Chapter 1

Happiness escapes me as I peer deep into Tyler's eyes, wondering what is going to happen to me, him and Logan. I try to cling to positive thoughts, but they dissolve as negative ones take over, like a dark fog invading a beautiful dream. Panic rises in my chest, and just when I think I am going to have a breakdown, the sound of a creaking door distracts me. I turn, and a large smile spreads across my face.

"Good morning sunshine," says Logan, dropping the towel from around his waist, sending it to the floor in a sodden heap. The steam from the bathroom floats around him like a gentle cloud and his skin glistens like grass covered in dew. He is hard and ready to please. I place Tyler in his bassinet and race to Logan, throwing myself into his chest. His moist skin and damp hair make my body tingle with excitement.

"I can't wait until the divorce's final," he says, and kisses me gently on the forehead.

My lips meet his, but the lust that flickered inside me just moments ago suddenly dies. We break free and he cups my face in his hands.

"What's wrong, Mia?" He asks, my eyes not quite meeting his.

"You know," I whisper as a cold numbness begins to spread through my body.

"Mia, there's nothing to know. You've got to stop doing this." His voice is stern, yet soothing.

I pull away from him.

"You can't do this to me…to Tyler!" I snap, feeling the bitter anger rising in the back of my throat.

He grabs my wrists and pulls me back into him. My hands form tight fists and begin to tingle under the pressure of his grasp. I writhe to break free. A bemused expression spreads across his face, then he tosses me onto the bed, like a rag doll. He roughly pulls my nightgown over my head, turns me on my stomach and lands a hard hand on my buttocks.

"Logan," I protest, my anger coming to a boil.

He slaps me again, harder.

He falls on top of me, the throbbing of his penis against my back sending tremors of excitement through my body. His breath is warm on my ear as he whispers, "I'll never let anything happen to you, me or Tyler. Understand?"

"I need to know," I return as I feel my anger slip away under his controlling touch.

He grabs my hair, yanking it hard away from my face. His tongue falls on my chin and slithers up my cheek.

"For the last time Mia, I'm not up to anything," he angrily whispers, then penetrates me.

I want to stay angry - no - furious, but his take charge attitude and determination turn me on, making me relax and moan out in pleasure as we orgasm together.

"It's just I love you so much," I say, catching my breath.

"Mia I love you too, you know that. You worry too much," he says softly, as if feeling every agony I am going through.

He rolls on his side, faces me and begins stroking my hair. I stare into his emerald green eyes, wishing I could read his thoughts.

"The lawyer said the papers should arrive soon." His eyes sparkle like evening stars.

"It's going to be hard," I say, biting my lower lip.

"I'm going to rent an apartment close to base. Relax I'll take care of everything. And my mom is going to stay with us a while, for Tyler."

"Oh, Logan, it's not just that," I say, then hesitate, searching for the right words.

"Then what is it?" He lifts up on an elbow, his eyes fraught with worry.

"Mitch will still be so close…and what about you wanting to go back to Colorado? And then the attorney's fees? How can we afford an apartment…and then the second mortgage on your home…no…your parents' home," I say, hating the whiny tone of my voice.

"Don't worry about the money Mia, I already told you the bills will be taken care of."

The thought of living in an apartment again makes me shudder. Invading visions of my opulent home with Mitch play through my mind. Maybe Mitch is innocent, maybe Logan is mistaken. I spring from the bed, my heart pounding like a fist. I love Logan, how can I be so shallow?

I walk over to the dresser, press my hands on the top and stare at my reflection in the mirror, seeing myself, but not knowing who I am. I need to do what is best for Tyler, and his father, Logan, is what is best. But Mitch's words still echo in my head, 'you'll come back once the lust wears off.'

"You're worried I can't provide for you Mia, right?" He bounces from the bed and begins to pace.

I turn to him with sorrowful eyes. "No Logan…well…maybe, but I trust you. Just what good are you going to do me if you get yourself into trouble trying to get even with Mitch?"

