This Is Your Life
NS Set after S2 You've Got Male. She couldn't stop thinking about what Nick had said to her earlier. It was time for her to reach out.
Chapter One: Yesterday Is A Promise That You've Broken
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or CSI. I do however own my imagination, my Muse, my insanity, my fangirliness and my dreams.
A/N:- Okay so I was having a bad day so I ended up starting a new fic. It's going to be a ficlet rather than a fic with only a couple of chapters I think. We'll see how it goes.
'Hey, it's Sara. I was thinking … you wanna go out .. somewhere?'
It was about time she realised the reality of it all.
She had been told to 'get a life' many times at frequent intervals since second grade of high school but somehow it seemed so much harsher coming from the mouths of her colleagues. Her boss was the first one to tell her outright and now Nick; Catherine had hinted at it several times and she knew that Warrick thought it. Hell, even Greg had more of a life than her. She had managed to remain in denial about the blatant truth for years and she hadn't seen why, just because she moved to Vegas, she was expected to change her way of life. Up until now she had managed to convince herself that she was happy being a workaholic, pulling as many double shifts as management would allow and then spending the extra cash buying clothes she would never wear from catalogues, eating takeout every night whilst watching reruns of old comedy shows on TV. The case today had proved to her that maybe she wasn't as happy with her life as she had thought. She felt empathy for the victim and she understood why she had led such a lonely life, bubble-wrapping herself away from the outside world but at the same time she had a chance to view her situation as an outsider. For the first time she saw how unhealthy her way of life was and she realised that it wasn't that she didn't need or crave human contact, it was just she was scared of seeking it out in case she got hurt.
She entered her apartment and dumped her stuff onto the kitchen worktop and grabbed the bin before even removing her deployment belt. Opening her fridge, she emptied the half empty Chinese cartons into it and threw in all her old catalogues. It was time to throw away her old life and start afresh and the second step to doing that was not lock herself in her apartment constantly. She sighed. Her body ached from pulling a double shift but her mind was wide awake. She checked the time: it was 4pm. Man she hated it when a case ran into the next day as it mucked up her body clock. Thankfully tonight was the team's night off so there was a chance she might get a good night's sleep for once. That left the question as to how she was going to spend her evening which didn't involve being cooped up in her apartment. Sad as it was, she didn't have any friends in Las Vegas and a rare few back home in San Francisco. That left her work colleagues: Grissom rarely went out himself plus he was her boss which would make it too weird for them to just 'hang out', Catherine spent every moment away from work with Lindsey, Warrick was out of town visiting his brother tonight. That left Nick. Well, Nick and Greg but whilst he always brought a smile to her face, she wasn't sure that Greg was the first person she would choose to hang out with to prove to her that the world wasn't as scary as she had imagined. Plus Nick had been the one that had suggested only today that she needed to get out more.
She picked up the phone and typed in his number automatically. Like every good CSI she had memorised her colleagues' numbers in case she needed to call them from something other than her cell phone. She took a deep breath as she waited for him to answer. This 'coming out of her shell' thing was scarier than she had thought.
…………………………………………………..
Nick Stokes lay reclined against his sofa, hovering in the fuzzy state between being awake and drowsiness. He stared at his TV and chuckled as the cartoon characters jumped about on screen. He sipped his soda and leant his head back against the arm rest. It had been a long day and typical Catherine had him working hard with no time to catch his breath. Just as his eyes were about to fall shut, his cell phone started ringing. Sighing, he reached over for his jacket and fumbled about in the pocket for it, wondering who it was. He wasn't on call and his parents never called him at this time. He flipped it open and looked at the caller I.D 'Unknown number'. Curious, he picked it up.
'Stokes.' He said, muffling a yawn.
'Hey, it's Sara. I was thinking … you wanna go out .. somewhere?' Sara said awkwardly realising that the words had left her mouth quicker and more clumsily than she had intended, cursing herself that she didn't even give him a chance to say hello back.
Nick sat up upright in surprise and grinned as he realised that Sara had taken what he had said to heart.
'Nick?' Sara said, chewing on her bottom lip nervously. "I mean if you're busy then it's okay …."
"No, no." Nick said hurriedly. "I'd love to come out tonight. It's too nice a night to be spent indoors."
Sara sighed in relief but she wasn't oblivious to the tone in Nick's voice. "You're surprised aren't you?"
