This is just an idea I got listening to I Can Wait Forever by Simple Plan.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.
Barbara had no idea why this was just occurring to her now. Maybe it was seeing the grey in her fathers temples, how Dick was now taller than her. Remembering things that used to seem so tall, so far, and now it's they're so close. The realization that she was getting older smacked her in the face. Along with the realization that her father would one day die, and he wouldn't be there for her one day.
It terrified her. Her father had always seemed so invincible, immortal in a way. Him dying just seemed impossible. But as her high school graduation neared, it occurred to Barbara that she didn't want to grow up. She didn't know if she was ready. She didn't want to be ready. Getting older meant her father becoming older, closer to dying. It meant no longer being treated as a baby and having sensitive topics shielded from her, like her father dying.
He would joke about his ashes burned when he died. Barbara would block him out. She didn't like and didn't want to hear him talking like that. Eventually, he got the hint and stopped. Barbara Gordon was more scared then she ever thought possible as her high school graduation neared. Part of her felt like it had always known, at least since the eighth grade.
But still. Terrifying. She wanted to be a kid in elementary school again, when high school seemed impossibly far away. When a lot of things about her life were fun and games. When Barbara was a kid, she'd always have a fantasy of what she'd be like when she was older, and her father was always there. She knew now that he wouldn't be with her forever. One day, he would set her out on her own to live her life.
She had no clue what she wanted to due with her life. No matter how hard she tried to wrap her head around it, she couldn't. Her father was aging, she was getting older, and one day she would have to take care of herself. No father to help her. She guessed she never truly appreciated all that her father did for until she realized he wasn't always going to be around.
Barbara lay on her bed in her room. She stared at the ceiling of her room. She was watching people grow up around her. She wondered what they were going to do. College suddenly didn't seem so far off like when she was a little kid. Yeah, she had been applying to colleges, but she had half forgotten about the applications. She thought about her friends.
She hated how that now she was older, she was expected to be grown up. She wished she was still a kid without a care in the world. She thinks she is starting to understand why so many of the adults are cranky. She never understood as a kid, but she supposed that was because someone else was taking care of everything. Her biggest worry was school, her friends, and her spot on the gymnastics team.
The adults had to worry about so much more. And they had to take care of their kid, or kids. She admired her father for doing it all by himself. She once asked him how he felt about being a father. He jokingly said it was terrifying, he didn't have a clue what he was doing. At the time, she hadn't thought much of it, but now she wondered if there was more truth behind the joke then she originally thought.
She thought of her friends. Some of them, if not most, would eventually just fade. They would lose touch, and wouldn't talk to each other any more now that they didn't have school to see each other everyday. She thought of Artemis. Artemis had been in the year above her. When she became Batgirl her junior year, she learned that Artemis was a hero. Along with Dick. She let out a small chuckle, she nearly killed him.
Artemis had graduated last year. It was still so strange not seeing her around in the halls, or hanging out with her after class. Of course, they still hung out and saw each other, but not as much. Artemis was like an older sister, and it made her sad that she was growing up and moving on without her. Barbara wondered how many things were going to change. Soon, that was going to be her graduating and trying to figure out life. She started remembering all of the ridiculous things she did, smiling sadly when she thought of them.
A lot of them she did with her best friend and (maybe) crush. She picked up her car keys. If anyone could help her with how her whole world was going to change, it was him. She felt slightly guilty, since she would be bringing up bad memories for him, but she needed his help. She drove. When she got to the Manor, she parked her car in. She got out and headed to the door, then changed her mind.
She decided, out of a feeling of nostalgia, to head for the tree. Dick's room was on the corner, and there was a big tree next to it. If you the right branches up, you could get on the ledge and enter his room via the window. Dick was on his bed reading a book. He looked surprised when she came in. He saw her crying and he immediately got up. He hugged her, pulling her close to his chest.
She just accepted it. She let her tears fall. He soothed her, murmuring woods like and smoothing her hair. Barbara felt slightly embarrassed that she was crying. Some high school students would be over joyed at graduating high school. No more waking up early and getting ready for school. But she wasn't. She was scared to graduate.
"I'm scared." She whispered.
"About what?" Dick asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.
"Graduating." She looked down, embarrassed.
"Me too." Dick admitted.
She looked at him in surprise, stepping back. He had a slightly nervous expression on his face, like he was worried he crossed a line. He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck and rubbed it. His feet shuffled against each other. She wanted to laugh, and she wanted to cry.
"How do you deal with it then? With the fact that our-your-both of our worlds are going t change?" She asked, slightly scared of the answer.
"Well, it's happened once. I didn't take it too well, but I was young." Dick said. Barbara winced. "And I guess I've come to realize that no matter how much we're expecting it, we can never be ready for our whole worlds to change. I'm scared of what's going to happen this time. Of what I'm going to be, because I have no clue what I'm going to be."
Barbara nodded. "I don't know either. I'm afraid of what's going to happen to everyone we know. High school, school life in general, it's all we've ever known. It's our whole world. And now we're leaving it for the real world."
"Guess we're about to find out if we learned anything useful at school." Dick said.
Barbara joked, "In that case, we're doomed."
They looked at each other and started laughing.
Barbara stopped laughing. She asked hesitantly, "Dick . . . Can you promise me something?"
"Anything." Dick answered immediately.