He races toward me, grabs my shoulders and pulls me close. His thumbs gently caress my skin, making me shiver. I reach around his broad chest and squeeze tight, the warmth of his body flowing into mine. He begins to stroke my hair and gently kisses me on top the head.

An exasperated sigh escapes him. "Mia, I'm not going to get even with Mitch."

"But you said you were going to face him and take care of him…remember? You said there was no time to wait for the law." A surge of anger rips through me and I begin to pound his chest.

He sinks his fingers like talons into my shoulders and shakes me hard, making my head snap. "God damn it Mia…I was angry when I said that. He kicked my ass okay, why do you have to keep bringing it up? Just drop it. Drop it now!"

I open my mouth to speak, but only the air that's left in my lungs escapes, like a deflating balloon. I want to tell him I know he's planned something and that I often find myself wondering if I've made a mistake about him…us.

He takes a handful of my hair and gently pulls back my head, stares intently into my eyes and says, "Mia, please, I don't want to fight. I'm not planning anything. I already told you I'm letting the MP's handle it."

My vision grows blurry as I read the divorce papers, trying to decipher the legal mumbo jumbo. Finally giving in to frustration, I toss them to the side, releasing a small groan. I rest my elbows on the table and prop my head up in my hands.

"What's wrong?" asks Logan from the sofa.

"I can't read this crap any more. What does it say?"

"The lawyer said you can get all possessions you owned before you met Mitch."

My chest grows tight and my heart pounds. "And Tyler's ours?"

"Yes, Mia, you know that." He rises from his seat and sits next to me, then wraps a reassuring arm around my shoulder. "What is it? Why don't you just sign and be done with it?"

I collect the papers and begin to sign; knowing he is right, but I want to punish him until he tells me what he has planned. But I know it's useless, having already exhausted my efforts to get it out of him.

"Here," I say as I pass him the papers with a limp hand.

"What's wrong Mia? Why aren't you happy?" His arm falls away from my shoulder.

A cold chill passes over me and I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

"It's about the plan again, right?" He springs to his feet, overturning his chair, causing me to jump.

"I'm past the plan. If you say there's no plan then I believe you, but you're keeping secrets from me." My lips begin to quiver and I bounce up from my seat, as if this act will keep me from turning into a sobbing mess. "I can feel it Logan."

"Mia, I have no secrets, you need to stop living by your old relationships."

His eyes burn with a strange anger that pulls the strings of guilt that wrap around my heart. I know he is right and I know I must trust him. Logan, I am certain, is the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with, but then so was Mitch - once.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, then round the table and embrace him. "I'm sorry I ever doubted you…us."

The sound of jangling keys breaks our endearing moment and then the door flies open with a bang, startling me.

Mrs. McCoy stops on the threshold, her arms heavy with grocery sacks. Logan and I race over to help.

"What's up mom?" asks Logan.

A large smile spreads across her cheeks and her eyes begin to tear. "I need to get cookin'."

She races to the kitchen, Logan and I on her heels. We exchange quizzical looks as she rushes about, pulling various items out of the grocery bags, some of which are succulent steaks, a luxury I know we cannot afford.

"Mom," says Logan, his voice booming. "Stop and answer me, what's up?"

She casts him a furtive smile and continues to prance about, removing expensive chinaware from a far off cabinet that I have never seen her open. He races to her, grabs her by the wrists and asks again, "What's up?"

Her smile begins to crack under the quiver of her lips. Barely able to keep her composure, she squeezes out, "Your father's back. He's coming in tonight."

Needles of anxiety stab at me. "That's terrific," I blurt out and begin to crack my knuckles.

Logan brushes his fingers through his hair, releases a soft, heartfelt laugh, then clasps the sides of his head. He turns to me with glistening eyes and says, "I haven't seen him in a while. Not since I left for officer training."

I make a start toward Logan, but his mother beats me to him, throwing her arms around his shoulders. His face wrinkles as he closes his eyes tight, trying to contain the tears that threaten to engulf him. A strange jealously rises inside me, which I immediately squelch. It's their moment.

