Cyan eyes pierce into hers.
Hands chilled to the touch press into her own, pleading, confused. Urging her to assure him, to give him solace.
The world around them continues, the bustling park filled with couples of all shapes and sizes, but it seems time has frozen for her and this boy, his blue hair shining in the fading sunlight. His question echoes in her head long after he's spoken- and forever after he's left.
"Do you love me?"
A question worth answering, yet not one she understood.
So she replied honestly.
"No."
.x.X.x.
The soft sounds of activity flow through the room.
The lamp in the corner has been turned on out of necessity in the growing dark of the day. It casts a warm orange glow on the bedroom, where two blondes sit playing video games on a small TV.
It's quiet. Neither one of them really talks during their gaming matches other than to curse or call out the other, the gameplay usually resulting in friendly- if fierce- banter between them. But today, Rin is unusually silent.
Beside her on the floor, her best friend wages war with his controller, fingers tapping buttons faster than the eye could follow. Their gentle breathing is the only communication between them.
Normally, she'd gladly be taking Len on. If she were her usual self, she'd be nudging him and egging him on to defeat her. But not today.
No… not today.
Her mind is elsewhere. It's still left behind, in the cold air of the festive park where she had stood just an hour or so before. With her boyfriend, no less.
Or at least… that's what he was.
After they had gone their separate ways, she felt undeniably distraught. Her heart wouldn't stop pounding with regret, like she'd done something wrong.
But he had asked her what she felt, wanted her to be sincere, and she was.
So then… why did it feel so awful, to watch his face crumble when she did?
She did the only thing she knew to do. It's not like she would stand there and lie, to tell him that she loved him unconditionally and completely when they'd dated a little over six months, when she doesn't even know what that's like to feel that strongly?
"Do you love me?"
Kaito knew what she was going to say before she even spoke. But when she saw tears crest in his eyes, the pain etched across his handsome features, she felt like the worst person in the world.
Rin didn't want him to look at her that way, to watch the color drain from his once-cheerful cheeks, to see the disappointment. It hurt, like her chest was being crushed with intense force.
Then… Then he'd smiled.
He'd squeezed her hands, still clenched in his own, and said "I already knew."
And that was it.
Now here she is, sitting in Len's house trying to calm down, to think clearly about everything. When she's with him, she always feels like she's a bit more rational, like he gives her enough support for her to focus. It's why she called him up almost immediately after Kaito left her, her voice devoid of life, asking if he was free to hang out.
Luckily for her, Len isn't someone who feels very strongly about the world's beloved romantic holiday, Valentine's day. He's never really dated, nor has he ever given that kind of thing much thought, she's sure. He prefers to envelope himself in music and video games. It's something she likes about him. So when she called, he was quick to tell her she was welcome to visit.
Of course, she doesn't really know the purpose of coming here. Is it to try and forget about what happened? Distract herself with Len, forget about the travesty she feels like she's committed earlier on- or is it something else?
Maybe she just wants to ask if he knows what's wrong with her.
"...Hey."
Rin snaps back to reality at the sound of Len's voice, and she realizes he's glancing at her. Her eyes flicker toward the screen, noting that she must've been zoning off into her thoughts. Her character has been decimated by his due to her absent mind.
"...What?" she asks, smoothing her thumbs over the handles of the controller. She carefully avoids looking his direction, nibbling on the inside of her cheek.
There's a slight rustle, and out of the corner of her eye she catches him putting his controller down on the floor near his lap.
"What's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
She's being precise to keep her tone even, whereas Len sounds a bit concerned. They've known each other so long that he's become attuned to her emotions, much to her chagrin. While they've been playing games, he's probably already seen through her attempts to be calm and collected.
It's a losing battle to pretend that she's okay, but she's still trying.
"I mean," Len continues, and she feels him leaning back against the bed behind them, "Something's wrong. You're not yourself today."
"It's nothing," she replies curtly- and recoils when she feels his hand touch her shoulder.
"It's something," he insists, tone no-nonsense. "I know it's not just 'nothing', Rin."
She stiffens considerably, and then inhales deeply.
"...Yeah," she whispers. "You're right. It's… it's not nothing."
Her words cause him to rescind his hand, but he still stays near.
After a beat of silence from them both, he speaks up again.
"Today… Today, you were supposed to be with Kaito, weren't you?" He asks quietly. "So… why are you here?"
The real question, isn't it? It seems a bit strange that the first place she'd run to would be Len's, but then again, she never kept secrets from him. He's always been the first person she'd confide into, even before her girlfriends, Miku and Gumi. Their bond has always been stronger, in some way.
