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Identity Crisis
by: Koneko
E-mail: divinepheonix@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance/Angst and a little WAFF
Series: First
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Hello! this is kind of like a 'I'm soooooo sorry for taking so long to
get Amidst the Armor out!' type story. You see, I admit that while I
was writing Chapter three of that lovely story, I suddenly got
inspiration for this one, and I couldn't get any more for Amidst the
Armor. But really, I've worked really REALLY hard on it. So hopefully
y'all will like it!
I'd like to give a special shoutout to all the people who e-mailed me
about Amidst the Armor, and I'd especially like to apologize to you.
I told most of y'all that I'd be getting the next part out by tuesday
of about two weeks ago, and I still haven't. I'm VERY sorry.
Anyway, what's this story about? Well, actually, I've seen a couple
other authors try to do something like it, but they haven't really
pulled it off to my satisfaction. Pretty much Usagi is going through
an Identity Crisis. I tried to make it like a femal-empowered story,
but it worked out to be angst. Gomen ne. Still, I think it's pretty
good. And there's only one part, so no waiting for the ending ^^
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Identity Crisis (1/1)
By: Koneko
Usagi Tsukino looked at her reflection harshly. She noted the
slight bags under her eyes, from lack of sleep, and the way her skin
was starting to look paler, maybe she was getting sick. Her golden
hair hung limp at her sides, and its shine had disappeared, had
actually been gone for days. Her waist was a little too slender, and
her frown a little too noticeable. But most of all, the thing she
noticed was the annoying crescent moon mark on her forehead.
She'd been trying to hide it for a week now, ever since she had
first used that blasted moon wand. She sighed and put a little more
make up over it, and brushed her bangs a little more-just in case. It
was a problem, and probably a mistake as well, that the gods or higher
being or whatever up there had decided that she should be the Moon
Princess. The main dilemma of it, however, was that it meant that she
had a soul mate somewhere out there. A soul mate whose name had been
Endymion, and she had no idea who he was.
Oh, and she also had no idea if she loved him or not.
Then there was the added fact of she didn't even know who she
was anymore. Was it just a few months ago that she had been plain old
Usagi Tsukino? No Champion of Justice, no cat that lived to make her
life miserable, and no annoying Mamoru-baka who made her heart flutter
in one to many ways? She supposed that her good life, even if her
mother did make her go without meals every once in awhile, had just
finally decided that it was too good. The fates, it seemed, had
actually balanced the scale between lives. And hers was the first to
go.
She had to admit that her new friends, Ami, Rei, and Makoto,
were some of the best that a person could come across. They were
loyal, caring, and loving; without them by her side she'd probably be
dead by now. But then again, if she had never met that damnable cat,
her life would have never been threatened in the first place.
So who was she, anyway? Usagi Tsukino? Sailor Moon? Or
perhaps even the famed Moon Princess that she was supposed to be
protecting? The last possibility seemed like the least possible. The
Moon Princess, according to Luna, was graceful, kind, lady-like, and
unbelievably perfect. Usagi touched the bruise that lay close to her
eye. She had received that this morning, on her way to school.
Tripped over a crack and ran smack dab into Mamoru, stupid man. Her
head had hit the sidewalk instead of his chest that time, and ever
since then a headache had been her reward for being the clumsiest
person in Tokyo.
But at least then she had been Usagi. At least then the klutz
was Usagi. Most mornings she didn't have to worry about her fighting
technique, or wondering when the other Senshi found out that she was
the Princess, if they'd expect her to act like her too. Because she
knew that she couldn't. She knew that they wouldn't accept that she
was still the clumsy, idiotic, ditsy, erratic blond that they had met
as their leader, and even now hadn't accepted it.
And now, of course, she had a soul mate to go along with it.
Someone that she'd never even met. She'd always dreamed of having a
soul mate, one who would make her feel like the most beautiful person
in the world instead of just a boy-crazy middle-school student who
didn't know the difference between Algebra and English. But now she
actually had to think that, maybe, maybe he wouldn't even like her.
What if he found out that she was the Princess, and loved her only for
being the Princess? She didn't know how she would feel about that.
And what if he was some sort of a pervert? Or what if he was married,
or part of the Dark Kingdom? There was too much to think about.
Usagi sighed and put down her foundation. She needed a change.
Maybe then she wouldn't feel like such a bozo all the time. Her hands
flew to her buns on her head; they were her trademark, as Usagi,
Sailormoon, and the Princess. They were what tied the three of them
together… If she got rid of them, maybe she wouldn't have to worry
about loosing Usagi between the three of them. Maybe she wouldn't
disappoint anyone anymore.
She looked at the bunny clock next to her bedside; there were
too many bunnies in her room. She looked at the clothes strewn along
her floor and lying over her dresser and lying half hazardly in her
closet, too girly, and too pink. She didn't own any make up besides
her foundation, hadn't needed any before the week had begun and the
stupid wand had flown into her life. She rose out of her chair with
determination and stalked over to her closet, pulling out a yellow
sundress. It was four o'clock; she still had at least three hours
before she had to start working on her homework-her homework that she
never turned in.
It was time that Usagi got her independence back.
"Usagi sweetheart, time to get up!" Called Ikuko Tsukino the
next morning. Usagi blinked, looked at her alarm clock which read
'7:15' and rolled back over. This was a habit she would not get rid
of. Every single young girl deserved her beauty sleep.
Five minutes later her mother called again.
Usagi yawned, stretched, and then sat up slowly. She weighed
the pros and cons of getting up over an hour before she usually did.
Well, she wouldn't bump into Mamoru-baka, and maybe go by a day without
adding another bruise to her body. The stupid cat of hers would
probably have a heart attack, and she might slip by a day without
getting attention. But then again… sleep is such a good, good thing…
The smell of crisp bacon wafted into her senses, along with
French toast and an egg or two. Hmmm… sleep, or food, the eternal
question.
Shrugging, she made her way out of bed and searched her room
for the pest that she had decided to step on one morning before school.
That action had been the stupidest one of her life. Usagi rolled her
eyes. Noticing that the cat had still not come home from the
sleep-over with Ami that she had deemed 'exceedingly important' but was
probably just so that she could get away from Usagi's snoring, the
blond moved to her closet and pulled on her school uniform. She pulled
on the knee-high socks she had bought yesterday, and turned to look in
the mirror.
Her hair, which had grazed the backs of her knees before, now
fell to her mid back. She combed it until it regained its sparkle, and
then applied some foundation to her forehead once again. She would
have put on more but the school didn't allow it. Grabbing her
briefcase, her small steps went slowly-for once-down the stairs.
She said a quick "Good Morning" to her father, before grabbing
a plate from the cupboard and taking a few things to eat. Slowly. It
was an extreme novelty. She sat down and waited for some sort of a
reaction from her parents. Ikuko noticed first, and Usagi winced as
she heard a faint 'thump' on the linoleum as the poor mother fainted
dead away. Her father took awhile longer, and actually Shingo
exclaiming that he must be in a dream to see Usagi up this early,
before the entire family fell into shock.
The daughter of the family just shrugged and continued wolfing
down her food. She would eat slower, but then her family would
probably send her to the counselor at school, or worse, a shrink.
Usagi shivered unnoticeably.
Deciding that her parents would probably send her there soon
anyway, she quickly departed.
The walk to school was nice, but she yawned every
once-in-awhile, needing that extra hour desperately but realizing that
at least she wouldn't have to run… into…
Oh but she did. And what a site. She hadn't known before that
he jogged in the morning, in a wonderful pair of bike shorts and an
undershirt. Drool almost formed at the corner of her mouth before she
decided that now could be payback. An evil smile began to form.
"Good Morning, Mamoru-baka." Began her cheerfully sadistic
conversation.
"Morning Odango! Didn't know that it was possible for you to
get up this early in the morning, I think I might die of shock." he
replied, stopping in front of her and catching his breath.
"You know, I don't think it would be very correct to call me
that anymore. And go ahead, my parents already did it."
He began looking up, "And why… Oh gods. Why did you do it?"
He looked pretty heartbroken about it, odd. Maybe he enjoyed
calling her by that stupid nickname more than she had thought. Oh
well, served the insufferable man right, always treating her like dirt.
"I needed a change."
"That was one hell of a change!"
"What do you care? You don't even like me remember? And if
you'll excuse me, I have to be at school before I'm late, again!"
Usagi walked off in a huff.
Mamoru watched her walk off, not missing the slight-and
new-swing in her hips. She had changed practically overnight, and he
missed his little Odango Attama. Though there were still some
similarities, she appeared like an entirely different person. It was…
disconcerting.
Before his thoughts went any further, Mamoru began running
again.
A tall brown haired girl in a very different looking school
uniform from the rest of everyone in Juuban Middle school grabbed the
cities genius by the lapels and hauled her into the woman's bathroom.
