Hey, sorry it's not up at 5 in the morning, it's storming here and I had to
turn off my computer for a while.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine. I am an insane psycho freak with a weird obsession with nearly every boy in Potterverse. J.K. Rowling is the genius for whom I kiss the ground she walks on. The only thing I own is my insanity and Morgan Anderson.
* * *
"Hey, Remus."
Remus rolled his eyes and tried to finish his Potions essay.
"Hey, Remus."
Remus sighed lightly with annoyance and kept writing.
Morgan grinned evilly. She looked at Sirius and told him with her eyes what she was about to do. When she had her back turned, he fumed.
"Remmy," Morgan breathed lightly into his ear.
James and Peter could not fail to see the shudder that rippled through Remus when Morgan did that. After all, Morgan was very attractive and on James's list, she tied with Lily Evans.
She had long raven hair, silky to the touch, fluffy in appearance; and a love for pranks. She had been friends with Sirius and James longer than anyone could remember. She had many older siblings and her parents were slightly abusive because she wasn't a Slytherin. Her sisters Jelanda, Phanna, and Kinsey always sneered at her when she passed them at home and Nathaniel made her life a living hell. They had all graduated, so there were no restrictions to break about hexing Morgan at every chance they got.
Morgan had met Sirius one day when her father dragged her to a business meeting with him to stop her sisters and Nathaniel from killing her. They had instantly hit it off as friends, and Sirius had introduced James, whose identical love for Quidditch ensured that their friendship would hold together off that, if nothing else.
But what was really intriging about Morgan Anderson was her eyes. Her eyes were steel blue, cold as ice and dark as a chasm. But when she was around James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, the darkness disappeared and was replaced with a kind of childlike innocence.
"Remmy, Remmy, Remmy," she murmured, her lips brushing Remus's ear as her fingers trailed up his arm.
Sirius was blushing with fury now. Why did Remus always get the girls? First Evans asks him out, now Morgan was practically inviting him to shag her and he didn't take it! Sirius wondered how many times Remus had been dropped on his head as a baby.
James and Peter, on the other hand, were turning purple as they tried to keep their laughter bottled up. They were clutching their sides and were doubled over in silent giggles.
"Remmy," Morgan continued in that soft, silky voice. "I want you to do a favor for me."
Remus gulped nervously and, without looking up, said, "Yes?"
"I want you..." she purred, "...to come to the library with me!" Then she pulled back and giggled.
Remus blushed furiously and could've kicked himself for being so stupid. Of COURSE Morgan was tricking him, that's what she did!
'Plus, she likes Sirius,' he thought as he gathered the Sleeping Draught essay for Potions and his quill and ink.
"Guys, I've got a great idea for a prank, meet me in the Potions section of the library," Morgan said, smiling at Remus. Then, in the true Morgan fashion, she randomly grabbed one of the boys' arms and exited the common room with him.
"How long d'you think it'll be before he tries to shag her?" James joked.
Remus didn't reply, shoved all his things into his school bag, and hurridly left the common room.
James looked at Peter questioningly. Both boys shrugged and followed.
"What's up, Remus?" Peter asked. (A/N: DIE WORMTAIL DIE DIE DIE!)
"Yeah, Remmy, what's on your mind?" James asked, waving at Lily Evans as they passed.
Lily looked horrified and ran up the stairs away from them.
"It's nothing, I'm okay," Remus muttered, pushing open the door to the library.
* * *
That night, they were the last ones in the common room again. As long as they didn't make too much noise, they could stay there all night and no one would know.
"You're bloody brilliant, Pawsly!" Sirius exclaimed.
Remus shot him A Look that said, "Shut your fat mouth or you'll get us kicked out!"
Morgan grinned and pretended to blush and said, "Aww, stoppit Padfoot, you're embarrassing me."
"Yeah, it may be brilliant, but how are we gonna pull it off?" James asked seriously, biting the head off a Chocolate Frog.
Morgan shrugged. "Who knows? I just come up with the plans, you and Remmy are the ones who set it up."
"Yeah, cuz Moony's a genius!" Sirius yelled.
"Padfoot, shut up!" Remus, James, Morgan, and Peter yelled.
Sirius just closed his eyes and hummed what sounded like, "Toothpaste land, toothpaste land, where ducks run free and cheese is grand!"
Morgan laughed softly and said to James, "Are you sure he's really sixteen?"
James shrugged casually and said, "Dunno, seeing as how he's got the IQ of a particularly retarded flobberworm, it's hard to tell if he's making that stuff up or if he really is insane."
"Trust me," Remus said. "He's insane."
Sirius choked on air when he realized what Remus and James had said.
"Hey!" he shouted. "I resent that!"
"Sirius, shh!" Morgan hissed.
Sirius leaned back against the couch and muttered angrily about being compared to a flobberworm. And a retarded one at that.
"What time is it?" Peter asked sleepily.
"Honestly, Wormtail, you're actually tired?" James asked, looking at his watch. "It's only one-thirty, the night is young."
"Well I didn't get any sleep last night!" Peter replied.
"You liar, you chickened out of the prank and got four hours," Remus muttered.
"Four hours isn't a lot!"
"Are you kidding?" Morgan laughed. "It's plenty of time! It's too much time!"
"Shut up, Morgan, we all know you only need an hour," Peter said irritably. "Us normal people--" He looked at Sirius-- "and Padfoot need at least eight!"
"Hey! I'm normal!" Sirius interjected, sitting up angrily.
"Sirius, no normal person can get detention before you're even assigned a House, get attacked by the giant squid, almost kill the train conductor, and blow up seven prefects' trunks before we even get to Hogwarts," Morgan monotoned.
"Hey, the conductor just passed out--"
"From Sirius's singing," Remus snickered.
"--I had nothing to do with it!" Sirius objected.
"I'm hungry," Peter said suddenly.
"So go nick the kitchens," Sirius retorted.
"I don't wanna go by myself," Peter said.
"Too bad," James replied.
"You don't seem to mind when Morgan doesn't want to go places by herself," Peter muttered.
"That's because Morgan doesn't whine that she's hungry or we're gonna get caught and doesn't stuff herself sick at meals," Remus said, talking to Peter as though he were four instead of sixteen.
"Yeah, I just like to play Knick Knack Padfoot Whack," Morgan grinned, smacking Sirius lightly upside the head before he could retort.
"I say we blow up Snape," Sirius said ten minutes later as his bishop took James's castle. James absent-mindedly replied, "Don't we do that every day?"
"Yeah, but this time could be special," Sirius said slyly. "It could be our New Year's prank."
"And speaking of New Year's," came Morgan's voice. The two boys turned around to see Morgan and Remus emerging from the portrait hole carrying bottles of butterbeer, various candy, and even a bottle of firewhisky.
