Well, the streets are empty where we used to run,
and the cars are all on fire
Yeah, we fall like leaves in the garden of Eden, Eden
It's his fault. He knows because when she tells him "we're bad for each other" he should say "No we aren't." and when she says "I brought the worst of you." He should say "But you've always brought the best of me."
He should say it. He wants to say it.
But he doesn't.
... ...
It's been two weeks since they turned it back on, and a week since she ended everything they could ever have.
They were both quite exhausted after the amount of emotions that hit them. And thou the first thing they did after they were back was to hug each other, and shed all the tears they have. Once everyone came into the picture, they both backed away.
And the problem is, regardless to the fact that both of them wanted to see the other, both of them wanted to talk. Both of them were running away, which was definitely pushing Damon to the edge. "Meet, talk, fix it and that's it." He would say. And Stefan would ignore him.
Stefan didn't need his brother to tell him what to do, he knew exactly what he should do, but he just didn't have the courage.
The amount of guilt that was haunting him was unbearable. And thou he made this million times, this still hurt like the first time and maybe more. He tries to forgive himself. He knows that to get over this, he has to accept this part of him, and what he had done.
Only if she wasn't one of the damages.
The list was long, the director he killed, the girl that he also killed, that guy in the bar, and her.
He tries to forget what he had done, but every time he closes his eyes, he sees her, feeding on that girl, after he had made her lose control. He sees her doing everything she regrets now, because ofhim. He sees them kissing against the vending machine, though part of him doesn't really regret that.
He knows what guilt can do; he had experienced it million times. So he can only imagine how she is doing, facing it for the first time, because of him.
He wants to be there for her, to wipe her guilt away. But he's not sure if he can do this right now. He's not sure if he should.
... ...
She lies on her bed, hands resting on her stomach, staring at the ceiling. She tries to focus on her breath. But she finds herself back to him again.
She squeezes her eyes shot, her grip tighten on her shirt then she sits down straight and takes a long breath.
She wonders how long will it take for her to be her again. It has been two weeks, and she's still drowning in the guilt.
She tries to see it as they all do, it wasn't me, she thinks to herself, she tries to believe it. But it was me after all, she thinks.
It turns to a fight inside of her, two sides, the first trying to make her forgive herself, every vampire has been through this at least once. But the other telling her that she was supposed to be different, it's not an excuse for her to be a monster, she started this believing that she will control herself, and she failed.
But he is the one who made you lose control.
And you are the one who did this to him in the first place.
She thinks of all what she did, what she did to Sarah, how she treated Bonnie, what she did to him. She was supposed to be different, different from all the people he met, they all brought him pain, and for a long while, she was different, but that has changed.
And now, whenever he looks at her, she will remind him of all the terrible things she made him do.
She'll be a walking reminder for his worst version.
She disappointed him.
She goes on with the list of why she's the worst person on the planet, and she doesn't try to stop. Part of her finds this the least punishment she could have.
... ...
"I'm not gonna apologize." Bonnie shouts in anger at Damon, her arms folded against her chest.
"You almost got me killed." Damon shouts back, throwing his arms in the air, moving closer to her.
"And I'm also the one who saved you." She says through her teeth, trying to lower her voice, though their fight was already echoing in the boarding house.
"Why?" he shouts louder than before.
"Because I don't wanna kill you, idiot." She is moving closer that they're only few inches apart. The place seems so silent after her last words being so loud.
He stands silent and his eyebrows get furrowed. His face so confused.
She takes a breath and closes her eyes before she talks again, "You let me down, Damon, again. You brought Kai back." She pauses and her face softens.
"You hurt me, again." She says very low.
"I was mad, and I wanted to make you feel what I felt, betray. But I don't want you dead." She says finally and her shoulders slump.
They remain silent, looking at each other. Damon seems overwhelmed, trying to get it, to get her.
He's about to say something when she looks past him.
"Stefan, hey." She says with a smile.
"Everything is okay?" Stefan says slowly, taking a step inside.
She looks at Damon and tilts her head.
"Yeah." He says, his eyes staring into hers, a smile pulling up on his lips. After a second he turns around and walks to the door, he pats Stefan's shoulders and leave.
"Hey." She says, pulling him from his gaze on Damon.
"Hey." He says back with a smile, and sits down.
"How are you doing?" she asks calmly, carefully, as she sits on the chair next to him.
He smiles, nods then looks at the floor.
"I don't get it." She says, "If you two are so miserable without each other, then why don't you just… be together?"
He stays silent for a moment then swallows.
"Things had changed." He says.
"But it doesn't change how you feel." She says.
He shakes his head without looking at her.
"She's better off without me." He says in a whisper that she can barely hear.
But she hears it, and she can't believe how much of an idiot he can be.
... ...
She gets out of the bathroom, drying her hair with the towel.
"Get in."
