Country of Farieland vs. Hansel and Gretel
"All rise for Judge Rumplestiltscan." Said Beast. "Case 5579 Country of Farieland vs. Hansel and Gretel Koravinski. You may be seated."
"Counselor, you begin." Judge Rumplestiltscan informed the wary prosecutor.
"Thank you, Your Honor." Said Aurora stuttering a little. "We have been called together to try case 5579. I will do my best to see that justice is served."
"Objection, We will both do our best to see that justice is served." interjected Tom Thumb.
"Sustained. You may continue Ms. Aurora." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"I finished, Your Honor." Said Aurora faintly.
"Begin." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan impatiently.
"Your Honor, I can't state my case until she states hers." Said Tom Thumb reasonably.
"Granted. Ms. Aurora, please state your case." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan, getting a little impatient.
"Yes, Your Honor. Those children were led into the Enchanted Forest to help their parents by finding wood. They wandered off ostensibly to find more firewood. They trespassed on the victim's land. The victim, one Anne B. Witch, being a kind woman took them in for the night intending to help them find their parents the next day. She gave them a good meal that night. The next morning, while she was putting breakfast into the oven, those children pushed that defenseless old lady into the oven. Then they proceeded to rob the valuables in the house, which should have gone to her next of kin." stated Aurora gaining confidence with every word.
"Are you finished stating your case, Ms. Aurora?" Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Yes, your Honor, I am." Said Aurora.
"You may be seated. Mr. Thumb you may now state your case." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Yes, Your Honor. Those children were placed in the Enchanted Forest to find firewood. They cleared the section that they were left in and wondered off to find more. After a while they discovered that they were lost. They went on to see if they could find their way home. They stumbled across a house made of gingerbread owned by the so-called victim Anne B. Witch. Before they could even knock on the door, the resident of that house ran out screaming for them to get off her property. Of course they turned to go when they heard a scream and rushed in to see if they could help. They were horrified by what they saw but knew that they should wait for the police, so that the police could ask them questions and help them find there way home." Stated Tom Thumb, matter of factly.
"Your Honor, We the jury have a question." Said Repunzel. "We would like to ask if those were both the same story?"
"I will answer that, Your Honor. Yes, they are both the same story, but one is true and the other is not. It is your job to figure out which is true." Said Tom Thumb and Aurora together.
"Are you finished with your opening statement, Mr. Thumb?" Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan in a hallow tired voice.
"Yes, Your Honor, I am finished." Said Tom Thumb.
"Prosecutor, you may call your first witness." Informed Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Thank you, Your Honor. I call Hansel to the stand." Said Aurora.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" Asked Beast dourly.
"I do"
"Take a seat." Said Beast.
"Where were you between April 5, 5 a.m. to April 6, 7 p.m.?"
"In the Enchanted Forest." Answered Hansel.
"What were you doing in the Enchanted Forest?"
"Helping our parents, by collecting wood."
"How did you get on the crime scene?"
"We wandered off in search of more wood to sell and got lost."
"How lost were you lost?"
"I don't know."
"How would you describe the late Anne B. Witch?"
"We didn't get to talk, but, she seemed mean and angry."
"No more questions, Your Honor."
"Any questions, Mr. Thumb?." Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"None, Your Honor."
"I call Gretel to the stand." Said Aurora.
"Do you swear…"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Get on with it already." Said Gretel impatiently.
"Mr. Thumb please keep your client under control." Said a rather annoyed Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Yes, Your Honor."
"Shall I try again, Your Honor?" asked a down-right disgruntled Beast.
"Yes, please do, Mr. Beast."
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
"Sure." Said Gretel.
"The correct response is 'I do'" Said Beast.
"Then I do. Can we get on with it, already? Asked Gretel sounding very annoyed.
"Where were you between April 5, 5 a.m. to April 6, 7 p.m.?"
"As if you didn't know, I mean are you that stupid? I was in the Enchanted Forest with my bro, collecting firewood. If I wasn't in the Enchanted Forest you couldn't accuse me…"
"Please just answer without rambling on and on. 1.) It is wrong to ramble on and on in the court, and, 2.) It makes my job a whole lot harder." Complained Stenographer Gingerbread Boy.
"Sor-ry." Said a pissed-off Gretel.
"May I continue on with my questioning, Your Honor?" Asked a sarcastic Aurora.
"Of course." Said Gingerbread Boy (Whose real name is Fred) "Please continue making my job harder. I love having a perpetual hand cramp. Prey continue." Voice dripping sarcasm.