"Happy New Year, my friends!" she announced, pulling on a Wizard Cracker with Remus. It exploded and a bucket of fish guts appeared from it.
"Riiight," Remus said slowly, pulling another Wizard Cracker. This time there was a short stack of party hats.
"Alright!" Morgan grabbed a blue one and threw the pink one at Sirius, who put it on and grinned stupidly at them.
Then, before any boy could blink, Morgan pressed a kiss to the lips of Remus Lupin and murmured, "Thanks, Rem."
Sirius's eyes bugged and he had a strong urge to dump the fish guts down Remus's shirt.
"Oh yes! Can't forget the rest!" Morgan said cheerfully, pressing a kiss to James's and Sirius's lips as well, but Sirius noticed that she lingered when she kissed him. Maybe he was imagining things.
"Where's Wormtail?" Remus asked.
James jerked his thumb at the couch and watched triumphantly as his queen dragged Sirius's knight, kicking and screaming, off the chessboard.
Peter lay crashed out on the couch, snoring softly.
"Sirius, NO," Morgan reprimanded.
"What?! I wasn't doing anything!" Sirius protested, crossing his fingers behind his back.
"You were going to dump the fish guts on Wormtail," Morgan said. Remus wondered why Morgan never used Peter's real name.
"No I wasn't," Sirius said, feigning an innocence he never had.
"Yes you were,' Morgan said, taking the bucket of fish guts. "And if you do anything to him when he's not ready for it, I'll dump this down YOUR shirt."
"Morgan and Peter, sitting in a tree," James sang softly, grinning as his queen dragged Sirius's bishop off the board. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Pawsly--AUGH!"
Morgan had dumped the fish guts down James's back.
* * *
"How long's he been doing that?" Morgan asked, staring wide-eyed.
"All morning," Remus replied, shoving forkfuls of egg and sausage in his mouth. Everyone knows Remus Lupin just MUST eat his eggs and sausages together. It was an unwritten rule.
"But he still woke up and did the Lily thing," Sirius offered. "You know." He put on a dreamy face and said, "I wonder if she'll notice me. Did you see her sucking on her quill on Transfiguration yesterday? It was a pineapple-banana-flavored Sugar Quill. I need to go buy pineapple-banana- flavored Sugar Quills. Maybe then she'll notice me." Then he snickered and stuffed his mouth with toast to shut himself up.
"When I'm not with you, I lose my mind--give me a sign! Hit me baby--"
Lily threw a milk jug at him.
James sputtered, the spell now gone. He was still in his boxers (the black ones with the green-patterened Snitches) and drenched in milk.
He heard Sirius snorting into his oatmeal.
"YOU!" he shrieked. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"
"Nothing, mate," Sirius said, trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. "Nothing at all."
James looked livid.
"Oh, you wanna play dirty, huh?" he growled. With a flick of his wand, mistletoe hung over Sirius and Morgan. It was the mistletoe they had enchanted last Christmas. It followed lovers around until they kissed and would not stop until they did.
"No, no, no, you don't kiss under mistletoe," Sirius said seriously. "You kiss under pinatas."
"Sirius," Remus groaned. "Please stop mixing up pinatas with mistletoe. They're completely different. You whack pinatas because they have candy in them. You don't kiss under them, you kiss under mistletoe."
Sirius blinked. Then--
"You can't live off pork forever."
"What do you want me to eat? A clarinet?!" Remus glared at him.
"Okay, but only if you REALLY mean it," Sirius said.
Remus smacked himself with a book until he got a 'thumpin' good' headache.
* * *
"I hafta go to the bathroom!" Sirius whined, jumping up and down.
"So go!" James said, still sore from that morning.
"Oh, right, I forgot I could walk...." And Sirius ran into the bathroom.
"He is NOT sixteen," Morgan said, sucking on her quill. Bluish-black ink spilled out onto her lip.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Aw geez," Remus said exaperatedly.
"THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE TOILET!" Sirius screamed.
James sighed. "Sirius, we've been through this...."
Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but suddenly something roared from the bathroom and a giant kiwi grew from the toilet like a balloon being filled with air really quick.
"PADFOOT?! What have you been eating?!" Morgan shrieked as the kiwi grew to three times the size of Hagrid.
"Not giant kiwi!" he shot back.
"Oh God, first mistletoe, now giant radioactive tropical fruit!" Remus yelped.
"Oh great, it was bad enough when it was just a kiwi!" Sirius shrieked. "Now it's giant radioactive tropical fruit?! Help!"
James had dived under a chair, Sirius and Morgan were hiding behind the couch, and Remus was by the staircase to the boys' dormitories. Peter had had a "slight 'accident'" in Potions and was in the hospital wing, his skin flashing different colors and 'I Want To Be Professor McGonagall's Love Monkey' tattooed on his chest.
Suddenly, for no reason at all, the kiwi exploded, spraying them all with kiwi goop and drenching them in toilet water.
"Great, I smell like a bathroom," Remus muttered angrily, shaking goop from his fingers.
"Why d'you care, you drink out of the toilet," Sirius said.
Remus blinked.
"So do you!"
Morgan and James turned their backs and pretended to gag.
"Ha! Hope ya liked my lil stunt, James Potter," came a very familiar voice. "That's for this morning."
"Sirius," Morgan growled, trying to wring toilet water and kiwi goop from her hair.
"Yes, my love?" Sirius chuckled and batted his eyelashes at her. She scowled.
"Don't EVER make Evans angry again," she said in a deadly voice, her eyes flashing.
Sirius stopped playing around immediately. The last time her eyes had flashed was when her sisters had "accidentally" thrown her out her five- story window and into a thorn bush.
"N-now, Morgan," he said, backing away with his hands out in front of him. "D-don't do anything rash now, mate. You don't want to hurt ole Padfoot now, do ya?" He flashed a nervous grin.
"Oh yes, I do," Morgan muttered, her hands outstretched, ready to wrap around Sirius's throat.
"Morgan, uh, Remmy will hafta report you if you strangle me," he said quickly.
"No, he's smiling and urging me to go on," Morgan said angrily, but still in that soft voice that told him he was dead meat. "He won't hold this against me."
Sirius's eyes widened and he ran up to his room, screaming like a girl.
Morgan rolled her eyes, disappeared up the girls' staircase, and reappeared with clean robes in a bag so they didn't get kiwi goop all over them.
"Rem, what's the password to the prefect's bathroom?" she said irritably.
"It's 'dragon king,' but you--"
"Be back later," she muttered, climbing through the portrait hole.
* * *
"Anderson, what'd you do? You smell like a bathroom." Lucius Malfoy, a seventh year that got held back at least twice, laughed evilly.
"Eat dung."
"Hostile, are we?"