"Just . . . Just promise me we'll always be friends. And that you won't leave. Because, dammit Grayson, I'm terrified of people leaving me. " Barbara asked.
She knew the question was childish. There was no guarantee they'd always be friends. Fights happened, one of them could die, but she didn't want Dick to leave. She couldn't take him leaving too. She knew her father would one day leave, he'd die, but Dick wasn't that old. He was her age, give or take a few months. And he was her best friend, had been since she was ten.
"I can wait forever for you, Babs. I'm not leaving, and I'm not giving up on you." Dick said softly. They stared at each other for a moment.
In that single moment, they were united. He was her best friend, and neither of them knew what was going to happen in the years to come. They just had the hope that they'd face it together. And the knowledge that the other would be there. No matter what. Both of them knew there would be times they screwed up, where they'd have to forgive each other, but for now, they put that out of their minds. Barbara knew then and there that no matter what happened, she was going to be Batgirl. Or at least be in the hero business. She wanted to help and to protect others.
Barbara felt nervous suddenly. She nodded, wiping the tears off her face. The moment was gone. Light blazed brilliantly in the room. The sun was setting. She started to head back out the window. Her jeans scraped against the rough tree bark, while branches caught on her red hair and green hoodie. She ignored the branches and blew a strand of hair out of her face irritably. Still, she didn't have the energy to be so angry. Her heart felt lighter.
She walked back to her car and go in. On the drive back, Barbara mused on some things. She thought about how some people come into their lives for a reason, and the impressions they make. Some leave barely any mark. Others, they change your whole world. Some are meant to leave, and others you know will be around for a long time.
Eventually, everyone dies. Eventually, everyone will leave. It may not be by choice, they could wake up one day and die. No one really knows when they're going to die. It doesn't really matter how long you live, but what you do with your life. The people you meet, the choices you makes. Even if you die, the effect your life had on others lives on.
She thought of how Dick and her father are both examples. Her father was an honest cop, something that is considerably hard to be in Gotham City. He stuck by what he believed in, and eventually, people began to follow his example. There aren't many, people are still scared, but it's a start. Her father denies he did anything, saying they would have done it themselves. Barbara knew the truth.
Her father had jumpstarted it, and given them someone to follow. Dick, whether he knows it or not, paved the way for child heroes, or protégés and partners. He can even get Batman to crack a smile every once in a while. That in itself is an accomplishment. He inspires people, and sees the good in everyone. Maybe he's too trusting, but it's what makes him Dick.
Barbara walked in the door to her home. She saw her father sitting at the table, looking over some cases with a coffee mug in his hands. He looked the same as he always had, if older. That nagging fear wormed into her mind, but instead of denying it, she accepted it. Yes, her father would one day die. Just as she would one day die, Dick would one day die, Bruce one day die, all of them.
For now, she resolved to enjoy the time she had with them. He was here, and it was now. Her life lay ahead of her, and she had no clue what path she was gong to take. Somehow, that just made it more exciting. She didn't know what she was going to be, but she did know she could try and be anything. Was she still scared? Yeah. It was expected. She'd be more concerned if she wasn't afraid.
She hugged her father tightly. But now, she knew it alone. Her father would be there for her, always will be, even when he's dead. She'll still have her memories, and he'll be waiting for her on the other side. Did an afterlife, or heaven, exist? Did she know she'll see her father there? No. She could only hope and take it on faith that he'll be there.
Maybe one day she'll end up alone, but that day wasn't today. And she'll never be truly alone. The people she loves, as cliché as it sounds, will always be with her. Barbara will always have her memories of them. And memories don't go away that easy. Unless you're facing a telepath, but even then, a faint impression of the memory will always be there. And it is possible to regain your lost memory. A few of the Team members have done it.
She'll live her life. Barbara can only hope that it'll turn out alright, even when everything's gone to hell in a hand basket. It's always darkest before the dawn. There will always be hate, and there will always be love. Barbara doesn't think they'll ever truly get rid of those things. And she thinks they're more closely connected then anyone realizes. After, there's no one you hate more than someone you once loved.
Maybe it's stupid to dare to hope. Barbara supposes that's something particularly infuriating about humans to aliens. She'll make mistakes. She's certain of it. She can only hope she can fix them. She's only human, and there's only so much she can do. But she can try her best. The people in her life have made her who she is, and yeah, she's terrified of being alone. Of them leaving her, even though it'll happen. The pain of losing someone, no matter who they are or what effect they had on your life, never quite ends.
It'll always be there, no matter who the person is. If it's a crazy from Arkham, the pain will probably be bittersweet. It'll be good there gone, but they've been around so long nothing will be the same without them. She let go of her father. He began to talk to her, asking her about her day, and she talked back. They were in their own little world. Barbara decided to enjoy the little moments with her friends and her father.
After graduation, she might not have so many anymore.
I'll admit, some of these are my own feelings projected onto Babs here. I'm not naming anything specific, you can most likely guess it from the piece. The most I know about my life for certain right now if that I'll be a writer, like how Babs is certain she'll be a hero.
Reviews are appreciated. Flames will be used to set the sparkly Twilight vampires on fire. You have been warned. But seriously, they're not welcome. So, yeah, review. This may not be my best work, but I love it. There was something freeing about writing it, and writing in general. I think I repeated some things two too many times, but oh well.
Review.