After several minutes I walk over, grab each one's arm and give a gentle squeeze.

Logan releases his mother and folds me into his arms. I take deep breaths, trying to control the overwhelming emotions that take hold of me, but the trembling of Logan's body sends tears flooding down my cheeks.

He cups my face in his hands and holds back my head. "Mia, I can't wait for you to meet him."

I try to smile, but my lips quiver, making it impossible. All I can do is nod my head, then bury my face into his chest, and deeply inhale his scent.

The day wears on and it feels like I am in the kitchen for hours, assisting Mrs. McCoy in preparing the food. Needing a break, I remove my apron and drag myself into the living room. My eyes fall on Logan lounging on the sofa. He radiates a happiness that I haven't seen since he saw me after the coma. He cradles Tyler in his massive biceps, rocking him, then frees one arm to gently stroke his cheek with the back of his index finger.

My heart bounds with love for him and I scold myself for ever having doubts. He is my soul mate. And as quickly as I have the thought it evaporates as a voice deep inside me reminds me that I had once felt the same for Mitch.

"You dressed him," I exclaim, pushing negative thoughts from my head. I run over and plop down next to Logan, his skin brushing mine, sending chills of excitement through my body. "He looks so cute."

Bubbles of joy rise inside me as I look into Tyler's smiling face. His right cheek dimples, just like his father's.

"He's here!" yells Mrs. McCoy as she races out of the kitchen to the front door.

I spring to my feet, my body's nervous reaction quicker than my brain. Dizziness takes hold of me, my legs grow weak and I collapse back into the sofa.

"You ok, Mia?" asks Logan as he extends a hand.

"Sure," I say, ignoring his gesture, instead reaching for the baby, but he won't release him.

"I want to be the first to introduce Tyler to dad."

"Okay," I say, feeling vulnerable now that I won't have Tyler as a distraction.

Shrieks of joy echo through the house, making my stomach twist and burn. I rush over to the door, keeping a distance behind Logan.

Mr. McCoy hugs his wife, her face disappearing into the folds of his loose fitting t-shirt. He pats her back in a steady rhythm, sounding like beating on a hollow tree log. He releases her and she stands off to the side, head hung low as she wipes away the tears that tumble down her cheeks. He turns to Logan, his furry brows arched as if he is making a great effort to hold back his emotions. His eyes turn glassy and shine in the dim light of the room.

"Son," he says, then sniffles. "Son" - he shakes his head in disbelief - "I thought I'd never see you again."

Silence ensues, and just as it becomes awkward the two men shake hands. Logan shifts Tyler to one arm and steps forward, embracing his father with the other. Mr. McCoy pats his son hard on the back, then they begin to laugh. My heart leaps at the sight of the father son reunion.

"Who is this little fella?" asks Mr. McCoy as he steps back and reaches out to Tyler.

The baby's eyes grow wide and his face begins to quiver. A muffled cry escapes him and Logan turns to me. I gather Tyler into my arms and hold him close to my chest, and begin to soothe him, avoiding eye contact with Mr. McCoy.

"That's Tyler," says Logan, then wraps an arm around my shoulder. "And this is Mia."

He pulls me close and pushes me forward, as if I am a shy child he is trying to encourage to socialize.

Soft, green eyes falls upon me, radiating a kindness I never see in Mrs. McCoy. I flush and silently scold myself for being so rude. A small smile stretches across my cheeks and grows wider when Mr. McCoy returns the gesture.

"It's nice to meet you," he says, extending his hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. McCoy," I say as I balance the baby in one arm and give a stern shake. Silently I applaud myself for not being too awkward.

"Please call me Paul," he returns, still holding my hand.

"Let's all take a seat and catch up," says Logan.

"I'll set the table," I say, hoping to escape, but Mrs. McCoy insists I relax and watch after Tyler so the men can talk.

I want to sit next to Logan and cuddle up to him, his tenderness always making my anxiety disappear as if some magical spell seeps into me from him, but I take the rocking chair instead, wanting to give the men time to themselves, and stay unnoticed.