"It's Sirius's fault, shut up."
"I see Black has bungled again, that stupid oaf--"
"DON'T INSULT SIRIUS!" Morgan screamed, punching Malfoy in the gut. He gasped and doubled over, struggling for breath. Without another word, she continued to the prefect's bathroom.
"Dragon king," she told the mermaid portrait, which swung open happily.
Morgan quickly filled the swimming pool that was the bath and chose cinnamon scent. She had always loved cinnamon. Then she peeled off her disgusting clothes, vowing to burn them later.
She dove into the deeper part of the pool, swimming until all the kiwi goop had been washed out. Then she resurfaced and scrubbed her skin with cinnamon-scented soap.
She had been in there almost an hour when the last of the bubbles drained away and she got out, wrapping one of the fluffy towels around herself. Then she pulled her new, clean robes on, brushed her hair out, and used a drying spell to dry it.
As she left the bathroom, she decided to go for a walk. She had already burned her old clothes and Vanished the ashes.
She unknowingly walked toward the Room of Requirement, a room she had found in her first year and told no one about, but she'd bet her place on the Quidditch team that her friends knew about it anyway.
Inside was a strikingly surprising scene. It was Gryffindor red and gold, with a window seat and bookcase and desk, but there was also a bed that looked like one from the dormitories and there were black boxers on the floor near it. On the bed was a pile of trash that looked like it came from candy, and Morgan heard the shower running in a room that had never been connected before.
Morgan sighed and flopped down on the couch, closed her eyes, and began thinking. Thinking about how hard it was being the only girl in a group of four guys. Thinking about how sweet Remus was and how obnoxious Sirius could be. Then she realized it.
She was in love with her best friends.
But how to choose between Remus and Sirius when Sirius never really got a fair chance? He could be sweet. Like the time he had given her a bunch of violets for her seventh birthday because Regulus had "accidentally" set fire to the book he had gotten her. And the time they had sat outside all night one summer's eve and tried to name all the stars and constellations in the sky, knowing the names of only one or two.
But Remus was sweet too. She could tell him anything. He had willingly told her that he was a werewolf that one rainy day after the full moon, when she commented that he looked ill. And that time James had insulted her so badly that she cried, Remus had been there to comfort her (and to tell Sirius not to break James's nose). They had shared walks together out by the lake, Morgan being intelligent enough to know what Remus was talking about.
But her and Sirius had shared many more memories. The time they "accidentally" turned Phanna's hair green.....the time they had stolen Sirius's mum's wand and he showed her how to cast spells.....the time he dared her to try Firewhisky.....the time a dog had chased Sirius up a tree because he stepped on its tail.....the first prank they had ever pulled.....
But she couldn't forget the memories she and Remus shared. The stomachache they got after eating too many Every Flavor Beans.....that time out on the lake when he caught her staring at the stars and taught her the names of them.....when he told her about his being a werewolf.....helping her with homework while James and Sirius goofed off.....
How to decide? What was she going to do? She'd never done anything as hard as this before.
And then there were the looks. The looks they gave her when they thought she wasn't looking. Always with adoration and respect and love.
Just as she was getting more and more confused, she heard a door open.
Oh yeah, someone had been in the shower when she came in. She forgot about that when she had dug up the memories of green hair and Every Flavor Beans and constellations and infuriated dogs.
"Morgan?"
Great.
Just great.
It was Sirius.
"Morgan, I'm sorry," Sirius continued, sitting down on the couch. Morgan pulled her legs up a little to give him more room. He did take up more room than her.
"I'm sorry I got Evans mad and she hexed the toilet with the kiwi thing and it exploded and it made you guys smell like toilet water. And I'll pay for your clothes if they're ruined." His voice was soft and sympathetic. It was something Morgan had never heard before.
"And Remmy said it might be a good idea to give you something to make up for it," he said, "but I didn't know what so he helped me write this."
Morgan remained silent.
"I guess you're still angry," Sirius said, sadness in his voice. But Morgan did catch something in his tone.
Mischief.
Then she remembered that she was lying on her stomach, and Sirius was behind her. And he knew she was ticklish. Very ticklish.
"Maybe this will help...." The evil tone in his voice confirmed Morgan's suspicions. She turned onto her back just as Sirius let out his war cry of "Give me liberty or give me bran muffins!" and pounced on her, tickling her stomach and collarbone and feet.
"Sirius--SIRIUS!--That tickles!" she gasped. "Sirius--stoppit! Nooo, don't turn me upside down!"
Too late.
Sirius had her upside down, her lap in his, her legs going over both his shoulders, her head hanging down by his feet, tickling his sides by gently scraping them with his nails. Morgan grinned and grabbed his foot and started tickling it, knowing that it was one of Sirius's biggest weaknesses.
"Morgan, Morgan, no, no, haha, stoppit--"
* * *
A half hour later found the two exhausted and lying on the couch, breathing hard and laughing.
"Sirius?" Morgan said.
"Yeah?"
"What was in that letter that Remmy had you write?"
"Just saying that I wanna drag you into bed and shag you like there's no tomorrow," Sirius grinned.
"Sirius Orion Black!" Morgan retorted, hitting him playfully on the chest, seeing as how she was on top.
Sirius just grinned and pulled a piece of folded parchment (now very bent and wrinkled) from underneath him. "See for yourself."
Morgan smiled and began to read the first letter in the little package:
Morgan,
I'm sorry about the kiwi thing. I'll pay for your clothes if you want. Look, I really fancy you but I don't know how to show it. You know me--see a pretty girl, annoy the hell outta her. Can we still be friends?
-Sirius
Morgan barely raised her eyes to look at her friend, but she did pull herself to a real sitting position on the couch instead of on Sirius and read the second letter:
Morgan,
Please forgive poor Siri. He's moping the dorm saying how you're going to be angry at him forever and you'll never talk to him again. It's really annoying--kinda James at 7:30 in the morning rambling about Lily every day.
And I know this might make things awkward between us, and I'm hoping it won't but, (I hafta write this fast, Crookshanks is trying to claw his way up my arm because of James--don't ask) I've fancied you ever since we first met. You didn't freak out or anything when I told you that I was a werewolf and I feel like I can tell you anything. Please don't be too hard on Sirius, whenever he finds a girl to "love" he just annoys the hell outta her. I think he and James spend a little too much time together.
Love,
Remus
Morgan gasped. "Oh my God...."
Sirius sat up. "What? What is it?"
Morgan looked from Sirius to the letter to Sirius to letter until--
"SIRIUS BLACK WILL YOU ANSWER ME ALREADY?!"
Sirius jumped nearly a foot in the air and pulled a little mirror from his schoolbag.
"Oh, hey Prongs, I didn't hear you," he said, grinning.
"Is Morgan there?"