After smoothing down her blue hair, the genius inquired, "What
is it, Makoto?"
"Have you seen Usagi today?"
"Not yet." The girl confirmed while checking to make sure all
her books were in order.
"I'm warning you in advance, you have class with her, right?"
Makoto said, carefully watching the bathroom door to make sure no one
came in.
"That's correct, although I can't imagine that you have seen
her yet, Usagi-chan doesn't normally come in until two minutes after
the bell rings."
"Not today, Ami-chan."
That caught the shorter girls attention. If Usagi was early,
there was definitely something wrong. Usagi's irresponsibility for
school was infamous in the Juuban district, almost as much as her
hairstyle. "You… you're joking."
Makoto shook her head, "I saw her walking in the gates this
morning. At first, I didn't even think it was her. Ami-chan, she was
walking slowly, not even happily. And her hairstyle, it's gone.
Completely and utterly gone. I think that something really bad
happened. I never thought she'd get rid of those Odango's."
"Should I talk to her?" Ami asked, her worry showing through
her normally calm voice.
"No, I'm sure whatever she did this for, she did it for a
reason. She'll tell us when she's ready. Besides, it might work out
for the best."
"Alright. I hope you're right, Makoto."
Usagi felt euphoric. This entire day was going better than she
thought. She looked over and smiled at the new boy, Damazu Kurihara,
whom, she believed, was completely enamored with her. He seemed sweet,
and he was handsome too. This new look was better than she had hoped
for. She giggled as she remembered Haruna-sensei's shock when she had
first seen her.
The only thing that was wrong was the worried looks that she
had received from Ami whenever she thought Usagi wasn't looking. She
didn't want anyone's pity, and it wasn't as if she was going to tell
anyone soon why she had even made the change. As if they would even
BELIEVE that she's the Moon Princess. She could hear Rei now…
"That Odango Attama? A Princess? Yea right! The only thing
that she's princess of is Princess of Klutz's!"
Usagi shook the thought from her mind. She wouldn't take any
more insults from Rei. Standing up for herself was one of the things
that she had been so adamant about the night before when she had walked
into that beauty salon. It was time for a change, she told herself,
and no one could have stopped you.
She snuck a glance back at Damazu, who blushed and then smiled
shyly back. He certainly was cute. She scrawled a note quickly and
drew a small heart and bunny at the bottom, then threw it over towards
him. He looked up and then nodded in shock, before a huge grin took
over his entire face.
Well, now that THAT was taken care of…
"Hey Motoki, have you seen Usagi yet today?" Mamoru asked
slowly. His worry had been eating at him the entire day, and he kept
wondering if there was something that he had done to induce this change
in the wonderful girl.
Motoki looked at his friend strangely before deciding that one
weird thing would follow another, and he should probably be prepared,
"Nope, sorry Mamoru. Give her another five minutes and she should be
here, unless she has detention of course."
Not today, Mamoru thought wryly. There was definitely
something weird going on with his Odango today, and if she went back
into her old habits, then he would either be relieved or scared. As it
was, he was scared now, scared that he even cared so much as to think
about it.
A few whistles wounded around the arcade and Mamoru felt his
ears prick, then he sat up slowly. He noted Motoki's surprised
expression then turned to face the doors as they whizzed open then
closed. A red haze of rage covered his eyes. He fisted his hands
angrily and struggled to stay in his seat. He took a shaky drink of
coffee before turning back around and contemplating how he could kill
that…
Almost banging his head on the counter, Mamoru finally realized
that he was acting like an imbecile. There was no reason to get all
huffy just because Odango was in the arcade with a guy. And that they
were in their own table, by themselves, and laughing happily together…
Mamoru shook his head. He needed to stop thinking about things like
this. It was probably caffeine withdrawal; he hadn't been having
enough coffee lately.
He got up sharply and said a curt goodbye to Motoki. He walked
out of the Crown and made a resolution to go home and study for the
exams that were months away.
He missed the small, longing look that Usagi gave him as he
left.
Luna had blown up. Blown Up. Usagi couldn't believe it.
You'd think the stupid cat would be happy, finally she had done some
sort of a tactical thing for the Senshi and the idiotic feline blows a
gasket. Figures.
"Look, I don't see why you're so angry Luna," Usagi finally
interrupted, "I mean, now at least I don't look like sailormoon, and
the press can't associate me with her. I figure that I'm protecting
our identities."
"That's not the point! It's the principal of it Usagi! The
hairstyle showed your association with the Royal Family!"
Usagi's jaw tightened, exactly the point. She didn't want any
association with the royal family, definitely no more than she had been
forced into. But she couldn't tell the cat that, Luna would never
believe her, think that she had imagined the whole thing. It'd
probably be better if someone like Rei or Ami was the Princess, they
were much more responsible. They'd to a better job.
But on the outside, Usagi just laughed and spoke softly, "Don't
worry Luna, I'll still have the Odango's as Sailormoon."
Sighing, Luna pounded around on her bed, "You don't know that
for sure."
A beeping went off on her dresser and Usagi realized that she
couldn't be Usagi for a while. Trying to manage a smile she grabbed
her brooch and said, "I guess we'll find out, ne Luna?" She turned on
the communicator, "Usagi here."
"Usagi! There's a youma attack at the Juuban High School!" Ami
came buzzing in.
"Any students?"
"Nope, just teachers."
"Why can't we just let the youma do its job? What'll it kill,
a school? Not a bad thing in my book." Usagi said annoyed.
Ami's eyes narrowed, "Just get over here Usagi."
"Alright Mercury, Usagi Out. And don't say a word Luna."
A yell, a light show, and the hero and her cat were out, the
odango's in place. Usagi carefully touched her forehead and let out a
sigh of relief when she felt her tiara in place. The coolness of the
night didn't faze her, as always, even though she was in the
unbelievable short skirts. Sailormoon made the left turn to the high
school and her eyes widened when she saw the unconscious teachers on
the side of the road, one with a puddle of blood forming below them.
Had she caused this, because she had waited to long? Could she
have saved this teachers life? She did, of course believe that the
poor man was dead, even though she didn't even check to see if he had a
pulse.
Resolutely, she ran into the building, determined to stop
whatever evil was in there before it could hurt another person. Until,
of course, she slipped on a small bit of powder and her body felt as if
it needed another fall today, great way to make an entrance. She
rubbed her bottom, which was still black and blue from the last fall.
Her eyes surveyed the area to see if everyone was all right, before
announcing her presence.
"Hey Pyro! Be careful what you're singing, a woman could break
her leg because of all that ash!"
Mars laughed, and Usagi missed the happy look in her eyes to
see that Sailormoon was in her odango's again, "Only you would trip on
a youma's flour, Sailormoon."
That stopped sailormoon in her tracks, "What?"
The fire-lover pointed over to the rampaging youma in the
corner, who was currently whipping up something that they assumed was
called "Blood Bath Delights," as that was what the stupid thing was
screaming.
Jupiter was pretty angry, mostly because she felt mocked, so
half the time the stupid thing was bouncing around, it was getting
zapped by something a couple million bolts stronger than static
electricity. Which explained the singed look the cooking youma had on
the edges.
"All right, all right," murmured Mars angrily as the thing
spilled some 'Blood Bath Delight' on the ground and it burned through
it like acid, "Can we just kill it already? I have a feeling it's more
dangerous then it looks."
Indeed, it did look mighty nice. Its hair was pulled up into a
bun, while it was very odd hair, blue, yellow, and pink stripes, but
still, it reminded Sailormoon of some sort of a crepe… or something.
Her outfit, while formfitting like all of the other Negaverse youma's
they had encountered, actually seemed semi-human looking. But it
couldn't be a human, could it? Only Rainbow Crystal carriers could
turn into youma's as demi-dangerous as that one.
"Hey Mercury," Sailormoon called, "Was there any sort of
Rainbow Crystal in the area before we arrived?"
"No, why would you think that, Moon?"
Usagi shrugged, "Can you check for any human signs on your
computer gadget thing? I still want to know for sure." She winced as
she heard Makoto make a strangled noise after being hit by a little
recipe.
Ami shook her head, but pulled out her computer anyway. Her
deep blue eyes widened and Usagi felt some sort of a pride inside that
she had realized something Mercury hadn't, although it wasn't likely to
happen again. "It… It is a human! How did you know, Sailormoon?"
"I don't know. Her clothing reminded me of someone who worked
in Wasabi."
Makoto grunted, "Well, just heal the damn chick already, her
recipe's are beginning to hurt!"
"Ok! Moon Healing, Escalation!" The pain, the lights, the
weird background music, they all came at once. And when Sailormoon
opened her eyes again to look at the human they had saved, she gasped.
The monster was there. More Evil. And as Ami mumbled something
unintelligibly she realized something else, harder to kill.
"Usagi…" Rei began, taking a chance on using civilian name,
"Try again… this is really scary."
