In a rather thoughtless decision, Tony had crafted a work of art, a prodigal AI to rival Jarvis, and Pepper had looked at him with a knowing smile, shaking her head at him as her strawberry curls bounced atop her slim shoulders. "You'll regret it," she'd told him, hands on her hips, looking for all the world like some goddess sent straight from the tempting shine of heaven, and Tony had shrugged.
"I don't see how," he'd replied, unaware of what he'd brought upon the residents of the tower.
And so, it had begun.
It begins one morning when Tony walks into the living room. It's quiet; everyone was probably still asleep, since Tony had stayed up all night again. He dragged himself up from the basement to make some coffee in the kitchen when an exclamation of pure ecstasy jolted him to his senses and nearly made him fall over.
"Jarvis, yes!" was the exclamation, and he recognizes it as the other AI he'd built for Jarvis. It only takes a few seconds for his mind to register what's going on and he blushes. He quickly makes his coffee and takes the whole pot and a mug with him downstairs to the basement, hoping he won't hear anymore noises of pleasure coming out of his AIs anytime soon.
It only escalated from there, much to Tony's irritation, and the occurrence of flickering lights was not uncommon, small moans echoing into the basement and well into Tony's head. If he tried to tinker with one of his projects, the electricity would go haywire. If he tried to drown out the awkward noises by listening to music, his stereo would become possessed with static and the occasional shout of "Oh, Jarvis!"
"Oh, for god's sake," he voices when the electricity goes completely out one day after a high keening noise echoes through the house. He drags his hand down his face and gropes around his work desk for a flashlight, grabbing it and flicking it on. He finds his way over to the basement door and opens it, leaving his work room and clambering up the stairs to the living room, where the others were waiting, sitting on the couch, a lantern illuminating the room. Tony's flashlight adds more light and Pepper looks up, and there's a glint of I told you so in her eyes.
"So," Steve says after a silence. "What do you think caused the power out?"
"Two of Tony's AI's going at it," Natasha mutters, rolling her eyes.
The others stare at Natasha in confusion, and slowly each of their eyes turn on Tony. He puts his hands up defensively. "Hey, don't look at me."
"What does she mean, 'two AI's'? I thought there was only Jarvis," Steve says, blond brows pulled together in confusion.
"Well, there was, but—" Tony goes to explain, but Pepper shushes him.
"Tony thought that Jarvis would benefit from having another AI around, god knows why," Pepper explains tersely, glaring at Tony.
"Yeah, he's benefitting, all right," Natasha murmurs to herself, but Tony catches it and glowers at her from the corner of his eye.
"Wait, are you saying that two AI are basically having sex and that's what caused the power outage?" Clint assumes.
Tony sucks in a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Thanks for being blunt, Clint."
At that moment, the power flicks back on but as soon as it does the appliances in the kitchen begin to go haywire, blenders whirring, the microwave beeping, the fridge doors opening on their own, and the lights begin to flick on and off. Tony groans loudly and hides his face behind his hands, with the words I told you so echoing in his head.
(A/N: Hey guys! This was just a little drabble my friend and I thought up on Skype. I thought it was hilariously funny, so I decided that I would write it. During our conversation on Skype we compiled a list of what we like to call "Robot Dirty Talk" and I thought I'd just enlighten you all:
Oh, Jarvis…you're so HUGE! LOOK AT THAT CIRCUIT BOARD MY GOOOD!
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I DON'T KNOW. JARVIS, HOW MANY DOES IT TAKE?
I'm OVERHEATING
Rock those rotators
I'm glad to see you're all greased up
OH JARVIS
Jar me, Jarvis
Turn me on with the flick of my switch
I'm about to DOWNLOAD
I'M REBOOTING ALL OVER THE PLACE
Jarvis, you're breaching my database
I'm oiled up and ready TO GO
Oh baby grind these gears
My gears are really turning TONIGHT
Oh baby make my wires split
Brings a whole new meaning to "doing the robot"
Turn on my power system
You run all of those Iron Man suits...surely you have more juice than THAT
Show me those wires, baby
What a dirty computer program you are
How to make your AI short circuit in 3 easy steps
You won't even know you're own password when I'm through with you
Hey baby let me tickle your circuitry board
I'll blow your speakers, baby