"Yeah, hold on." Sirius passed the mirror to Morgan, then sat looking over her shoulder so he could see what was going on.
"MORGAN, GET YOUR GODDAMMED CAT OFF ME!" came Remus's voice, though Remus was nowhere to be found.
"Oh dear," James said. "Remmy, she'll be here in a minute! You know Crookshanks, he worships the ground she walks on, he'll behave." Then, to Morgan, he said, "Morgan, you gotta get up here, your cat's goin' berzerk-- "
"IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
Morgan and Sirius looked at each other and laughed. They guessed that James had been shooting sparks out of his wand again.
They quickly gathered their things and hurried up to Gryffindor Tower and up to James's dormitory.
"GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!" Remus shrieked, flailing his arm in attempt to dislodge the sleek ginger cat from his bicep.
"Crookshanks!" Morgan yelled, trying to calm Crookshanks enough to get him away from Remus. "Crookshanks, it's me! It's Pawsly!"
Crookshanks, however, was very intent on digging his claws as deep as he could into Remus's arm.
"Sorry, Crooks," Morgan muttered before pulling out her wand and saying, "Stupefy!"
The ginger cat became limp and it was easy to pull his claws out of poor Remus's arm.
"I'm sorry, Remmy," Morgan said as she pried the last nail from Remus's skin.
"Don't be," he grunted, examining his bleeding arm.
"That bloody cat really did a number on you, didn't he, Moony?" James asked.
"IT'S YOUR FAULT!" Remus roared.
"I'll be right back," Morgan said, taking the cat to her room, waking him up, and grabbing a roll of bandages.
"We'd better wrap your arm up before we go see Madam Pomfrey," she said, expertly wrapping Rem's arm. "He scratches me up all the time, I know how to deal with these things."
"If he's such a violent cat then why d'you keep him?" Sirius asked as they made their way out through the portrait hole and down to the hospital ward.
"Well, he's not really," Morgan said. "He just gets excited easily. He's not a bad cat."
At the hospital ward, Madam Pomfrey tsked and repaired Remus's arm with her wand, then made him drink some nasty tonic to keep away infection. They saw Peter still in a bed, sleeping. Every time he came to the hospital ward, he lived it up, sometimes staying for two weeks. It was a wonder that he passed his classes.
They snuck down to their kitchens on their way back, because they were swamped with homework and they wouldn't be able to eat dinner if they wanted to finish it.
But when they got to the kitchens they kind of lost their appetites. The elves were playing Strip Karaoke--whoever sang badly had to take off a piece of whatever they were wearing.
Sirius then gained his fear/hatred/weird attitude toward house elves and that was the day he started terrorizing them.
But that's another story.
On their way back to the common room, James started ranting about Lily AGAIN, Sirius was talking loudly about Cheetos, and Morgan was thinking.
She jumped when Remus put a hand on her shoulder.
"Can we talk?" he said gently, steering her into an empty classroom.
"Rem, I've got a lot of homework and--"
"It won't take long."
Morgan did not want to talk about this. She would've gladly talked about anything BUT this.
"Morgan, you read the letters?" Remus asked.
Morgan nodded.
"I want you to know that I meant every word," he said. "But, in reality, you and I both know I'd never be able to have a girlfriend or a wife or a family."
"But Remus--"
He held up his hand. "It's impossible. What happens if I forget the day of the full moon and I transform when I'm with them? I can't have any of those things, I shouldn't even have friends--"
"Remus, that's rubbish," Morgan said hotly. "Everyone deserves friends....except maybe Snivellus, but we're not talking about him. Remus, you CAN have all those things, you would just need to take precautions. I mean, look at me. I don't mind werewolves because I'm friends with one. I may be a cat," she added, referring to her Animagus self, "but that doesn't mean I don't care about you, Rem."
"Morgan....."
"Remus, I do fancy you, but I'm stuck between friends here," she continued. "I love you, but I love Sirius, and then there's the love I feel for James and Peter. I don't want to wreck our friendship, and I don't want to see you or Sirius hurt."
Remus smiled.
"Thanks, Paws," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. Then he leaned down a little and pressed a short kiss to her lips.
"C'mon," he grinned. "They'll be waiting for us."
But as they left the room, Peeves popped up suddenly.
"James and Lily will get married and have a kid named Harry and they'll be killed by Voldemort and Harry won't and Peter will become a Death Eater and Snape will be a Potions professor here and Sirius will be sent to Azkaban because Pettigrew's a liar and you'll become the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and Morgan will be captured by the Death Eaters and be put hostage in Malfoy Manor for thirteen years and have twins by Sirius and why am I even telling you all this?" Peeves cackled and bounced off the walls ahead of them, then soared up through the ceiling and dropped something heavy on the floor.
"Peeves is insane," Morgan muttered.
"Like Padfoot," Remus added, and they both laughed.
* * *
But later that night, Peter lay awake in the hospital wing, wondering what being a Death Eater would be like.
"BAD PETER! BAD BAD PETER!" Marauder Pawsly flew out of a torch in the wall and bashed Peter repeatedly with a water jug. "YOU DON'T BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS! BAD BAD BAD PETER!" Then, cackling like the freak she is, she flew back into the torch.
"That was weird," Peter muttered, rubbing his head.
____________________________________________________________________________ _______
Hey, Marauder Pawsly here! Just to let you know, I do not own: the toothpaste land thing, comparing Sirius to a retarded flobberworm, the author's note that said DIE WORMTAIL DIE DIE DIE, the whole "reveal to them what's gonna happen" thing, or anything else that you find familiar. I DON'T OWN IT! Some of these ideas were taken from other stories (the kiwi thing came from an Inuyasha fic--The Highly Original Inuyasha Dare Show), and I hold no claim over them, so don't sue me.
* * *
Sirius: *maniacal glint* Flames will be used to burn Snape at the stake, MWAHAHAHAHA!
Remus: *slides away from him* No more sugar for you--
Peter: SUGAR!
Morgan: *rolls eyes* Don't you ever think about anything but your stomach?
Peter: Yes. I think about sleep.
James: Okay, before this becomes a shouting match, just press that purdy purple button down there!
Marauder Pawsly: You realize that half this conversation was taken from other stories, right?
Lily: What's that got to due with anything?
James: *big heart eyes* Lily!
Lily: Get a life, Potter
Marauder Pawsly: Oh yeah, that reminds me....SQUIRREL!
*a little rodent runs into the room*
Squirrel: *big heart eyes* LILY!
Lily: OH NO! *runs* NOT AGAIN!
Squirrel: *chases* Lily, wait! I love you!
James: *sigh* Stupid rodent.
