Off track because I can do that and I'm back to updating stories. So, this is just a little thing.
Warnings: depressing, mentions of rape
Disclaimer:Don't own glee.
That's where you are laying in your bed, trying to erase the memories, clawing at your arm, begging for the memories to fade away. Tears are cascading down your face as your back is pressed against the wall. Every limb of your body is shaking. You can feel your heartbeat rush but you're struggling to breath. Your head is pounding, that's what it is. You just woke up from a nightmare, a nightmare that had become your reality. The room is silent but you can hear noises all around the house. You've gone day-by-day begging to be freed, freed of this memory, for someone to save you from yourself. Slowly you're climbing off you're bed only to be rushing to the bathroom.
The door slips shut behind you, but opens a little, you're doubled over on your knees throwing up everything you've had to eat. You're slowly losing weight, the doctor keeps scolding you, so you're mom keeps scolding you. That's just another problem you've become, but the nightmares are so real now and you can't erase them. You're eyes shut and your head hits the arm resting on the toilet seat. You're scared and still shaking and now you're cold. You wish you knew to wear more clothes when you went to sleep. You wish it wasn't raining when you open the door.
You're feet guide you to the exact location where the nightmares begun, where they all take place. You fall to you're knees, reflecting your face in the puddle. You aren't sure if you've been crying or if the pouring rain is falling over your cheeks. You find your way to your feet and the scene plays itself out for you.
It was a fun night, you and you're friends, drinking, smoking, just having fun. Going to the car, you had to get something, more stuff for them and HE followed you. HE came with you and you didn't mind it, it was just normal. You were drunk you could barely stand up straight and you found your way to the car. You laughed as you fumbled with the keys, you unlocked the car. Your eyes narrow at the memory, tears now rushing down your cheeks, anger filling you at your stupidity.
You grab the handle and smile at HIM over your shoulder. He smirks back and pins you to the car. He pins you to the car and you giggle at his words. You shove him away but he just invades your space more, pressing his lips to yours roughly. Fear shoots through you but you can handle it. You pull away and turn away, looking at the ground. His grip is so tight and he tells you to stop being a tease and put out. You run your hand through your hair as you walk around the scene, a new fear coursing through you.
He grabs your button up and rips it open pushing it down one shoulder. You're struggling now, fighting against him, pushing him away. Yelling at him to let you go. His hand hits your lips, pushing you're head into the car hard. You wince at the pain and stars invade you vision. He's running his lips and hand all over you, telling you to shut up and behave. You whimper, pleading for him to stop as your insides freeze, you don't want this you've never wanted this. He smiles down on you, invading your lips and you want to gag. He tastes horrid, gross, he tastes like whiskey and smokes that never really bothered you. It never bothered you until now. You probably tasted the same but it was so gross. It made you're stomach churn. You clench your stomach breathing to calm yourself down, you want to kill this memory, destroy it, erase it.
His hand grabs the front of your pants and you struggle against it, tears slipping down your face and he backhands you. He tells you to get over it, you want this just as bad as he does. But you don't. You don't want this, you never have. He rips the button open and yanks your pants down. You're standing in almost nothing now and he's pressed against you. You feel Him against you and you whimper, you beg of him to stop. You plead for him to let you go and he presses his lips to your neck, telling you how gorgeous you are, how much he wants you. You just cry, weak against the car. You're still pushing against him but it does nothing because he's stronger. You don't know how he's stronger but then he's being pulled off you. Your eyes meet your best friends who are angry as he asks what's going on. You sob lightly. Shame fills you again, at the memory of your best finding you so pathetic as if he hasn't seen this side of you enough.
You're friends on the guy in a second, fist flying toward HIS face and you can't help but fall to your ass. You can't help but use the car as support to hold yourself up as you sobbed silently. The fear of sobbing too loud rushing through you, that you'd be noticed and suddenly the center of attention. You're eyes aren't even focused on the fight of the two drunken men but staring at the ground as you sit there looking pathetic and weak. You hate it. Then your best friend is standing in front of you looking down on you with those eyes holding too much sympathy. A growl emits from your throat as you jump toward the scene, clawing at the wet pavement underneath it. You watch the images fade into the puddles and you hit them, anger rushing through you. You feel so pathetic and you sob loudly. You're inching backward from the scene until your back hits a light pole. Then you're leaning against it and your shoulders slump.
You aren't sure how to get home from here and you don't really want to move. The only thing you're wearing is your underwear. You're chewing on your lip, praying that it'll just all fade away. Eventually, you know, you're going to have to have to leave. You're going to have to find your way home but you don't want to, so you let your eyes slip shut and try to erase the memories as you fall asleep. Your dreams are still nightmares, HE still haunts them, so they aren't as peaceful as you wish they were. They're not peaceful at all.
When you wake up it's still raining and it's still dark. You blink sleep and tears or maybe rain from your eyes. You push yourself up to your feet and you stumble to the side of the road. You're trying to remember how to get home from here, it's been so long since you came here by yourself and you never really drove here, except that one time. You recognize a street after a few miles and walk down it. You know how to get home from here, but home doesn't feel safe, home hasn't felt safe for a while now. So you go to the one place you know is safe and even though your best friend and you don't talk as much when you knock on the door, hope fills you. When he opens the door he frowns lightly. His eyes look around and push you in, more like pull you and you collide with his chest willingly, still not sure if you're crying or if the rain is dripping from your hair.
He leads you to his room and pushes you onto his bed. You're silent as he hands you clothes and asks you to get dressed, you're soaked. You do as he says because he won't hurt you, he saved you. You feel him run a towel threw your hair when he returns, when you're dressed. He inhales sharply before pulling you to his chest and for the first time in a long time that feeling of safety has returned. You pull him closer and inhale his scent as he whispers for you to get some rest.
"You're safe now, I got you, no ones going to hurt you, not while I'm here. You're safe, you're safe, sh. I got you, I'm not gonna hurt you, sleep." He begs of you and slowly you feel yourself doing just that. Falling into a welcomed sleep and hoping it's dreams, and for the first time since that happened it was just blank. No dreams just sleep and the safety was all around you.
And you know when you wake up in the morning, and all you smell is his scent. Nothing else will matter to you, no one else will know. He's let you keep it a secret as long as it never happens again, and it won't, because you'll never let it happen again. That was the worst day of your life, of your 16 years of living, you hated it because it was the almost day. It was the day you were almost raped, it was the day you almost lost your life, it was the day your best friend almost murdered someone, it was the day you almost wanted your best friend too. It was the day that ruined who you were, ruined your mind.
Wow, so it's almost Christmas and I write the most depressing thing ever. I kind of left it open for you to translate it as whoever you want it to be. It's really dark huh? Well, sorry. I'll update a happier one soon?