She stops at the door of the bathroom as she hears Elena talking to someone at the door.
"No, I'll leave." He says.
She feels a tingle in her belly as she hears his voice; it's been a long time.
"Alaric told me to give you these, Jo sent them." He says and hand her some bags. She takes them and holds the door.
"Sure you don't wanna get in?" she says in low voice.
Caroline's breath gets caught and she takes a step back, she swallows hard.
"No, it's okay." He says.
She hears his footsteps fading away as she stares into the floor next to the fire, where they… she cuts herself quickly and takes a deep breath before she moves.
It's a beautiful sunny day, especially for weddings.
She stands with the waiter, holding her I-pad in one of her hands. She gives him some notes about the food, the glasses, and more stuff that makes him more angry when he leaves.
It turns out that Bonnie was right; planning the wedding was a good idea to help her getting back into track.
Besides, the party does seem fun, as long as her biggest fear didn't happen yet, which is meeting the young Salvatore.
She takes that back as soon as she turns around and sees him.
His face a bit of amazed, probably by her.
And she's sure she has the same expression on her face. Who can blame her? The way he looks in his tuxedo. It seems like it was made for him.
They get caught in the silent for a little bit longer than they should.
"Hey." He breathes out.
"Hey." She says, her voice so low.
They fall in silent once more.
"You look beautiful." He says, his eyes are glowing like he's looking at the moon.
She smiles then.
He looks around and opens his mouth to speak.
"Do you think we can, uh…" he says and pauses, clearly having hard time in finding words.
However it makes her breath uncomfortable; she knows what's coming.
"Talk for a second." He finally says it.
She walks with him to some place where they can talk, thou there's a voice in her head telling her to run. She knows that this has to end.
... ...
"So," He says, letting a long breath that he was holding the whole walk.
"So," She says without looking at him.
"Caroline… "He says as he turns his body to face her as they sit on the bench.
"Listen," she cuts him, "I don't really feel like talking right now." She says in a rush.
"It's been weeks, Caroline." He says. And she sighs.
"Just, talk. It's that simple." He says.
She chuckles at that and looks at him, "Is it?" she asks, "Then why have you been avoiding me?"
"You avoided me too." He tilts his head with slight smile. But when she looks away, he knows this isn't going to be easy at all.
"What do you want, Stefan?" she asks desperately, looking at him.
"To be honest, I don't know what I want." He says after a moment.
She looks at him, her face seems like she's bleeding from the inside and even thou she's Caroline Forbes, a master in pretending, he can see what she's trying so hard to hide.
And then it comes, that sad, broken smile, full of regret and hurt.
He wishes if it doesn't remind him of that time…
"But I know, Stefan." She says, "You don't want me, you never did." She says.
"Caroline, no…" he says.
"I get it, you tried so hard to make it work, you didn't want to lose me, you didn't want to lose your friend. That's it." She says.
"And honestly, I can't promise you that everything will be the same again, I don't know if I can do this. But I get it." She says with a smile. It's so strong, yet so broken.
She stands up and starts to walk away.
He holds her arm quickly. And she closes her eyes. Why can't he just leave her alone? Why is he making it worse?
"No, Caroline. You don't get to make decisions for me." He says, angry. He turns her around so she's facing him.
"When I said I don't know what I want, I meant that I didn't know what I should do with my feelings. Those feelings do exist, Caroline." He says.
She remains silent, listening.
"I don't know if I should be with you, I don't know if I'm still good foryou, after everything that happened." He says, his voice deep and cracking.
"You do realize that I did this, right? You realize that I'm the one who got him out?" she asks, her voice getting louder as the anger build through her.
"I did this, Stefan. You blame yourself for what you've done, but you seem to forget that I'm the one who made you flip the switch." She says, "Whatever you did after that, it's on me."
"It wasn't you." He shakes his head.
She looks away and shakes her head. Tears starting to blur her vision.
"How can you forgive me?" She says in a whisper.
"Because you are you," he says and holds her hands in his own, "You're kind, you're passionate, and you're warm, because you're the one who always believed in me, you were always there, even when I pushed you away. Because you're the best friend that anyone can ask for."
There is a smile between her tears that were already falling.
"You're my best friend, Caroline. And you'll always be. And I'm sorry because that wasn't the plane, I was supposed to find someone new, but it turns out that it was someone who was always there."
She laughs shortly through her tears, and it makes him smile.
"Because, Caroline, I fell madly in love with my best friend." He says.
And she cries more.
"I love you, Caroline." He says in a whisper as he leans closer to her and cups her face in his hands.
She cries harder than before, and it's now when she starts to forgive herself.
He pulls her to his chest, he hugs her so hard, and she clings to him.
Because from now on, there is no letting go.
Time doesn't love you anymore
But I'm still knocking at your door
Honey, we can run forever, if forever's what's in store
Oh, time to take me home
... ...