____________________________________________________________________________ _______
Yes, I need a life. By the way, the Squirrel thing is about my muse Squirrel, who is in love with Lily.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine. I am an insane psycho freak with a weird obsession with nearly every boy in Potterverse. J.K. Rowling is the genius for whom I kiss the ground she walks on. The only thing I own is my insanity and Morgan Anderson.
* * *
"Hey, Remus."
Remus rolled his eyes and tried to finish his Potions essay.
"Hey, Remus."
Remus sighed lightly with annoyance and kept writing.
Morgan grinned evilly. She looked at Sirius and told him with her eyes what she was about to do. When she had her back turned, he fumed.
"Remmy," Morgan breathed lightly into his ear.
James and Peter could not fail to see the shudder that rippled through Remus when Morgan did that. After all, Morgan was very attractive and on James's list, she tied with Lily Evans.
She had long raven hair, silky to the touch, fluffy in appearance; and a love for pranks. She had been friends with Sirius and James longer than anyone could remember. She had many older siblings and her parents were slightly abusive because she wasn't a Slytherin. Her sisters Jelanda, Phanna, and Kinsey always sneered at her when she passed them at home and Nathaniel made her life a living hell. They had all graduated, so there were no restrictions to break about hexing Morgan at every chance they got.
Morgan had met Sirius one day when her father dragged her to a business meeting with him to stop her sisters and Nathaniel from killing her. They had instantly hit it off as friends, and Sirius had introduced James, whose identical love for Quidditch ensured that their friendship would hold together off that, if nothing else.
But what was really intriging about Morgan Anderson was her eyes. Her eyes were steel blue, cold as ice and dark as a chasm. But when she was around James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, the darkness disappeared and was replaced with a kind of childlike innocence.
"Remmy, Remmy, Remmy," she murmured, her lips brushing Remus's ear as her fingers trailed up his arm.
Sirius was blushing with fury now. Why did Remus always get the girls? First Evans asks him out, now Morgan was practically inviting him to shag her and he didn't take it! Sirius wondered how many times Remus had been dropped on his head as a baby.
James and Peter, on the other hand, were turning purple as they tried to keep their laughter bottled up. They were clutching their sides and were doubled over in silent giggles.
"Remmy," Morgan continued in that soft, silky voice. "I want you to do a favor for me."
Remus gulped nervously and, without looking up, said, "Yes?"
"I want you..." she purred, "...to come to the library with me!" Then she pulled back and giggled.
Remus blushed furiously and could've kicked himself for being so stupid. Of COURSE Morgan was tricking him, that's what she did!
'Plus, she likes Sirius,' he thought as he gathered the Sleeping Draught essay for Potions and his quill and ink.
"Guys, I've got a great idea for a prank, meet me in the Potions section of the library," Morgan said, smiling at Remus. Then, in the true Morgan fashion, she randomly grabbed one of the boys' arms and exited the common room with him.
"How long d'you think it'll be before he tries to shag her?" James joked.
Remus didn't reply, shoved all his things into his school bag, and hurridly left the common room.
James looked at Peter questioningly. Both boys shrugged and followed.
"What's up, Remus?" Peter asked. (A/N: DIE WORMTAIL DIE DIE DIE!)
"Yeah, Remmy, what's on your mind?" James asked, waving at Lily Evans as they passed.
Lily looked horrified and ran up the stairs away from them.
"It's nothing, I'm okay," Remus muttered, pushing open the door to the library.
* * *
That night, they were the last ones in the common room again. As long as they didn't make too much noise, they could stay there all night and no one would know.
"You're bloody brilliant, Pawsly!" Sirius exclaimed.
Remus shot him A Look that said, "Shut your fat mouth or you'll get us kicked out!"
Morgan grinned and pretended to blush and said, "Aww, stoppit Padfoot, you're embarrassing me."
"Yeah, it may be brilliant, but how are we gonna pull it off?" James asked seriously, biting the head off a Chocolate Frog.
Morgan shrugged. "Who knows? I just come up with the plans, you and Remmy are the ones who set it up."
"Yeah, cuz Moony's a genius!" Sirius yelled.
"Padfoot, shut up!" Remus, James, Morgan, and Peter yelled.
Sirius just closed his eyes and hummed what sounded like, "Toothpaste land, toothpaste land, where ducks run free and cheese is grand!"
Morgan laughed softly and said to James, "Are you sure he's really sixteen?"
James shrugged casually and said, "Dunno, seeing as how he's got the IQ of a particularly retarded flobberworm, it's hard to tell if he's making that stuff up or if he really is insane."
"Trust me," Remus said. "He's insane."
Sirius choked on air when he realized what Remus and James had said.
"Hey!" he shouted. "I resent that!"
"Sirius, shh!" Morgan hissed.
Sirius leaned back against the couch and muttered angrily about being compared to a flobberworm. And a retarded one at that.
"What time is it?" Peter asked sleepily.
"Honestly, Wormtail, you're actually tired?" James asked, looking at his watch. "It's only one-thirty, the night is young."
"Well I didn't get any sleep last night!" Peter replied.
"You liar, you chickened out of the prank and got four hours," Remus muttered.
"Four hours isn't a lot!"
"Are you kidding?" Morgan laughed. "It's plenty of time! It's too much time!"
"Shut up, Morgan, we all know you only need an hour," Peter said irritably. "Us normal people--" He looked at Sirius-- "and Padfoot need at least eight!"
"Hey! I'm normal!" Sirius interjected, sitting up angrily.
"Sirius, no normal person can get detention before you're even assigned a House, get attacked by the giant squid, almost kill the train conductor, and blow up seven prefects' trunks before we even get to Hogwarts," Morgan monotoned.
"Hey, the conductor just passed out--"
"From Sirius's singing," Remus snickered.
"--I had nothing to do with it!" Sirius objected.
"I'm hungry," Peter said suddenly.
"So go nick the kitchens," Sirius retorted.
"I don't wanna go by myself," Peter said.
"Too bad," James replied.
"You don't seem to mind when Morgan doesn't want to go places by herself," Peter muttered.
"That's because Morgan doesn't whine that she's hungry or we're gonna get caught and doesn't stuff herself sick at meals," Remus said, talking to Peter as though he were four instead of sixteen.
"Yeah, I just like to play Knick Knack Padfoot Whack," Morgan grinned, smacking Sirius lightly upside the head before he could retort.
"I say we blow up Snape," Sirius said ten minutes later as his bishop took James's castle. James absent-mindedly replied, "Don't we do that every day?"
"Yeah, but this time could be special," Sirius said slyly. "It could be our New Year's prank."
"And speaking of New Year's," came Morgan's voice. The two boys turned around to see Morgan and Remus emerging from the portrait hole carrying bottles of butterbeer, various candy, and even a bottle of firewhisky.
