Title: Catch You When You Fall
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: An alternate version of the events from episode 2x21 on. Spoilers obviously.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Something about it just felt surreal.
As Kahlan fought off one Mord'Sith after another, she was acutely aware of the action happening just a few yards away. She tried to focus on her own part of the battle, but she felt a knot in her stomach just knowing that Richard and Cara were fighting. Each time she caught a flash of them out of the corner of her eye, that knot tightened. Kahlan had become accustomed to fighting side by side with Cara; they'd saved each other's lives more times than either of them could count. She'd gotten so used to that feeling of certainty, the confidence that came from knowing Cara was watching her back. It was a feeling she'd barely even noticed until it was gone. And now, this woman she'd come to depend on was on the opposite side of the fight.
For that reason, she almost felt relieved when Cara immediately went after Richard. It meant that Kahlan just had to focus on the half a dozen other Mord'Sith attacking them. None of them were as formidable as Cara, but they had her style: swift strikes to her midsection that she had to block rather than dodge. Unlike Cara, however, they were hesitant to be within an arm's length of the Mother Confessor for more than a few moments, so they quickly retreated where Cara would have pressed her. Kahlan almost smiled; even other Mord'Sith didn't have Cara's cockiness. On any other day, it would have made them easy to dispatch, but today Kahlan found herself preoccupied. A dark-haired Mord'Sith, probably thinking she'd be more comfortable fighting the Seeker, went to attack Richard from behind. Instinctively, Kahlan threw one of her daggers and hit the woman squarely in the chest. At least that meant one less attacker, but it also meant one less dagger to fight them off with. It also gave her a good look at how the other fight was going.
She could see that Richard was holding back, probably struggling with the same feelings Kahlan was having. To her surprise, though, it seemed as if Cara was holding back as well. She told herself that the blond was probably just taunting Richard, knowing that he wouldn't be able to fight her in earnest. It was something very much like Cara to do. Still, a faint whisper of hope kept creeping into the back of her mind, telling her that Cara might be just as hesitant to kill them as they were to kill her. Kahlan ignored it and steeled herself for the fight, focusing solely on the task in front of her. She thought of how Cara would scoff at this foolish sentimentality. She'd probably roll her eyes and talk about how Mord'Sith train to control their emotions, to draw strength from what they could and dismiss anything that made them weak. Kahlan had once insisted that her emotions made her strong, but now even she was aware that they only made her distracted.
The next time she got a glimpse of her friends, she could tell they were both getting more aggressive, holding back less and less with each blow. This time, however, she channeled her concern into anger, just the way Cara had taught her. As the Mord'Sith renewed their attack, she thought of the exasperated sigh Cara gave when she thought they were moving too slowly, the way she tossed her head back when she'd given up on reasoning with them, the irritated stare she used when she was feeling something she couldn't quite put a name to. Kahlan's anger grew with the weight of all she had lost, all that had been stolen from her so quickly, and she used it to take out the Mord'Sith one by one, until only the thief herself remained.
Dahlia.
Kahlan had known she was trouble from the moment Richard spotted her, even if she couldn't know exactly what kind. Her natural reaction to Mord'Sith was mistrust, and she hadn't had many reasons over the years to suppress that instinct. Really, just the one. The fact that this Mord'Sith was travelling alone certainly didn't help. She wasn't concealing herself well enough to be a scout, and, since she was following them, an ambush seemed unlikely. Still, her looming presence set the Mother Confessor's teeth on edge. By the time they finally found a suitable spot to set their trap, Kahlan's hands shook with anticipation, so she gripped her daggers tightly as she waited behind a nearby tree. Unfortunately, catching this Mord'Sith only made matters worse.
"Dahlia?" For perhaps the first time since she'd known her, Cara backed down without being ordered. That fact alone told Kahlan that lowering her dagger was ill-advised.
