Author's Note: This was originally going to be a prequel to I Remember but it really doesn't have to be so if you want it to have a happy ending then it's a standalone. If not, go read I Remember.
Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song was Don't Laugh at Me by someone whose name I can't remember.
Don't Laugh at Me . . .
A seven-year-old boy in overalls and bulky black framed glasses sat along off to one side of the playground. Billy Cranston did not dare to try and join the other children's activities; he had learned not to do so some time ago. Being called names and shoved by some of his more cruel classmates until he had turned and fled was something you did only once before trying to silently slip into the shadows. It didn't help matters that he had been put ahead of his age group because of his intelligence. The fact he had attended a private school for the first for years of his education seemed to have hindered his social abilities.
When his parents had moved from the city of Chicago to the small town of Angel Grove, it had only gotten worse. There was no gifted school here and rather than having Billy waste his time doing things he had already gotten down pat they had bumped him up a grade and even then it was obvious he had a far greater intellect than his classmates. Unfortunately those things had quickly earned him the title of nerd and the malice of his peers. The already shy boy had withdrawn deeply and forced up walls, trying to protect himself from the harsh words some of the children could dish out, even at that young age.
So alone, yet again, in the corner of the playground no one bothered with, he sat; his head buried in a book way past the reading level for his age group. Even the science fiction stories he so loved to lose himself in did not erase the fact that he was completely alone in this small town. He could call no one a friend and no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that didn't matter, the hurt it caused stubbornly refused to go away. Normally he could force himself to shut off any troublesome emotions that shot up but today he had been particularly badly humiliated by two older boys who had tripped him before he entered the school building that morning. Their laughter and the laughter of the others who had been watching the scene play out was still ringing in his ears.
Across the playground Jason Lee Scott spotted the solitary figure out of the corner of his eyes. He had been a witness of the cruelty of his classmates this morning but before he could push his way into the gathering circle and tell the bullies exactly where they could shove it, an expression he had overheard his father using one night after a particularly bad day at work, the younger victim had bolted. The more popular student had always felt a strong urge to help people who needed assistance and it had been magnified by what his sensei was always telling him about being just and kind. Seeing the overall clad boy being picked on had struck a nerve in the older boy who had been outraged at the bullies' actions.
Seeing the boy, whose name Jason didn't know, sitting alone with a book in hand and looking rather miserable, struck a cord deep inside him. Excusing himself from the game of dodge ball he had been playing, Jason set out across the schoolyard. He saw the green eyes glance in his direction as he approached and the small cringe the smaller boy had given when he realized that another student was headed in his direction. If Jason could have gotten madder at his schoolmates, he would have at the other boy's gestures.
Billy gulped as the larger, strong looking boy he had seen in class only today stopped beside him, "Y...yes?" He asked in a quivering voice. What could he have done to madden the boy in front of him?
Jason regarded him for a second before saying, "I've been off school for the last week with the chicken pox so we haven't met. I'm Jason."
Billy realized a few moments after Jason had spoken that no harsh words had been said in his sentence and that the larger boy wasn't advancing menacingly on him. He was startled, that was something that didn't happen often. Billy didn't think he could have formed proper words even if he had known what to say to Jason. He just stared at the other boy, shock registering the expressive green eyes.
Only when Jason spoke again, asking, "What's your name?" after realizing the person he was speaking to wasn't going to offer the information on his own, did he find his voice.
"Billy...um...My name is Billy Cranston. Pleased to make your acquaintance," Billy answered formally before he knew the words were coming out of his mouth. Wincing as he realized how utterly geeky his greeting must have sounded Billy waited for Jason to look at him strangely and leave or worse add a few nasty comments before he did the latter.
Instead Jason smiled warmly and said with a slight tinge of friendly laughter in his voice, "Well, Billy, it's nice to meet you too. Do you want to go see what's hiding in the field? I found some toads there this morning."
Billy didn't know what to say. Was he actually being offered a friendship or was this just another prank? "Um...Can I ask why you have suddenly decided to make this offer when you will surely be picked on as well?
"They won't pick on me! They don't have the guts to!" Jason replied confidently. He knew that, though the other kids had the nerve to pick on a new boy, they would not have the gall to pick on him. The fact that he had known quite a few of them since preschool and was generally a very nice person to play with didn't hurt, "You looked lonely, like you could use a friend. Besides, you can always read your book later, right?"
"I guess so..." Billy replied still unsure of himself. "Where did you find these...um...toads?"
Jason's face lit up in a smile as he led Billy out of the corner and into the more open field,
"Near the goalposts and along the fence. But it's easier to find stuff there in the spring. I found a huge bullfrog once..."
Jason stood solemnly beside his friend who was trying desperately not to cry and having little success. His own mother was still on the phone to Robert Cranston. He had just called to inform them that his wife and Billy's mother had passed away after two long years of battling cancer. They had known for a few months now that Maria Cranston was not going to get better but Billy stubbornly refused to believe it even when she had been hospitalised.
The young boy had spent the last two weeks living with the Scotts as his father had refused to leave his wife's side for more than an hour. He was just one of those people to whom the term visiting hours did not apply. However, the restriction of visiting hours for children under the age of twelve had been forced upon the small family. Thus, Jason had gained a temporary guest in his room.
Now, the boy who had become Jason's best friend over the past three years was fighting back tears as Jason's mom hung up the phone. When she turned and opened her mouth to offer words of comfort to the young boy struggling against his tears Billy turned and fled up to Jason's room, tripping over his own feet in his haste. Jason started after him but his mother's hand on his shoulder halted him.
"Leave him for now, Jason. I'll go talk to him later. Some people need a little time for themselves when things like this happens," Janine Scott said, knowing her stubborn husband and son were also two of those people.
Jason looked at his mother for a moment before whispering softly in a somewhat bashful voice, "Mom, you won't leave me like Mrs. Cranston had to leave Billy, right?"
"Oh sweetie!" She exclaimed pulling Jason into a fierce hug, "Not if I can help it!"
Jason managed a wobbly smile as he hugged his mother back. He was not scared of much but the thought of losing his mom or dad terrified him. He felt very sorry for his friend but right now he needed a little reassurance himself and, feeling very safe and loved in his mother's embrace, he let himself wonder what he could do to help his hurting friend.
Billy, however, would not leave the room he had fled to nor would he speak to anyone. Only when his father arrived from the hospital would Billy be coaxed down from the familiar, safe surroundings of Jason's room. He was pale and his eyes were red from crying. Robert Cranston did not look too well himself and was having trouble finding the right words to say to his young son. Janine immediately noticed and invited the two to stay for dinner, politely insisting when Robert tried to decline.
The elder Cranston forced himself to eat during the near silent meal but Billy just sat there, poking at his food and staring at nothing. Jason was also unusually quiet during dinner. He was trying to think of a way he could help his friend but was coming up with blanks. He didn't know how to make everything okay for Billy even though he desperately wanted to. When
Janine finally cleared away the dishes Billy bolted to Jason's room again. Jason watched him go before excusing himself and following his friend upstairs.
Robert Cranston sighed, "Looks, like Billy doesn't want to go home."
"Can you blame him?" Jared Scott inquired quietly, "He's been staying here since you started staying at the hospital at nights. He feels safe with Jason around and Lord knows Jason tries his darnedest to protect him."
"I know," Robert looked away from the two elder Scotts, "I'll always be grateful of what your son has done for my Billy. Maria and I..." Robert gulped momentarily as he thought of his wife and the fact she was dead once again reasserted itself, "We were worried about him for awhile."
"I think Billy is going to need you more than he needs Jason," Jared commented, carefully trying to remind Robert that, though his wife was dead, his son was alive and in need of comfort from his father.
