It goes against everything I've ever learnt, everything I've ever been told about life. It goes against my religion and my father.
I think that's what hurts the most, even as I seal my lips over my sweet younger brothers, I can't help but wonder, how would he react, If we went to him, if we just went up to him one day and told him everything.
He'd probably have a stroke.
I can't believe in God anymore, how can I believe in him when he says that the touch of my brother's hand on my cock, the feel of him coming hard down my throat with a scream, the kisses that we share in passionate nights away from what we are supposed to be, are wrong.
But he does, and I- I refuse to believe it, refuse to believe in any man woman or God that says that doing something that feels so good to someone whom you love so much can be wrong.
He may be right, I just don't know anymore. For all I can tell, the words of the world are true, for all I know we are twisted and disgusting, with our tender kisses, and teasing touches that escalate far above the normal ranks of brotherly love.
I don't often feel safe anymore, not since our first night.
If people find out what will they think, what will they say.
I've come home crying many a night, but he holds close, he makes me feel safe, he wraps me in warm arms and allows me to sob into his chest until all the tears are gone and I can't cry anymore, and then...
Oh God, and then- the way he replaces those black thoughts, with light of the most shimmering, escalating pleasure, and a solace I can only find buried when I'm deep inside him.
Buried inside my younger brother-
-my lover-
-my Todd.