The way Cara looked at her, how she said her name, how they spoke to each other in a tone that seemed at once adversarial and familiar, even the fact that this woman didn't once reach for her weapon; all of it felt wrong somehow. Although the Mother Confessor had often resented her passive ability to read people, at this moment she would have given her right arm to be able to glean anything from either of the women standing in front of her. The smug grin on Dahlia's face certainly didn't help matters any. The two of them started talking about "the true Lord Rahl," which seemed a very Mord'Sith thing to do. Although Kahlan had come to understand and even appreciate much about Cara's worldview, she'd never been able to stand the way she constantly referred to Richard as "the Lord Rahl."
"I'm not talking about Darken Rahl, or the Seeker." Kahlan almost wanted to take issue with the contemptuous tone of that last part, but before she could even think of it, Dahlia's next words caught her attention: "I'm talking about your son."
Cara had a son. Kahlan waited a moment for a denial, an explanation, at the very least, an irritated sigh, but Cara just stared. She hoped that she had misheard, or perhaps this was something they'd known all along, and she'd just momentarily forgotten. Cara rarely spoke about her time as a Mord'Sith under Darken Rahl, and the rest of them had been wary of asking her about it, but surely something like this would have come up somehow. Kahlan suddenly felt vaguely dizzy. She looked from Cara to Richard and Zedd, just trying to regain her bearings. Luckily, Richard managed to ask if it was true. Cara was immediately defensive, insisting that it was unimportant.
When she finally confirmed it, that she'd had a son fathered by Darken Rahl, Kahlan was surprised most by her own reaction. She'd expected to feel angry, confused, even sickened, but seeing Cara's defeated posture as her secret was revealed, all Kahlan wanted to do was grab her friend in her arms and comfort her. Of course, Cara would have none of it. She'd barely reached her hand out before Cara slapped it away, insisting that it had been "an honor to be chosen by Lord Rahl." Kahlan could scarcely remember ever feeling this helpless. She couldn't comfort her friend, couldn't discern what this woman was up to; all she could do was watch.
After they'd heard Dahlia's story of what had happened to the boy, the four of them walked just out of earshot to discuss what they should do. As usual, Cara said it was a trap meant to distract them. There was something that Cara seemed almost afraid to say, but Kahlan had no idea what it was. She only knew that for some reason, Dahlia and Cara kept stealing glances at each other. When she asked if they could really trust her, all Cara would say was that they'd known each other since they were little girls, which was probably as close to an affirmative answer as she ever got with questions of that sort. Cara saw traps and treachery everywhere, so if she'd had the slightest inkling that this woman was lying, she would have said so. Kahlan tried to take comfort in that.
Richard decided they would go with his usual strategy of hoping for the best. He tended to think that they'd be able to find their way out of any trap they fell into, and, for the most part, he'd been right. Zedd and Cara would go with Dahlia to rescue the boy while Kahlan and Richard continued searching for the stone. No one, save for Dahlia, seemed particularly happy with this plan, a fact which Kahlan found thoroughly disquieting. Splitting up made them all vulnerable. Still, this was the plan they had, and discussing it further would only put both their goals in jeopardy.
Before they parted, Kahlan reached out to touch Cara's arm once again; this time the other woman accepted it. There was something she wanted to say so badly it burned in her chest, but she didn't quite know what it was and they probably didn't have time for it anyway. Instead, she squeezed her friend's hand and gave her what she hoped was a reassuring smile before turning to go in the other direction. As she caught up with Richard, she privately convinced herself that everything was going to work out.
Kahlan hated that she'd allowed herself to be so foolishly optimistic. She hated that this woman had betrayed Cara's trust and that she had been unable to stop it. As Dahlia prepared to attack, wearing the same smug grin she'd had that first meeting, Kahlan felt the fog of concern for her friends melt away. Whatever was happening with Richard and Cara was ancillary; in this moment, Kahlan knew exactly what she needed to be doing. This woman had used Cara's son to steal her away from them, she'd delivered her to Darken Rahl and allowed her to be tortured and broken, and now she had the audacity to show up here, fighting at Cara's side like a sister. There was only one response worthy of someone like that.