Still, it stings a bit when she replies.
"...We broke up," she answers softly.
Rin feels Len tense up nearby, and in the muffled quiet she hears his breath catch a moment.
"...Oh."
He doesn't ask why, and she doesn't provide an explanation.
An awkward pause fills the air. Rin shifts uncomfortably, trying to think for a moment. Finally she turns her head to look at him, and startles a bit to see that he's already gazing her way. His deep blue eyes pierce hers almost immediately, and it reminds her a lot of when Kaito had stared her down earlier in the day, as if searching for answers in the pitch black of her pupils.
Her heartbeat picks up, fluttering like a caged bird all of a sudden.
Moving a little, she gathers her courage to speak, and then tilts her head back til it hits the edge of his mattress, gaze meeting the ceiling.
"Hey, Len?"
"Mm?" His response is quick, as if he'd been waiting for her to say something.
"What is… being in love with someone like?"
Another beat of time slips through her fingers, and then his voice, curious as well as baffled, responding.
"Uh… what?"
She can't really blame him for being confused. The question was pretty out of left field, even for her and her spontaneous, random questions every once in awhile. She's not even sure where it came from- she hadn't really intended to ask something like that, but it just came out before she could think the action through. Too late now to take it back, so instead she chooses to pursue it.
"I- well… I don't really… understand. I'm not sure if I know what being in love with someone is like. To fall for someone and love them with all my heart. I'm not sure if I know… how to, or what the signs of it are. How do you know if you're in love with someone? Have…"
Her voice drops, as she suddenly feels like she's about to tread on sensitive territory, but she finishes anyway.
"...Have you ever loved someone that way?"
At first she thinks she might've pried too far. Normally she doesn't bother asking Len about romance or relationships. Having never really dated anyone herself, Kaito was her first real venture into the dating world. Len, she's never really seen go out or be with a girl- or even a guy, for that matter. Maybe because she thought it wouldn't affect her if he ever decided to be with someone.
Thankfully, he doesn't stay quiet for long. Although his voice is a bit unsteady, she catches his response easily.
"...Yeah. I have."
Her eyes flicker down to him. He's pulled a knee up to his chest, leaning his arm over it- joining her in examining the ceiling above them like it holds great mystery. She doesn't miss the fact that his face is slowly turning a deepening shade of red.
"Being in love with someone," Len murmurs, somewhat hesitant, "isn't about knowing what to do. It's about the little things that trigger feelings. Maybe it's admiring their smile and how adorable it is, or… or wishing you could play with their hair, or hold their hand, or kiss them- or something. It's the feeling of wanting to see them anytime you can, of imagining a world without them and dreading that kind of existence. It's feeling your heartbeat get loud in your ears every time you see them or hear their voice. Enjoying every moment you spend with that person, because they light up your life and make it special… It's every single piece of time that connects you, and the feelings grow until you just- know."
As if realizing he's gone off on a longer tangent than he intended, Len's cheeks darken further, and he coughs shyly, suddenly full of embarrassment.
"...But, why are you even asking me anyway? Like I have a clue…" He grimaces to himself.
While he grumbles under his breath, something slowly dawns on Rin. When he'd spoken, saying those things with such sincerity and feeling, she'd felt something of her own. That quickening of her heartbeat, once more.
Something triggered because of him. Because of those words, she started realizing something- that the things he'd described weren't things she's a stranger to. When she was with Kaito, she knows she didn't feel anything really like that with him, as much as she wishes she did, so in a way she's glad that she spoke the truth. It would've hurt later on for her to admit she wasn't in love with him and dragged on something inevitable.
But the shock of that being the truth is overshadowed by something else, something she didn't expect. Now that she realizes that the little things, like wishing to hold someone's hand more than anything, to see them smile and laugh, to feel your heartbeat pick up its pace when they're near… She's felt those things. Having never been given a reason to question them, she thought it related to a familial love. But… but, the more she thinks about it, the times she's felt it were stronger only around one person. Her emotions amplified, her heartbeat in her ears, a happy feeling following her every time she could see him.
That person… That person is…
"...You," Rin whispers.
Len blinks nearby, startled by her sudden response after she'd been quiet so long. He glances at her, seeing her now rose-tinted cheeks and the way she's staring at him. Swallowing, his expression becomes a mixture of worry and confusion.
"Uh… me?" he squeaks. "What did I do?"
Of course.
She really was blind to it, wasn't she?