"Happy New Year, my friends!" she announced, pulling on a Wizard Cracker with Remus. It exploded and a bucket of fish guts appeared from it.
"Riiight," Remus said slowly, pulling another Wizard Cracker. This time there was a short stack of party hats.
"Alright!" Morgan grabbed a blue one and threw the pink one at Sirius, who put it on and grinned stupidly at them.
Then, before any boy could blink, Morgan pressed a kiss to the lips of Remus Lupin and murmured, "Thanks, Rem."
Sirius's eyes bugged and he had a strong urge to dump the fish guts down Remus's shirt.
"Oh yes! Can't forget the rest!" Morgan said cheerfully, pressing a kiss to James's and Sirius's lips as well, but Sirius noticed that she lingered when she kissed him. Maybe he was imagining things.
"Where's Wormtail?" Remus asked.
James jerked his thumb at the couch and watched triumphantly as his queen dragged Sirius's knight, kicking and screaming, off the chessboard.
Peter lay crashed out on the couch, snoring softly.
"Sirius, NO," Morgan reprimanded.
"What?! I wasn't doing anything!" Sirius protested, crossing his fingers behind his back.
"You were going to dump the fish guts on Wormtail," Morgan said. Remus wondered why Morgan never used Peter's real name.
"No I wasn't," Sirius said, feigning an innocence he never had.
"Yes you were,' Morgan said, taking the bucket of fish guts. "And if you do anything to him when he's not ready for it, I'll dump this down YOUR shirt."
"Morgan and Peter, sitting in a tree," James sang softly, grinning as his queen dragged Sirius's bishop off the board. "K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Pawsly--AUGH!"
Morgan had dumped the fish guts down James's back.
* * *
"How long's he been doing that?" Morgan asked, staring wide-eyed.
"All morning," Remus replied, shoving forkfuls of egg and sausage in his mouth. Everyone knows Remus Lupin just MUST eat his eggs and sausages together. It was an unwritten rule.
"But he still woke up and did the Lily thing," Sirius offered. "You know." He put on a dreamy face and said, "I wonder if she'll notice me. Did you see her sucking on her quill on Transfiguration yesterday? It was a pineapple-banana-flavored Sugar Quill. I need to go buy pineapple-banana- flavored Sugar Quills. Maybe then she'll notice me." Then he snickered and stuffed his mouth with toast to shut himself up.
"When I'm not with you, I lose my mind--give me a sign! Hit me baby--"
Lily threw a milk jug at him.
James sputtered, the spell now gone. He was still in his boxers (the black ones with the green-patterened Snitches) and drenched in milk.
He heard Sirius snorting into his oatmeal.
"YOU!" he shrieked. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!"
"Nothing, mate," Sirius said, trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. "Nothing at all."
James looked livid.
"Oh, you wanna play dirty, huh?" he growled. With a flick of his wand, mistletoe hung over Sirius and Morgan. It was the mistletoe they had enchanted last Christmas. It followed lovers around until they kissed and would not stop until they did.
"No, no, no, you don't kiss under mistletoe," Sirius said seriously. "You kiss under pinatas."
"Sirius," Remus groaned. "Please stop mixing up pinatas with mistletoe. They're completely different. You whack pinatas because they have candy in them. You don't kiss under them, you kiss under mistletoe."
Sirius blinked. Then--
"You can't live off pork forever."
"What do you want me to eat? A clarinet?!" Remus glared at him.
"Okay, but only if you REALLY mean it," Sirius said.
Remus smacked himself with a book until he got a 'thumpin' good' headache.
* * *
"I hafta go to the bathroom!" Sirius whined, jumping up and down.
"So go!" James said, still sore from that morning.
"Oh, right, I forgot I could walk...." And Sirius ran into the bathroom.
"He is NOT sixteen," Morgan said, sucking on her quill. Bluish-black ink spilled out onto her lip.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Aw geez," Remus said exaperatedly.
"THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE TOILET!" Sirius screamed.
James sighed. "Sirius, we've been through this...."
Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but suddenly something roared from the bathroom and a giant kiwi grew from the toilet like a balloon being filled with air really quick.
"PADFOOT?! What have you been eating?!" Morgan shrieked as the kiwi grew to three times the size of Hagrid.
"Not giant kiwi!" he shot back.
"Oh God, first mistletoe, now giant radioactive tropical fruit!" Remus yelped.
"Oh great, it was bad enough when it was just a kiwi!" Sirius shrieked. "Now it's giant radioactive tropical fruit?! Help!"
James had dived under a chair, Sirius and Morgan were hiding behind the couch, and Remus was by the staircase to the boys' dormitories. Peter had had a "slight 'accident'" in Potions and was in the hospital wing, his skin flashing different colors and 'I Want To Be Professor McGonagall's Love Monkey' tattooed on his chest.
Suddenly, for no reason at all, the kiwi exploded, spraying them all with kiwi goop and drenching them in toilet water.
"Great, I smell like a bathroom," Remus muttered angrily, shaking goop from his fingers.
"Why d'you care, you drink out of the toilet," Sirius said.
Remus blinked.
"So do you!"
Morgan and James turned their backs and pretended to gag.
"Ha! Hope ya liked my lil stunt, James Potter," came a very familiar voice. "That's for this morning."
"Sirius," Morgan growled, trying to wring toilet water and kiwi goop from her hair.
"Yes, my love?" Sirius chuckled and batted his eyelashes at her. She scowled.
"Don't EVER make Evans angry again," she said in a deadly voice, her eyes flashing.
Sirius stopped playing around immediately. The last time her eyes had flashed was when her sisters had "accidentally" thrown her out her five- story window and into a thorn bush.
"N-now, Morgan," he said, backing away with his hands out in front of him. "D-don't do anything rash now, mate. You don't want to hurt ole Padfoot now, do ya?" He flashed a nervous grin.
"Oh yes, I do," Morgan muttered, her hands outstretched, ready to wrap around Sirius's throat.
"Morgan, uh, Remmy will hafta report you if you strangle me," he said quickly.
"No, he's smiling and urging me to go on," Morgan said angrily, but still in that soft voice that told him he was dead meat. "He won't hold this against me."
Sirius's eyes widened and he ran up to his room, screaming like a girl.
Morgan rolled her eyes, disappeared up the girls' staircase, and reappeared with clean robes in a bag so they didn't get kiwi goop all over them.
"Rem, what's the password to the prefect's bathroom?" she said irritably.
"It's 'dragon king,' but you--"
"Be back later," she muttered, climbing through the portrait hole.
* * *
"Anderson, what'd you do? You smell like a bathroom." Lucius Malfoy, a seventh year that got held back at least twice, laughed evilly.
"Eat dung."
"Hostile, are we?"
"It's Sirius's fault, shut up."