In a single, fluid movement she deflected Dahlia's agiel and used her free hand to grasp the Mord'Sith's newly undefended neck. Kahlan felt the familiar ripple in the air and the subtle vertigo that set in as her irises blackened. Usually, she felt a slight twinge of guilt when using her Confessor's power, but not this time. Behind her, she could just make out Cara's muffled cry, followed by the crack of steel against skull. Richard had knocked her out. It was probably for the best; she didn't need to watch this.
As her eyes cleared, she heard Richard's defeated voice. "She destroyed the compass. It's completely useless." Looking at the woman in front of her, Kahlan made a silent prayer to the spirits that, even if it was too late to save Cara, it wasn't too late to save their quest.
Dahlia's eyes fluttered wildly as the pain of confession set in. "I'm sorry, mistress. I'm so sorry."
"Where is Darken Rahl taking the Stone of Tears?" Dahlia didn't respond, instead looking around wildly and muttering apologies, so Kahlan softened her tone. She held Dahlia's face in her hands, forcing her to make eye contact. "Dahlia, if you're going to serve me, you must do it quickly. Where is Darken Rahl taking the Stone of Tears?"
"I don't know, mistress. I'm so sorry, I should have stopped him. What he did to her…" She was now looking at Cara who was sprawled out on the ground nearby. "I shouldn't have let him do it."
"What did he do, Dahlia?"
"I just wanted her back. I wanted–"
"Tell me what he did!" Kahlan knew her words were more forceful than they needed to be, but Dahlia didn't have much time left.
"She wasn't breaking. He tried everything. He's broken even the strongest Mord'Sith with half that, but she just laughed at him." Kahlan had to suppress a smile at the thought of it. She felt a swell of something like pride, knowing that Cara had fought so hard to come back to them. "He was running out of time and the Sisters of the Dark found us, so he made a deal with them. They cursed his agiel, infused it with all the suffering of souls Cara had tortured or killed."
"All of it?" Kahlan dropped her hands and stepped away in shock. Even the quickest death from an agiel was an excruciating experience. In the months they'd travelled together she'd seen Cara kill more people than she could hope to count and Cara had been a Mord'Sith for probably 15 years before that. Kahlan couldn't even fathom that much pain existing at one time, being inflicted on one person.
"It was wrong; that's not the way Mord'Sith are trained." Dahlia's breathing became labored and she could barely keep her head up; Kahlan knew it wouldn't be much longer. "I should have stopped him. I should have left with her, but I was afraid. I beg of you, mistress, forgive me."
With that, Dahlia collapsed at Kahlan's feet. Seeing the life drained from her eyes didn't give Kahlan quite the satisfaction she'd been expecting; instead she felt a delayed but familiar twinge of guilt. She turned around to see Richard with his jaw clenched, looking equal parts angry and horrified. "We need the stone."
"Maybe Cara knows." Kahlan felt her throat catch and her mouth dry up, as if her whole being were trying to stop her from saying this next part, but she knew she had to. Richard would never propose it, and, as much as it killed her, it was by far their most expedient option. "I would have to confess her to find out."
A part of her was relieved to see Richard fervently shaking his head, dismissing the idea before she'd even finished saying it. All the other parts were concerned, because they still hadn't thought of a better plan. Richard, for his part, seemed to be lost in his thoughts for several long moments before he finally broke the silence. "I never should have told her to go."
"It's not your fault. No one could have seen this coming." Richard, Kahlan, and Zedd spent the first night after Cara's betrayal taking turns blaming themselves for the whole mess. Zedd should have been more wary of Dahlia; he should have been more helpful when they were ambushed. Richard shouldn't have told her to go or he should have gone with her or he should have let finding her son be the one task they put off until after they saved the world. Kahlan should have seen the trap they were walking into, so they wouldn't have been stuck in that damn valley while Cara was being broken; perhaps more useful still would have been just confessing the Mord'Sith who had baited the trap.
They'd each state their reasons and the other two would respond dutifully with affirmations of "you did all you could" and "you couldn't have known." It was a silly ritual, and they all realized that it was wasting time they didn't have. Still, it had been some comfort to them, or rather all but one of them.