"Yeah, I have to say I am. It's just we've worked together for two years and you've never …" Nick started.
"I know but I thought about what you said today and what everyone else has been saying and realised that I need to change so here I am." Sara explained, pulling out a stool from under the kitchen table and sitting down near the phone.
"It's good Sara. What do you want to do?" Nick asked.
Sara laughed lightly. "You're asking me? I'm new at this remember! You're talking to someone who's seen as much of Vegas as its crime scenes have to offer."
Nick smiled into the phone. "Have you eaten?"
"No."
"Well, how about we start with dinner. Pick you up at seven?" Nick suggested, his mind racing through his extensive knowledge of night life in Vegas and wondering where he should take her.
"Sure." Sara replied. Dinner? Dinner had so many connotations. Take-out, posh restaurant, fast food restaurant, barbecue in his back yard…. How the hell was she meant to know what to wear! This was why she didn't go out. Feeling slightly foolish, she thought it was better to ask than pay the consequences later. "What shall I wear?"
"Clothes might be a good idea. I mean I have no objections to seeing you in the nude but some members of Las Vegas society might not be so liberal thinking." Nick smirked.
"Shut it you. You know what I mean." Sara laughed.
"Wear something nice." Nick said. "But bring some jeans, trainers and a t-shirt in a bag too."
"I know how much you want me Nick but there's no way I'm staying the night at yours."
"You should be so lucky!"
"What's the change of clothes for then?" Sara asked curiously.
"You'll see." Nick said mysteriously.
"Am I sure I want to do this now? Okay. Seven. Nice clothes and scabby old ones." Sara reiterated.
"Think you can handle that?" Nick smiled.
"If not you'll find me lying in a heap in the middle of my apartment."
Nick laughed. "I'll see you then." He said, putting his cell phone down.
Tonight was going to be interesting.
……………………………….
Sara started by undoing her deployment belt and putting it down on the coffee table, staring at it thoughtfully. She knew that protocol stated that they ought to carry their gun with them at all times in case something went down whilst they were out but she had no idea how many law-enforcement workers took this rule to heart. Would Nick take his gun and credentials with him tonight? She herself, armed herself at all times, even when she was just popping down to the convenience store but if she showed up at dinner with a gun with her, would Nick laugh at her and retell the story to the whole lab of how Sidle was so afraid of social life she had even brought her gun with her? She sighed, she would certainly feel more comfortable having her gun with her at all times, especially in Vegas and she felt she could handle being the butt of the jokes if it came to that. She could hardly believe that she had just had a crisis regarding the tiniest detail.
She made her way into her bathroom, running the water and pouring in some bubble bath. She was going to take a nice long soak to calm her nerves and she didn't care how girly it seemed. Being this excited about having dinner with a friend really put into perspective how lame her life really was. As she let the warm water envelope her she suddenly realised that she was about to have, quite possibly, the most awkward meal of her life where most of it would pass in silence due to her absolute inability to hold a conversation in a social situation – hell she could handle interrogations, science talk and cheap office banter but a constant stream of sentences for three hours straight? What was there to talk about except work, which they were hardly going to dwell on? The chances of them sharing the same tastes in films and music was slim and Nick didn't seem like the kind of guy who would share her love of keeping up to date with the latest crime journals. Realising that she was probably doing some serious over-thinking about this, Sara ducked her head underwater and grabbed the shampoo.
Half an hour later, washed, dried and wrapped up in a fluffy robe, she opened the door to her closet and examined the scene before her. Three quarters of it were the clothes she wore to work and practically every other time as well, whilst the remaining quarter were the ones she had bought from catalogues just because they looked pretty not because she had any intention of wearing them. She moved the hangers around looking at each of them in turn, trying to imagine herself in them. When guys said 'something nice' they usually meant something which showed a lot of flesh or at very least a skirt as opposed to trousers. Whilst she was positively sure Nick didn't want her wearing a mini skirt and a top which exposed most of her cleavage, she didn't want to seem like she hadn't made any effort with this at all. Ten minutes later when she was in such distress that she was actually considering phoning Nick back up and claiming that she was ill, she found a nice short-but-not-too-short skirt with a red halter neck top to wear and her only pair of high heels. It was going to be interesting trying to walk in them.
