Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl nor it's characters. This story is very much based on the vow but of course with Dan and Blair. I am basing some of the events up to certain seasons in Gossip Girl.
What if you woke up one day and you didn't even recognize the face of the person you feel in love with. What's even worse is that you may recognize the person but not as someone you loved. In another sense, how would you feel if the person you love deeply looked at you straight in the eye and could not recall ever falling in love with you? No memories, no late night outings, no random visits to the book shop or Butter (just for her), no staying out all night in the city just because, no recalling random visits to the Guggenheim Museum, no recollection of sharing their deepest and darkest fears, no memory of them finally shedding their skin leaving them vulnerable to their insecurities and complexities, nothing.
In fact the idea of that seems repungent to them as you sit there and look them in the eye only to find distance and confusion. The way she looks at someone else is the same way she used to look at you. You can't help but to look for a slight flicker of recognition because of your internal desperation for her to remember you.
You want so badly for her to remember the way you treated her, remember the way you would stay up with her all night watching Rosemary's Baby over the phone. Remember the way you used to share witty inside jokes with each other that your mutual friends could only dream of understanding. Remember how one of the best nights with each other consisted of you writing your next story and her right there next to you reading Age of Innocence. You'd look up every now and then to see her engrossed in her reading as you ask yourself how you got so lucky. Never in a million years did you think you'd have fallen in love with the Queen Bee of the Upper East Side. At that moment her eyes meet yours and you suddenly feel like a little boy with a crush again as her striking brown eyes melt you on the inside.
What about the first time you made love to her? The way her skin felt on yours as it paralyzed you internally. Every touch from her would always send electricity running through your body up and…down. The slight liquid intoxication only enhanced the feeling of you inside her as you remember looking into her beautiful brown eyes past the vulnerability, past the pain, past the anger, past the insecurity and saw nothing but a woman who needed love just as much as you did.
A woman who wanted nothing more than to feel comfortable and at ease with who they are with. Despite her fear of looking weak, this woman was in fact a strong one, a loyal one who would bend over backwards for those that needed her, and those that she loved. Even though sometimes her actions in the past for the ones she loved have produced malicious results, the intentions of them were because someone or something was threatening her loved ones well-being.
You no longer saw any maliciousness or "girly evil" when you looked into her eyes. You saw a woman who always fought for what she believed and whether or not she succeeded, she never lost the motivation to keep trudging past her challenges. It's amazing how first impressions about a person can be so far from reality, so far from how the person truly is. All this time you realize it was just a defense mechanism, a wall, a shell to keep other parties from infecting the little part of her vulnerability that was left. She won't remember the first time she told you she loved you. You spent a number of nights trying to muster up the courage to tell her that you loved her first. Out of all of the women you've been with, you've probably genuinely loved two of them while the rest you loved the idea of them.
The part that scared you the most is that you knew deep down inside that this was more than love. She grew to become your best friend while you loved her more and more every day and told her things that you had not even thought to tell anyone else. Not even to a prior friend whom you had known for years and at one time, thought you all were "meant to be" when in reality that wasn't the case.
You remember the way you felt the night when both of you first said it to each other. On a warm fall early evening, standing on top of the Brooklyn Bridge overlooking the city. With every passing moment you had the urge to just tell her right then and there. However, every time you had gotten close to saying those three words, the lump in your throat grew ten times bigger while preventing you from ever saying it. You thought to yourself, If I don't say it now I never will. Then something happens, you see her turn toward you and looks directly into your soul. You are thinking This is it, this is the moment Dan. It's now or never. I have too say-
"I love you,"
The world feels like it stopped as you continue to look deep into her eyes. You don't know whether to kiss her or respond back. Never in a million years did you expect her to say it first and at the same time it is a relief. Not because you were scared but because now you truly know that this woman standing in front of you feels the exact same way.
This time she wasn't worried about social class, her minions, her status, Gossip Girl or any of it. That moment she looks at you as if you two are the only people in the world. Every other past worry or pain is menial. The fact that she said it first, with confidence is a reassuring factor to say the least. You put your hands toward her cheeks as you begin to respond back saying,
"I love you too Blair."
The moment dissipates as reality sets in. She doesn't remember any of it while she sees you as just another person. No past, no future, not even a friend. The way her look enveloped your soul is absent. You stand there wondering what is next. Wondering what it is going to take to fight for her to fall in love with you all over again.