Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.

Metmorphosis

Since the first time his baby-brother graced him with his presence, Dean Winchester was certain of his role in life. He was to protect everything he held dear. His brother, obviously, his parents and his pet-bunny, all became protegees to his naive mind. Dean considered this role, the protector, a blessing in his youthful years. It was his calling, so naturally he found no reason to fight it thus adapting to it quite splendidly.

As a protector, Dean often found himself patting his own back, congratulating himself over a good day's work. Although he knew that he couldn't survive the task flawlessly, every failure equaled a severe lapse in judgment. He easily became obsessed with finding the error in his actions, and compensated his failure with harsh repercussions. He often assured himself it was necessary.

When Sam Winchester, his dear younger brother by four years, was bullied in fourth grade, Dean found himself scaring the shit out these tiny bullies. He didn't forget all the essential accessory, like his friend George, who was about six feet tall and broad as hell, and a smoke dangling from his lips. Dean might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he knew how to make little shits keep their mouths shut. As such Sammy was never bullied by those pussies again.

Mary and John Winchester didn't really have the most simple relationship. It involved deep love, affection, lust, anger, screaming, crying and making up. Though they didn't fight too often, it still manage to happen once in awhile. Dean tried to make sure it would happen when Sam was not present. Often, he was successful in that quest. However, he still despised when their parents would fight. All too often it was about completely pointless things like who forgot to buy toilet-paper or who would attend Sam's PTA. Those things they manage to solve quite easily. Or Dean would partake in the solving like striding out of the house raging about how he wasn't allowed to drive to the store to buy toilet-paper, leaving his parents standing dumb-struck in the kitchen. And thanking him when he came back.

However, when things between Mary and John took a turn for the worse, Dean would loan a shoulder to the both of them. He would listen to his mother's angry cussing and then later, silent crying while assuring her that everything would work out. John was a little bit harder to get to talk but the sight of his eldest son seemed to always do the trick. The oldest Winchester would spill his heart out and Dean would listen while patting his back gently. The next day, they would all gather in the living room and make up, sometimes with hugs and kisses and sometimes with awkward nods and faint smiles. But still, they would always make up. Dean made sure of it.

At 22, with a steady job as a mechanic in his birth-town Lawrence, Dean was quite sure Macy Jones was going to be his wife. That was before he stepped into Jack's Topless with his buddies on a Saturday night and discovered Gabby, the steaming waitress that everybody wanted a piece of. Dean was pretty sure he didn't suffer from ADHD, but his downstairs brain seemed to change wife-candidates in a rapid succession. So rapid, that they didn't pass for one-night flings anymore. His last real relationship was with Norma Reeds, and that lasted for a week, not to mention the fact that it was a year ago.

So, it was only natural that Dean in those days confused a smoking hot pair of boobs with eternal love and sunshine. It didn't really bother him that much, since he had bigger problem to mold over. Soon enough, Sammy would be going to college and that wasn't exactly going to be cheap. Dean had been helping out with the family's economy by working as a mechanic at Bobby Singer's since he was old enough to understand the true beauty of cars. Thus making Dean quite an expert these days.

However, Bobby wasn't exactly the most generous boss and a raise wouldn't even be close to pushing it. So there was Dean, drinking a beer and peering at topless women, simultaneous worrying about his baby-brother's future. His mother and father had suggested taking a loan, but the fact that they just managed to pay off their last one,didn't really make Dean all happy about their suggestion. But it seemed that it may be the only option, making Dean feel like an total and utter failure. Already tried finding another job, Dean really felt like the beer wasn't enough to cheer him up.

At exactly 11:16 pm, Dean Winchester made a decision to drink himself under the table and motioned the bartender for another beer, he finally made a notion of the gloomy looking trench-coat guy in the corner table. Alone he sat on a Saturday night looking like utter shit. And that was putting it mildly. The guy was of fair-skinned and brown-haired and a frown marred his handsome face. The unknown one had obviously failed to shave in quite a while and his clothes didn't exactly seem to smell of daises and lilacs. Or anything even remotely clean for that matter.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Dean made a decision. One he didn't really even get himself. Before knowing it he rose from the bar-stool and carefully took the two tequilas he just ordered and took the first step towards the stranger lonely corner. He honestly didn't know why but he had such a good felling about it. It might have been the alcohol finally messing with his brain, but at that point Dean didn't really care. Tonight he was going to cheer up a person he'd never met before. It didn't matter that the trench-coat guy was a total stranger. It didn't matter that his friends would be left behind. It didn't matter that it was Dean himself who needed some cheering up. Because that's just how Dean Winchester dealt with his needs.