"Thank you. Why were you left in the Enchanted Forest?" Said Aurora.
"I told you, to collect firewood." said Gretel.
"Did you meet the Victim?"
"Briefly."
"What did you think of her?"
"I thought that she was an obnoxious, mean, loud-mouthed, old bat, and I for one am glad that she is dead."
"Is that why you two killed her?"
"Objection, 1.) my clients did not kill Anne B. Witch, and 2.) she would probably say the same about anyone who yelled at her." Objected Tom Thumb.
"Sustained, prey continue, Ms. Aurora." said Judge Rumplestiltscan, getting more tired and annoyed with every word.
"I have no more questions, Your Honor." said Aurora.
"No questions, Your Honor." Said Tom Thumb.
"Any closing statements?" asked Judge Rumplestiltscan, hoping against hope that there weren't any.
"Yes, Your Honor." Stated both Tom Thumb and Aurora.
"You may start Ms. Aurora." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Thank you, Your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I hope that I have proven that the defendants Hansel and Gretel Koravinski had the means, motive and opportunity. That is all. Thank you.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the court, the prosecution has proven motive and opportunity, but not means. The forensic evidence has proven that the defendants Hansel and Gretel Koravinski never went near the oven and hence could not have pushed the victim into the oven. Unfortunately I am not Matlock so cannot tell you who did it and get them to confess. But I hope I have proven that my clients could not have done this horrendous crime. Thank you." Ended Tom Thumb.
"The jury is now excused to deliberate." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
FIVE DAYS LATER
"All rise for Judge Rumplestiltscan." Said Beast. "Case 5579 Country of Farieland vs. Hansel and Gretel Koravinski. You may be seated."
"Has the jury reached a decision?" Questioned Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"We have Your Honor." Said Repunzel.
"What is your decision?" Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan
"We, the jury, find the defendants guilty." Said Repunzel regretfully.
"Then I sentence the defendants Hansel and Gretel Koravinski to death by lethal injection." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan sorrowfully.
Hansel and Gretel Koravinski are currently on death row at Farieland Juvenal Correctional Facility, Division 1.
Dum Da-Dum Dum, Dum Da-Dum Dum Dum
"All rise for Judge Rumplestiltscan." Said Beast. "Case 5579 Country of Farieland vs. Hansel and Gretel Koravinski. You may be seated."
"Counselor, you begin." Judge Rumplestiltscan informed the wary prosecutor.
"Thank you, Your Honor." Said Aurora stuttering a little. "We have been called together to try case 5579. I will do my best to see that justice is served."
"Objection, We will both do our best to see that justice is served." interjected Tom Thumb.
"Sustained. You may continue Ms. Aurora." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"I finished, Your Honor." Said Aurora faintly.
"Begin." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan impatiently.
"Your Honor, I can't state my case until she states hers." Said Tom Thumb reasonably.
"Granted. Ms. Aurora, please state your case." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan, getting a little impatient.
"Yes, Your Honor. Those children were led into the Enchanted Forest to help their parents by finding wood. They wandered off ostensibly to find more firewood. They trespassed on the victim's land. The victim, one Anne B. Witch, being a kind woman took them in for the night intending to help them find their parents the next day. She gave them a good meal that night. The next morning, while she was putting breakfast into the oven, those children pushed that defenseless old lady into the oven. Then they proceeded to rob the valuables in the house, which should have gone to her next of kin." stated Aurora gaining confidence with every word.
"Are you finished stating your case, Ms. Aurora?" Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Yes, your Honor, I am." Said Aurora.
"You may be seated. Mr. Thumb you may now state your case." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Yes, Your Honor. Those children were placed in the Enchanted Forest to find firewood. They cleared the section that they were left in and wondered off to find more. After a while they discovered that they were lost. They went on to see if they could find their way home. They stumbled across a house made of gingerbread owned by the so-called victim Anne B. Witch. Before they could even knock on the door, the resident of that house ran out screaming for them to get off her property. Of course they turned to go when they heard a scream and rushed in to see if they could help. They were horrified by what they saw but knew that they should wait for the police, so that the police could ask them questions and help them find there way home." Stated Tom Thumb, matter of factly.
"Your Honor, We the jury have a question." Said Repunzel. "We would like to ask if those were both the same story?"
"I will answer that, Your Honor. Yes, they are both the same story, but one is true and the other is not. It is your job to figure out which is true." Said Tom Thumb and Aurora together.