She got changed and ran a brush through her hair before examining herself in the mirror. Nice clothes usually went hand in hand with makeup but since when did Sara Sidle wear make up? The most she managed at work was some lipstick – and that was only to cover the dryness of her lips. She didn't want to make too much of an effort in case Nick got the wrong idea but at the same time a part of her wanted to impress him, give him a little surprise, show him that she wasn't just a science geek.
Sara's eyes widened. Wait, rewind, what was that? She wanted to impress Nick? Huh? Nick, Nicky as in the Nick Stokes she had worked with every day for the past two years? Why on earth did she care what he thought about her, especially about her appearance? Since when did she care about what anyone thought about her appearance! It was just Nick, her colleague who was barely even a friend since they hadn't spent any time together outside of work which normal friends would. She sat down on the bed and tried to think this through rationally. She didn't fancy Nick, she had barely noticed him in that context before. No, that was a lie. She was a girl and she could appreciate handsome men when she saw them just like any other girl. And Nick was definitely very good looking … his eyes, his dazzling smile not to mention his hot body and drool worthy Texan accent. Sara groaned and covered her face with her hand. She couldn't believe she just thought of Nick like that. With a reluctant sigh she got up, took out her makeup bag and emptied it out onto her bed. If she was going to get dressed up for once in her life, she might as well go the whole way.
…………………………………………………….
Nick climbed out of his Tahoe and looked up at Sara's apartment block and felt a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach which was weird because he never got nervous about dates.
Woah. Let's go back a little there. Did he just think 'date'? This wasn't a date. This was Sara, Sara Sidle. The CSI he had worked with for two years now. He wasn't going to all this effort tonight because he wanted to be with her. No, he was doing this for her as a friend and she was special and deserved to be shown some fun. Woah, he thought Sara was special. No, that was no big deal. He thought Catherine was special too and he would think that about any other women out there who managed to do their job day in day out so dedicatedly and competently.
He nodded to the doorman and got into the elevator. Man, he did NOT think about Sara in THAT way. She was just a friend, reaching out and they were going to have fun together tonight as friends and besides he was allowed to enjoy her company, as friends. She was intelligent and smart and often cracked some witty one-liners without even realising it and she had such a touching sensitive side that unfortunately only showed itself when she was working on a particularly tough case. If he was drawn to her it was because she was so much of a mystery not because he felt anything for her.
Nick stood outside her apartment, wringing his hands together before ringing the bell.
Sara had just finished stuffing a change of clothes into a bag when the bell went. Picking up her rucksack, she checked herself in the mirror before opening the door, butterflies fluttering in her stomach.
As the door opened, Nick actually had to bite down on his bottom lip to stop himself from letting out an audible gasp. She looked like he had never seen her before – she was wearing a tight fitting top which showed off her curves in all the right places and a skirt which suited her perfectly – and was that make up she was wearing?
As her eyes met his, she could see shock written all over his face and she felt slightly embarrassed, unsure whether to be insulted that he didn't think she was capable of making herself look nice or complimented that with a bit of effort she had managed to stun him into silence. He himself looked incredibly handsome tonight and it took all her self control to stop those thoughts running through her mind.
Nick coughed slightly. "You look, ….." beautiful, no that would sound like they were going on a date, gorgeous, nope that would sound like he was hitting on her, nice, that just didn't do justice to how she looked. "Erm, you look amazing." He said.
Sara felt a smile creep across her face alongside the blush that was now forming and she felt the need to return to the banter they shared at the office to stop this going across the boundaries of friendship. "Don't sound so surprised!" she hit him playfully.
"I'm not, I just, I mean .." Nick didn't know what to say without digging a hole for himself.
"What's this? Nick Stokes tongue-tied? Is that even possible?" she quipped, rather enjoying the power she had over him.
Nick slowly relaxed into a grin. Staying with the free and easy teasing of each other was safe ground and made it easier to just see Sara as a friend and co-worker rather than this ethereal being that could quite easily haunt his dreams from now on.
"You said something about dinner?" Sara said, cocking her head to one side.
"Lead the way." Nick said, reaching down and carrying her rucksack for her.
As they walked to the elevator, Sara couldn't help smiling at the effect she had on him, conscious that his eyes were running down her exposed back even now. It had been a long time since a guy had looked at her like that and an even longer time since she had felt shivers up the spine caused by a guy.
A/N:- There you go, part one finished. What do you think?