A/N: Another "Star Trek" story I found on my hard drive. :) It was originally written under the pen name of Roisin Fraser, for Jungle Kitty's "Small Things" challenge in 2001. All original content (c) 2001-2010 by Aliset
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Disclaimer: Yep, Paramount/ViaBorg owns 'em. They don't own the creative content of this story. Neener, neener.
Ratings: TOS, G.
The Flame
The flame casts its flickering light upon me, but I am unaccountably chilled. Today the reenlistment documents arrived; I signed them and sent them back. Even had I wished to leave Starfleet, where else could I have gone? My home is here, with these people, on this ship. There is no other home for me now.
I abandon my attempts at meditation, and my gaze focuses instead on the firepot beast in the corner. It was the only thing I took with me from my father's house, besides the clothes on my back. My father had recently given the firepot to me, and it was this ceramic figure, symbol of a long-forgotten god, that sparked our estrangement. Why I kept it, when I am an outcast from my father's house, I cannot answer.
Every Vulcan, upon leaving home, is given a firepot beast; it is both a symbol of our past and a symbol of our present reality, for it is with its flame that we focus our minds for meditation. My father had received news of my acceptance to the Vulcan Science Academy; it was therefore logical to assume I would be leaving home. And so I would be, but not where he thought.
I do not remember when the idea of joining Starfleet first crossed my mind. I can only say that I realized by the time I was sixteen Standard years old that I could not remain on Vulcan and be known as anything other than Sarek's half-breed son. So I applied to Starfleet on my own, rationalizing that the opportunities for scientific research were far greater there than they would be at the VSA. And although this proved true, it was a rationalization. I wanted only to know who I was, among people who neither knew nor cared that I was an ambassador's son. And Starfleet seemed the logical place to find out.
I had just received my letter of acceptance when my father gave the firepot beast to me.
He had blessed it according to the ancient rites, and had lit its first flame, an obeisance for a god we no longer worshiped. Then came the question that chilled my spine, Vulcan-trained though I was. "Do you wish it shipped to your room at the VSA, or will you bring it yourself?"
I willed calm upon my mind, and was surprised to find that I could speak in a tone that matched my father's flat delivery. "There is no necessity, Father." I took a deep breath. "I am not going to the VSA."
Sarek raised an eyebrow. "Certainly not tonight; it would be most unseemly. Perhaps tomorrow?"
Only later did I wonder if it had been willful misunderstanding on his part. "No, Father. I am not going to the VSA tomorrow, not ever. I have applied and been accepted to Starfleet Academy. I will begin classes there in 2.1 weeks."
My father's eyes, darker than my own, turned to black ice as I watched. "Starfleet. You will be ordered to kill, required to murder. What of your oath?"
That burned like the flame in the firepot beast. I had just sworn an oath not to kill. "I will begin in the Life Sciences division. I will be a scientist, Father."
His eyebrow went up again. "And you think the two roles of murderer and scientist will not ever cross? That you will not be ordered to kill in the name of the organization which trains you to be a scientist?"
Sarek stared hard at me, and from somewhere, I found the strength to stare back. Finding no change in my decision, his voice hardened into a tone which caused Tellarites to flee. He had never spoken so to me, until now. "You have sworn the oath as adult to this House. If you persist in this obstinacy, you will be Outcast."
My father stalked from the room then. I have not seen him since, but the firepot beast I took with me.
THE END