"I'll never be able to do as good a job raising him as Maria would have," Robert sighed painfully, his eyes filling with tears, "She was always so good with him. She loved him to pieces. She really did..."
A chocked sob made its way out of the newly widowed man as he turned away from the two of them, "Excuse me," he managed as he quickly stepped outside to be alone with his grief.
"I'm worried about the two of them, Jared. Billy needs his father right now and I'm not sure Robert is together enough to help Billy deal with his grief," Janine confessed.
Jared sighed softly and wrapped his arms around his wife, "I know but can you blame him? Maria meant as much to him as you do to me. If you ever left me..." Jared blanched at the thought and opted to pull his wife closer, "Don't ever leave me like that, Jan. I don't think I could bear it."
"You and Jason, two peas in a pod," Janine commented, letting her husband hold her close for a moment. "He asked me if I would I ever leave him like Maria left Billy."
Jared kissed his wife's forehead gently. "What did you tell him?"
"That I wouldn't if I could help it," Janine sighed, "I didn't really know what to tell him it just came out."
Hearing Robert re-entering the house the two quickly separated. It would be rather tactless of them to stay in such a loving embrace when Robert had just lost Maria, who he had once held like Jared held Janine. Janine spoke up, not wanting the two Cranston boys to be alone tonight, "Why don't you and Billy stay with us tonight?"
"I don't want to impose," Robert replied. Truthfully, he did not want to go home tonight where everything reminded him of Maria so much it was overwhelming.
"Nonsense," Janine was not about to be deterred, "you know you're always welcome here. You're not alone Robert. You've got your friends and," Janine paused for a moment to make sure the widower was listening to her, "you've got a little boy who is going to need his dad."
"I know," Robert sighed, "I just need some time myself."
Janine wanted to say something more. She wanted to get the fact Billy needed him now more than ever through to him but Robert was so lost in his own grief it was all he could do to keep himself together much less help his young son through his grief. Sighing softly, she went to check on the two young boys and found Billy was already asleep, tears still streaming down his face. Jason again asked his mother what he could do to help his friend and once more Janine didn't know how to answer her concerned son.
After his mother left, having tucked him in and kissed him goodnight, Jason lay awake for quite some time. He hated lying there, unable to do anything for his friend. Glancing at Billy, Jason saw his shoulder's shudder in his attempts to suppress his sobs. He couldn't stand it when his friends were hurting, especially when he couldn't reach out a hand to help them. In this situation, the burly boy simply didn't know what to do. Sighing, Jason slid noiselessly out of bed. He knew he would get no sleep while his friend lay sobbing silently in the dark.
"Billy?" Jason whispered as he quietly sat on the edge of his friend's cot.
"J...Jason?..." Billy squeaked. He had thought the bigger boy was already asleep.
"Billy...," Jason wasn't sure what to say to the distraught boy beside him. He wanted to run and get his mother to deal with this but he knew Billy wouldn't react well to that. "Billy, it's going to be okay..."
"Don't say that! Everyone has told me that since mom got sick! And it was never okay! It's not going to be okay! She's dead!" Billy's voice was choked and broken but he continued,
"She left me Jason! I hardly have anyone and she left me anyway! Why? Why did she leave me like that?"
Billy couldn't stand it anymore. He didn't care that Jason was beside him or what his friend would think of him; Billy burst into quiet sobs that shook his slight frame with increasingly violent tremors. Jason's heart lurched at the site and he reacted on instinct. Drawing the younger boy into his arms, Jason held Billy close as tearful tremors rocked the slight body.
"Why did she have to die?" Billy sobbed as he buried his face in the materiel of Jason's pjs, "Why did she have to leave me?"
"Oh Billy, I don't know," Jason murmured at a loss for what to tell his friend. Instead of offering answers that were empty or would upset his friend, he opted to try and reassure the young boy. "Shh. I'm here, little bro. I won't leave you. I promise. Shh."
Billy didn't say anything more but gave a strangled sob and buried his head further into Jason's chest. Many more tears were shed before he managed to exhaust himself and fall into a restless sleep. Jason stayed up for as long as he could while his friend drifted in and out of sleep. Most of the time he just held Billy, sometimes stroking his back gently, while trying to come up with something else that could help the younger boy deal with the death of his mother.
"What are you doing nerd? Is that a good book? Let me see...Oops! Hope the library takes
doesn't mind the mud."
"Loser!"
"Four-eyes!"
"Geek!"
Billy refused to let the comments get to him even though they still rang in his ears from morning recess. It was after the geek comment that Jason had appeared just in time to see him get shoved to the ground. The older boy had immediately jumped to his rescue, almost getting in a fight himself. The prospect of fighting the most well known and respected karate student of his age group in the area was often the only thing that stood between a bully and Billy. Everyone knew you had to go through Jason to get to his little bro.
"Hey, my main brain! What are you doing here by yourself? Why aren't you at the Youth Centre with Kim and Jason? Or did the meeting place change?" An enthusiastic voice inquired.
Startled out of his thoughts, Billy looked up to see Zack and Trini in front of him. He had no idea him long they had been standing there, "Oh, um, no we are still initially gathering at the
Youth Centre this afternoon. I was simply contemplating some notions before I continued on my way to the selected meeting area."
Noticing Zack's slightly befuddled look Trini said, "In other words you were thinking about something but still planning to meet us at the Youth Centre."
"Affirmative," Billy mumbled slightly embarrassed. He hated it when his friends couldn't understand him without Trini acting as a translator. It made him feel like even more of an outsider.
"Oh, alright," Zack said with a smile not noticing Billy's discomfort, "Are you finished zoning out? You wanna walk the rest of the way with us?"
"That would be most enjoyable," Billy got to his feet quickly not really wanting to discuss his thoughts at the moment.
Trini, however, had other ideas, "What were you thinking about?" she asked sweetly.
"Oh...um...Nothing of consequence. I was simply pondering a few ideas for a new experiment," Billy lied. He was not a good liar and one look at the Asian girl told him she didn't buy his story for a second.
"Well, if you need any help you know where to find me," Trini said while shooting him a glance that said, 'you will tell me later.'
"I'd offer my help too but you know what happened the last time I tried to give you a hand," Zack joked.
Billy did remember that eventful day very well and smiled at the memory Zack's comment produced. They were making an active volcano for their science fair project. All five of them were entering together and, while Trini and Billy did most of the actual scientific work sometimes aided by Jason, Kim, Jason and Zack mostly did the grunt work. Kim spiffed the project up a bit by painting the hunk of Plaster of Paris they moulded into the volcano. Zack had managed to find most of the materials they needs and Jason was a Jack of all trades so anything that needed to be done he did. Billy grinned; it had been quite eventful when they tried to test it out...
"I'm covering it with sandwich wrap, okay?" Kim asked bringing out a role, "I don't want the paint to get all warped and yucky. And I need to cover the base as well. When we really explode it, we can let the 'lava' eat up all the trees and stuff but before then we have to keep them clean."
"Do we have all the things we need to make it go off?" Zack inquired. He looked doubtfully at the concoction Trini was putting the finishing touches on, "Are you sure that's enough?"
"Yes, the catalyst will cause the mixture to expand and warm so our 'lava' will be a decent representation of real magma," Billy confirmed.
Zack looked to Trini for a quick translation, "Yes, it's enough. Billy and I measured it out. It bubbles up and gets hotter when we add the last ingredient to make it react."
"Alright," Zack still looked dubious but decided to let the two people who knew what they were doing handle it for now.
"What else do you need?" Jason asked as he helped Kim take down some of the mini-trees she planned to glue on after the test. She was carefully putting them in a box so the 'lava' wouldn't have a chance to wreck them.