After another try and the same result, Usagi went into panic
mode. There was a person outside dying, and probably another already
dead! She couldn't afford to waste any more time!
A strangled laugh went through her throat, nothing more she
could do, "Well, might as well try harder." And she did, much as it
hurt, she did. She could feel the other Senshi's eyes on her as she
poured all she had into stopping this monster and saving the man
outside. As she fell to the ground she only thought one thing… why
hadn't Tuxedo Kamen been there?
But he had. He hadn't expected Sailormoon to pull a move like
that, beating the youma all on her own, when it was obvious that after
every single time it just kept getting stronger. She had though, and
he didn't know what to do about that. The thing he did notice,
however, was that when she was using that power, her tiara had
disappeared, and in its place had been a glowing crescent moon…
"Sailormoon, wake up! Wake up, damnit!" A grunt went through
the unconscious soldier as her best friends and companions struggled to
get through to her. Ami had been trying to tell them the entire time
that she would be fine, just needed some rest, but they had been
adamant so she let them wake her. It wouldn't hurt anything.
"C'mon Odango, you're not even trying!"
"That's because I don't want to. Just bring me home guys, put
me in bed, and lock my door. I'll detransform when I wake up. I'm to
tired to deal." Came the blonde's soft, rational voice.
Ami's voice finally rose above the four of them, "She needs
rest. Let's take her home."
"Are… are you sure, Mercury?" Mars asked hesitantly.
"I'm never wrong, and if I am then be afraid," laughter went
through a few of them, "C'mon. Let's go."
Mamoru arrived at his apartment completely and utterly shaken.
What he had seen, what he had heard, it just wasn't possible at all.
But the evidence was before him, and he was always a rational man. It
just didn't make any sense.
If he had stopped to think about it through all his raving, he
would have realized that it did make sense. All he could think of,
however, was the fact that all these times, all these battles, Usagi
had been the one behind the mask. She had been the one fighting off
all of those youma and winning. She had been the one who was in
danger.
It didn't help at all that he had seen that crescent moon on
her forehead. That only meant one thing, and as it was he didn't
really want to believe it. If she was the Princess, than that might
mean that she was the princess from his dreams. The consistencies
between the three women, possibly only one, couldn't be ignored for any
longer. Height, weight, hair color, hairstyle…
Except now one of them had a different hairstyle. Why? Why
would she change it? With as little experience Mamoru had with the
fairer sex, he knew that most of them dreamed of being a princess, of
being regal, fair, and loved throughout her country. Why wouldn't
Usagi want something like that? Why was she trying to be so utterly
different? It was things like this that reminded Mamoru that he was a
loner, and probably always would be. He couldn't get involved with
another persons life, not when his was so messed up to begin with.
Mamoru stood up in the middle of his luxurious apartment and
thought resolutely to himself, there is no way Usagi is Sailormoon.
There is no way she could ever be in that much danger. I must have
heard wrong.
When Usagi woke up the next morning, the first thing she
noticed was that the sun was shining, so it must be a weekend. The
second thing she noticed was that she was still Sailormoon. This whole
independence thing wasn't working out. And what about Damazu? Didn't
she have some sort of a date with him? Leaving, however, didn't seem
like something that Usagi wanted to do at the moment. Her head was
pounding, and her hair rumpled. She had probably slept like she was in
a coma or something.
Where was Luna, anyway? Lately when she had been waking up,
that cat had been long gone. Must have some sort of a boy-cat friend.
Usagi rolled her eyes, like that would ever happen. The cat was so
uptight, not a lot of boys could probably handle her. Poor thing.
Usagi touched her brooch and felt a brief loss of power before
she took a long, deep breath. Well, at least she was Usagi again.
That was a good thing.
And then she turned to the mirror.
It was a broken sob that filled Usagi Tsukino's room that
morning when the birds were just starting to come out and twitter, and
the moon was finally lost from the night sky.
On the other side of Tokyo, far from the broken sobs of one
Champion of Justice, there were three friends and a cat severely
worried. And wondering what the heck was going on with their best
friend that she wouldn't tell them.
"I don't get it Luna! Where did Usagi get that much power?"
Rei paced restlessly up and down the floor. They had been sitting
wondering about the sudden changes in their companion for the past hour
when Rei had finally decided to blurt that out.
"I don't know, I'm sorry. That was totally unexpected. But as
the right hand to the Princess it is understandable that she would have
some sort of power. It's that silver light she released that's
worrying me."
Makoto spoke up, wringing her hands together impatiently,
"Could it be that the spirit of the Princess is somewhere, but she
can't find us, so she's using Usagi's body as some sort of a medium?"
"It's possible, but if the Princess wanted to find us, in all
probability she would have already."
Ami looked around, wondering if the other two had felt the jolt
of power from the white light that she had. It had been an odd
experience, seeing Usagi be so powerful. It was obvious that the blond
didn't enjoy saving the world at all. Usagi had always liked life, not
killing, so it was understandable why she would be so adamant against
being Sailormoon and…
"I think I know what's wrong."
All heads turned towards the quiet, shy, blue haired girl
sitting in the corner. She hadn't said much of a word since she had
entered, and know she knew? But it was Ami, and Ami was a genius after
all.
"Spill."
Ami took a breath, "Well, Usagi's never liked being Sailormoon.
That much is obvious. At first I thought it was because of the
responsibilities of the job, but I think that she's been able to handle
them well, so I began wondering what the problem was now. Then it
struck me, Usagi is a really peaceful person, she doesn't like having
to hurt people. That's why she doesn't like being Sailormoon."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Don't you get it? Since Usagi doesn't like being Sailormoon,
she probably feels like she's been forced into the position. And then
that bright light made me think, what if, hypothetically of course, the
Princess has always been… Usagi?"
Rei gaped, Makoto swore, and Luna just rambled off of how that
couldn't even be possible.
"But it is, don't you see? Rei just commented on how strange
it was that Usagi suddenly had this much power, and the whole
hair-changing thing was just weird. It was something that Usagi would
never do. She always felt that her hairstyle was unique. And well…
what if it wasn't unique anymore?"
"Then… then she would change it. So that she could feel unique
again…" Makoto murmured.
"Exactly. And have you been over to her house lately? The
girl has so much foundation and powder it's scary. And that's all the
make up she has. Maybe she's trying to hide something on her face,
something like a…"
"Like a crescent moon. God, I can't believe I'm so stupid!"
"It's an identity crisis." Makoto decided.
"Exactly! She has three parts to her, Usagi, Sailormoon, and
the Princess. And we don't accept either of the first two, so the
reason why she didn't tell us about her being the Princess is because…"
"Because she didn't think that we'd accept her as the
princess." Rei gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.
"So… what do we do?"
"Nothing," Ami said sadly, "She has to figure this out for
herself."
Her hair was silver. Silver. What kind of fourteen-year-old
had silver hair? Something was drastically and horribly wrong. And no
matter what she did to the stupid crescent moon on her forehead, it
wouldn't go away. She must have 10,000 layers of foundation on it and
it still shined, bright as day.
Stupid Wand. This never would have happened if the thing
hadn't worked in the first place. When it didn't work, she had to use
all of her power, meaning the Princess' power. Backfiring sucks.
What was she to do now? She couldn't exactly prance downstairs
and say 'Hi mom! Ya, I know I got a haircut yesterday, but now it's
long and silver! Cool huh?' Usagi rolled her eyes at that idea.
She'd have to come clean with her friends. Did she have much of a
choice? Would they accept her? Probably not. Could she run away for
a few days? Definitely not. The stupid people of this stupid town
depended on her as Sailormoon. Question is, would the youma notice
that her hair was silver now, too? Would the crescent moon show
through her tiara? If it did, then that would probably be really bad.
Zoisite would probably notice, and then she'd be doomed.
Her eyes lit upon her desk and she saw something that would
save her, the disguise pen. Would it work? Of course it would, she
amended. Right now she was the Princess, and if she said she wanted to
be Usagi, she would be, Blond hair and all.
She couldn't believe that she had never thought up the prospect
before when she had been ailing with the crescent moon. She had a
chance now. No one had to know.
"Moon Power! Change me into Usagi Tsukino!" A bright light and
a look in a mirror told Usagi what she had been fearing. The silver
hair and the glowing crescent moon was still there. No matter what she
did, what she tried, the Princess was Usagi Tsukino.
The ache had been in Mamoru's heart for the past week and a
half, but he had been able to mostly ignore it until today. Yesterday,
he had seen that bright light erupt from Sailormoon, had watched that
crescent moon glow, heard her being called Usagi…
He had tried to tell himself that the reason he didn't want
Usagi Tsukino to be Sailormoon was because she was a klutz, and an
airhead. But when he had realized that he had begun saying MY Usagi, a
fierce groan had ran throughout his apartment. Deep inside he knew
that the only reason that he didn't want Usagi to be Sailormoon was
because that meant that his protective instinct had always been towards
her. That his job as Tuxedo Kamen was meant to protect his Usagi.
