Global Warming
By Emmett Cullen
People wonder why the glob is warming. Some believe it and some do not. Those who believe would be correct. Those who don't are stupid and need to get a good grip on reality.
But there are so many questions as to why the globe is warming Some people believe that it's just natural, some believe that the aliens are blasting them with their heat rays, and some people just think that humans are doing it.
I, Emmett McCarty Cullen, have discovered the true answer to this problem.
Pirates. You see, pirates are truly divine, and today's conception of them as thieves is wrong, they used to hand out candy to children! They even had an alliance with the midget green and purple aliens from the planet of Midget-X.
Global Warming is caused by the shrinking numbers of Pirates. The pirates would give the midget aliens gold in exchange for the aliens not melting the glaciers. When people started to attack the poor pirates, the aliens got mad. No one would give them gold anymore.
Pirates became desperate. The needed they're gold to buy supplies to survive like food and stuff. The pirates stopped wearing red on Thursday because they couldn't afford to. The midget Aliens didn't know and thought they were all imposter pirates. But the midget aliens still wanted gold. They came down from space and stole all the gold. This made the pirates very angry and therefore breaking the alliance.
Just before the midget aliens tried to leave, the pirates caught up to them with their freakishly fast speedy boats and pelted them with apples! Apples are midget aliens one weakness. I know this because I myself have fought a midget Alien. Her name was Alice and when I threw an apple at her head she felt down and said "Ow."
The midget aliens shape shifted into pandas and began to drink martinis around their spaceship like nothing had ever happened.
This left the pirates confused until the panda midget aliens did something no one expected. They fired The Great Cupcake. It struck down all of the pirates leaving them to lie on the sand covered in pink midget frosting so the panda midget aliens could leave.
This tragic event in history lead to Global Warming as the panda midget aliens formed an army and used they're lasers to burn down the glaciers.
And if there's one thing I've learned from this paper, it's not to play X-BOX with Jasper the night before your science paper is due and to listen to midgets named Alice when they tell you do your home work.