Logan sits on the sofa and his father across from him in the tattered love seat. As I look over the furnishings my heart seizes and guilt grips me as I realize that I have only made their financial situation worse. Surely, his parents must think I am horrible. A trollop who got pregnant and trapped the first man I could pin it on. But then I remind myself that I had Mitch and could have lived in luxury, but chose love instead, but could they reason that?

"Mia," says Logan, snapping me from my thoughts, "I'm going to help mom, ok?" He gives me an odd kind of look and then my eyes flit across the room, landing on Paul.

My breath catches once it registers that I am going to be alone with his father.

"So Mia, Logan tells me you have two degrees?" He says delightedly.

"Yes, I have a bachelor's and master's degree in business."

He claps his hands together and leans forward, elbows on his knees. "That's terrific. We were so proud when Logan went to Emery Riddle. I myself, and well, his mother too, neither of us have a formal education."

I smile reassuringly and say, "We always want our kids to do better than us, that's what's important."

"So true," he says, takes a deep breath, then rests back into the sofa cushions.

"It must be hard for you, always being away from home, with your job and all." I fix my eyes on Tyler, hoping he will cry for food or a nap, but he just stares back at me with Logan's eyes, as if quietly enjoying my awkwardness.

"Yes, but trucking pays decent and my kids never went without." He releases a sigh, looks to the floor, and continues, "Mia, Logan is my only son now and it would kill me if anything happened to him."

I gulp hard, Uh-Oh, here it comes.

Just before the silence becomes even more uncomfortable he says, "What's with this other man, Mitch? Is he out of your life?"

"Of course he is," I blurt, feeling offended. "I love Logan."

"So you married a man you didn't love?" he asks, his voice so calm I become confused by my own mix of emotions.

"I…I settled because he was good to me. I thought I loved him, but I always thought about Logan," I catch the sob that rises in my throat, swallowing it back down. "I thought Logan was dead. I'd never married Mitch if I had known otherwise." He looks upon me with skeptical eyes, and I press on. "There's no point in marrying for love if the only one you love is dead, right? Mitch is a wealthy man and he would've provided for me and Tyler. I was willing to sacrifice myself for my son."

"I understand," he says. "I can see you truly love my son, but he's in danger now. Someone - Mitch, -wants him dead."

"I know and I'm sorry." My voice quivers. Tyler starts to kick and I look down to see my tears falling on his face. I wipe my eyes, then shift my head to the side in a futile attempt to hide.

"What's going on?" asks Logan as he walks into the room, quickening his pace at the sight of me. A warm hand falls on my arm and rubs. "Dad-"

"It's nothing", I interrupt. "Really, I just get a little emotional, thinking about what all you've been through."

"Dad did you make Mia cry?" asks an incredulous Logan.

Paul opens his mouth to speak, but his wife's booming voice takes over. "Your father's concerned about you welfare Logan. Being with Mia isn't safe."

"My God, mother, we've been through this already, I can't believe this. I love Mia." His fingers start to dig into my flesh, and while it hurts, I savor the pain, knowing he is suffering as much as me.

"And then there's the money-"

"God damn it mom, I told you it's going to be taken care of."

"How?" she demands as she places her hands on her hips and begins to tap a foot.

Logan leaves my side and begins to pace. One hand brushes through his hair while the other rests on his hip. When he reaches the end of the room he stops, as if deep in thought. He turns around to face us, then casts his eyes back to the floor, seeming unable to formulate the right words.

Silence ensues and I find myself sucking in my tears, staring at him with blurry eyes, and coming to the realization that he is keeping secrets from all of us.

"Okay, I got a side job that promises to pay pretty well," he finally says.

"What is it," I ask as I unconsciously rise to my feet.

"Remember that project I was working on in college?" he asks, shifting his eyes to his father. Paul nods and Logan plunges on, "Well, a friend of mine who's in the parts business has offered me the opportunity to develop my idea and see if we can sell it."

"That's terrific son," says Paul, then settles back into the sofa.

