. Regina could not, WOULD NOT fall for Emma Swan. It's just not an option. She just needs to scrub the stove one more time and figure out what to do next. We are just friends, right? Friends that had lunch together almost daily, co-parent a son, talk at all hours of the night, smirk at each other like everything is an inside joke, and sometimes, held glances a little too long. Friendship is all it ever could be. I don't deserve her. Not that she really thought she deserved a happy ending at all, but Emma is a Charming, for gods sakes. Regardless that they don't see titles between them, it doesn't change the fact that she is the former Evil Queen and Emma is the Savior. No author would ever write something that incongruous. While scrubbing the stove for the third, no fourth, time she thought she was starting to figure things out. She needs to distance herself now before it all came crashing down when they finally do find the author. Once Operation Mongoose was complete, there will be no reason for their relationship to continue as it has. Emma would no longer be indebted to helping her find her happy ending and would go back to her life, presumably with the pirate. It would just be easier to back away slowly now. It wouldn't be fair to her future mate if she were mourning the loss of her…what? Her Emma? And maybe she isn't looking as hard as she was before because it is tiring. But maybe she is stalling a little because she knows when she does find her happy ending, it won't be Emma. And that's not fair to Emma. She has damn near dedicated her life to helping the reformed villain find a happy ending. Isn't it about time Regina let her go, so she could start living her own happy ending?
"Listen to me." Emma's voice was low and clear, "We knew this would not be easy. We knew we would come up short time and time again, but I made you a promise. I understand the frustration – "
"You understand nothing, Miss Swan!" The fury flashed hard in Regina's eyes, "Is that what this is? We have to hurry and find the author so you can once and for all clear your conscience and be done with me?! I don't need nor want your help if I am just some pity case so you can sleep better at night."
Yeah, anger felt good. Regina could work with anger. It made the perfect building blocks for a new wall and could put that much needed distance between them.
Emma's defenses shot up, "No, Regina. That's not what this is. You know damn well that I care for you and want your happiness. I may be the cause of screwing it up, but right now helping you has nothing to do with that. I want to see you happy. You deserve fucking happiness. I don't care how long it takes; I am not giving up on you." Two can throw the anger around.
Regina's eyes widened. "Deserve it? You realize I am the FUCKING EVIL QUEEN, right?"
"Former."
"Does it matter? I've done enough to get me executed or banished from every known realm. I'm going out on a limb with this author business, hoping he can see that I have changed enough to end up happy, so I can stop chasing a dream that I was never supposed to dream. I don't deserve anything. I don't even deserve to live, but I am afraid if I say that loud enough someone will agree and I can't do that to Henry."
A small sob choked in the back of Regina's throat. Emma knew she was pissed, but also knew this was months….years, of frustration and heartache bubbling to the surface.
Emma's tone was calm and smooth again, "Stop. Now. You need to stop dragging yourself through the Evil Queen routine. It's done. She is part of you, but you are not her. The woman in front of me is one of the most genuine heroines I know. You have saved Henry, me - hell, this town, time and time again. You have suffered long enough. Maybe you will have better luck finding your happy ending once you realize that you do, indeed, deserve it."
Why can't she see what I see? How can she not see how far she has come? The strength and beauty this woman possesses… Ugh, Emma has to stop that. Of course the former mayor is beautiful, everyone can see that. But Emma is pretty sure she's the only one who can see the real beauty that is Regina. She knows of the scared, hurt girl who built massive walls to keep everyone out. The girl that has ripped out the hearts of others (literally), like her own had been (metaphorically) at such a young age. She sees her painstaking fight to be good, for Henry's sake, every single day. Regina is a strong, funny, caring mother who loves harder than anyone she knows. If Emma could, she would write Regina's story herself to include passion, blinding happiness, and a devoted family. She would give herself…. But Regina doesn't want Emma. She is looking for someone only this author can give her. So she has to stop thinking of Regina like that.
"Why do you care?" It wasn't angry or defensive, just quiet and slightly hesitant.
Emma gave her a tight lipped, but genuine smile, "I just do."
Ok, Swan. Time to lighten shit up.
"C'mon. Let's go out tonight." Emma playfully tapped the brunette's thigh and shot her a big, goofy grin. "Girls night. Lots of drinking, more loud music, distractions, the works. No talk of authors or operations, unless we are going to discuss why Ruby disappeared for 3 months and came back with bigger boobs."
Regina laughed. "Ok, Swan. A solid night of distractions away from the house sounds much better than scrubbing my oven. Again."
Emma jumped up and started towards the front. "I'll text you with details, but be ready by 8," she called over her shoulder.
A night out drinking with Emma. "Oh this is a terrible idea."