DISCLAIMER: RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth. Pet Shop of Horrors belongs to Matsuri Akino.

~ I Know Why the Caged Bird Drinks ~

After a long, hard day at work and a few too many beers at the bar afterward, Leon stumbled into the pet shop and collapsed on the couch.

"Hey!" a voice called.

That definitely didn't sound like D, Leon thought to himself. He rubbed his eyes and glanced around the shop. There were only animals, and most of them were asleep. The ones that were awake mostly ignored his presence. Tetsu didn't even try to bite him this time, although the damn goat thing was looking at him like it wanted to.

"Hey, you! Blondie!" the voice called again.

Leon turned to look in the direction it sounded like it came from, and found himself staring at a large gilded birdcage.

"HEY! I know you heard me! How 'bout you open this cage and let me out of here?"

Leon squinted at the cage. For a moment he thought he'd seen a man with red eyes crouched inside, glaring at him through the bars. But, of course, that was just his alcohol-soaked brain playing tricks on him! There was just some big black bird in the cage.

Leon snorted and settled back down on the couch. If the count were here, he would surely lecture him on exactly what kind of bird it was.

"Don't go to sleep, you asshole! I know you heard me; you looked right at me. Let me out!"

"Oh, man, I am so drunk I thought I heard a bird call me an asshole," Leon said, laughing a little. "But it's not even a parrot. Of course it can't talk. God, I'm hammered."

While the cage was large enough to accommodate Qrow's human form, the way it was constructed made it impossible for him to flip the latch from the inside - no matter which of his two forms he tried it in.

Although many of the count's customers had shown an interest in him, they were always told that he wasn't for sale. Which made sense because he wasn't actually a damn bird. It wasn't like Count D had done something to make him more bird than human. (Or had he?) The count was just being paid to keep him here for a while, until someone came back to get him. His sister had wanted him 'out of the way' as she had so kindly put it.

Qrow wasn't planning to just sit here in cage waiting to be retrieved. All the alcohol in the world couldn't keep him here... even if the count did serve a damn fine selection of it. He was going to escape. None of the animals in the shop would help him because they were all loyal to the count.

He thought he'd caught a lucky break when a random drunk stumbled into the shop while his keeper was out, but the more he tried to get the guy's attention, the less that seemed to be the case.

"I did call you an asshole, you asshole!" Qrow shouted, rattling the bars of his cage. "You heard me, and I know you understood me! Come over here and open this cage!"

"You're not a parrot. You're just a bird! You think you're trying to tell me something but all I hear is ca-caw ca-caw."

A scant few moments later, the guy was passed out, snoring.

Qrow sighed and leaned against the side of the cage.

Well, there goes that plan... not that it was much of a plan in the first place.

"T-chan," Pon-chan said, anxiously clutching onto the totetsu's leg. "Do you think we should... you know... tell him that Leon is Count D's friend?"

Tetsu pretended to think about it for a moment before replying, "Nahhh. I'm sure he'll figure it out for himself once the count gets back."

~end~