As badly as Kahlan had wanted to be able to read the two Mord'Sith days earlier, she wanted to be able to stop reading Richard and Zedd even more. The things they said, but Kahlan could sense the lies in them just as easily as she could feel the ones dripping from her own lips. Kahlan wanted to put those thoughts out of her mind, but each time she looked into her companions' eyes, she saw the same fears reflected back at her: how they'd all decided, in their own way and for their own reasons, that finding that child was worth risking their friend; how, even in suspecting a trap, none of them recognized that it could be for Cara. On some level, consciously or not, they had all believed Cara wasn't important enough, and because of it they'd lost her.
"There was nothing any of us could have done." She hoped she sounded certain of herself, and if either of them had heard the affectation in her voice, neither one acknowledged it. Perhaps she was a better liar than she thought. "We should all get some rest. I'll take the first watch."
She was up and walking the perimeter of their campsite before either of them could protest. It wasn't long before Kahlan heard the comforting rhythm of Zedd's snoring. She found a fallen tree to sit on and catch her breath for a moment. She felt as though a dam had broken in her mind, flooding her with thoughts of what the next few days might hold. Before she even realized what was happening, she was gasping for breath, her face wet with tears.
"Stop." She commanded herself to control her emotions. That single moment of release had felt better than she'd expected, but it was still a waste of time. "Stop that right now." She took deep breaths, long and slow, until she felt the ache in her chest dissipate. She found herself staring absently at the clear night sky. It felt somehow inappropriate that the stars should be shining on a night when everything else was so wrong.
"Kahlan?" She scrambled to wipe her face as she scolded herself for allowing Richard to sneak up on her like that.
"You should be sleeping. We have much to do tomorrow."
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Richard sat down next to her, but she looked to her other side.
"I'll be fine." Kahlan knew that her refusal to meet his eyes was only encouraging his suspicions, but she also knew that looking at him would confirm them.
"We will figure this out. I promise you." Normally Kahlan would take solace in Richard's certainty, but in that moment all she could see were obstacles, the million and one ways that they could fail and the thing she knew she'd have to do if they did. She knew Richard wasn't thinking about that. She hated having doubts about him, but it was easier to have faith when someone else was there to be the skeptic. She hadn't even realized till this moment just how nice it had been for the past year to have Cara for that.
"I know we will. I trust you." For the second time that night, she knew she was lying to him and he either didn't notice or chose not to comment. Instead, he put his arm around her and held her while she rested her head on his shoulder.
"We will fix this." This time, Kahlan closed her eyes and forced herself to let Richard's words allay her doubts. He was so calm, so certain, that it was almost hard not to find his words comforting. "Whatever he's planning, we'll stop him."
"We'll stop him." Richard was livid. "I'll kill him myself this time."
Now, Kahlan found his certainty more irritating than anything else. "We have to find him first. Even if we do, we don't know how many Mord'Sith he has defending him. Not to mention, if he's in league with the Sisters of the Dark–"
"I don't care." Richard was taking deep breaths, but they didn't seem to be calming him down. "I'm sorry." Kahlan knew he didn't like hearing this any more than she liked saying it, but it was the reality they had to face.
"She'll be awake soon." Kahlan hoped changing the subject would calm them both down. Richard must not have hit her particularly hard, because the blond Mord'Sith was already stirring. "We can't just leave her there. When she wakes up, she might try to kill us again." Richard only nodded in acknowledgement. Wordlessly, they dragged Cara to a nearby tree and tied her to it. Zedd arrived just as they were finishing up. While Kahlan explained to him what Dahlia had said, Richard made certain Cara's ropes were secure.
"You know what you have to do, Richard." Cara was not very much awake, and, in spite of her words, looking directly at Kahlan. "But we both know you don't have the stomach for it."
"I'll need to examine her to know the extent of the magic they used." Richard and Kahlan instinctively stepped back while Zedd passed his hand over Cara's neck and the side of her face. Swirls of black smoke appeared on her skin along with a subtle glow of orange, as if there were a fire burning just below the surface. For the first time since they'd known her, Cara seemed to be feeling a pain she couldn't control. "The curse on that agiel must have been very powerful; the residual magic is still clinging to her."