"He-ya, Chuckles. Mind if I sit here? And trust me, after a few of these tequilas, you'll be smiling again."

(O)

Seven years ago, Dean Winchester moved with Castiel Novak to New York. It was quite overwhelming, no actually more than overwhelming, it was mind-blowing. But really didn't matter. Dean followed Castiel there for a good reason on both parts. At 23, Dean was still living with his parents who both seemed far too happy with that. Not that Dean complained, it was easier to support his family that way, but with his little brother already living in Stanford, he doubted he no longer was needed around.

He longed for something else. The fact that his parents were going to be just fine and that Sammy was also going to be just fine, really didn't give him peace of mind. Instead it made him rethink his value. With the crisis over the money-issues was safely packed away, thanks to John's daring move to start his own business, his family really didn't need any help in that department. Although he knew that he did far more than bring in money, Dean couldn't shake the feeling that maybe his work was done here. For now, anyway.

But the fact was that Dean wasn't sure whether he was ready to leave. It was his family and his home, after all. He could, of course, get his own place in Lawrence, but even that didn't satisfy him. Not even the fact that Bobby Singer had asked whether he wanted to consider being partners in his garage. It was one of Dean's dreams, ever since he had started working for Bobby. But now, when it was laid out for him, it suddenly didn't seem all appetizing.

His new friend, Castiel Novak was a wise man. Quiet, reserved but deadly sharp when he wanted to be. Their relationship had blossomed from Jack's topless to Dean and Cass together topless, and more. Of course, Dean wasn't gay. He liked to refer to himself as a "go-with-flow" kind of guy. If it felt good at that precise moment, why not follow through the whole ordeal? So, Dean had entertained both men and women in bed. Besides, Dean thought Castiel to be extremely nice. He enjoyed the man's company. But most of all he enjoyed Castiel's dilemma.

Castiel Novak was one of the inheritors of an well-known company. A company that produced millions of dollars every day. Castiel and his brothers were about to inherit a, not only a mother-lode but an enormous amount of responsibility. It was something that scared Castiel immensely. The day he escaped to Lawrence, was the day he came to know bout his father's disappearance. Thus making it official that the moment he had dreaded for thirty years was about to arrive. The company was going to be his and his brothers to run.

Stepping into the first bar he could find, Castiel had tried his best to drown his sorrows in alcohol, but as usual his attempt seemed to be fruitless. Alcohol never seemed to work too well for him anyway. So, Castiel Novak decided to mope and stare into his empty shot-glass. Truth to be told, he wasn't sure what the real problem was. For seven years now, he had worked for the company as very like the manager he was going to be. But the sense of security that his father carried around was going to be missing. Castiel needed someone to be there, to help him in case he needed it. And the thought, of working without his parent was simply scary.

Of course, he knew he was being childish. That's what Michael said anyway. He hadn't needed his father's help at all for three years now. He was capable of working and deciding on his own. What he missed was simply the feeling. Even though, Michael and Gabriel were going to inherit equal parts with him, that didn't ease up his mind at all. Castiel felt miserable and angry.

And then Dean Winchester came. For six weeks Castiel stayed in town. Dean and he soon became very close. Dean was a great listener and an incredible support. And to Dean, Castiel was that something he needed. His parents were fine, his little brother was more than fine, and Cass was not fine. No matter how weird it sounded, Dean loved to try and fix Cass and his issues. He desired to support him, to hold him dear and to protect him. Cass made Dean feel whole and wanted again. Cass felt strong enough to go on with his life and return to New York.

So, when Castiel Novak checked out of his motel-room, loaded up his Porsche and steered towards New York, was it really so weird that he took Dean Winchester with him?

(O)

On a chilly December morning Dean Winchester stared out from the car window. At 30, he still remembered by heart his mother's birthday which would be celebrated that very evening. For five long years he hadn't seen his family, that probably being the reason for the enormous knot in his stomach. It would be a grand occasion for the entire family, Mary's 55th birthday, since the 50th was spent exclusively in the peace and quiet of their own home. Dean had been there, only for the party though, and left Lawrence the same evening.

It certainly wasn't that Dean had cut all the ties with his family, no sir. He quite enjoyed long conversations over the telephone with each and everyone of them, especially Sammy. He missed the kid like crazy. And his parents as well. But it was a hard fact that New York really wasn't just around the corner. But Dean loved long road-trips, in fact there used to be a whole lot of them before. The typical trip from New York to Lawrence was driven once every two months. Even Castiel liked to join him occasionally. Yes, Dean loved to pay his parents visits every now and then, when his job and overall life would allow. But the fact remained that Dean hadn't done those trips in a very long time.