"I think we have the proficient amount of materials to work with. We do not require anything further to analyse how respectable our simulation is," Billy replied.
Jason blinked once before the words fit and, shaking his head, and laughed a little. "So, you don't need anything else, right?"
"Right," Trini replied. She was carefully stirring some powdery substance into the volcano.
"We're almost done. If it's fine, we can finish up the more artistic details and then we're done."
"Hey! We're a few days earlier but that might mean bonus marks!" Kim commented enthusiastically.
"A plausible hypothesis though we should not invoke too much belief in the idea. It may prove to be false," Billy cautioned.
"Yeah, Mr. Jacobs doesn't like giving extra credit. He always says, 'The work must be evaluated by its proper level. Doing a shoddy job quickly is worse than taking longer to do a good job'," Jason imitated in a dead on impression of their teacher.
Zack snickered. He was getting a little impatient though. Why did it take so long to blow something up? "Hey can I add the catethingy."
"Um...I suppose so," Trini replied, handing him the bowl and a measuring spoon, "But don't add too much or..."
Her words were lost as Zack tipped the bowl and slid a bunch of the liquid into the volcano.
"No! Zack that's too much!" Trini exclaimed.
It was too late. Over saturating the mixture had an interesting effect, or at least it would have been interesting if the teens weren't groaning when they saw what was happening. Their lava ate through the plastic wrap. It stuck the wrap to the volcano and smeared the paint and overflowed onto the garage floor leaving a sticky mess that quickly hardened into an almost rock hard substance.
When Billy made lava, he made good lava.
"Zack!" The other four teens moaned as they glared at the sheepish looking boy.
"Oops?" Zack offered lamely then bolted as any and all left over ingredients/paint/anything else throwable were chucked at him.
"Billy, you're spacing out again man!" Zack poking him in the ribs brought Billy out of his thoughts. The other teen chuckled good at his friend, "Man, you've got to stop doing that. Stay in orbit for awhile. I'm starting to think you don't like being in our good company."
Billy blushed and noticed for the first time that they were now outside the Youth Centre being approached by Kim and Jason who looked as though they had overheard that last comment.
"Aw, Billy you look kinda cute when you're all flustered," Kim teased giggling as the comment only made him blush more.
"Come on guys, that's enough. I'm sure Billy doesn't need to turn into a tomato today," Jason put in but there was a hint of mischief in his dark eyes, "After all, we all know what kind of dirt he has on all of us."
"Tsk. You're no fun you big lug," Kim mock complained as she playfully elbowed the large teenager. But she did change the subject, "Ernie's trying out a new smoothie flavour today and he's giving out free samples."
Ernie's idea of free samples was giving out free smoothies and with all the free samples he gave out it was a wonder he was still in business.
"You okay, bro? You do seem kinda out there," Jason asked hanging back a bit as the other three all but sprinted towards the front doors.
"Yeah, just considering a memory," Billy replied.
"Which one?" Jason questioned curiously.
"The time Zack managed to accidentally over saturate our mixture of lava," Billy answered with a grin.
Jason laughed out loud and clamped a hand briefly on Billy's shoulder as they made their way into the Youth Centre, "Oh man! That was hilarious after we got over the fact our entire project was destroyed."
Pausing Jason snickered more, "And only you could turn it into extra credit. The consequences of over saturating your formula. It must have been the only time Mr. Jacobs gave extra credit for screwing up!"
Billy stood in front of the mirror, staring at himself intently. He didn't look any
different. The same faded blue overalls, the stripped blue shirt, the bulky glasses that got in his way all the time, the shoes nearly falling to pieces because he couldn't be bothered to get new ones...All in all Billy thought he looked like his normal self. Good old nerdy Billy.
Billy cringed a little at that thought. That was what got him into this mess in the first place. Billy couldn't remember the last time he had felt this guilty about something and it all started with too many flippant remarks about being a nerd. Remarks he no longer really thought about.
Recently he his friends had started insisting he not call himself a nerd or a geek so he had started calling himself socially challenged. Trini, Zack, Tommy and Kim had laughed when he said that but Jason hadn't. In front of the others he had stayed silent but Billy could see he wanted to say something on the matter. When he inquired about it, he did not get the answer he wanted.
Jason had let out a long, gusty sigh, looked him straight in the eye and asked, "Why do you do say things like that, Billy? Why do you always put yourself down like that?"
Billy had been speechless. He had stood there, his mouth open and gaping like a fish, while Jason went on, "You are NOT a geek or a nerd or 'socially challenged'. How am I supposed to protect you from bullies like Bulk and Skull when you agree with them?"
That sparked a bit of anger in the smaller boy, "You don't have to protect me."
"If I don't need to protect you then why do you say things like that? Why do I feel I need to protect you and worry about you? I know you have no interest in learning karate but, dammit, you could at least try to defend yourself! And then you go and call yourself a geek, something I've always thought you hated other people calling you! You told me you hate it when you are called names! How the hell am I supposed to protect you from yourself?" Jason blurted out.
"You don't have to protect me!" Billy yelled the words this time. "I'm not a little child you have to baby-sit, you know. Is that all I am to you? Someone you need to look after? I thought you were my friend!"
Billy turned and ran. He sprinted away, picking up his pace when Jason called after him, yelling for him to stop. He heard the heavy footsteps on the pavement as Jason chased after him but he kept going. They stopped at the end of the street but Billy didn't dare look back to see if Jason had actually stopped. He continued to run until he reached his house.
Panting and out of breath Billy let himself in. No one was home, as per usual, but for once Billy was glad of the emptiness. It meant he could slam the door as loudly as he wanted without having anyone come and inquire about it.
Having an empty house also meant he could pace angrily for as long as he liked. And he did just that as he nursed his anger. He was mad at people like Bulk and Skull for forcing him into this position when he was a child. He was furious at Jason for thinking he needed to be watched over as if he was helpless. And white-hot rage was directed at the little part of him that wanted Jason to protect him and continue doing so forever. He'd always taken Jason's readily given support for granted and never thought of it as anything but support. He wasn't sure he wanted to lose that. Billy wanted to hate Jason for thinking he was weak but had he not been so cross he would have realized the kernel of truth in Jason's words was what had upset him so greatly. But Billy was in no such temperament at the moment.
"How can he do this to me? How can he say that? I mean, I know I'm more...vulnerable than some people but..." Billy stopped dead as he realized two things. One, he was talking to, or rather shouting at, himself. And two he had deliberately avoided using the word weak. He wasn't sure what that meant but knew it wasn't good.
"Jason doesn't think I'm weak, does he?" Billy asked aloud and then a startling thought wormed its way into his head, "Wait a second, I do NOT view myself as being weak. At least not consciously...No! I'm not weak. I just don't like the fact others may view me that way...I think..."
Before he had time to contemplate the matter further, a familiar chime went off. Billy answered it automatically, "What is it, Zordon?"
"A monster is attacking downtown. The other Rangers are already there and in need of your assistance." Zordon told him.
"I'll be right there," Billy replied as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his morpher.
'Though if Jason needs to protect me so much I'm not sure why I'm needed.' He added to himself as he teleported in a flash of blue light.
He landed in the battle just in time to see Kim go flying backwards to the ground. He was at her side in the next instant, helping the slightly dazed Pink Ranger to her feet. "Are you okay Kim?"
"Yeah, this guy packs a pretty mean punch. Watch out for the spears. He nearly got Zack a few moments ago. Those things look dangerous." Kim replied, quickly recovering from the blow she had been dealt.
"Right. What is our strategy for attacking?" Billy inquired.
"Zordon says his chest is the weakest area, that's why it's covered with armour. Jason spotted a weak patch in the shielding though." Kim told him. "He and Tommy have had the best luck getting to him but we're not doing very well so far. Think we should go give them a hand now that I'm steady?"