The other bit about her being the Princess was as frightening
to him as the one before it. He didn't want to think that the woman he
had been obsessing over since he had been 16 was also the girl that he
teased just to see her face scrunch up adorably, that he watched walk
away. That he protected.
He was afraid that he had started to like Usagi more than just
a damsel in distress. And when you like someone, they might go away.
He knew what it was like to loose someone you love. To not
even remember them. It had taught him a lesson, loosing his parents.
You won't feel as much pain if you don't let anyone inside.
Mamoru thought that he hadn't, but then he had realized that
Usagi really is Sailormoon, that she really is the Princess from his
dreams that had kept him going for the past two years. And he had
realized that he cared for her more than he wanted to admit, more than
he had ever cared for anyone before.
It was that last thought that kept Mamoru from fully thinking
that Usagi was Sailormoon. It was the only way that he could protect
himself from getting himself hurt again. He knew that if she was
Sailormoon, then if he lost her, it would hurt more than not knowing
who his parents were, or realizing that he had lost them. It would
hurt so much more.
Usagi Tsukino was not the Moon Princess. Usagi Tsukino was not
Sailormoon. He did not love Usagi Tsukino.
He didn't know why he was here. He had told himself over and
over again that Usagi wasn't the Princess, and definitely wasn't
Sailormoon. But he just had to make sure. He didn't know how he would
do that, but he knew that if he could just watch her while she slept,
that somehow his heart would realize what his brain knew.
He could never love Usagi.
She lived on the second floor, but it didn't matter that much
to him. He had already climbed up into the tree and onto her balcony.
And now he was contemplating how he would explain to her what Mamoru
Chibi, enemy of her life, was doing in her room should she wake up.
He shrugged the thought off. She wouldn't wake up. He knew
that she valued her sleep far to much to sleep lightly. He'd bet that
she'd slept through a hurricane once.
He had stepped into her room expecting to hear a light snoring,
see her turned on her side dreaming away happily, with a pleasant
little smile on her face. Possibly wearing some bunny pajamas, and her
now short blond hair flowing around her.
What he saw had stopped all of his useless deceptions. Her
hair was long once more, when just two days ago it had been short. Not
only that, but it was silver, like the Princess in his dreams. It was
a beautiful silver though, and it glowed in the moonlight and made her
look more like a goddess than royalty.
If it had just been the hair, Mamoru could have kept his
deceptions working. But it wasn't just the hair. He had walked into a
Goddess' bedroom to see her forehead shining with a warm and loving
golden light. At closer inspection he could see that the golden light
was a crescent moon.
Usagi is the Moon Princess. She is the person who had been
haunting his dreams for as long as he cared to remember. His breath
became ragged. He didn't love Usagi… He didn't love Usagi…
Usagi opened her eyes and blinked a few times in disbelief
before finally grasping that yes, Mamoru was in her room, and yes, he
was staring at her as if she had grown three heads.
It appeared that he hadn't realized that she had awoken yet,
even though her sky blue eyes were currently searching his for an
answer to why he was here.
"Why are you here, Mamoru?" she finally asked.
"You're not the Moon Princess… Usagi is not the Moon Princess…"
she heard his shaky voice say in reply. How did he know who the Moon
Princess was? Was he in with the Dark Kingdom, or could he be..?
Oh god. Usagi felt her heart break even further as she
realized who her dreaded enemy, Mamoru Chiba really was. He was the
person who saved her at every battle, the person who she continuously
felt a fluttering in her stomach for. Who threw roses and declared
corny speeches. He was Tuxedo Kamen.
Her eyes began to tear up as she finally saw the only person
she had really REALLY needed to accept her deny that fact mercilessly.
Was she really so bad at everything that he couldn't begin to believe
that she really was the moon Princess? Well, it was Mamoru after all,
and he lived to see her mistakes. She blinked her eyes rapidly to keep
the tears from falling.
She had closed out most of his heart wrenching mumbling until
she caught one small bit, "I do not love Usagi… I can't love Usagi…"
It hurt even more now. She took in that he must have loved the
Moon Princess or Sailormoon, and now that he saw that SHE was both, he
just couldn't accept it. Not that she could blame him, she really
wasn't anything special. But since he loved the Moon Princess then…
then that must mean that he is the soul-mate that she had so dreaded
when she had first realized who she was. It couldn't be anyone else.
Before she could stop it a sob escaped from her throat and a
few tears began cascading down her cheeks. She scrubbed at her face.
Mamoru had been thrown out of his little reverie at that sound.
It intensified the ache in his chest he had been trying to deny. He
realized what he had been saying, what she must have heard. But why
was she crying? She didn't even like him, she should be happy that he
didn't love her. So why was she crying? And why did it hurt so much
to see her in pain?
"Usagi…" he murmured, trying to have her soul-saddening cries
stop, "Please stop crying…"
She looked up at him then and he caught the pain in her eyes
mixed with a bit of betrayal, "You… you loved the Moon Princess?"
He nodded blindly and silently pleaded with her to stop crying.
To stop looking so broken and hurt. He didn't know if he could stay
away from her if she kept doing that. And he knew that if he went to
console her then he really would be admitting that he loved Odango, and
that she was Sailormoon. And he would see that if she kept fighting as
Sailormoon, she could get hurt and die, and he would loose her. She
needed to stop crying, or else he would love her.
"I'm sorry that I d-disappointed you. I know th-that I don't
make the b-best Moon Princess. Y-you must hate it that a k-klutz like
me is the person that you loved…"
He saw the self pitying look, saw the blatant vulnerability.
He knew that if he didn't do something to comfort her now that he would
never have a chance to have her again. But he also knew what it was
like to get hurt, and he didn't want to get hurt.
"I can't love you, Usagi." He said finally, trying to make her
understand but knowing that he never could.
Another sob filled the air before she choked it back down, "I
d-don't blame you."
His heart began pounding at those words. He didn't know which
would be more painful for him, hurting her so badly or loosing her.
"Usagi…"
"I think th-that it would have been m-much better if Rei had
been the M-moon Princess. Then m-maybe you could be happy. Th-then
maybe y-you wouldn't b-be so d-disappointed…"
He realized it then, how utterly selfish he was being. She
only wanted him to be happy, and he was just crushing her happiness
beneath his foot. He wanted to love her so badly, but he couldn't.
She was so selfless, so utterly needing of everyone else to be happy,
even if she couldn't herself be. And he was selfish.
He went over to her then and gathered her into his arms and
began rocking her back and forth while her arms went around him and her
tears began soaking his shirt. "Please don't cry Usagi… I can't love
you, no matter how much I want to…" he told her quietly, trying to make
her realize that he couldn't have her.
"Why not?!" she asked pleadingly, "I-I know that I'm not the
Moon Princess you love, or Sailormoon who you protect. I can't be
them. That's why you can't love me…" she realized to herself, not
knowing how completely wrong she really was.
"I don't deserve you. You need so much better than me.
Someone who can love you as much as you love them. I can't love
anyone. Even if I want to."
"W-what? But you said you loved the Moon Princess."
"She was just a dream. I never knew that she was actually
real," he touched her forehead, "If she had been more, then I could
never have loved her."
"What about Sailormoon, did you love her?"
"I don't know. I might have, but I never knew who she was. It
was safe that way, until I learned…"
"Why can't you love anyone, Mamoru?" she asked pitifully.
"Because it would hurt to much to loose them." He whispered,
stroking her soft silver hair in the moonlight.
She kissed him then, her soft pink lips settling quietly over
his. Her arms went around his neck, holding him as tightly as she
could, every once in awhile running her hands through his hair. His
own arms grasped the small of her back as he earnestly replied.
He had finally comprehended at that point that no matter what
his head said about love and Usagi, his heart wasn't giving him a
choice. It never had.
As he nuzzled her neck, he finally felt something akin to
happiness. In his arms he was holding the three people he had ever
loved. The three people who had taught him love. And they were all
wrapped up in one wonderful, happy, selfless, gold and silver package.
"How do you know you love me, Usagi?" he questioned.
"I know it in my bones. Besides, there's not much I care to do
about it."
"Ah. I know the feeling."
At her euphoric and surprised expression he bent down and
whispered as he kissed her, "I think that Sailormoon and the Princess
enjoy being Usagi."
--------------
By the way, that was seventeen LONG pages of typing. Oy. I hope you
enjoyed it, it took me a good 13 days to write that. Geez. I tried as
hard as I could not to make the ending very corny, but I don't think it
worked as well as I hoped.
Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll work really hard on getting 'Amidst the
Armor Chapter Three' out as soon as possible!
Remember, E-mail is a good GOOD GOOD thing! Become a Mythical Muse!
E-mail Koneko!
