A collection of fills for prompts from the Phoenix Wright Kink Meme; much like my Tiny Turnabouts, in that each chapter will be short and/or silly. The main difference is that these are also smutty. So, enjoy that! I'm opening with two linked chapters, but after that each chapter should stand alone.

Prompt: Edgeworth/Carrot

Perhaps if Larry hadn't eaten the banana before class, things would have been different. Perhaps Miles' tastes would have been more culinary, less sexual.

But Larry had eaten the only banana, and Mr. Hibbins had been forced to borrow a carrot from the cafeteria, and young Miles had watched as his teacher smoothly demonstrated how to apply a condom to the vegetable. It had fit loosely over the thin tip of the long carrot, at first - only to stretch out as the teacher kept rolling it down, longer and longer, until soon the latex was pulled tight around the entire carrot, and Miles felt himself squirming in his seat, grateful that he was in a back row.

That was the first instance, the one that linked carrots and sexuality in Miles' mind... and for a while, for years in fact, it seemed a fairly innocent connection. He blushed at the sight of a full-sized carrot, remembering that class; but surely that was to be expected of any young hormonal boy in such a situation. And then - it was Larry again, going on about length and measuring, and Phoenix and Miles both shut him down instantly, but... Miles got to thinking of carrots. Long, long orange carrots, that curved a little and felt textured against his fingers, a little rough, and so long...

He was curious, that was all. He decided to measure - alone, of course, blushing hard but feeling strangely determined. And then... well, he was holding a carrot in one hand and his dick in the other, because the comparison didn't really count unless he was hard, and then he lined up the carrot next to his own length and accidentally touched the side and a shiver ran up his spine. The carrot was hard and rough in his hand, against his cock, and Miles was so hard, and, and... he yanked it away, a flush running up his face, but the damage was done. (He had dreams.)

It was harder to ignore, after that. Especially as he kept growing, and becoming more educated on sexual matters, and more convinced that he wasn't interested in girls, but a hard length not his own was something he already knew he liked, so, surely, Miles thought... But kissing Phoenix 'for practice' didn't do anything for him - not like he could tell it did for his friend, who spent the next week blushing and avoiding his gaze and eventually confessing that he'd liked it a lot and he was sorry if that was weird, but he was hoping maybe -

They got through that rough patch, eventually. Their friendship was too strong to falter just because of a half-formed crush, and soon enough Phoenix was distracted by other girls and boys regardless, but Miles couldn't help feeling guilty. Maybe because while Phoenix was struggling with unrequited feelings, Miles was preoccupied with the discovery of fellatio, and spent his days thinking about licking and sucking carrots.

Still, though. It was just a - a prop, really. A replacement for the thought of another man, since he didn't have anyone in particular to think about. Miles just didn't like Phoenix that way, but that didn't mean he was oblivious to everyone of the male persuasion - ...except. He didn't like any of the boys at school, or in his neighborhood. He could acknowledge that they were attractive, in the same way he could for girls, but he didn't feel any attraction.

Larry made them watch porn together 'in celebration of' his eighteenth birthday, and Miles felt nothing but bored. The next day he went shopping with his father, and had to hold the grocery bag in front of his crotch the entire time they were in front of the vegetable display.

He couldn't deny it anymore.

It wasn't that carrots were a substitute for penises. They weren't so simple as that, they weren't just dildos to use when 'real sex' wasn't available, no - carrots were real to Miles. He... he wanted them. Passionately, and he couldn't hold back anymore. He soon discovered that there was much to love about carrots - the way they felt in his hands, hard and rough but still a little tender if he squeezed near the tip. He loved to stroke them against himself - his lips, chin, neck, nipples, all the way down his body until he could rub the carrot against his cock, hold them both in one hand, slippery with lube, and just slide them together, up and down and it never took long. He loved the way they tasted in his mouth - somehow so different in his bedroom than at the dinner table, a whole new sort of sweet with his mouth spit-sloppy and open wide, his tongue rolling along every bump and curve. He liked to scrape his teeth gently down the sides and feel the carrot flaking ever so slightly against his tongue. He liked to press it deep into his throat, to hold it there tight and resist his gag reflex as he swallowed, swallowed, tried to pull it deeper, tried to reach the base of the carrot, but he never could, they were so long, god, and perfect between his lips.

Shortly after his high school graduation, Miles discovered he loved the way they felt in his ass.

He had been taking a break from carrots, for the past few months. The porn realization had come so late, he'd already been so accustomed to his habits - he masturbated with carrots almost every day, often multiple times a day. And Miles had been scared, when he realized what this was, how abnormal he truly was - he went cold-turkey on the carrot, cutting it out of his life entirely. For a while, he tried to be normal. If not straight, if not gay, then at least not sexually interested in vegetables, at least that much.

But then it was graduation day, and the valedictorian gave a speech that was all about finding and accepting your true self, and Phoenix decided to go to a law school, and Larry decided to become a taco salesman, and his father told Miles he was proud of him, he could be anything he wanted to be, and there was such a sense of promise in the air, he felt so free, so really very -

He stopped by the grocery store on the way home.

And, oh, oh it was everything he'd dreamed about. The carrot he'd chosen was a long one, tapered to a rounded tip at the end, wide at the base with the leaves still attached - and he felt a warm flush within him at the thought of them sticking out his ass, the rest of the carrot invisible inside him, where it belonged -

It hurt, a little. Despite plenty of preparation, the carrot stretched him too far, a long slow burn as he pressed it further and further in, until he was panting and there were tears on his cheeks and still, still he couldn't quite get it all the way in, it was too thick near the base and he could feel the tip deep inside him. And then he started to pull it back out, still slow, and it felt so good, he was gasping and shivering and just fucking himself slow and deep on the carrot that he loved and Miles had never felt so good, he came so hard all he almost blacked out.

There was no point denying it after that. Hiding it - yes, the world couldn't ever know. People wouldn't understand. But that was okay. Miles didn't need understanding to be happy.

All he needed was a carrot under the sheets next to him.