"Can you undo it?" Richard tried unsuccessfully to mask the hope and desperation in his voice. Kahlan couldn't begrudge him that; they all needed this to be something they could fix, preferably within the next few hours and without Cara dying in the process.
"I can remove the residual magic, but there's no telling if that will fix anything. Breaking a Mord'Sith is as much psychological as it is physical." Seeing the look in Richard's eyes, Zedd softened. "That being said, it certainly couldn't hurt to try."
As Zedd drew the runes for his spell in front of her, Cara refused to shift her gaze from Kahlan. "You're really going to trust the Wizard to fix me, Mother Confessor? You of all people should know that there's only one type of magic that can fix a Mord'Sith, and it's yours. Didn't you say you wouldn't hesitate to kill me if I ever turned on Richard?" Richard instinctively stepped between them, though it was unclear whether it was to protect Kahlan from Cara's words or Cara from Kahlan's touch. "I think I managed my part rather spectacularly. Are you really going to let the Seeker keep you from yours?"
Zedd cleared his throat. "The spell is ready."
If nothing else, that announcement got Cara to stop talking. As Zedd chanted over the runes, Cara seemed at first like she was going to throw up. After a few moments, her eyes glowed orange as black smoke seemed to be rushing out of every pore in her body and into the ground. Once all the smoke had cleared, she hung limply from the tree, gasping for air. When she finally managed to lift her head, her eyes darted around wildly.
Richard was the first to approach her. "Cara, are you okay?" Her eyes fixed on him as he stepped closer, but she remained silent. He was just within an arm's reach of her when Kahlan noticed the smirk on her face.
"Richard, don't!" It was too late, though. Cara had managed to get one of her hands loose and she used it to grab him by the collar and pull him in for a head butt. As he scrambled to get to his feet, Kahlan managed to retie Cara's free hand.
"I don't understand. Why isn't she back to normal?"
Zedd passed his hand over Cara again to no effect. "The spell worked, the magic from the cursed agiel is gone. It's like I said before, my boy, we took away the pain, but her mind is still broken."
"Can it be fixed?" Kahlan realized that now she was the one sounding desperately hopeful, but she didn't care.
"I don't know. Even if there is a way, I don't know that we have time to find it."
"Zedd, she would have done anything for me, for us. Rahl did this to her, and there is a way for us to undo it."
"My boy, we just don't have time." Richard took a long moment to process this. Kahlan and Zedd were at a loss; they'd both become so accustomed to following Richard's plans, believing in his judgments and decisions, but now he was refusing to make any.
The silence was finally broken by Cara laughing behind them. "The three of you really are pathetic. You could find out exactly where Darken Rahl is and exactly what he's planning in under a minute, but you'd all rather whimper like spineless children."
That was all that Kahlan needed to hear. She was taunting them, as she had been from the moment she'd shown up to ambush them, but there was just a hint of something else in her voice. For the first time in days, Kahlan felt that glimmer of hope and let the feeling wash over her. "Richard, you and Zedd should go."
"What? Kahlan–"
"Rahl thinks you're out of the way, which means he'll be careless. You can track him and then Zedd can leave a trail for me to follow. There's a town maybe a day's walk from here. We can get horses and catch up with you."
"Kahlan–"
"We need to get the stone back and we need Cara on our side. This is the way to get both."
"I'm not leaving you alone."
"I won't be alone." Kahlan couldn't stop the smile from breaking out across her face. "She's in there, Richard. I can feel it, and I can get through to her; I just need some time."
"You can't read a Mord'Sith."
"I don't have to. I know Cara, and she's in there. Please, Richard, you just have to trust me." He didn't need to say anything; she could tell that he'd agreed to it before she'd even finished talking. They said their goodbyes and Kahlan turned to face her friend while Richard and Zedd set off to in the other direction. This time, she smiled only to herself, feeling somehow certain that everything would work out.