3 Koneko
divinepheonix@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/fulltsuki
Identity Crisis
by: Koneko
E-mail: divinepheonix@hotmail.com
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance/Angst and a little WAFF
Series: First
--------------
Hello! this is kind of like a 'I'm soooooo sorry for taking so long to
get Amidst the Armor out!' type story. You see, I admit that while I
was writing Chapter three of that lovely story, I suddenly got
inspiration for this one, and I couldn't get any more for Amidst the
Armor. But really, I've worked really REALLY hard on it. So hopefully
y'all will like it!
I'd like to give a special shoutout to all the people who e-mailed me
about Amidst the Armor, and I'd especially like to apologize to you.
I told most of y'all that I'd be getting the next part out by tuesday
of about two weeks ago, and I still haven't. I'm VERY sorry.
Anyway, what's this story about? Well, actually, I've seen a couple
other authors try to do something like it, but they haven't really
pulled it off to my satisfaction. Pretty much Usagi is going through
an Identity Crisis. I tried to make it like a femal-empowered story,
but it worked out to be angst. Gomen ne. Still, I think it's pretty
good. And there's only one part, so no waiting for the ending ^^
--------------
Identity Crisis (1/1)
By: Koneko
Usagi Tsukino looked at her reflection harshly. She noted the
slight bags under her eyes, from lack of sleep, and the way her skin
was starting to look paler, maybe she was getting sick. Her golden
hair hung limp at her sides, and its shine had disappeared, had
actually been gone for days. Her waist was a little too slender, and
her frown a little too noticeable. But most of all, the thing she
noticed was the annoying crescent moon mark on her forehead.
She'd been trying to hide it for a week now, ever since she had
first used that blasted moon wand. She sighed and put a little more
make up over it, and brushed her bangs a little more-just in case. It
was a problem, and probably a mistake as well, that the gods or higher
being or whatever up there had decided that she should be the Moon
Princess. The main dilemma of it, however, was that it meant that she
had a soul mate somewhere out there. A soul mate whose name had been
Endymion, and she had no idea who he was.
Oh, and she also had no idea if she loved him or not.
Then there was the added fact of she didn't even know who she
was anymore. Was it just a few months ago that she had been plain old
Usagi Tsukino? No Champion of Justice, no cat that lived to make her
life miserable, and no annoying Mamoru-baka who made her heart flutter
in one to many ways? She supposed that her good life, even if her
mother did make her go without meals every once in awhile, had just
finally decided that it was too good. The fates, it seemed, had
actually balanced the scale between lives. And hers was the first to
go.
She had to admit that her new friends, Ami, Rei, and Makoto,
were some of the best that a person could come across. They were
loyal, caring, and loving; without them by her side she'd probably be
dead by now. But then again, if she had never met that damnable cat,
her life would have never been threatened in the first place.
So who was she, anyway? Usagi Tsukino? Sailor Moon? Or
perhaps even the famed Moon Princess that she was supposed to be
protecting? The last possibility seemed like the least possible. The
Moon Princess, according to Luna, was graceful, kind, lady-like, and
unbelievably perfect. Usagi touched the bruise that lay close to her
eye. She had received that this morning, on her way to school.
Tripped over a crack and ran smack dab into Mamoru, stupid man. Her
head had hit the sidewalk instead of his chest that time, and ever
since then a headache had been her reward for being the clumsiest
person in Tokyo.
But at least then she had been Usagi. At least then the klutz
was Usagi. Most mornings she didn't have to worry about her fighting
technique, or wondering when the other Senshi found out that she was
the Princess, if they'd expect her to act like her too. Because she
knew that she couldn't. She knew that they wouldn't accept that she
was still the clumsy, idiotic, ditsy, erratic blond that they had met
as their leader, and even now hadn't accepted it.
And now, of course, she had a soul mate to go along with it.
Someone that she'd never even met. She'd always dreamed of having a
soul mate, one who would make her feel like the most beautiful person
in the world instead of just a boy-crazy middle-school student who
didn't know the difference between Algebra and English. But now she
actually had to think that, maybe, maybe he wouldn't even like her.
What if he found out that she was the Princess, and loved her only for
being the Princess? She didn't know how she would feel about that.
And what if he was some sort of a pervert? Or what if he was married,
or part of the Dark Kingdom? There was too much to think about.
Usagi sighed and put down her foundation. She needed a change.
Maybe then she wouldn't feel like such a bozo all the time. Her hands
flew to her buns on her head; they were her trademark, as Usagi,
Sailormoon, and the Princess. They were what tied the three of them
together… If she got rid of them, maybe she wouldn't have to worry
about loosing Usagi between the three of them. Maybe she wouldn't
disappoint anyone anymore.
She looked at the bunny clock next to her bedside; there were
too many bunnies in her room. She looked at the clothes strewn along
her floor and lying over her dresser and lying half hazardly in her
closet, too girly, and too pink. She didn't own any make up besides
her foundation, hadn't needed any before the week had begun and the
stupid wand had flown into her life. She rose out of her chair with
determination and stalked over to her closet, pulling out a yellow
sundress. It was four o'clock; she still had at least three hours
before she had to start working on her homework-her homework that she
never turned in.
It was time that Usagi got her independence back.
"Usagi sweetheart, time to get up!" Called Ikuko Tsukino the
next morning. Usagi blinked, looked at her alarm clock which read
'7:15' and rolled back over. This was a habit she would not get rid
of. Every single young girl deserved her beauty sleep.
Five minutes later her mother called again.
Usagi yawned, stretched, and then sat up slowly. She weighed
the pros and cons of getting up over an hour before she usually did.
Well, she wouldn't bump into Mamoru-baka, and maybe go by a day without
adding another bruise to her body. The stupid cat of hers would
probably have a heart attack, and she might slip by a day without
getting attention. But then again… sleep is such a good, good thing…
The smell of crisp bacon wafted into her senses, along with
French toast and an egg or two. Hmmm… sleep, or food, the eternal
question.
Shrugging, she made her way out of bed and searched her room
for the pest that she had decided to step on one morning before school.
That action had been the stupidest one of her life. Usagi rolled her
eyes. Noticing that the cat had still not come home from the
sleep-over with Ami that she had deemed 'exceedingly important' but was
probably just so that she could get away from Usagi's snoring, the
blond moved to her closet and pulled on her school uniform. She pulled
on the knee-high socks she had bought yesterday, and turned to look in
the mirror.
Her hair, which had grazed the backs of her knees before, now
fell to her mid back. She combed it until it regained its sparkle, and
then applied some foundation to her forehead once again. She would
have put on more but the school didn't allow it. Grabbing her
briefcase, her small steps went slowly-for once-down the stairs.
She said a quick "Good Morning" to her father, before grabbing
a plate from the cupboard and taking a few things to eat. Slowly. It
was an extreme novelty. She sat down and waited for some sort of a
reaction from her parents. Ikuko noticed first, and Usagi winced as
she heard a faint 'thump' on the linoleum as the poor mother fainted
dead away. Her father took awhile longer, and actually Shingo
exclaiming that he must be in a dream to see Usagi up this early,
before the entire family fell into shock.
The daughter of the family just shrugged and continued wolfing
down her food. She would eat slower, but then her family would
probably send her to the counselor at school, or worse, a shrink.
Usagi shivered unnoticeably.
Deciding that her parents would probably send her there soon
anyway, she quickly departed.
The walk to school was nice, but she yawned every
once-in-awhile, needing that extra hour desperately but realizing that
at least she wouldn't have to run… into…
Oh but she did. And what a site. She hadn't known before that
he jogged in the morning, in a wonderful pair of bike shorts and an
undershirt. Drool almost formed at the corner of her mouth before she
decided that now could be payback. An evil smile began to form.
"Good Morning, Mamoru-baka." Began her cheerfully sadistic
conversation.
"Morning Odango! Didn't know that it was possible for you to
get up this early in the morning, I think I might die of shock." he
replied, stopping in front of her and catching his breath.
"You know, I don't think it would be very correct to call me
that anymore. And go ahead, my parents already did it."
He began looking up, "And why… Oh gods. Why did you do it?"
He looked pretty heartbroken about it, odd. Maybe he enjoyed
calling her by that stupid nickname more than she had thought. Oh
well, served the insufferable man right, always treating her like dirt.
"I needed a change."
"That was one hell of a change!"
"What do you care? You don't even like me remember? And if
you'll excuse me, I have to be at school before I'm late, again!"
Usagi walked off in a huff.
Mamoru watched her walk off, not missing the slight-and
new-swing in her hips. She had changed practically overnight, and he
missed his little Odango Attama. Though there were still some
similarities, she appeared like an entirely different person. It was…
disconcerting.
Before his thoughts went any further, Mamoru began running
again.
A tall brown haired girl in a very different looking school
uniform from the rest of everyone in Juuban Middle school grabbed the
cities genius by the lapels and hauled her into the woman's bathroom.
