"C'mon Elena!"
"No"
"It will be good for you. You will make new friends."
"Bonnie is enough."
No matter how much my Aunt Jenna pushed, I was adamant I was not going to this support group. Why would I want to sit in a circle for an hour and talk about my cancer? Yep. I had cancer. The kind of cancer that meant I had to carry around a trusty oxygen tank. The kind of cancer that has spread to a lot of places. The kind of cancer that was eventually going to kill me. So if I'm hugely honest, I didn't really want to talk about to complete strangers.
"These people are in the exact same boat as you! They understand what you are going through!" Jenna exclaimed.
They didn't though. Sure, they may have tumours growing throughout their body like me, and they may not live for much longer. But they obviously wanted to talk about their cancer. Share their feelings, experiences and trauma. I didn't though. I had been diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer three years ago, when I was fourteen. I didn't really understand at the time what that meant. I knew it meant I was ill, but my Mom and Dad had guarded me from the full force of having cancer. My Mom would have said "She is a tough girl. She is going to beat this no problem." And I believed her. I believed her words when the toxic chemicals were being sent through my body and I believed her when I had my head down the toilet, puking up things I didn't remember eating.
"You are going to get through this"
I believed her right up until the day her and my Dad's car drove off Wickery Bridge and they drowned. My light guiding me through this dark tunnel was gone. And so was my hope.
If my perfectly healthy Mom and Dad could die, what hope did I have? My cancer was diagnosed as terminal 23 days later.
Sure, I was existing, breathing- but I wasn't living. What was the point when I was going to die anyway?
My brother Jeremy and I began living with our Aunt Jenna and her husband Alaric. Everyone tried to support me as much as possible, and I was grateful don't get me wrong. But I was ready. Ready to die.
Jenna was worried about my lack of- erm, doing anything, so when she heard about the church beginning a support group for people who were suffering or had had cancer, she was determined I was going.
"Jenna please don't make me go!" I wanted to stay in my room and watch every single episode of friends.
"Elena your Mom wouldn't want you sitting around here doing nothing. Their is only so much Ric, Jer and I can do for you. Maybe the people that go there can help you in a way that we can't? Your Mom would want this for you." Jenna comfortingly rubbed my back.
I sighed. Of course she had to bring up Mom "I'll go. But if I don't like it I'm never going again. Deal?"
"Deal."
On Wednesday, Ric picked me up from school and drove me to the church. I tried to go to school as much as I could, but sometimes it wasn't possible. But today I wasn't feeling too bad so my best friend Bonnie had picked me up and taken me to school. It wasn't fun wheeling around my trusty oxygen tank, and having people staring at you, but I had gotten used to it.
Ric pulled his SUV into the church parking lot "Okay, I will meet you back here in an hour"
I got out of the car carrying my tank, I sent him a small smile "Okay see you later."
He drove off and I walked into the small church hall.
There were eight chairs arranged in a circle in the middle of the room. It looked like I wasn't late because other people were mingling at the side of the room drinking orange juice from cheap paper cups. From what I could see there was an elderly lady and man, two middle aged women, a middle aged man, and two guys that looked around my age, but they had their back to me so I couldn't see.
The middle aged man cleared his throat "Okay everybody, it looks like we're all here, so why don't we take a seat?"
Everybody shuffled into a seat within the circle. I steadily breathed though the tube in my nose and looked towards my feet. I didn't want to be here.
"Hey everybody I'm Steve and welcome to the group! We're gonna meet here every Wednesday so we can just talk and hang out." The middle aged man explained to everyone. God, he was trying to act young and cool and making this experience ever more annoying. "Why don't we start going around the circle and saying a little about ourselves?"
The elderly man and woman started. They explained how they had been married for 46 years and how the woman, Arlene had been diagnosed breast cancer 4 years ago, but because of the "excellent" treatment she had recieved she was now in remission. Also the man, Roy was here for support. At this point I zoned out and thought about how many Friends episodes I would have been through now, if I had just stayed at home.
However when a gruff accented voice began, I looked up. He was blonde, handsome but was wearing an eye patch.
"Erm, hello... My name is Niklaus, but my friends call me Klaus." You could tell he didn't particularly want to be there. He kept on looking over to his male companion, who was very good looking. Very.
"3 years ago I was diagnosed with Retinoblastoma, which is a type of eye cancer. Last year I had to have my right eyeball removed to try and stop the spread of the cancer" He pointed to the black eye patch, "this is why this is here. I own a glass eye but I find it creepy and annoying to wear. I was forced to come here because of my idiot best friend here." He pointed to the black haired man beside him. The man smirked and patted him on the back.
"Why thank you Klausykins," He smirked at his best friend "I'm Damon and I am the 'Idiot Best Friend'. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma which is a type of bone cancer. And that is how I got this bad boy" He lifted up his black trousers to show us a cream coloured prosthetic leg. I didn't expect that, how can he be so positive but only have one leg? "I lost my left leg last year. I'm not going to lie, it was tough. I was an 'All Star Quarterback' and was going to get a football scholarship. But you can't be an 'All Star Quarterback' when you can barely walk" I felt bad for the guy. I understood his pain. I was a cheerleader before my diagnosis, and had to give it up. Damon continued "But like I say to Klaus, you can't focus on the bad. Focus on the positive. Always find a silver lining." He finished and smiled at me.
"Why don't you go next?" Steve looked towards me.
I exhaled deeply "Okay, I'm Elena and I have thyroid cancer. And I'm going to be honest with you, I don't want to be here. I understand that talking about what we are going through, may help some of you, but you see, the thing is, I like to bottle things up until they come exploding out in rages. It is the way I deal with things. But I promised by Mom I was going to try and get through this, so this is why I'm here." Everyone gave me comforting smile.
The rest of the hour was spent talking about how to deal with certain emotions and praying for God to save our lives. When the hour was over everyone slowly dispersed. I saw Alaric reading something in the car and began to walk towards him before someone stopped me.
"Hey! Wait up!" I turned around to see Damon running towards me.
"Um, yeah?" I was confused. Why did he want to talk to me?
"What's your name?"
"Elena?"
"No" he laughed, "I mean your full name"
"Oh" I was even more confused now "Elena Scarlett Gilbert?"
"Ooh pretty, Elena Scarlett, I like it." He smirked at me, "I'm glad you showed up today."
"Why?"
"You are doing this for reasons that are not your own. You are doing this because someone else wants to you to do this. Your mom's gonna be happy with you when you get home." He smiled at me.
"My mom is dead." His smile instantly dropped. What? I had to be blunt his perkiness was annoying me.
"Oh god, I'm sorry I said anything," he said awkwardly.
There was an awkward silence.
"So, um, yeah I'm gonna go," I said pointing towards Ric's car.
"Wait! Will I see you next week?" He asked hopefully.
Why was he so concerned whether I would be here next week? "Um, I don't know..Maybe?"
"Your interest me Elena Scarlett, I would be a pleasure to see your here next week." With a parting smirk he walked back inside presumably to find his friend Klaus.
I began to wheel my oxygen tank towards to car.
I may come back here next week.
Thank you for reading this chapter!
I got inspiration for this story from an amazing book I read recently called "The Fault In Our Stars" by John Green. If you haven't read it, I really recommend it.
I understand that cancer is a very tough subject to read/write about but I will try my best to keep this story realistic, so if you ever feel what I'm writing is not right in any way please let me know.
I will try and update soon x