The Vacant Silence
Jimmy always wanted a way out. He felt as if he was drowning in the sea of his picture perfect apple pie life. His parents had been devout Catholics and had high expectations for their only son. He was supposed to make straight A's, he did. He was supposed to be good at a sport. He was the fastest swimmer and the fastest track runner his schools had. He was supposed to be valedictorian; he was by a large margin. He won science fairs, writing contests, and photography contests. He played the flute and placed in second place at five different competitions and first place in his district.
His room was filled with trophies, certificates, and ribbons. He graduated from the best college in the state in the top of his class. He won all sorts of prizes and recognitions from church, he became an Eagle Scout, and he had over 700 hours of volunteer work. He met Amelia, courted her because his wanted him too and married her. They died thinking Claire was his daughter when she wasn't. He had kept Amelia's infidelity a secret. He had a respectful well-to-do job, the perfect family, and he attended church every time the doors were open.
Still though, it was what his parents had wanted, not him. Every thing he did was to make his parents happy, since they had lost three other babies. Two were before him and one baby was after him. They had been so depressed and he couldn't make his parents sadder by not being what they hopped and dreamed. Not once did anyone ever ask him what it was that he wanted.
No one, except for a young boy by the name of Dean Winchester. It was ninth grade and he supposed Dean had seen in him a kindred spirit, for the boy was popular and had no other reason to even acknowledge Jimmy. Jimmy had been in the library studying for his Latin and French exams, when Dean sat down beside him. After a few minutes of Dean staring at him in silence, he was startled when Dean began to speak to him.
"What is it you want Jimmy? This isn't it." A moment's pause and when Jimmy hadn't responded Dean had continued,
"I want to be a police officer, but I have to join the family business. What about you?" The look Dean was giving him felt as if the boy could see into his very soul. Jimmy looked back up at the boy and had been stunned silent for a few moments by the look in Dean's eyes. With an intensity and honesty that surprised him, Jimmy remembered responding,
"I want to come out to my parents and not crush them. I want to be an author of murder mysteries and I want a partner that loves me unconditionally. That's what I want Dean." And hell, but when he was drowning the deepest, he remembered Dean's kindness.
Jimmy was on the verge of committing suicide when Castiel came to him and asked to use Jimmy as a host. To Jimmy it was as if all of his prayers had finally been answered. He didn't remember much as Castiel's vessel, only glimpses and flashes. When Castiel left him he was surprised to find an older Dean Winchester in front of him. His heart had beaten faster, but Jimmy doubted Dean recognized him. Jimmy doubted he did, because Jimmy himself would never have remembered Dean if not for the fact that he had fallen in love with Dean long ago when he had reached out to Jimmy when he was drowning.
Dean had shown no sign of recognition so Jimmy played along. Once again pretending to be the good Catholic man he was supposed to be. But Castiel came back and Jimmy died. And for Jimmy's Heaven, well it was that day so long ago when Dean pulled him out of the water and into the lifeboat for lost souls. It may not have meant anything to Dean, but Dean was Jimmy's savior and Jimmy could never thank him enough for what he had done, even if Dean would never know how he had saved Jimmy's life so many times over.