After smoothing down her blue hair, the genius inquired, "What
is it, Makoto?"
"Have you seen Usagi today?"
"Not yet." The girl confirmed while checking to make sure all
her books were in order.
"I'm warning you in advance, you have class with her, right?"
Makoto said, carefully watching the bathroom door to make sure no one
came in.
"That's correct, although I can't imagine that you have seen
her yet, Usagi-chan doesn't normally come in until two minutes after
the bell rings."
"Not today, Ami-chan."
That caught the shorter girls attention. If Usagi was early,
there was definitely something wrong. Usagi's irresponsibility for
school was infamous in the Juuban district, almost as much as her
hairstyle. "You… you're joking."
Makoto shook her head, "I saw her walking in the gates this
morning. At first, I didn't even think it was her. Ami-chan, she was
walking slowly, not even happily. And her hairstyle, it's gone.
Completely and utterly gone. I think that something really bad
happened. I never thought she'd get rid of those Odango's."
"Should I talk to her?" Ami asked, her worry showing through
her normally calm voice.
"No, I'm sure whatever she did this for, she did it for a
reason. She'll tell us when she's ready. Besides, it might work out
for the best."
"Alright. I hope you're right, Makoto."
Usagi felt euphoric. This entire day was going better than she
thought. She looked over and smiled at the new boy, Damazu Kurihara,
whom, she believed, was completely enamored with her. He seemed sweet,
and he was handsome too. This new look was better than she had hoped
for. She giggled as she remembered Haruna-sensei's shock when she had
first seen her.
The only thing that was wrong was the worried looks that she
had received from Ami whenever she thought Usagi wasn't looking. She
didn't want anyone's pity, and it wasn't as if she was going to tell
anyone soon why she had even made the change. As if they would even
BELIEVE that she's the Moon Princess. She could hear Rei now…
"That Odango Attama? A Princess? Yea right! The only thing
that she's princess of is Princess of Klutz's!"
Usagi shook the thought from her mind. She wouldn't take any
more insults from Rei. Standing up for herself was one of the things
that she had been so adamant about the night before when she had walked
into that beauty salon. It was time for a change, she told herself,
and no one could have stopped you.
She snuck a glance back at Damazu, who blushed and then smiled
shyly back. He certainly was cute. She scrawled a note quickly and
drew a small heart and bunny at the bottom, then threw it over towards
him. He looked up and then nodded in shock, before a huge grin took
over his entire face.
Well, now that THAT was taken care of…
"Hey Motoki, have you seen Usagi yet today?" Mamoru asked
slowly. His worry had been eating at him the entire day, and he kept
wondering if there was something that he had done to induce this change
in the wonderful girl.
Motoki looked at his friend strangely before deciding that one
weird thing would follow another, and he should probably be prepared,
"Nope, sorry Mamoru. Give her another five minutes and she should be
here, unless she has detention of course."
Not today, Mamoru thought wryly. There was definitely
something weird going on with his Odango today, and if she went back
into her old habits, then he would either be relieved or scared. As it
was, he was scared now, scared that he even cared so much as to think
about it.
A few whistles wounded around the arcade and Mamoru felt his
ears prick, then he sat up slowly. He noted Motoki's surprised
expression then turned to face the doors as they whizzed open then
closed. A red haze of rage covered his eyes. He fisted his hands
angrily and struggled to stay in his seat. He took a shaky drink of
coffee before turning back around and contemplating how he could kill
that…
Almost banging his head on the counter, Mamoru finally realized
that he was acting like an imbecile. There was no reason to get all
huffy just because Odango was in the arcade with a guy. And that they
were in their own table, by themselves, and laughing happily together…
Mamoru shook his head. He needed to stop thinking about things like
this. It was probably caffeine withdrawal; he hadn't been having
enough coffee lately.
He got up sharply and said a curt goodbye to Motoki. He walked
out of the Crown and made a resolution to go home and study for the
exams that were months away.
He missed the small, longing look that Usagi gave him as he
left.
Luna had blown up. Blown Up. Usagi couldn't believe it.
You'd think the stupid cat would be happy, finally she had done some
sort of a tactical thing for the Senshi and the idiotic feline blows a
gasket. Figures.
"Look, I don't see why you're so angry Luna," Usagi finally
interrupted, "I mean, now at least I don't look like sailormoon, and
the press can't associate me with her. I figure that I'm protecting
our identities."
"That's not the point! It's the principal of it Usagi! The
hairstyle showed your association with the Royal Family!"
Usagi's jaw tightened, exactly the point. She didn't want any
association with the royal family, definitely no more than she had been
forced into. But she couldn't tell the cat that, Luna would never
believe her, think that she had imagined the whole thing. It'd
probably be better if someone like Rei or Ami was the Princess, they
were much more responsible. They'd to a better job.
But on the outside, Usagi just laughed and spoke softly, "Don't
worry Luna, I'll still have the Odango's as Sailormoon."
Sighing, Luna pounded around on her bed, "You don't know that
for sure."
A beeping went off on her dresser and Usagi realized that she
couldn't be Usagi for a while. Trying to manage a smile she grabbed
her brooch and said, "I guess we'll find out, ne Luna?" She turned on
the communicator, "Usagi here."
"Usagi! There's a youma attack at the Juuban High School!" Ami
came buzzing in.
"Any students?"
"Nope, just teachers."
"Why can't we just let the youma do its job? What'll it kill,
a school? Not a bad thing in my book." Usagi said annoyed.
Ami's eyes narrowed, "Just get over here Usagi."
"Alright Mercury, Usagi Out. And don't say a word Luna."
A yell, a light show, and the hero and her cat were out, the
odango's in place. Usagi carefully touched her forehead and let out a
sigh of relief when she felt her tiara in place. The coolness of the
night didn't faze her, as always, even though she was in the
unbelievable short skirts. Sailormoon made the left turn to the high
school and her eyes widened when she saw the unconscious teachers on
the side of the road, one with a puddle of blood forming below them.
Had she caused this, because she had waited to long? Could she
have saved this teachers life? She did, of course believe that the
poor man was dead, even though she didn't even check to see if he had a
pulse.
Resolutely, she ran into the building, determined to stop
whatever evil was in there before it could hurt another person. Until,
of course, she slipped on a small bit of powder and her body felt as if
it needed another fall today, great way to make an entrance. She
rubbed her bottom, which was still black and blue from the last fall.
Her eyes surveyed the area to see if everyone was all right, before
announcing her presence.
"Hey Pyro! Be careful what you're singing, a woman could break
her leg because of all that ash!"
Mars laughed, and Usagi missed the happy look in her eyes to
see that Sailormoon was in her odango's again, "Only you would trip on
a youma's flour, Sailormoon."
That stopped sailormoon in her tracks, "What?"
The fire-lover pointed over to the rampaging youma in the
corner, who was currently whipping up something that they assumed was
called "Blood Bath Delights," as that was what the stupid thing was
screaming.
Jupiter was pretty angry, mostly because she felt mocked, so
half the time the stupid thing was bouncing around, it was getting
zapped by something a couple million bolts stronger than static
electricity. Which explained the singed look the cooking youma had on
the edges.
"All right, all right," murmured Mars angrily as the thing
spilled some 'Blood Bath Delight' on the ground and it burned through
it like acid, "Can we just kill it already? I have a feeling it's more
dangerous then it looks."
Indeed, it did look mighty nice. Its hair was pulled up into a
bun, while it was very odd hair, blue, yellow, and pink stripes, but
still, it reminded Sailormoon of some sort of a crepe… or something.
Her outfit, while formfitting like all of the other Negaverse youma's
they had encountered, actually seemed semi-human looking. But it
couldn't be a human, could it? Only Rainbow Crystal carriers could
turn into youma's as demi-dangerous as that one.
"Hey Mercury," Sailormoon called, "Was there any sort of
Rainbow Crystal in the area before we arrived?"
"No, why would you think that, Moon?"
Usagi shrugged, "Can you check for any human signs on your
computer gadget thing? I still want to know for sure." She winced as
she heard Makoto make a strangled noise after being hit by a little
recipe.
Ami shook her head, but pulled out her computer anyway. Her
deep blue eyes widened and Usagi felt some sort of a pride inside that
she had realized something Mercury hadn't, although it wasn't likely to
happen again. "It… It is a human! How did you know, Sailormoon?"
"I don't know. Her clothing reminded me of someone who worked
in Wasabi."
Makoto grunted, "Well, just heal the damn chick already, her
recipe's are beginning to hurt!"
"Ok! Moon Healing, Escalation!" The pain, the lights, the
weird background music, they all came at once. And when Sailormoon
opened her eyes again to look at the human they had saved, she gasped.
The monster was there. More Evil. And as Ami mumbled something
unintelligibly she realized something else, harder to kill.
"Usagi…" Rei began, taking a chance on using civilian name,
"Try again… this is really scary."