"Affirmative." Billy replied.
They both threw themselves into the battle. Kim simply wanted it to be over with quickly. The quicker the battle the less civilian deaths to play on their consciousness. Fortunately, Rita had chosen to send the monster down to a usually deserted area of the park for a reason they couldn't figure out. Billy, while hoping for the same thing as Kim, also knew he wouldn't think about anything but the fight if he gave it his all.
Billy hadn't meant to become completely distracted by the Putties he was fighting but that's how it ended up. The monster wasn't actually doing much but taking occasional shots at them, the enormous swam of Putties was the bigger problem. It didn't occur to him to keep half an eye on the monster until a cry of horror rang out amid the combatants.
Billy's head snapped around just in time to see what brought about the cry. Jason had launched himself into the air, directly into the path of one of the spear like weapons the monster was throwing at them.
The projectile hit him in the chest, passing through the armour they wore and lodging shallowly in the Red Ranger's flesh. The impact of the spear knocked Jason to the ground, hard. Billy's heart gave a sickening lurch when his fallen comrade did not get up or move at all. He just lay there even though the putties were advancing on him.
Tommy was standing over Jason in the next heartbeat, protecting him from further attack. How he had gotten there so quickly Billy could not figure out, especially since he had been surrounded by at least ten putties the moment before. But he was there and Billy knew the White Ranger would not let anything stop him from protecting his best friend. As soon as she could get to them, Trini took his place standing guard over Jason so Tommy could kneel down beside their fallen comrade.
Billy kept fighting as an automatic reflex. They still had the monster and Putties to worry about though he, Kim and Zack were holding their own against them. Out of the corner of his eye Billy saw Tommy slip a hand beneath Jason's helmet and lean closer to him, trying to bring the Red Ranger back to consciousness. Relief swept the Blue Ranger when he saw Jason weakly reach out and squeeze Tommy's hand. Movement meant he was alive and conscious, Billy hadn't been completely sure about either. He was very relieved when Tommy teleported the two of them away in streaks of white and red.
"Are you okay, Billy? Did anything hit you?" Trini asked as she rejoined them.
"No." Billy replied slightly puzzled.
"Thank God," Trini sighed in relief.
"Trini, what are you talking about?" Kim asked, clearly confused as well.
"The spear was heading for him before Jason got in the way." Trini explained. "I didn't see if more than one was shot."
"I'm fine," Billy replied, willing his voice not to waver. 'It was headed for me!'
Billy could not remember them finishing the battle. He knew they had called on their Zords but only because Tommy had told them Jason was going to be alright when he came back to pilot his own Zord. Jason's was left on autopilot. He barely remembered teleporting back to the Command Centre. His next coherent thoughts came when he was standing in front of Zordon, listening to a full report on Jason's condition, which included the fact that he had been given an antidote for the poison that had coated the tip of the spear.
Tommy was pacing the room like a caged tiger at that point. Every instinct he had was telling him to go sit with Jason until the midnight eyes opened again. Leave the medical jargon to Trini and Billy, who might be able to understand some of it; he was not going to be comfortable unless he was doing something, even if doing something just meant staying at Jason's side.
"I'm not going home until he wakes up." Tommy commented, daring Zordon to disagree when their mentor had finished talking to them.
"I did not expect you would want to and I would not think of forcing you to leave." Zordon was far from stupid. He knew the White Ranger would never leave his best friend alone when he was hurt, even when Jason was safely being taken care of there. Trying to force him to go home would only make things difficult and it would not be good for Tommy who was already trying to figure out some way to put the blame of what had happened on his own shoulders.
Tommy had gone straight into the med. room after that, standing at the side of the bed until Trini pulled a chair up for him. He took Jason's limp hand in both his own and let his gaze sweep over Jason's sleeping form before it came to rest on his face. Alpha had needed to sedate the Red Ranger before the spear was removed and now he was peacefully drifting in a drug induced slumber.
Billy had not been as sure of his spot at Jason's bedside. He was still slightly angry at the older boy but the fact Jason had most likely just saved his life made most of that anger evaporate and, if he was truthful, he knew he was angrier at himself.
Billy had prowled the Command Centre restlessly for some time, tinkering with some of the less important gadgets occasionally, before ending up staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. He was internally debating whether or not he should go sit with Tommy. The others had all returned home sometime ago simply because it was nearing eleven at night and their parents would be worrying. None of them had thought to about calling their respective families until Trini mentioned it at around eight.
The other thoughts running through the Blue Ranger's head were deeper than whether or not to go keep a vigil over Jason with Tommy. Billy was seriously pondering the argument he had had with Jason earlier. Under normal circumstances it would have probably taken one of them about a day or two to apologize simply because they could not stand things being uncomfortable between them. But Jason had saved Billy's life a few hours ago, at the risk of losing his own, and that put a whole different spin onto the situation.
In all honesty Billy could not be sure if he could have done what Jason had in the battle. It wasn't that he would not give his life up for his friends it simply would not have been his initial reaction. For all his brains and talents Billy did not think he would have processed what was happening quickly enough to launch himself in front of Jason had their positions been reversed. However, Jason's first instinct had always been, and probably would always be, to put the people he loved above himself, even if it meant getting hurt in the process. Being able to do something like that without thought baffled Billy.
Unable to stand his own thoughts Billy turned away from his reflection and walked slowly into the darkened med. room. Jason slept on peacefully as the monitors around him spilled out endless data on his slowly improving state. Billy found he was scared to approach him. Jason was supposed to be big and invincible but lying there, surrounded by beeping machines, he looked fragile and defenceless. Seeing him so helpless like that was, quite frankly, disturbing.
Shuddering slightly, Billy shifted his gaze to Tommy. He had a gentle grip on Jason's hand that he had not released since first coming to sit by his friend. He planned to keep up the quiet vigil until Jason could walk out of the room with him. Billy knew that, if their positions were reversed, Jason would be just as adamant about not leaving his best friend.
Billy approached quietly. He did not want to disturb Jason's sleep or surprise Tommy with his presence. The leader rarely appeared this vulnerable but when it concerned Jason, or anyone else he cared that deeply for, he did not display any of his usual warriors' mentality. The threat of losing anyone he cared about brought out a downright terror in him.
"Hey Billy." Tommy greeted softly, not taking his eyes away from Jason's pale face.
Billy was a bit surprised; he had not expected Tommy to realize he was there. "Hey. How is he doing?"
Tommy shrugged. "Better, I think. He's not quite as pale as before and he's been moving around a little in his sleep. I expect you'd be better at reading whatever is coming out of those machines than I am. Did his parents buy our excuse?"
"Yeah. They think he's studying with you and I up at my uncle's cabin this weekend. 'He' talked to them on the phone with the help of the voice synthesiser Alpha managed to come up with." Billy told him.
Tommy nodded numbly. He slowly shifted his gaze to Billy who had come to stand rigidly on the other side of the med. bed. "You okay?"
"Fine," Billy mumbled automatically.
Tommy looked at him in disbelief and shook his head. "You are not fine. I'm not either. The last time I was this scared..." Tommy trailed off, not willing to get off the topic at hand. "It's safe to say I'm scared shitless that one of these machines will go off saying something's wrong. I know when we go into battle there's always a chance one of us could get hurt but it never really sinks in until someone does."
"Right now," Tommy continued. "I don't give half a damn about Rita or Zedd or the rest of the world. I just want Jason to wake up. Nothing else is going to matter until I know he's okay."
Tommy's sorrowful brown eyes held Billy's for a few more moments before dropping back to Jason. Billy was stunned and painfully aware that Tommy had just revealed more about himself than he ever had before in Billy's presence. Billy was not sure of what to say or do next. Part of him wished for Trini or Kim, who would know how to handle this situation much better than he would. This was unknown territory to him. Zord mechanics he could deal with, matters of the heart were another thing all together.