"I see Black has bungled again, that stupid oaf--"
"DON'T INSULT SIRIUS!" Morgan screamed, punching Malfoy in the gut. He gasped and doubled over, struggling for breath. Without another word, she continued to the prefect's bathroom.
"Dragon king," she told the mermaid portrait, which swung open happily.
Morgan quickly filled the swimming pool that was the bath and chose cinnamon scent. She had always loved cinnamon. Then she peeled off her disgusting clothes, vowing to burn them later.
She dove into the deeper part of the pool, swimming until all the kiwi goop had been washed out. Then she resurfaced and scrubbed her skin with cinnamon-scented soap.
She had been in there almost an hour when the last of the bubbles drained away and she got out, wrapping one of the fluffy towels around herself. Then she pulled her new, clean robes on, brushed her hair out, and used a drying spell to dry it.
As she left the bathroom, she decided to go for a walk. She had already burned her old clothes and Vanished the ashes.
She unknowingly walked toward the Room of Requirement, a room she had found in her first year and told no one about, but she'd bet her place on the Quidditch team that her friends knew about it anyway.
Inside was a strikingly surprising scene. It was Gryffindor red and gold, with a window seat and bookcase and desk, but there was also a bed that looked like one from the dormitories and there were black boxers on the floor near it. On the bed was a pile of trash that looked like it came from candy, and Morgan heard the shower running in a room that had never been connected before.
Morgan sighed and flopped down on the couch, closed her eyes, and began thinking. Thinking about how hard it was being the only girl in a group of four guys. Thinking about how sweet Remus was and how obnoxious Sirius could be. Then she realized it.
She was in love with her best friends.
But how to choose between Remus and Sirius when Sirius never really got a fair chance? He could be sweet. Like the time he had given her a bunch of violets for her seventh birthday because Regulus had "accidentally" set fire to the book he had gotten her. And the time they had sat outside all night one summer's eve and tried to name all the stars and constellations in the sky, knowing the names of only one or two.
But Remus was sweet too. She could tell him anything. He had willingly told her that he was a werewolf that one rainy day after the full moon, when she commented that he looked ill. And that time James had insulted her so badly that she cried, Remus had been there to comfort her (and to tell Sirius not to break James's nose). They had shared walks together out by the lake, Morgan being intelligent enough to know what Remus was talking about.
But her and Sirius had shared many more memories. The time they "accidentally" turned Phanna's hair green.....the time they had stolen Sirius's mum's wand and he showed her how to cast spells.....the time he dared her to try Firewhisky.....the time a dog had chased Sirius up a tree because he stepped on its tail.....the first prank they had ever pulled.....
But she couldn't forget the memories she and Remus shared. The stomachache they got after eating too many Every Flavor Beans.....that time out on the lake when he caught her staring at the stars and taught her the names of them.....when he told her about his being a werewolf.....helping her with homework while James and Sirius goofed off.....
How to decide? What was she going to do? She'd never done anything as hard as this before.
And then there were the looks. The looks they gave her when they thought she wasn't looking. Always with adoration and respect and love.
Just as she was getting more and more confused, she heard a door open.
Oh yeah, someone had been in the shower when she came in. She forgot about that when she had dug up the memories of green hair and Every Flavor Beans and constellations and infuriated dogs.
"Morgan?"
Great.
Just great.
It was Sirius.
"Morgan, I'm sorry," Sirius continued, sitting down on the couch. Morgan pulled her legs up a little to give him more room. He did take up more room than her.
"I'm sorry I got Evans mad and she hexed the toilet with the kiwi thing and it exploded and it made you guys smell like toilet water. And I'll pay for your clothes if they're ruined." His voice was soft and sympathetic. It was something Morgan had never heard before.
"And Remmy said it might be a good idea to give you something to make up for it," he said, "but I didn't know what so he helped me write this."
Morgan remained silent.
"I guess you're still angry," Sirius said, sadness in his voice. But Morgan did catch something in his tone.
Mischief.
Then she remembered that she was lying on her stomach, and Sirius was behind her. And he knew she was ticklish. Very ticklish.
"Maybe this will help...." The evil tone in his voice confirmed Morgan's suspicions. She turned onto her back just as Sirius let out his war cry of "Give me liberty or give me bran muffins!" and pounced on her, tickling her stomach and collarbone and feet.
"Sirius--SIRIUS!--That tickles!" she gasped. "Sirius--stoppit! Nooo, don't turn me upside down!"
Too late.
Sirius had her upside down, her lap in his, her legs going over both his shoulders, her head hanging down by his feet, tickling his sides by gently scraping them with his nails. Morgan grinned and grabbed his foot and started tickling it, knowing that it was one of Sirius's biggest weaknesses.
"Morgan, Morgan, no, no, haha, stoppit--"
* * *
A half hour later found the two exhausted and lying on the couch, breathing hard and laughing.
"Sirius?" Morgan said.
"Yeah?"
"What was in that letter that Remmy had you write?"
"Just saying that I wanna drag you into bed and shag you like there's no tomorrow," Sirius grinned.
"Sirius Orion Black!" Morgan retorted, hitting him playfully on the chest, seeing as how she was on top.
Sirius just grinned and pulled a piece of folded parchment (now very bent and wrinkled) from underneath him. "See for yourself."
Morgan smiled and began to read the first letter in the little package:
Morgan,
I'm sorry about the kiwi thing. I'll pay for your clothes if you want. Look, I really fancy you but I don't know how to show it. You know me--see a pretty girl, annoy the hell outta her. Can we still be friends?
-Sirius
Morgan barely raised her eyes to look at her friend, but she did pull herself to a real sitting position on the couch instead of on Sirius and read the second letter:
Morgan,
Please forgive poor Siri. He's moping the dorm saying how you're going to be angry at him forever and you'll never talk to him again. It's really annoying--kinda James at 7:30 in the morning rambling about Lily every day.
And I know this might make things awkward between us, and I'm hoping it won't but, (I hafta write this fast, Crookshanks is trying to claw his way up my arm because of James--don't ask) I've fancied you ever since we first met. You didn't freak out or anything when I told you that I was a werewolf and I feel like I can tell you anything. Please don't be too hard on Sirius, whenever he finds a girl to "love" he just annoys the hell outta her. I think he and James spend a little too much time together.
Love,
Remus
Morgan gasped. "Oh my God...."
Sirius sat up. "What? What is it?"
Morgan looked from Sirius to the letter to Sirius to letter until--
"SIRIUS BLACK WILL YOU ANSWER ME ALREADY?!"
Sirius jumped nearly a foot in the air and pulled a little mirror from his schoolbag.
"Oh, hey Prongs, I didn't hear you," he said, grinning.
"Is Morgan there?"