When Dean left Lawrence to live with Castiel in New York, he enjoyed the city immensely. It may have been loaded with criminals and hookers but Dean had a special talent to look at the bright side. Almost immediately, he spotted himself a job as a mechanic at a quite successful garage in Brooklyn. The pay was so-so and Dean could count on some good experience from professionals. In fact, he managed to gain himself a reputation as a more than capable mechanic in the short time span of a year and a half.

The romance was good as well. Castiel Novak had Dean convinced that he was going to spend the rest of his life with him. At least, he had a strong will to make it happen. Castiel was, needless to say, rich, so it was only natural that he wanted Dean to live with him in a spacious Manhattan pent-house. Dean didn't object on any level, in fact, he was shamelessly happy about it. The thought of living alone was not scary but alien to Dean. He just liked the idea of being there for Cass, twenty-four seven.

Their relationship was good on pretty much every aspect. Of course, they liked to butt heads every now and then but the loving always remained. It wasn't exaggerating to say that they were more or less dependent on each other. Castiel didn't even try to deny it, he needed Dean, within an arms reach. Ever since Dean had first opened his mouth to speak to Cass, Cass knew that he wouldn't be able to let go of the Winchester. His lover had an unimaginable amount of influence over him. Dean was there to help him, to shield him, to support him and finally, to love him. Dean himself carved after Castiel just as much. It was his duty and his calling, to be there for his lover, no matter what. It was just who Dean was.

But watching the trees flash by their Mercedes Benz all those years later, Dean found himself questioning everything in his life. As a thirty-year-old man who was slowly approaching his childhood home, his lover's steady warm hand grasping his thigh, Dean felt more lost than ever before in his life. He watched the old fences, the tacky-colored wooden houses flash by, remembering each and every one of them. The scenery was so nostalgic that he could even imagine Sammy and himself running along the street as kids.

Dean stared at his own reflection in the window. He remembered who he used to be, what he used to look like. He then realized just how different he truly was these days. His skin, which used to sun-kissed throughout the year, was just plain pale. So pale be wanted to grab a crayon and paint all over it. His face, which was handsome and just the right amount of pretty, didn't really live up to it's standards anymore. The slightly reddish eyes sported bags, just big enough to catch attention. These days, he was less like the overcompensating buff gay man he used to be, but rather like a frail-looking patient that needed constant monitoring. Dean liked to sum it all up in one simple sentence: "I look like hell."

Feeling the knot in his stomach tightening even further, Dean looked over at Castiel. The guy was still caressing Dean's thigh in a simple motion while driving down the small road. Those sea blue eyes were concentrated on their task, and a small frown was on display as he tried to locate the house. Knowing that Cass understood his anxiousness over the current situation, Dean shifted his thigh to let Cass know he was awake. Immediately the blue eyes snapped to him and Dean offered him a smile.

"Good morning. I was wondering when you would wake up, Dean."

Trust Castiel to always be so professional. Nonetheless, Dean loved his lover's way of simply always being socially awkward without realizing it himself. Besides, social encounters were Dean's area of expertise, well, at least more than Castiel's. While searching out the calmness in his lover's eyes, Dean came to realize that that moment, right there, was one of those ones, that had Dean questioning his role in life. He felt out of place while searching for reassurance. He didn't know whether it was meant for him, whether he deserved it. It was always him reassuring people. He no longer knew what to make out of the current situation.

"I wasn't sleeping. Just wondering how long it would take for you to figure it out, Cass."

Castiel glanced at his long-term boyfriend with amusement in his blue eyes. Dean loved those eyes. He also loved Cass. Had for a very, very long time. And he truly doubted that he'd ever stop loving him. Too bad things never were that easy. Dean didn't think anything in his life could be described as simple any more. He used to be a simple guy, living in New York with a very special man. Yeah, that used to sum it up. Not to mention his kick-ass job, which was truly the pretty cherry on top of it all.

Dean just didn't have a job anymore. Not a real one anyway. Though Castiel liked to call his occasional gigs, like helping out his ex co-worker Xavier, a real job, but Dean just couldn't agree with his lover. Whether Dean liked it or not, his life wasn't the same as it was when he walked the streets of Kansas. The Winchester sighed out softly, realizing that the would arrive at their destination soon. His nervousness was still intact, growing bigger by the minute. Castiel parked the car by the old white fence and turned to face Dean.