Tommy did not seem to want Billy to comment though and kept his eyes on Jason's face as if his intense gaze alone would heal him. He was also aware of the fact he had never expressed that much emotion while around Billy. He was usually a very shielded person but this was Jason they were talking about. Jason had walked through all his defences from the very start and somehow become so entwined in his life that Tommy could not picture it without Jason's presence anymore. If Jason were to leave him permanently...Tommy did not even want to think about that.
Not knowing what else to do, Billy pulled up a chair on the other side of the med. bed. They sat in silence for a time and though Tommy seemed to have no problem with that it was slowly driving Billy crazy. Finally, he could not take it any longer and blurted out, "We had a fight."
Tommy looked at him, confusion showing in his chocolate eyes. "What?"
"Just before the battle we got into a fight. I yelled at him. I questioned our friendship." Billy confessed, blushing as he felt shame creep up on him. "I told him...I told him that I hated him. God, I was so angry I told him that I hated him. How could I say that?"
Tommy considered what to say carefully before replying. Billy really could not have picked a worse possible time to want to get into a serious conversation with him, especially if it was about Jason. But Tommy could see Billy needed to talk about whatever had happened and he would not be the one to make his friend carry whatever load he held when he could lighten it for him.
"What was the fight about?" Tommy inquired softly.
"You know how the guys have been telling me I shouldn't call myself a nerd anymore?" Billy asked.
"Yeah." Tommy replied. He knew Billy was not exactly the most social person in the world but he had not understood why it was so important that he not call himself a nerd until Jason had explained a little of Billy's lonely past to him. Tommy was not the most social person either but for different reasons. He had not wanted to make friends; Billy had not been able to.
"Well, Jason wasn't too thrilled about how nonchalant I was about the names. He...uh...asked me how he was supposed to protect me if I was constantly putting myself down." Billy admitted his cheeks flushing crimson.
"It's a fair question." Tommy commented.
Billy felt a spark of remaining anger rise up in him. His words came out more harshly than he intended. "He doesn't have to protect me."
"So, that's what it was about." Tommy said, understanding. "Billy, you're like a brother to him, man. Of course he wants to protect you! Jason tries to protect everyone on the team. He tries to protect me from my problems too. Hell, he wants to be able to protect everyone who has ever been hurt in anyway. That's just his way." Tommy shrugged. "He has a big heart. Sometimes I think he has too big a heart. It means he gets hurt a lot."
Billy raised an eyebrow at that statement but Tommy knew he was not wrong. "It's true. He doesn't show it but when you're hurt, when I'm hurt, when anyone gets hurt, he gets it in his mind he could have stopped them from being hurt and it kills him inside. He'll go out of his way to make sure no one he cares about is hurt," Tommy paused, sighing softly, "even if it means he has to suffer the blow himself. When it comes down to it, Jason would rather see himself being hurt or, God forbid, even killed before one of us is subjected to any kind of pain."
Tommy looked down at his unconscious friend. "He especially doesn't want to see you get hurt because he loves you."
"He probably hates me now." Billy mumbled under his breath.
"Billy, he took a spear for you." Tommy reminded him. Billy cursed the White Ranger's excellent ears. He had not meant for him to hear that. "I don't think a fight could stop Jason from loving you. You don't make the bond you two have every day. It's hard to find someone who cares so much they would willingly give up their life for yours. It's rare."
"He would have done that for any of us, Tommy." Billy told him quietly.
"It doesn't make it any less special. He thinks of you as his little brother. You're like family."
Tommy looked at him seriously. "He's doing what he thinks a good big brother should do by trying to protect you. He doesn't know any better. He probably doesn't realize you don't want his protection."
"It's not that I don't want him to be my big brother or that I'm not grateful for the fact he looks out for me it's just..." Billy had to bite back a small flash of anger. "I am not a weak little boy. I don't want him to think of me as someone to be pitied rather than a friend."
"He doesn't pity you, he loves you, and there is a big difference. I doubt very much that he would ever do anything to purposely hurt you and that includes feeling pity for you. Besides, anyone who knows you knows you don't need to be pitied." Tommy told him. "But I can see where you're coming from. Did it occur to you to tell him what you've told me?
"I was angry." Billy mumbled.
"Are you now?" Tommy questioned.
Billy blushed slightly, "He saved my life. I don't know how to be angry at him when I know he could have lost his life trying to save mine."
"You can talk to him when he wakes up then." Tommy told him and seeing Billy's frightened look added, "Billy, do you really want this fight to put a strain on your friendship?"
"No." Billy replied.
"Then you need to talk it out." Tommy said firmly. "Jason isn't going to be going anywhere for the whole weekend. You'll have the time."
"What if he doesn't want to talk to me?" Billy asked softly, meeting Tommy's eyes hesitantly.
"He wil..." Tommy was cut off when a low moan was issued by their subject of conversation.
Tommy leaned forward, gently pushing the hair off his friend's face and letting his hand rest on Jason's shoulder. "Jase? Can you hear me, bro? Jason?"
Jason moaned again, his eyelids fluttering as he struggled to regain consciousness. Tommy kept talking to him quietly, trying to encourage him to open his eyes and making it a little easier for him to pull himself awake. Billy silently crept backwards into the shadows so he would not be seen.
"Come on, bro, let me known you're here with us," Tommy urged gently, not noticing Billy's sudden absence.
Jason blinked his eyes open and tried to focus his blurry vision. After a few seconds he managed to croak out in a hoarse voice, "...t...tommy?..."
"Yeah, Jase, it's me." Tommy smiled in relief. "How are you feeling?"
"Not too good." Jason mumbled. "I'm tired and sore. It's...it's hard to focus...everything's... blurry..."
"There was poison on the tip of the spear," Tommy told him quietly. He had not failed to notice the glazed look in Jason's eyes nor had he missed the feverish heat radiating off him when he brushed back his hair. "It's affecting your body still but Zordon said everything should clear up by tomorrow."
"Good to hear..." Jason whispered. He closed his eyes for a moment, quite content to just drift off, but then snapped them open again. They were clearer for a moment and revealed an edge of panic. He lurched forward slightly as if trying to get up but Tommy gently held him down. "Billy! Is Billy okay? I didn't...I wasn't sure if..."
"I'm fine," Billy cut in. He had not planned on coming forward yet but Jason was obviously distressed and he could not, in good conscious, simply stand back. "I'm okay, Jase. I'm not hurt and neither is anyone else."
"I'm sorry..." Jason mumbled, unconsciously reaching out to grasp Billy's hand. "I didn't mean to hurt you...I didn't want to hurt you...I'm sorry...I was too harsh...I just...I care about you...I don't want to see you hurt...I'm sorry...you are my friend...don't ever doubt that...I just..."
"Shh. Shh." Billy interrupted him. He could see as well as Tommy that Jason was not exactly well at the moment. Getting him upset was not going to do any good. "Its okay, Jase."
"No...it's not..." Jason began.
"We can talk about it later than." Billy told him gently but firmly so he would not start rambling again. "You need to rest right now. There's still poison in your system and until it's all out it's better for you to sleep. Don't worry about me right now, okay? We can talk about what happened tomorrow."
"I'm sorry..." Jason mumbled.
"Shh. I know, Jase. So am I." Billy murmured, gently resting his hand on Jason's forehead. He frowned slightly. He knew it was to be expected but Jason's fever still worried him.
"We'll talk about it later, though. Sleep. You need to sleep."