After another try and the same result, Usagi went into panic
mode. There was a person outside dying, and probably another already
dead! She couldn't afford to waste any more time!
A strangled laugh went through her throat, nothing more she
could do, "Well, might as well try harder." And she did, much as it
hurt, she did. She could feel the other Senshi's eyes on her as she
poured all she had into stopping this monster and saving the man
outside. As she fell to the ground she only thought one thing… why
hadn't Tuxedo Kamen been there?
But he had. He hadn't expected Sailormoon to pull a move like
that, beating the youma all on her own, when it was obvious that after
every single time it just kept getting stronger. She had though, and
he didn't know what to do about that. The thing he did notice,
however, was that when she was using that power, her tiara had
disappeared, and in its place had been a glowing crescent moon…
"Sailormoon, wake up! Wake up, damnit!" A grunt went through
the unconscious soldier as her best friends and companions struggled to
get through to her. Ami had been trying to tell them the entire time
that she would be fine, just needed some rest, but they had been
adamant so she let them wake her. It wouldn't hurt anything.
"C'mon Odango, you're not even trying!"
"That's because I don't want to. Just bring me home guys, put
me in bed, and lock my door. I'll detransform when I wake up. I'm to
tired to deal." Came the blonde's soft, rational voice.
Ami's voice finally rose above the four of them, "She needs
rest. Let's take her home."
"Are… are you sure, Mercury?" Mars asked hesitantly.
"I'm never wrong, and if I am then be afraid," laughter went
through a few of them, "C'mon. Let's go."
Mamoru arrived at his apartment completely and utterly shaken.
What he had seen, what he had heard, it just wasn't possible at all.
But the evidence was before him, and he was always a rational man. It
just didn't make any sense.
If he had stopped to think about it through all his raving, he
would have realized that it did make sense. All he could think of,
however, was the fact that all these times, all these battles, Usagi
had been the one behind the mask. She had been the one fighting off
all of those youma and winning. She had been the one who was in
danger.
It didn't help at all that he had seen that crescent moon on
her forehead. That only meant one thing, and as it was he didn't
really want to believe it. If she was the Princess, than that might
mean that she was the princess from his dreams. The consistencies
between the three women, possibly only one, couldn't be ignored for any
longer. Height, weight, hair color, hairstyle…
Except now one of them had a different hairstyle. Why? Why
would she change it? With as little experience Mamoru had with the
fairer sex, he knew that most of them dreamed of being a princess, of
being regal, fair, and loved throughout her country. Why wouldn't
Usagi want something like that? Why was she trying to be so utterly
different? It was things like this that reminded Mamoru that he was a
loner, and probably always would be. He couldn't get involved with
another persons life, not when his was so messed up to begin with.
Mamoru stood up in the middle of his luxurious apartment and
thought resolutely to himself, there is no way Usagi is Sailormoon.
There is no way she could ever be in that much danger. I must have
heard wrong.
When Usagi woke up the next morning, the first thing she
noticed was that the sun was shining, so it must be a weekend. The
second thing she noticed was that she was still Sailormoon. This whole
independence thing wasn't working out. And what about Damazu? Didn't
she have some sort of a date with him? Leaving, however, didn't seem
like something that Usagi wanted to do at the moment. Her head was
pounding, and her hair rumpled. She had probably slept like she was in
a coma or something.
Where was Luna, anyway? Lately when she had been waking up,
that cat had been long gone. Must have some sort of a boy-cat friend.
Usagi rolled her eyes, like that would ever happen. The cat was so
uptight, not a lot of boys could probably handle her. Poor thing.
Usagi touched her brooch and felt a brief loss of power before
she took a long, deep breath. Well, at least she was Usagi again.
That was a good thing.
And then she turned to the mirror.
It was a broken sob that filled Usagi Tsukino's room that
morning when the birds were just starting to come out and twitter, and
the moon was finally lost from the night sky.
On the other side of Tokyo, far from the broken sobs of one
Champion of Justice, there were three friends and a cat severely
worried. And wondering what the heck was going on with their best
friend that she wouldn't tell them.
"I don't get it Luna! Where did Usagi get that much power?"
Rei paced restlessly up and down the floor. They had been sitting
wondering about the sudden changes in their companion for the past hour
when Rei had finally decided to blurt that out.
"I don't know, I'm sorry. That was totally unexpected. But as
the right hand to the Princess it is understandable that she would have
some sort of power. It's that silver light she released that's
worrying me."
Makoto spoke up, wringing her hands together impatiently,
"Could it be that the spirit of the Princess is somewhere, but she
can't find us, so she's using Usagi's body as some sort of a medium?"
"It's possible, but if the Princess wanted to find us, in all
probability she would have already."
Ami looked around, wondering if the other two had felt the jolt
of power from the white light that she had. It had been an odd
experience, seeing Usagi be so powerful. It was obvious that the blond
didn't enjoy saving the world at all. Usagi had always liked life, not
killing, so it was understandable why she would be so adamant against
being Sailormoon and…
"I think I know what's wrong."
All heads turned towards the quiet, shy, blue haired girl
sitting in the corner. She hadn't said much of a word since she had
entered, and know she knew? But it was Ami, and Ami was a genius after
all.
"Spill."
Ami took a breath, "Well, Usagi's never liked being Sailormoon.
That much is obvious. At first I thought it was because of the
responsibilities of the job, but I think that she's been able to handle
them well, so I began wondering what the problem was now. Then it
struck me, Usagi is a really peaceful person, she doesn't like having
to hurt people. That's why she doesn't like being Sailormoon."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Don't you get it? Since Usagi doesn't like being Sailormoon,
she probably feels like she's been forced into the position. And then
that bright light made me think, what if, hypothetically of course, the
Princess has always been… Usagi?"
Rei gaped, Makoto swore, and Luna just rambled off of how that
couldn't even be possible.
"But it is, don't you see? Rei just commented on how strange
it was that Usagi suddenly had this much power, and the whole
hair-changing thing was just weird. It was something that Usagi would
never do. She always felt that her hairstyle was unique. And well…
what if it wasn't unique anymore?"
"Then… then she would change it. So that she could feel unique
again…" Makoto murmured.
"Exactly. And have you been over to her house lately? The
girl has so much foundation and powder it's scary. And that's all the
make up she has. Maybe she's trying to hide something on her face,
something like a…"
"Like a crescent moon. God, I can't believe I'm so stupid!"
"It's an identity crisis." Makoto decided.
"Exactly! She has three parts to her, Usagi, Sailormoon, and
the Princess. And we don't accept either of the first two, so the
reason why she didn't tell us about her being the Princess is because…"
"Because she didn't think that we'd accept her as the
princess." Rei gasped, her hand flying to her mouth.
"So… what do we do?"
"Nothing," Ami said sadly, "She has to figure this out for
herself."
Her hair was silver. Silver. What kind of fourteen-year-old
had silver hair? Something was drastically and horribly wrong. And no
matter what she did to the stupid crescent moon on her forehead, it
wouldn't go away. She must have 10,000 layers of foundation on it and
it still shined, bright as day.
Stupid Wand. This never would have happened if the thing
hadn't worked in the first place. When it didn't work, she had to use
all of her power, meaning the Princess' power. Backfiring sucks.
What was she to do now? She couldn't exactly prance downstairs
and say 'Hi mom! Ya, I know I got a haircut yesterday, but now it's
long and silver! Cool huh?' Usagi rolled her eyes at that idea.
She'd have to come clean with her friends. Did she have much of a
choice? Would they accept her? Probably not. Could she run away for
a few days? Definitely not. The stupid people of this stupid town
depended on her as Sailormoon. Question is, would the youma notice
that her hair was silver now, too? Would the crescent moon show
through her tiara? If it did, then that would probably be really bad.
Zoisite would probably notice, and then she'd be doomed.
Her eyes lit upon her desk and she saw something that would
save her, the disguise pen. Would it work? Of course it would, she
amended. Right now she was the Princess, and if she said she wanted to
be Usagi, she would be, Blond hair and all.
She couldn't believe that she had never thought up the prospect
before when she had been ailing with the crescent moon. She had a
chance now. No one had to know.
"Moon Power! Change me into Usagi Tsukino!" A bright light and
a look in a mirror told Usagi what she had been fearing. The silver
hair and the glowing crescent moon was still there. No matter what she
did, what she tried, the Princess was Usagi Tsukino.
The ache had been in Mamoru's heart for the past week and a
half, but he had been able to mostly ignore it until today. Yesterday,
he had seen that bright light erupt from Sailormoon, had watched that
crescent moon glow, heard her being called Usagi…
He had tried to tell himself that the reason he didn't want
Usagi Tsukino to be Sailormoon was because she was a klutz, and an
airhead. But when he had realized that he had begun saying MY Usagi, a
fierce groan had ran throughout his apartment. Deep inside he knew
that the only reason that he didn't want Usagi to be Sailormoon was
because that meant that his protective instinct had always been towards
her. That his job as Tuxedo Kamen was meant to protect his Usagi.
