"Uhh...Lord?"

(A dialogue between God and Gideon)

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"Uhh...Lord....I'm not so sure about this."

That's okay Gid, you don't have to be sure, I do.

"Well, are you sure your sure then? Because Lord, I don't mean to be rude but there's a LOT of them. Like a million!!!"

Yes, I'm sure. You'll do fine Gideon, just trust me. Oh, and there's not a million of them, only 130,000.

"Only 130,000?!?!?!?!?!?! LORD!!!! We don't have that many men, we only have 32,000!!! How on earth are we going to conquer 130,000 men with only 32,000?!?!?!?!"

Speaking of the men, that reminds me....tell all those that are scared to go on and go home.

"I beg your pardon? Lord, I know You're suppose to know everything, but sending the ones who are scared home, I'm not sure that's a very smart move. That's everyone!!!!"

Not quite.

"Well, almost...but if you say so..."

I do.

*A short time later*

"All right Lord, I did it. I hope your happy now, we only have ten thousand men left to fight you know" *mutters under his breath*

Nope, that's still too many.

"Whaaaaat? What do you mean that's too many? I just sent over half of them home!!! We haven't got enough men Lord....we don't I'm telling you...."

Gideon.

*Sighs* "Sorrrrrrrrrry"

Now, I want you to take the remaining ten thousand down to the water. Every man that laps the water up like a dog, send him home. All those who drink watchfully can stay. Got that?

"Yes, Lord..." *mutters under his breath about the eccentricity of divinity*

Good.

"You had better be happy now, Lord, We got 300 men left!!!! There's absolutely no way we can beat the Midianites by ourselves."

Bingo!

"Well I'm glad your enjoying yourself Lord. Really talking about a silly board game during this crisis. I sometimes wonder about you."

*Sighs* No Gideon...bingo as in "Yes your right." Now Israel won't be able to say they beat the Midianites by themselves. They will HAVE to give the glory to me. And you need to watch that tongue son, you ought not be sassying me back.

"Sorry, really I am Lord. It's just....I want to make you proud. But I don't know how I'm going to with 300 men. But if you say thats how we're going to beat them, then, well shucks, I can't really argue can I?"

There's a boy. You're forgiven. Just do as I say and you'll be okay.

"You do always know best...so we ready to go now?"

Almost.

"Almost? You mean we still have too many men? Not to be rude or anything Lord...but 300 men isn't a whole lot. In fact it's nothing compared to the Midianites..."

*laughs* No, we have just the right amount of men. What we need now is weapons.

"Yes!!!!!! Now your talking!!!" *does a little dance *

I'm afraid your going be disappointed Gid.

"Nahhhh we get weapons!!!! Can I have a sword? Please?"

No, you may not. You may, however, have a trumpet, an empty pitcher and a lamp.

"Wait a second, Lord. Let me make sure I got this all straight, you're saying that 32,000 men is too many, 10,000 men is too many, even though we're going up against an army of 130,000. So now we only have 300 men, but this still isn't enough. Now instead of swords and shields you want to give us a trumpet, an empty pitcher and a lamp?"

Right.

"So I can't have a sword?"

Correct.

"But Lord, ALL the mighty men of valour have swords."

You won't. Not now anyway.

* Sighs* "All right Lord, your in charge and you supposedly know what your doing."

I do. I am God.

"So what do we do with these...uhh....weapons?"

You'll surround the camp in three separate groups, and then you'll stand up so all the men can see you. You'll blow your trumpet, then you'll break your pitchers while holding the lamp up in your left hand. Then as loud as you can shout, you all shout "The sword of the Lord and Gideon." And then your enemies will destroy themselves.

"Sure...if you say so."

Now go tell the men Gid. And remember trust me. I've never led anyone down the wrong path.

"Yet, anyway...."

What was that Gid?

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all.

We'll talk about lying later, but I need to know Gideon, will you trust me?

* pauses for a minute * "Yes, I'll trust you Lord. Oh and uhh...Lord?"

Yes?

"Can I have a sword next time?"

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A note: I do not claim this conversation actually happened, and I am in no way trying to add or take away from the Holy Book.