Jason mumbled something else incoherently but did not disagree. He felt too ill and exhausted and feverish to put up any more protest. Billy was there, was squeezing the hand he grasped in return, so things between them could not be that bad. With that thought to ease his troubled mind, Jason let his glossy eyes slip shut as he drifted off again. Billy hovered over him, occasionally checking the data on from the machines, and feeling his forehead sporadically to see if the fever was lessening.
Tommy had backed off when Jason had called for Billy and kept out of the way after the Red Ranger had fallen asleep. He was not about to leave Jason but he understood Billy needed to be the one to 'look after' Jason for now. With a slight smile, he sat back a bit to watch over Jason silently from off to the side, while Billy took over his vigil at their friend's side.
Billy sighed as he set aside his latest invention. It was no use. He simply could not concentrate and tinkering with such a delicate device when his thoughts we so far away was not a good idea. He did not normally get this distracted by anything but the events of the last week or so had been anything but normal.
Trini, Zack and Jason had left a week, two days, seven hours and, Billy glanced at his watch to check, twenty minutes ago. Billy did not like the fact that his best friends were over an ocean away. He did not like it at all.
Sure, they had all entered their names but none of them had ever suspected they would be chosen. They certainly had not suspected three of the Ranger team would be chosen. Billy had to admit the selection made a fair amount of sense. Trini had been born a mediator, able to get even the most stubborn people to talk things out as Billy knew from experience. Zack was simply so full of life and enthusiasm that is was hard not to be drawn to him. And Jason...he was a fighter at heart, that was for sure, but that fighting spirit in him was rivalled by his compassion and kindness.
Billy could not think of anyone who deserved the chance his three friends had been given more. But that did not mean he didn't miss them terribly.
It was not as if he did not like his new team mates either. He did, especially Adam whom he had found a kindred spirit in nearly right from the start. It was just...they were not the same. Adam was very kind and intelligent but he was quiet where Billy was used to Zack's vibrant and sometimes loud behaviour. Aisha was sure to get along with Kim well and Billy thought she was particularly beautiful but he would miss Trini's peaceful grace and gentle smile. Rocky was a nice guy, if a bit of a joker, and all but he simply was not Billy's big bro. They did share similar qualities, Billy supposed, but having Rocky on the team and as a friend was not going to be the same as having Jason around.
Billy knew quite well that the other two original Rangers missed their departed comrades as much, if not more, than he did. After all, Trini and Kim had been best friends since Trini moved to Angel Grove in grade four and Jason and Tommy's relationship had long surpassed friendship and gone on into brotherhood. It was quite clear, though he tried to hide it, that Tommy was quite depressed over Jason's sudden absence from his day to day life.
Billy was very familiar with the feeling but a lifetime of shielding himself and usually observing instead of fully participating had made it easy for him to pick up on someone else's shielding methods.
"Dammit. Why did things have to change?" Billy mumbled.
He rummaged around in his lab for a while before abandoning any prospective experiments due to the fact he could not keep his mind in the right country. His thoughts kept wandering over the ocean as he wondered what his three former team mates were up to. Finally he gave up and walked up stairs, dragging his feet all the way.
His room provided him with no measure of comfort, just pictures of five friends as they grew up, smiling happily up at him from behind glass. They were all so damn cheerful! He sighed as he logged onto his computer, hoping he could find some sort of distraction in cyberspace.
"You've got mail!" His computer's far too cheery, fake voice told him.
Billy grunted in response, mentally making a note to disable that voice as soon as he had the chance. He had thought of doing so many times in the past but never seemed to get around to it. 'I will have to make time for it in the near future. I do not think I could stand hearing such a happy voice when I am so miserable.' He thought glumly.
The new e-mail was not from an address he recognized but he could narrow down his guesses to two choices when he saw it was from It brought a ghost of a smile to Billy's face. He could either expect a probably rude joke from Rocky or a letter from Jason. Rocky had a multitude of e-mail address which he abandoned every week after he got sick of it. Jason, on the other hand, had shared an address with his parents before leaving for Switzerland. He couldn't access it from another computer so Billy knew sending an e-mail to was pointless. At best he would get a reply from Jason's mother.
Clicking on the link, Billy realized he was holding his breath and felt ridiculous for it. Okay, so he desperately wanted it to be Jason finally touching base with him after more than a week. And maybe he did feel a little jealous because Tommy had already received a phone call from the former Red Ranger, though the fact the phone call had come at two in the morning because he had not worked out the time differences yet had made him glad he had not been the one receiving it. But that was no reason to get worked up.
As he read the first line a wide grin broke out of Billy's face, his bad mood suddenly forgotten. Smiling to himself, he started to read the e-mail from his absent and much missed friend.
Hey Billy!
How are you? How is everyone else? How are things in Angel Grove? How's the gang? Have there been any serious monster attacks? Are the new guys working out alright so far?
I'm already having a great time here. Orientation was really fun, though Trini insists I only say that because I met a cute blonde during it. Her name's Jill and she's one of the English delegates. That's not the only reason it was fun though. The silly, get to know each other games we played were actually okay and they did help to break the ice. You can't really be embarrassed around someone after you've fallen all over yourself in a wheelbarrow race with them. Don't ask. I'm sure Zack will have fun telling you all the embarrassing details later.
Remember last semester when I complained about having math, chemistry and biology all at the same time with only gym as my kind of bird course? I am so glad that my schedule ended up that way. I like the courses we can choose from here a lot better and I've already got the mandatory ones I need out of the way. The only hard part is deciding what to take. I'm thinking about taking politics, this split course where you study anthropology, sociology and psychology, English and this writer's craft course Trini wants me to take with her. I'm also thinking about taking an extra credit history course. It will be a bit of extra work but the course just looks too interesting to pass up. They sounded a lot better than tech., French, Spanish and auto. I am taking one of the extra language courses they're offering. I figure I should brush up on my French a bit while I can, since its pretty non-existent right now.
We're going to be taking a trip to Paris next week end. There's a photography exhibition that Trini sighed all three of us up to go see it. She keeps saying she's got to expose Zack and me to more culture while she has the chance. Zack is already plotting a way to get back at her. Last time I checked it involved shaving cream and chicken feathers. I'm trying not to get involved; you know how Trini can get when you've ticked her off!
Can you think of anything you'd like from Paris? I figured since we're going I might as well find something to send back to you guys. I asked Tommy and he mumbled something about Putties. I'm thinking it would be a really good idea to get the time change figured out. I'd rather spend the small amount of overseas calling I have talking to people who are actually awake and coherent!
Hey Billy-boy! How's it hanging, my main brain? ---- from Zack.
Hey Billy! How are you? I hope everything is going okay at home. Are the new Rangers working out well? I'm planning to e-mail you later tonight but right now we've got to get to a lecture. We came to get Jason. He's late. I guess Tommy was a bad influence on him huh:) ---- from Trini.
As Trini pointed out, I've got to finished this. There's a lecture on... (Zack: World peace! What else do you talk about at a peace conference? Trini's just bopped him with my pillow.) The lecture is on, according to Trini who seems to always know what's going on so we don't have to (Now I'm getting hit with my pillow.), how to properly mediate a debate or discussion. This is supposed to help us later on when we start getting into heavy discussions.
Anyway, we do have to get going now.
Later
Jason
Billy smiled as he read the last paragraph and the greetings from his other absent friends.
It was good to know they were enjoying themselves so far and he could just picture Zack's antics as Jason tried to wrap up the e-mail. The image of Trini hitting him with a pillow made Billy chuckle to himself.
Billy wondered if Jason had gotten the chance to e-mail Tommy yet. He knew the White Ranger could use some cheering up. So could Kim. They all really missed their absent comrades. 'Maybe,' Billy thought. 'they would enjoy reading this as much as I did.'