The other bit about her being the Princess was as frightening
to him as the one before it. He didn't want to think that the woman he
had been obsessing over since he had been 16 was also the girl that he
teased just to see her face scrunch up adorably, that he watched walk
away. That he protected.
He was afraid that he had started to like Usagi more than just
a damsel in distress. And when you like someone, they might go away.
He knew what it was like to loose someone you love. To not
even remember them. It had taught him a lesson, loosing his parents.
You won't feel as much pain if you don't let anyone inside.
Mamoru thought that he hadn't, but then he had realized that
Usagi really is Sailormoon, that she really is the Princess from his
dreams that had kept him going for the past two years. And he had
realized that he cared for her more than he wanted to admit, more than
he had ever cared for anyone before.
It was that last thought that kept Mamoru from fully thinking
that Usagi was Sailormoon. It was the only way that he could protect
himself from getting himself hurt again. He knew that if she was
Sailormoon, then if he lost her, it would hurt more than not knowing
who his parents were, or realizing that he had lost them. It would
hurt so much more.
Usagi Tsukino was not the Moon Princess. Usagi Tsukino was not
Sailormoon. He did not love Usagi Tsukino.
He didn't know why he was here. He had told himself over and
over again that Usagi wasn't the Princess, and definitely wasn't
Sailormoon. But he just had to make sure. He didn't know how he would
do that, but he knew that if he could just watch her while she slept,
that somehow his heart would realize what his brain knew.
He could never love Usagi.
She lived on the second floor, but it didn't matter that much
to him. He had already climbed up into the tree and onto her balcony.
And now he was contemplating how he would explain to her what Mamoru
Chibi, enemy of her life, was doing in her room should she wake up.
He shrugged the thought off. She wouldn't wake up. He knew
that she valued her sleep far to much to sleep lightly. He'd bet that
she'd slept through a hurricane once.
He had stepped into her room expecting to hear a light snoring,
see her turned on her side dreaming away happily, with a pleasant
little smile on her face. Possibly wearing some bunny pajamas, and her
now short blond hair flowing around her.
What he saw had stopped all of his useless deceptions. Her
hair was long once more, when just two days ago it had been short. Not
only that, but it was silver, like the Princess in his dreams. It was
a beautiful silver though, and it glowed in the moonlight and made her
look more like a goddess than royalty.
If it had just been the hair, Mamoru could have kept his
deceptions working. But it wasn't just the hair. He had walked into a
Goddess' bedroom to see her forehead shining with a warm and loving
golden light. At closer inspection he could see that the golden light
was a crescent moon.
Usagi is the Moon Princess. She is the person who had been
haunting his dreams for as long as he cared to remember. His breath
became ragged. He didn't love Usagi… He didn't love Usagi…
Usagi opened her eyes and blinked a few times in disbelief
before finally grasping that yes, Mamoru was in her room, and yes, he
was staring at her as if she had grown three heads.
It appeared that he hadn't realized that she had awoken yet,
even though her sky blue eyes were currently searching his for an
answer to why he was here.
"Why are you here, Mamoru?" she finally asked.
"You're not the Moon Princess… Usagi is not the Moon Princess…"
she heard his shaky voice say in reply. How did he know who the Moon
Princess was? Was he in with the Dark Kingdom, or could he be..?
Oh god. Usagi felt her heart break even further as she
realized who her dreaded enemy, Mamoru Chiba really was. He was the
person who saved her at every battle, the person who she continuously
felt a fluttering in her stomach for. Who threw roses and declared
corny speeches. He was Tuxedo Kamen.
Her eyes began to tear up as she finally saw the only person
she had really REALLY needed to accept her deny that fact mercilessly.
Was she really so bad at everything that he couldn't begin to believe
that she really was the moon Princess? Well, it was Mamoru after all,
and he lived to see her mistakes. She blinked her eyes rapidly to keep
the tears from falling.
She had closed out most of his heart wrenching mumbling until
she caught one small bit, "I do not love Usagi… I can't love Usagi…"
It hurt even more now. She took in that he must have loved the
Moon Princess or Sailormoon, and now that he saw that SHE was both, he
just couldn't accept it. Not that she could blame him, she really
wasn't anything special. But since he loved the Moon Princess then…
then that must mean that he is the soul-mate that she had so dreaded
when she had first realized who she was. It couldn't be anyone else.
Before she could stop it a sob escaped from her throat and a
few tears began cascading down her cheeks. She scrubbed at her face.
Mamoru had been thrown out of his little reverie at that sound.
It intensified the ache in his chest he had been trying to deny. He
realized what he had been saying, what she must have heard. But why
was she crying? She didn't even like him, she should be happy that he
didn't love her. So why was she crying? And why did it hurt so much
to see her in pain?
"Usagi…" he murmured, trying to have her soul-saddening cries
stop, "Please stop crying…"
She looked up at him then and he caught the pain in her eyes
mixed with a bit of betrayal, "You… you loved the Moon Princess?"
He nodded blindly and silently pleaded with her to stop crying.
To stop looking so broken and hurt. He didn't know if he could stay
away from her if she kept doing that. And he knew that if he went to
console her then he really would be admitting that he loved Odango, and
that she was Sailormoon. And he would see that if she kept fighting as
Sailormoon, she could get hurt and die, and he would loose her. She
needed to stop crying, or else he would love her.
"I'm sorry that I d-disappointed you. I know th-that I don't
make the b-best Moon Princess. Y-you must hate it that a k-klutz like
me is the person that you loved…"
He saw the self pitying look, saw the blatant vulnerability.
He knew that if he didn't do something to comfort her now that he would
never have a chance to have her again. But he also knew what it was
like to get hurt, and he didn't want to get hurt.
"I can't love you, Usagi." He said finally, trying to make her
understand but knowing that he never could.
Another sob filled the air before she choked it back down, "I
d-don't blame you."
His heart began pounding at those words. He didn't know which
would be more painful for him, hurting her so badly or loosing her.
"Usagi…"
"I think th-that it would have been m-much better if Rei had
been the M-moon Princess. Then m-maybe you could be happy. Th-then
maybe y-you wouldn't b-be so d-disappointed…"
He realized it then, how utterly selfish he was being. She
only wanted him to be happy, and he was just crushing her happiness
beneath his foot. He wanted to love her so badly, but he couldn't.
She was so selfless, so utterly needing of everyone else to be happy,
even if she couldn't herself be. And he was selfish.
He went over to her then and gathered her into his arms and
began rocking her back and forth while her arms went around him and her
tears began soaking his shirt. "Please don't cry Usagi… I can't love
you, no matter how much I want to…" he told her quietly, trying to make
her realize that he couldn't have her.
"Why not?!" she asked pleadingly, "I-I know that I'm not the
Moon Princess you love, or Sailormoon who you protect. I can't be
them. That's why you can't love me…" she realized to herself, not
knowing how completely wrong she really was.
"I don't deserve you. You need so much better than me.
Someone who can love you as much as you love them. I can't love
anyone. Even if I want to."
"W-what? But you said you loved the Moon Princess."
"She was just a dream. I never knew that she was actually
real," he touched her forehead, "If she had been more, then I could
never have loved her."
"What about Sailormoon, did you love her?"
"I don't know. I might have, but I never knew who she was. It
was safe that way, until I learned…"
"Why can't you love anyone, Mamoru?" she asked pitifully.
"Because it would hurt to much to loose them." He whispered,
stroking her soft silver hair in the moonlight.
She kissed him then, her soft pink lips settling quietly over
his. Her arms went around his neck, holding him as tightly as she
could, every once in awhile running her hands through his hair. His
own arms grasped the small of her back as he earnestly replied.
He had finally comprehended at that point that no matter what
his head said about love and Usagi, his heart wasn't giving him a
choice. It never had.
As he nuzzled her neck, he finally felt something akin to
happiness. In his arms he was holding the three people he had ever
loved. The three people who had taught him love. And they were all
wrapped up in one wonderful, happy, selfless, gold and silver package.
"How do you know you love me, Usagi?" he questioned.
"I know it in my bones. Besides, there's not much I care to do
about it."
"Ah. I know the feeling."
At her euphoric and surprised expression he bent down and
whispered as he kissed her, "I think that Sailormoon and the Princess
enjoy being Usagi."
--------------
By the way, that was seventeen LONG pages of typing. Oy. I hope you
enjoyed it, it took me a good 13 days to write that. Geez. I tried as
hard as I could not to make the ending very corny, but I don't think it
worked as well as I hoped.
Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll work really hard on getting 'Amidst the
Armor Chapter Three' out as soon as possible!
Remember, E-mail is a good GOOD GOOD thing! Become a Mythical Muse!
E-mail Koneko!
3 Koneko
divinepheonix@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/fulltsuki