A/N: This is just a short Crackfic I wrote when I was sitting in my Education lecture today, bored senseless. For some reason beyond me we were talking about kitchen appliances, and I laughed at imagining Atem in the kitchen trying to do simple modern day tasks. So this is what I created.

I think I need sleep.

It was mocking him.

It was sitting there, defiant, sardonic, and contemptuous.

Not a single thing he did broke its stubborn silence.

All he wanted was a can of baked beans for crying out loud.

He had woken up in the morning with the munchies. Yugi was still asleep, so he had quietly assumed control of his body and proceeded to rummage through the pantry to find something appetising.

The beans had been calling him.

So he had been preparing himself for a delicious breakfast of baked beans on toast, when he realised he had no idea how to open the can. A fork hadn't worked, neither had a knife, nor had his teeth when he lost patience and tried biting through it. All that achieved was a fat lip when his tooth slipped and he accidentally bit it.

An idea had flashed into his mind when he remembered Grandpa Solomon using a white enamelled contraption that made a loud groaning noise to open a can of some kind of vile purple sliced root.

After some more rummaging through the cupboards, he finally located the funny looking thing, and pulled it out, placing it on the bench.

Another staring contest ensued, while he tried to work out exactly what to do with the bulky white thing. He remembered Solomon holding the can at a strange angle underneath it, and then he had pressed the button on the top, causing it to emit its strange groaning. The can had then rotated of its own accord, and on completing a full loop had come clean from its assaulter, completely lid-free.

Yami tried to mimic this odd ritual, but when he pressed the button on the enamelled can opener, it remained silent.

It was mocking him on purpose.

So was the can.

Yami stared at the two tormentors, frustration building, and hunger forgotten. This was no longer a matter of breakfast; this was a matter of who could win in this game of stubbornness.

"I could send you both straight to the Shadow Realm," Yami said menacingly to the can and its opener, "and you would never be able to return. Then who would be the winner? You are a lowly opponent."

No response from his oppressors.

Yami growled and picked up the baked beans, glaring at the bright green and orange label.

"I am a King!" He said regally, "and you will not defeat me!"

"Yugi? What's going on?"

Yami jumped as a dishevelled Solomon trudged down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Grandpa," Yami said. "I felt like some baked beans, but I'm being challenged by the can and the strange white thing."

Solomon looked from the can in Yami's hand and the opener lying sideways on the bench.

He sighed. "Hello, Yami. Is Yugi asleep?"

Yami frowned a little. "Yes. How did you know?"

"Because," Solomon replied, "Yugi knows that you have to plug in the can opener in order for it to work."

Yami stared at the white thing in disbelief.

"And," Solomon continued, "he also knows that you don't need a can opener for baked beans, because you use the key on top of the can."

Yami glared at the strangely shaped appendage on top of the can.

Surely it has not defeated me! I am the King of Games! I can't be defeated.

Solomon grinned cheekily.

"You might have been the ruler of all Egypt," he said teasingly, "but you are definitely not the ruler of the kitchen."

A/N: Hur durr.