With that thought in mind Billy printed out a copy of the e-mail and, slipping it into his pocket headed over to the Youth Centre, hoping that his two fellow Rangers had ended up there. 'And if they haven't' Billy thought as he took a short cut through the park, 'it's a beautiful day; tracking them down should be fun.'
Billy watched with a terrible sadness in his heart as Jason grasped the gold power staff. Under different circumstances he would have been thrilled that his friend was back but Billy could not help but feel as though he was taking the Power away from him.
'It's ridiculous to think that!' Billy scolded himself mentally. 'You had the chance. You can't take the Power. It's not possible for you to hold it anymore. It's not Jason's fault your body is screwed up! He didn't do anything except be willing to help out.'
But as Jason joined the battle with the other Rangers all Billy could feel was a deep sense of loss. It did not help to know Jason had taken the Power almost reluctantly. Billy could have resented him for that. Maybe Jason did not need to have the Power to be a hero but he did!
After the Rangers had fought their way to another victory, they congregated in the Youth Centre. As soon as Billy was finished checking the power levels of the Zords, which was really just his way of stalling, he considered joining them. He got as far as the entrance to the Youth Centre's main area. He spotted the gang at their usual table, saw the chair waiting for him, and then, before he could get any further Jason looked up. Midnight eyes met green ones for a split second before Billy turned and abruptly walked out of the Youth Centre.
Jason suppressed a sigh and quickly exchanged a glance with Tommy, who had also noticed the exchange. The other Rangers had been too busy chatting to see it. Smiling sympathetically, Tommy touched his best friend's arm for a moment, hoping the gesture would bring Jason a little comfort. Jason had, at first, refused to take the Gold Ranger powers because he knew it would hurt Billy but, when Tommy had fully explained the situation to him, he had given in. He just could not let something this important vanish. It would not be fair to Trey to stand aside when he could help!
As soon as he could he excused himself from the gathered Rangers. Kat and Tanya both protested when he said he had to go. The two newest female Rangers were quite taken by him. They thought he was not only gorgeous but was also different somehow. The Peace Conference had given him a type of maturity and wisdom that the other Rangers did not have. For all they knew about the evil done by peoples of other planets they did not fully understand what the people of Earth did to themselves everyday. Jason had a better idea; he had seen some of it with his own eyes.
Jason had a good idea of where Billy would retreat to. When distressed he tinkered. That meant he was either in the Power Chamber or his lab at home. After a quick call to Zordon to check, Jason was on his way Billy's house.
It looked as though no one was home when he arrived but that was not unusual. Robert Cranston worked long hours sometimes, especially if he had an important client waiting, and if Billy was in the garage Jason knew he would not have bothered with going in the house at all. He paused at the garage's outside door, unsure whether to knock or not.
Before he had left for Switzerland he never would have bothered knocking. He had known he had an open ended invitation into Billy's hideaway. Not knowing if that was still in effect caused a small pang of hurt deep inside him.
After a few moments Jason quietly opened the door. He knew if Billy was actually working on one of his projects it was best not to make a lot of noise. He stuck his head inside the door and spotted his friend sitting, with his back towards him, staring at his computer screen.
Jason sighed, deciding it might be better if he came back later and was about to leave when Billy turned and spotted him. A blatantly forced smile made its way slowly across the former Ranger's lips.
"I thought I heard someone." Billy mumbled more to himself than Jason as the burly boy stepped inside his garage turned lab.
"Can we talk?" Jason asked hesitantly.
Billy forced himself not to look hostile. "Sure, Jase. What's up?"
"I'm sorry." Jason blurted out.
Billy was a bit confused. He was frustrated with life in general and it was almost nice to have someone apologize for something but it was not what he had been expecting. "What for?"
"For taking the Gold Ranger Powers, for not telling you I was home before today, for leaving so fast in the first place." Jason sighed and sat down beside his friend, running a hand through his short hair. "I'm sorry."
"Jase, it wasn't physically possible for me to take the Gold Ranger Powers. If I had forced my body to merge with them it would have killed me. You have nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault the Command Centre blew up." Billy said, surprised that he was actually being sincere. Maybe it was Jason's obvious discomfort, but Billy suddenly remembered who person sitting beside him was. Jason would go out of his way to try to keep people from being hurt, there was no way he would intentionally 'take' something this important away from Billy.
"Still, I know what it feels like to see the Powers you thought of as yours being used by another person." Jason shrugged. "It sucks."
Billy could not help grinning at that. "Quite so. I don't think I could have put it better."
Jason smiled slightly. "I am sorry that you couldn't take the powers Billy. If there were any way I would give them to you in a second."
Billy was a bit surprised. He knew how much Jason had missed being a Power Ranger. Giving up the power again, now that he had it, would be painful for the new Gold Ranger. "I have to say I'm surprised."
"Why?" Jason questioned.
"You love being a Ranger and you're much better at it than I am. Why would you ever give that up unless you felt you had to?" Billy questioned.
"I am not a better Ranger than you and you loved being a Ranger as much as I do." Jason sighed. "I would give it up if I could somehow give these new powers to you because I know how much being a Ranger means to you. What it has always meant to you."
Billy closed his eyes for a moment. Yes, he knew what him being a Ranger had meant, had always meant. After Zordon had made him a Ranger he had felt he had really belonged for the first time in his life. Oh sure, Jason and the others had been friends with him long before that but he had still felt like a bit of an outsider, even when it came to his best friends. When he became a Ranger that feeling began to go away, starting with the other Rangers and spanning to his daily life. The way he viewed himself had changed when he got the Blue Ranger powers.
Now he was without them again and, yes, he did feel a little more...flawed than he had before but he knew what he could be now, what he could accomplish and that could not be lost as easily as his Ranger powers. He may not be a Ranger anymore, at least not in the spandex clad superhero sense, but he knew he was still one in his heart. As Zordon had told them before, once and Ranger, always a Ranger. Billy's eyes widened slightly at his mini-revelation.
"It's alright, Jase, it really is. I may be a little bit jealous that I no longer possess powers but I would never begrudge you for taking ones I could not take rather than let them fade away. I may have acted that way, even believed it myself for a short while, but I know you would never do something to intentionally hurt me, I learned that a long time ago. The powers were a part of me, are still a part of me, but they are not all of me, they have never truly been." Billy sighed. "Losing them is hard, as I suppose it always is, but it is not the end of the world. I'll be fine."
Jason gave a half smile. "Seems like you've thought about this."
Billy shrugged. "Maybe unconsciously at some level I have. Perhaps it is time for me to let go of them anyway and move on with my life. It will be nice not to be called into battle all the time even if I do suspect I won't be able to stop myself from helping out at the Power Chamber. I may have more time to explore it now as well. The technology we've never even used...it's a bit mind-boggling when you think about it."
"I guess some things never change." Jason chuckled as Billy got a slightly dreamy look in his eyes he got around lucky girls and gadgets that interested him. Then his expression turned serious and he sighed almost wistfully. "And some things do. I barely recognized you when I first saw you, you know. You've changed so much. Even your glasses..."
Jason knew where Billy's glasses were. It was an old habit from when they were children he had not dropped. Billy tended to be a bit careless with his glasses, often forgetting he was wearing them with them still on and ending up doing something silly with them on, like jumping into a swimming pool or falling asleep. Jason had, because of that, always taken the time to check where the glasses were and, if Billy happened to fall asleep before removing his eyewear at a sleep over Jason put them somewhere safe for him. It happened so often it became second nature.
Idly picking up the silver frames that had been resting on amongst some scattered blueprints on Billy's desk, Jason said, "I guess you don't need me to keep these safe for you anymore."
