Do you think I don't know that?

The thought had passed through my head more times than I can count.

Do you think I haven't noticed? Do you think i'm in denial? Because i'm not. I'm not in denial, I just haven't given up hope.

He had the most clear eyes you could imagine. They looked just like the sky, and they seemed to sparkle when they saw me. His pelt was dark grey. But I didn't fall in love with him because of how he looked.

You wouldn't know at first, but he was a caring cat. He would do anything in his power to help you if you were hurt or sick. He wasn't a medicine cat; he was too snappy. He loved to hunt, and he didn't like being with other cats most of the time.

We were apprentices for two moons together before he became a warrior. He ignored me for one and a half moons. Then, he opened up, just a bit, to me.

"Wouldn't it be great to be able to touch the sky?" He told me. It had been late at night, and after I saw him stargazing I joined him. Before he meowed to me, a long period of silence had been between us. It had been just me and him, and I replay that memory in my mind almost six times a day.

"To be able to have stars on you paws?" He continued. This, at first, had struck me as weird. Then, later as I thought about it, I was just happy that he trusted me enough to tell me this sort of thing. I had nodded at him, and he had given me a small smile.

Would you believe me if I had said that this memory is the only special one about him and I?

He died one moon after his warrior ceremony. It had been at battle between one of the other Clans over a stretch of land.

How stupid that seemed now.

We had won, but I felt as if I were about to die. My claws had dried blood on them, and white fur had been between my claws. He had been attacked by two cats, one black and one white. He had been a good fighter, but not good enough to take on two cats.

My world had fallen apart. We were still at camp, he was laying down in the clearing. His grey fur had been neatly groomed, his blue eyes closed, never to open again, and the sight of him had been more than enough to break me.

He had been a good warrior, he was a good cat, he was still young! Why did he have to die? Why did he have to die over a stupid piece of land? Why had it have to have been him?

Why was it me who was this affected?

It took two moons to get me out of my depression.

"You used to be so cheery! Why are you sad now?" Cats have asked me. I would always answer the same thing.

"He was gone."

It took a quarter moon for anyone to find out who 'he' was.

Now, I am the deputy of my Clan. His death had affected me badly, but one part of my mind had been telling me to move on, to be happy again.

There was days when I couldn't go outside, no matter how much I wanted to.

"He's dead. He's not coming back."

The sky had been too much of a painful reminder of him.

"You need to go outside more! And more isn't for only five seconds. You two weren't even close!"

I would not go outside until the sky had darkened.

"Move on! I know it's hard, but it has been two moons!"

They all thought I was in denial. I had told them that one day, I would meet him again. I would see his beautiful eyes, and they would sparkle for me. He would greet me, and nuzzle me. Like he did one time.

Okay, so two special memories of us.

I still await the day I see him again.

And when I saw him while getting my nine lives, saw his eyes, saw his grey fur, I felt happiness like no other.