"What project?" asks Mrs. McCoy as she takes a step toward her son, her eyes burning with suspicion.

"I was working on an alloy that could be used for engine clips in planes mom."

Her face goes blank, revealing she has no idea what he is talking about. "Doesn't it take money to undergo such projects?" she finally asks.

"It does, but he's fronting the project," he says, unsure of himself.

"But couldn't that take months if not years to reap the benefits? I mean how are you going to pay the bills now?" I interject, immediately wishing I could take back my words as I see the excitement in Logan's face dissolve into disappointment.

"It's going to work and I hope to be selling parts in six months," he says. I stare at him in anticipation, and as if he understands I am waiting for more, he continues, "He gave me money up front - an advance - so to speak."

I feel my eyes widen as the shock of his words ripple through my body. "What if it doesn't work?" I whisper.

"It'll work," he says, sternly.

His eyes flash with anger as he knits his brows, and I know not to press the matter any further. I lower my head, freeing myself from Logan's icy stare, and look into Tyler's face. Logan's smart, he'll turn this to a success, I know it.

"Who's this friend?" asks his mother, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"An old friend from high school," he says casually.

I snap my head up, my eyes darting back and forth from mother to son.

"Do we know him?" asks Paul.

"Yeah, William Harney," he says, his tone upbeat.

"Oh, he's a good kid," says his mother, releasing a sign of relief.

"Comes from money," adds Paul.

I feel the tension in my limbs let go and I race toward Logan. "Why didn't you tell me - us?" I ask as I stare quizzically into his sparkling eyes.

He rests a reassuring hand on my shoulder and says, "I just wanted to wait until things started taking off. We're just in the planning phase now." His smile drops from his face and his eyes grow sorrowful. "Mia, I'll be going to Colorado earlier than planned so I can get things really rolling on this."

"I understand," I say. The thought of being left alone with his mother grips me with fear. Just when I thought she had accepted me, I learn she has not and now realize we will be battling over Logan.

The evening lingers on as I silently fume. I frequently eye the large clock on the dining room wall as Logan and his parents eat and talk. Tyler is fast asleep in his bassinet and I strain my ears, hoping for a cry, a whimper, anything to give me an excuse to leave the table.

"That was delicious," says Paul as his drops his utensils on his plate, the clinking startling me from my thoughts.

I peer down at my food, picked over and barely eaten. When I look up all eyes are on me, then Mrs. McCoy shifts her gaze to my plate, her face thoughtful.

"Time for dessert?" I ask as I spring from the table, collect my plate, then rush around grabbing whatever else I can carry.

I rush off to the kitchen and start to scrape dishes when arms reach around me, causing me to jump. I turn to meet Logan and before I can open my mouth to explain my bizarre behavior he plants his lips on mine and gently slips his tongue into my mouth. Pasion overtakes me as his pelvis presses hard against my abdomen. My fingers relax and the plate in my hands slips, crashing to the floor, and shattering.

Mrs. McCoy bolts into the room, her eyes falling on me, then Logan, as we remain in our tender embrace like startled animals afraid to move. Her cheeks begin to flush as her gaze shifts to the floor.

"That's my good china," she says in a voice grating with anger as she drags her eyes up to me.

I start to open my mouth when Logan speaks up. "It was an accident mom, ok?"

Later that evening Tyler cries, allowing me to escape. I sit back in my rocker and stare up at the ceiling as the baby feeds, wondering how Mitch's mom adored me, yet Logan's hates me. My heart begins to pound like a fist and just as I release a sigh a warm hands falls on my shoulder, starling me.

"It's okay, Mia," say Logan.

I look down at Tyler, his eyes closed, lips pink and cheeks rosy. Logan lifts him from my arms and lays him on his stomach in the crib.

"Logan," I say. "I don't want your mom to stay after you leave for Colorado."

He drags a hand over my head, bringing back chilling memories of Ben. I shake him off, determined to stand my ground.

"Mia," he says in his reasoning voice. "She'll be good with Tyler and he won't be watched by someone we don't even know."

