We Were The Greatest
Broken
Episode Tag for "Cold Lazarus" - the aftermath for Sara O'Neill.
A/N: I'm hoping to write more snippets of Sara and Jack over the years of SG1, to weave their story around canon. However, there is no substantial plot or over-riding story here, and no big ending. It's just little slices of Sara's life as it intersects with Jack, SG1 and the SGC.
When Sara O'Neill had signed the papers, dutifully recited the cover story, smiled the fake smiles and closed her front door behind Major Davis, she leaned up against that door and shut her eyes. She listened to her own breathing, her own heartbeat, unable to summon the energy to do anything in this moment but exist. Physically, she wasn't tired; it was her mind, her spirit that reeled with exhaustion. It was too much, the razor sharp edges of the shattered pieces of her life slicing into her soul and bleeding her dry.
Some time later, the mundane reality of sore feet and bodily needs seeped in and the blankness receded. She moved down the hall to the half-bath and took care of the latter before staring at herself in the mirror. She looked so normal and the disconnect between appearance and reality ate at her until a flash of anger burned away the blanket of lethargy. Drying her hands with quick, sharp movements, she marched to the kitchen and picked up the phone.
Reaching Jack's answering machine did not improve her mood and she didn't hesitate to try the lone number she had for his 'workplace'. A receptionist type answered her chirpily and offered to take a message. Sara argued and insisted until she was transferred. This layer was security and they were not chirpy. Sara did not care; she put a mother's steel in her voice and stubbornly demanded they put her through. Eventually, she was transferred again, this time to a Captain Reed*** who courteously identified herself as General Hammond's aide. Captain Reed listened to Sara, blandly replied that she would inquire if Colonel O'Neill was available and put Sara on hold.
Sara hated the USAF standard hold music.
"Sara?"
She wished she could unload her emotions on him.
"Are you ok?"
She wished he would let her in, let her comfort him because the exhaustion and pain she heard in his voice tore at her heart.
"Sara!?"
"Jack. I… no. No, I'm not ok. It isn't… I can't..." She stared at the counter-top in front of her, seeing again the not-Jack convulsing in agony, seeing again the not-Charlie beside real-Jack. "Jack, I need to talk."
The silence stretched out for a while. Sara knew she had stepped over a line; she had pushed and demanded to speak to him when he was on duty. She was intruding inappropriately on his work.
"Sara-"
"I know. I know this isn't the right way, that I'm interrupting. God only knows what I'm interrupting!"
"It's ok."
"I need to talk about what happened. What I saw… who I saw. I don't… I don't need to talk to you – oh! I didn't mean it like that! I always want – need – you. Always. But I guess I should be talking to a counselor. Only I know there are secrets and the cover story so I need someone who knows, who has that clearance."
"Sara."
She found herself smiling through tears at the soft, aching way he said her name and grabbed a tissue to avoid sniffing. "I should have waited until you were off duty. I'm sorry. I just wanted… I needed to hear you."
"It's ok. I'll sort it out, get you the contact details of someone who can help."
"Thank you."
"Sara..."
"I know, I'll get off the phone and stop bothering you -"
"Sara!"
She shut up.
"I'm off duty at 1700. I could drop by if..."
Sara couldn't speak through the tears. Oh, Jack.
"… you're free. Um… I can bring some beer. And pizza."
She scrubbed at her eyes with another tissue. "I'll be here. Thank you, Jack."
"I'd better go do stuff so I won't be late."
"Yeah. Go do your crazy stuff. I'll see you later." Sara hung up, blew her nose and dumped the tissues in the bin. The conversation had somehow managed to patch over enough of the cracks to let her keep moving, to go back to pretending she wasn't broken. She had stuff to do too.
*** A Major General like Hammond is here should have an aide, who should be a Lt or a Captain. In the episode Fire and Water, at the wake for Daniel at Jack's house, Jack is telling a story about Daniel to an unidentified woman. Since she had to be from the SGC, I decided to appropriate her for Hammond's aide, call her Kate Reed and make her a captain. She'll show up as a cameo in a few future snippets.