"Dean, baby, listen to me, alright? You're going to be fine. Your family has missed you, and they all will be happy to see you again. No matter what is, or has happened. I Promise." Castiel moved closer, which proved to be quite tricky in the small cramped space but managed to cup Dean's cheek and kiss him softly. Dean tilted his head in order to deepen the kiss, because getting physical with Cass was not only great in itself but also an effective way to get his mind off things. Cass didn't seem to mind his lover's advances and deepened the kiss while letting his hand stray around Dean's waist. But being the older and more responsible part of the relationship, Castiel gently pulled back and smiled briefly at his partner.

"Shall we?" Dean huffed at Castiel's formal way of prying whether he was ready or not. Nonetheless he nodded and stepped out of the black Mercedes Benz and was met by the chilly Kansas air. The sight of his childhood home greeted him warmly, even after the five years of absence. It still looked the same, but when he focused, small changes had taken place here and there. It was odd and strangely comforting at the same time. Things change apparently for everyone.

(O)

Shepard's pie with a side of mashed potatoes with cranberry-sauce, a specialty of Mary Winchester's. Which everyone in the family by the way loved. It would have been kind of hard not to, since it was the family's typical Sunday dinner. Or in this case lunch. The entire Winchester family plus an extra were all seated around the traditional dinner table, small-talking back and forth.

Mary and John Winchester were pleased to finally have their family gathered together again. Five years had passed since their last reunion as a whole, and wait for the eldest had been unbearable for both. So naturally the joy of seeing him again was overwhelming. But the thing was that the Dean that left so hastily five years ago wasn't like the Dean that was sitting at the table chatting with his older lover. He was different in many ways, but also the same. The smile hadn't changed, but it was flashed more frequently towards Castiel rather than his parents. His eyes remained the same beautiful green, but they seemed older and more worn that before. But the funny thing was, that nothing worried Mary more than the untouched piece of pie that laid on Dean's plate.

"So, Dean, Castiel, how have things been ? I assume business has been good, after all, I've seen the stocks..." John eyed the dark-haired man beside his eldest closely. The idea of Dean running off with a now almost middle-aged man had been quite mind-blowing a few years but the fact that said man was also the director of a well-known company that made more than enough money was beyond mind-blowing. The guy was practically a celebrity!

" Well, um, business has indeed been good. We made excellent profit this year. As for me and Dean, we're still deeply in love. And we intend to stay that way." Dean himself cracked up immediately following his lover's comment on their love life. Good old Cass, always so frank. John stared at his sons boyfriend in slight amazement. How many people could say that with a straight face?

" Well, I think Cass is perfect for Dean. I don't think anyone else is patient enough to handle him." Sam Winchester decided to make his opinion known. He smiled playfully at his older brother, who actually smirked in response. Sam was eternally grateful to see Dean again, and to have his brother sitting at the same old dinner table was relaxing. Even so relaxing that it was downright scary, to put such value in your sibling, whom you by the way hadn't seen in five years. Who suddenly just reappeared with the not only the same boyfriend that the ran away with, but also so different from last time.

In Sam's opinion Dean was the strong, caring and supporting character in somebody's life. He didn't ask for things, but rather wanted to give them away. His older brother had the ability to always make sure that Sam was at peace. Hell, his entire family for that matter. When Castiel had walked in Lawrence all those years ago, Sam was confident that Dean had become that character for him too. Sam believed that that was the reason why Castiel convinced his brother to move to New York with him. He could relate to that, because Sam had yet to know anyone who willing would have let Dean slip from their grasp. Much less himself.

But now, when the tallest Winchester looked at his probably most precious person in the world, he knew that Dean had changed. It was in the air around him, the way he walked, the way he smiled, the way he looked and the way he looked at Castiel. It was everywhere, and Sam just couldn't comprehend it. Even though Dean may have looked different, but it wasn't that what bugged Sam. People change, so even if his brother may have stopped working out and thinned as a result, that wasn't a problem.

But the look in Dean's eyes was a problem. Sam just knew it. Something wasn't right. The small tell-tale signs were there. Like how Castiel would look at Dean as if checking up on him, how Dean's hand would shake a little before he would fist it and how Castiel's eyes were fogged with worry ever since they stepped through the front door. Everyone noticed, everyone knew. But the also knew how to be tactful, and wait patiently for the truth. Because they trusted Dean, and like always had faith in him.

So, when the dam finally burst as the truth was let out from Dean's lips, none of the Winchester family was prepared.

"I have cancer."

(O)

My very first Supernatural fanfic. Please, leave a review. It would help immensely. Part 2 coming soon.