"I understand," I say, "but she hates me too much, it's too stressful for me. I... I thought she was warming up to me, but she obviously harbors bad feelings" - I tilt forward in the rocker, nearly tumbling over - "I'm sorry Logan, no, I won't allow her to stay with us. It's too poisonous for me. I won't have it."

Logan pushes me back into the rocker. His hands shift to the smooth wooden arms, and as he holds himself up, his biceps flex like the crests of perfectly formed waves. My breath catches as he falls in closer, his masculinity making me lose my senses.

"Mia, I love you and if you feel this strongly about it then I'll tell her to stay here." His lips meet mine and he wiggles his hips between my legs.

I grab his buttocks and pull him in closer, push out my pelvis and begin to shift my hips up and down. He reaches behind me, his warm hands instantly soothing my worries. I reach around his neck and drive my tongue into his mouth. He lifts me out of the chair and gently lays me on the bed, then disrobes me.

His warm, soft lips travel to my neck, then to my breasts, then my abdomen. My legs spread wide as his moist tongue gently strokes my clitoris. He starts with a slow rhythmic motion, then escalates in time with my breathing to a harder rasping. Just as I start to orgasm he drags himself over me, his chest hairs caressing my nipples. I arch back as he penetrates me and we cum together.

Logan rolls onto his back. I shift to my side and watch in blissful silence as his chest rises and declines with his breath.

"You were so gentle," I say dreamily.

"Did you like it?" he asks.

"Yes, it was different." I release a sign and pull myself on top of him, pressing my ear hard against his chest. The sound of his heart vibrates into me, filling me with unspeakable joy.

Logan begins to run his fingers through my hair and just as I start to get cozy and drift off to sleep he speaks. "Mia," he says, his tone is half questioning, sending my body into full alert.

I lift my head, "What is it?"

I peer deep into his eyes, but he cannot keep my gaze.

"The lawyer said the papers are coming tomorrow-"

"Well, that's good news, isn't it," I interrupt with a pitch in my voice that I had not intended.

"Yes, it's good, but there's more to it."

I sit upright, straddling him, and place my hands on his broad pecs. My eyes search his and I can feel my brows furrow as if silently gesturing him to continue.

"The judge has placed an order for you to collect what's yours from Mitch's home."

My throat constricts, making it difficult to breathe, but somehow I manage to quell my panic and say, "Okay, so we have a restraining order against him and you're going with me, right?"

Logan grabs my arms, his firm grip sending spikes of pleasure and fear throughout my body. "He has requested that I not be there with you."

"What!" I exclaim. "Why not?"

"He feels I'm a threat," he says in barely contained fury.

I start to open my mouth to state the absurdity of it, Mitch being a black belt and having already beaten Logan, but I swallow the words as the reality of the situation soaks in like alcohol on a fresh cut.

"He wants to get me alone," I whisper.

Logan's fingers dig deep into my flesh and he throws me to the side, shifting himself on top of me, the full weight of his body crushing me. I wiggle beneath him and a large smile creeps across his face. He stares at me with glistening eyes, half-amused and half-serious.

"Mia," he says in his drill sergeant voice, "I'm going to send my father with you, but I plan to be close by and you'll have to call me if there's any trouble…understand?"

"I do," I say, trying to mask the doubt in my voice.

Logan's penetrating stare remains fixed on me and I panic at what he may say next. After all he was caught off guard that day. Surely Logan, prize man of the military, can defend himself, but then Mitch is a martial arts master and smart - cunning - dangerous.

"Logan-"

Logan presses a finger on my lips, then wiggles between my legs.

"Mia," he says more serious than ever. "Will you marry me?"

I can feel the muscles in my face relax and my eyes widen with joy. "Yes!" I exclaim.

"You sure," he chuckles, "You seemed so serious a second ago…like something else is on your mind."

"I'm just worried about tomorrow, that's all," I say.

Logan rests on top of me, gently, allowing me to breathe. I enjoy the feel of his skin and the heat from his body as it seeps into mine, comforting me into a peaceful slumber.