"Yeah, hold on." Sirius passed the mirror to Morgan, then sat looking over her shoulder so he could see what was going on.
"MORGAN, GET YOUR GODDAMMED CAT OFF ME!" came Remus's voice, though Remus was nowhere to be found.
"Oh dear," James said. "Remmy, she'll be here in a minute! You know Crookshanks, he worships the ground she walks on, he'll behave." Then, to Morgan, he said, "Morgan, you gotta get up here, your cat's goin' berzerk-- "
"IT'S YOUR FAULT!"
Morgan and Sirius looked at each other and laughed. They guessed that James had been shooting sparks out of his wand again.
They quickly gathered their things and hurried up to Gryffindor Tower and up to James's dormitory.
"GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!" Remus shrieked, flailing his arm in attempt to dislodge the sleek ginger cat from his bicep.
"Crookshanks!" Morgan yelled, trying to calm Crookshanks enough to get him away from Remus. "Crookshanks, it's me! It's Pawsly!"
Crookshanks, however, was very intent on digging his claws as deep as he could into Remus's arm.
"Sorry, Crooks," Morgan muttered before pulling out her wand and saying, "Stupefy!"
The ginger cat became limp and it was easy to pull his claws out of poor Remus's arm.
"I'm sorry, Remmy," Morgan said as she pried the last nail from Remus's skin.
"Don't be," he grunted, examining his bleeding arm.
"That bloody cat really did a number on you, didn't he, Moony?" James asked.
"IT'S YOUR FAULT!" Remus roared.
"I'll be right back," Morgan said, taking the cat to her room, waking him up, and grabbing a roll of bandages.
"We'd better wrap your arm up before we go see Madam Pomfrey," she said, expertly wrapping Rem's arm. "He scratches me up all the time, I know how to deal with these things."
"If he's such a violent cat then why d'you keep him?" Sirius asked as they made their way out through the portrait hole and down to the hospital ward.
"Well, he's not really," Morgan said. "He just gets excited easily. He's not a bad cat."
At the hospital ward, Madam Pomfrey tsked and repaired Remus's arm with her wand, then made him drink some nasty tonic to keep away infection. They saw Peter still in a bed, sleeping. Every time he came to the hospital ward, he lived it up, sometimes staying for two weeks. It was a wonder that he passed his classes.
They snuck down to their kitchens on their way back, because they were swamped with homework and they wouldn't be able to eat dinner if they wanted to finish it.
But when they got to the kitchens they kind of lost their appetites. The elves were playing Strip Karaoke--whoever sang badly had to take off a piece of whatever they were wearing.
Sirius then gained his fear/hatred/weird attitude toward house elves and that was the day he started terrorizing them.
But that's another story.
On their way back to the common room, James started ranting about Lily AGAIN, Sirius was talking loudly about Cheetos, and Morgan was thinking.
She jumped when Remus put a hand on her shoulder.
"Can we talk?" he said gently, steering her into an empty classroom.
"Rem, I've got a lot of homework and--"
"It won't take long."
Morgan did not want to talk about this. She would've gladly talked about anything BUT this.
"Morgan, you read the letters?" Remus asked.
Morgan nodded.
"I want you to know that I meant every word," he said. "But, in reality, you and I both know I'd never be able to have a girlfriend or a wife or a family."
"But Remus--"
He held up his hand. "It's impossible. What happens if I forget the day of the full moon and I transform when I'm with them? I can't have any of those things, I shouldn't even have friends--"
"Remus, that's rubbish," Morgan said hotly. "Everyone deserves friends....except maybe Snivellus, but we're not talking about him. Remus, you CAN have all those things, you would just need to take precautions. I mean, look at me. I don't mind werewolves because I'm friends with one. I may be a cat," she added, referring to her Animagus self, "but that doesn't mean I don't care about you, Rem."
"Morgan....."
"Remus, I do fancy you, but I'm stuck between friends here," she continued. "I love you, but I love Sirius, and then there's the love I feel for James and Peter. I don't want to wreck our friendship, and I don't want to see you or Sirius hurt."
Remus smiled.
"Thanks, Paws," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. Then he leaned down a little and pressed a short kiss to her lips.
"C'mon," he grinned. "They'll be waiting for us."
But as they left the room, Peeves popped up suddenly.
"James and Lily will get married and have a kid named Harry and they'll be killed by Voldemort and Harry won't and Peter will become a Death Eater and Snape will be a Potions professor here and Sirius will be sent to Azkaban because Pettigrew's a liar and you'll become the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and Morgan will be captured by the Death Eaters and be put hostage in Malfoy Manor for thirteen years and have twins by Sirius and why am I even telling you all this?" Peeves cackled and bounced off the walls ahead of them, then soared up through the ceiling and dropped something heavy on the floor.
"Peeves is insane," Morgan muttered.
"Like Padfoot," Remus added, and they both laughed.
* * *
But later that night, Peter lay awake in the hospital wing, wondering what being a Death Eater would be like.
"BAD PETER! BAD BAD PETER!" Marauder Pawsly flew out of a torch in the wall and bashed Peter repeatedly with a water jug. "YOU DON'T BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS! BAD BAD BAD PETER!" Then, cackling like the freak she is, she flew back into the torch.
"That was weird," Peter muttered, rubbing his head.
____________________________________________________________________________ _______
Hey, Marauder Pawsly here! Just to let you know, I do not own: the toothpaste land thing, comparing Sirius to a retarded flobberworm, the author's note that said DIE WORMTAIL DIE DIE DIE, the whole "reveal to them what's gonna happen" thing, or anything else that you find familiar. I DON'T OWN IT! Some of these ideas were taken from other stories (the kiwi thing came from an Inuyasha fic--The Highly Original Inuyasha Dare Show), and I hold no claim over them, so don't sue me.
* * *
Sirius: *maniacal glint* Flames will be used to burn Snape at the stake, MWAHAHAHAHA!
Remus: *slides away from him* No more sugar for you--
Peter: SUGAR!
Morgan: *rolls eyes* Don't you ever think about anything but your stomach?
Peter: Yes. I think about sleep.
James: Okay, before this becomes a shouting match, just press that purdy purple button down there!
Marauder Pawsly: You realize that half this conversation was taken from other stories, right?
Lily: What's that got to due with anything?
James: *big heart eyes* Lily!
Lily: Get a life, Potter
Marauder Pawsly: Oh yeah, that reminds me....SQUIRREL!
*a little rodent runs into the room*
Squirrel: *big heart eyes* LILY!
Lily: OH NO! *runs* NOT AGAIN!
Squirrel: *chases* Lily, wait! I love you!
James: *sigh* Stupid rodent.
____________________________________________________________________________ _______
Yes, I need a life. By the way, the Squirrel thing is about my muse Squirrel, who is in love with Lily.