"Are you finished with your opening statement, Mr. Thumb?" Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan in a hallow tired voice.
"Yes, Your Honor, I am finished." Said Tom Thumb.
"Prosecutor, you may call your first witness." Informed Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Thank you, Your Honor. I call Hansel to the stand." Said Aurora.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?" Asked Beast dourly.
"I do"
"Take a seat." Said Beast.
"Where were you between April 5, 5 a.m. to April 6, 7 p.m.?"
"In the Enchanted Forest." Answered Hansel.
"What were you doing in the Enchanted Forest?"
"Helping our parents, by collecting wood."
"How did you get on the crime scene?"
"We wandered off in search of more wood to sell and got lost."
"How lost were you lost?"
"I don't know."
"How would you describe the late Anne B. Witch?"
"We didn't get to talk, but, she seemed mean and angry."
"No more questions, Your Honor."
"Any questions, Mr. Thumb?." Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"None, Your Honor."
"I call Gretel to the stand." Said Aurora.
"Do you swear…"
"Yeah, sure, whatever. Get on with it already." Said Gretel impatiently.
"Mr. Thumb please keep your client under control." Said a rather annoyed Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Yes, Your Honor."
"Shall I try again, Your Honor?" asked a down-right disgruntled Beast.
"Yes, please do, Mr. Beast."
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
"Sure." Said Gretel.
"The correct response is 'I do'" Said Beast.
"Then I do. Can we get on with it, already? Asked Gretel sounding very annoyed.
"Where were you between April 5, 5 a.m. to April 6, 7 p.m.?"
"As if you didn't know, I mean are you that stupid? I was in the Enchanted Forest with my bro, collecting firewood. If I wasn't in the Enchanted Forest you couldn't accuse me…"
"Please just answer without rambling on and on. 1.) It is wrong to ramble on and on in the court, and, 2.) It makes my job a whole lot harder." Complained Stenographer Gingerbread Boy.
"Sor-ry." Said a pissed-off Gretel.
"May I continue on with my questioning, Your Honor?" Asked a sarcastic Aurora.
"Of course." Said Gingerbread Boy (Whose real name is Fred) "Please continue making my job harder. I love having a perpetual hand cramp. Prey continue." Voice dripping sarcasm.
"Thank you. Why were you left in the Enchanted Forest?" Said Aurora.
"I told you, to collect firewood." said Gretel.
"Did you meet the Victim?"
"Briefly."
"What did you think of her?"
"I thought that she was an obnoxious, mean, loud-mouthed, old bat, and I for one am glad that she is dead."
"Is that why you two killed her?"
"Objection, 1.) my clients did not kill Anne B. Witch, and 2.) she would probably say the same about anyone who yelled at her." Objected Tom Thumb.
"Sustained, prey continue, Ms. Aurora." said Judge Rumplestiltscan, getting more tired and annoyed with every word.
"I have no more questions, Your Honor." said Aurora.
"No questions, Your Honor." Said Tom Thumb.
"Any closing statements?" asked Judge Rumplestiltscan, hoping against hope that there weren't any.
"Yes, Your Honor." Stated both Tom Thumb and Aurora.
"You may start Ms. Aurora." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"Thank you, Your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I hope that I have proven that the defendants Hansel and Gretel Koravinski had the means, motive and opportunity. That is all. Thank you.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the court, the prosecution has proven motive and opportunity, but not means. The forensic evidence has proven that the defendants Hansel and Gretel Koravinski never went near the oven and hence could not have pushed the victim into the oven. Unfortunately I am not Matlock so cannot tell you who did it and get them to confess. But I hope I have proven that my clients could not have done this horrendous crime. Thank you." Ended Tom Thumb.
"The jury is now excused to deliberate." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan.
FIVE DAYS LATER
"All rise for Judge Rumplestiltscan." Said Beast. "Case 5579 Country of Farieland vs. Hansel and Gretel Koravinski. You may be seated."
"Has the jury reached a decision?" Questioned Judge Rumplestiltscan.
"We have Your Honor." Said Repunzel.
"What is your decision?" Asked Judge Rumplestiltscan
"We, the jury, find the defendants guilty." Said Repunzel regretfully.
"Then I sentence the defendants Hansel and Gretel Koravinski to death by lethal injection." Said Judge Rumplestiltscan sorrowfully.
Hansel and Gretel Koravinski are currently on death row at Farieland Juvenal Correctional Facility, Division 1.
Dum Da-Dum Dum, Dum Da-Dum Dum Dum