Billy's eyes grew misty as he immediately picked up on the symbolism behind the comment. Billy had changed from the sometimes socially overwhelmed and often picked on boy into a well liked, young man. Jason did not need to be his protective 'little brother' any longer.
"Sometimes...Sometimes you might need to. I..." Billy cut himself off by nearly tackling Jason with a bear hug. The move was unexpected as Billy was still shy about overly affectionate contact but Jason quickly recovered and hugged his friend back just as tightly as Billy was hugging him.
"I still need you, Jase." Billy whispered.
"Me too." Jason replied. "Me too."
Jason heard footsteps approaching him, his ears well attuned for any sounds that could mean danger. Instead of a menacing looking creature behind him what he saw was a very familiar and extremely welcome figure.
"Billy! What are you doing down here, man? How are you? How's life on Aquiter? How's it going with Cestria?" Jason exclaimed glad that Billy looked happy, even happier than the last time Jason had seen him when he sent the message from Aquiter.
"It's great," Billy replied the glow in his eyes unmistakable. "I'm back for Adam's birthday. But I may be back for good soon, Cestro says he may have found away to enable Cestria to live on Earth. I'll be glad if we can live here for at least part of the time. Aquiter is great and all but it's a bit too wet for me and I miss Angel Grove."
"That's great, Billy. We've missed you, bro, a lot more than you probably think," Jason commented stopping just short of saying just how much the former Blue Ranger had been missed, by Jason especially.
Billy smiled at his friend before looking him over carefully, "What about you? I heard about the loss of the Gold Ranger powers. I was about to come back when I heard you were going to be alright."
Jason shrugged, "It was...scary for awhile there when I was so weak it was hard to function normally, but I'm okay now, I guess."
"Are you still experiencing physical effects from the loss?" Billy questioned.
"Not as much anymore. I'm still weaker than normal and that mess on Murianthas made it worse but I'll be okay. It just might take awhile," Jason answered, unable to keep a hint of frustration from creeping into his voice.
"You hate this, don't you?" Billy observed. He had gotten much better at reading people's expressions over the years.
"Yeah, but there's nothing I can do about it. It really isn't as bad as before. Right after I lost them I was pretty sick. I guess the combination of Power Loss and the fact the Powers weren't meant for humans didn't go well together," Jason commented dryly, remembering the frightening, first two weeks after he gave Trey back the Gold Powers when he had become physically ill as a side effect. There had been some other uncomfortable side effects that Jason declined to mention; he was just glad they were going away. It was suffice to say that the last few weeks had not been the best of his life.
"How sick were you?" Billy inquired already worried about his old friend.
Jason shrugged, trying to stay nonchalant about what he had undergone, "After the first night Zordon had me teleport to the Power Chamber so he could monitor me and because I didn't want my parents to find out I was sick. My stomach was on full revolt mode and for the first few days I had uh...seizures. Mostly at night, thank God, but a couple in the day."
"Seizures? Jason that can't be good," Billy exclaimed. At this point he was ready to go and get a full printout of exactly what was wrong with Jason from the Power Chamber computers.
"Yeah, I know. They went away after about five days. I was almost back to my regular self when there was that mess on Muranthias. Zordon said something about the reaction I had being caused by the evil energy from the lava mixing with the remaining Morphing energy in my body. If I had been carrying any sort of Ranger power the mixture would have killed me, so it was a good thing none of our friends on active duty went into the volcano. It wasn't a good combination as it was but at least it had a delayed effect so I was basically okay for the tournament. At that point there were no signs of anything being wrong. Two days after I collapsed when sparring with Tommy. I managed to scare him pretty badly when I did that." Jason grinned shakily.
"I can imagine," Billy remarked dryly.
"Zordon ran some scans, again," Jason's tone indicated how frustrating that had been for him.
"I think Tommy was beginning to relax when I had a seizure. I hadn't told anyone I had been having them and when he found out he went nuts. If I hadn't been so disoriented, I think he would have chewed me out big time the moment I came to. Then he insisted on coming with me to the Power Chamber every night."
"You know how much he cares about you Jase," Billy said softly. "I would have done the same thing if I had been here."
"I know you would have. I didn't let Zordon tell you how bad it was for a while because I didn't want you to worry," Jason admitted. "It was bad enough I worried Tommy as much as I did."
Truthfully, Jason had not really minded Tommy's presence all that much; he just hated inconveniencing his best friend. It made him feel much better to have Tommy's quiet, concerned voice asking if he was okay after a seizure rather than Alpha's high, tinny, nails-on-the-chalkboard voice doing the same, especially since his head was usually pounding already. Finding himself leaning against his friend and being partially cradled in Tommy's arms as the last tremors left his body was nicer than the slightly uncomfortable med. bed too.
But he was not sure he would have found that sort of comfort if it had been someone else in Tommy's place, not even if that someone else was Billy. The bond Jason and Tommy shared was different than the bond Jason shared with even his oldest friend. Billy and he had a big brother little brother relationship, even if it had toned down a bit over time. He would not have been comfortable with anyone else seeing him like that, quite nearly at his weakest. It was bad enough he had collapsed once in front of everyone at the Youth Centre!
"Jason, if you think we aren't going to worry about you when you're ill than you obviously don't know any of us very well." Billy told him firmly. "We all love you. You're part of the family. Of course we're going to worry! You worry about us more than you should. Why shouldn't we be able to worry about you when you're in danger?"
Jason flushed faintly, "Just because I know you're going to worry doesn't mean I have to like it."
"Oh, don't be so damn macho. There's nothing wrong with any of us knowing you sometimes need a hand. I doubt there's a Ranger around you haven't helped out at some point or another. You deserve to have someone looking after you when you're hurt just as much as any of us do." Billy chided.
Billy almost laughed out loud at the blush that spread across Jason's face. When Jason heard his friend's half covered sniggers he scowled playfully. "Shut up. I'm getting better now. No one needs to worry about me because I'm getting around to being fine. Slower than I would like, yes, but I'm getting there and the gang has been great about everything."
Billy chuckled. "Yes, I know the effects Power Loss can have on a person, especially if the loss it self is particularly painful as it was in your case."
"I did try not to be too moody or anything." Jason smiled sheepishly. "I wasn't that bad, honestly! I just...well, you know me, kind withdrew a bit. But they all gave me the space I needed, except Tommy but that's different."
"Hmm." Billy made a conformation like noise. He did understand how it was different between Jason and Tommy. He had observed them without their knowing the odd time and had noticed an understanding and silent communication between the two that he could not quite grasp. At one point in time he had been slightly envious of the bond they shared but over time had come to realize the friendships he shared with his former team mates were no less special.
"It's nice that we've got friends like that." Billy mused. "I heard Trini and Zack are in town."
"Yeah, they've been here for a few days now. Zack is going to Julliard in the fall but he's staying here until then. Trini is going back to Europe to study. Kim's around too. She stuck around for awhile after Muranthias to work things out with Tommy and has been heading back every few weekends since." Jason smiled. "They haven't said anything yet but since they mysteriously disappear together whenever she's in town and Katherine has hooked up with Rocky..."
"I know. I saw her before I came to find you." Billy smiled.
Jason snorted. "I guess that means we better get going."
"Why?" Billy asked, confused.
"It's Adam's birthday and Kim's involved." Jason replied simply.
"Ah." Understanding sparked in Billy's eyes. "Why would we want to be around when all the preparation is being made though? Kim goes a little crazy when it comes to surprise parties."
"Yeah, but if we don't show up to help I'd hate to see what she does on our birthdays. Remember when Zack didn't show up until the last second before the party she threw on Trini's fifteenth birthday?" Jason shuddered in mock fear. "Do you really want that to happen to you?"
"Point taken." Billy agreed. "Come on, I brought my dad's car. You drive, I'm not as good with trucks."