All the years she's known Len, it's always been him that she's trusted the most, more than any other friend. She's treasured his every smile, let him pick her up when she fell and did the same for him. It started as a bond that spanned every strength of friendship, but now she knows it wasn't just that. She loves him as her best friend, but also as a boy.
The sudden onslaught of feelings that flood her figure is almost terrifying with its power. No longer oblivious to her own heart, she realizes that there has never been a time where she wasn't smitten with Len. Playing with him as kids, dancing together during formal, kisses on the cheek that meant everything, his hugs, the lightness of his laugh, the preciousness of their gaming banter and the times she'd called for him in the dark, when he'd been there. No one else but him could be that special person. No one else had earned such a right.
Somewhere in her heart, she knew. A part of her that hid away, prevented her from understanding, now opening and blossoming for the first time.
Now that she knows the reality of her feelings, words are both flooding her throat and held back, a thousand things she wishes to say but isn't sure if she should. After all, even if she feels this way, he sounds as if he's in love with someone else, doesn't he?
But, she always thought being honest was a good thing, so…?
While her face flickers with uncertainty, Len grows increasingly concerned. He stares back at her, and the rose blush is still prominent on his matured cheekbones.
"Rin…? Are you okay?" he asks.
Her chest constricts in response, even more noticeable than before.
"It's… you," she barely manages to say, her voice rising slightly. She leans closer, her blue eyes trained on him, though threatening to waver. "I didn't know what love was like. I told Kaito that I didn't love him like he wanted me to, but that must be because all this time, I've been in love with someone else and I didn't realize. It sounds stupid, to say it that way, but I know what's real now."
She feels like she's starting to ramble, both explaining and trying to get out the right words to tell him how she really feels.
"I should have realized before, but the one I wanted to be with wasn't ever really Kaito, but someone who was always beside me. That person is- is-"
As she stumbles over the end, his name unable to cross her lips, he stops her with sudden swiftness. His index finger presses to her lips, silencing her, and without warning he's leant forward, mere inches from her face.
His brilliant cerulean eyes are gazing back into hers now, wide but curious, everything about him tensed up and stiff.
"...The person you love… you think it's me?" Len asks in a deadly serious tone.
Her breath is caught in her throat, and she can only muster a simple, short nod.
Something lights in his eyes, and he presses her. "Are- are you sure?" he demands.
Her hand reaches up and encircles his wrist, making him remove his finger so she can speak. "Yes," she confesses. "I'm absolutely sure. But it's alright if you're already interested in someone, since this is so sudden. I don't want you to think that because you're my friend you have to do anything-"
Her words cut off as he jerks her forward, dragging her off balance and letting her fall face-first into his chest. Before she can register it, he has her wrapped in his arms, his nose nuzzled into her hair. His fingers tenderly graze her neck, carding through the ends of the yellow strands and sending chills down her spine.
This close, she can feel his own heartbeat- fluttering like an awakened bird, like her own. He's also trembling a little, to her surprise.
"...It's about time," he mutters lowly,
She blinks, unable to move in his tight embrace. Her hands are trapped between them, and she grips into his shirt. A trickling feeling of anticipation, a flash of excitement, wells inside her.
"What-?" she says, hushed.
His breath flows down over her skin, tickling but not unpleasant.
"I was wondering if you would ever see me like that," he continues. Rin wishes she could see his face, to know what kinds of emotions are showing themselves there right now. "Like a man, or if you'd ever notice how I felt. You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say something like that. I thought it'd never happen."
Has he… felt the same way…?
Abruptly, she realizes he's starting to laugh. His form shakes, and she feels the tension leaving his body. At the same time, she realizes that this close she can catch the light spice scent of his cologne, a fragrance she's always associated with him.
Slowly he releases her, and she's allowed to move somewhat back- but he raises a hand to brush his fingertips along her jaw, making her look up at him and meet the now more intense sapphire of his eyes.
"You… do you-?" she finds herself asking, and he offers a nod in response.
"Mm… yeah. I'm a hundred percent sure that I'm in love with you," he tells her gently.
Something just seems so absurd about that sentence- heartwarming as well,- that she starts laughing amidst her own relief, her face tinged bright red, and Len turns a bit offended.
"That- that seems pretty specific," she can't help giggling.
"Hey, I'm just telling it like it is," he protests, but his cross expression melts back into an easy smile, the action shining over his handsome features. "I'm not very good at romantic, cheesy lines, so give me a break."
"You don't have to be. Just be you," she tells him softly, her laughter dissolving as she gazes at him. "All I want is you."
His eyes widen, switching between her lips and her own gaze. A flood of red suddenly crests over his face, spreading all the way to the tips of his ears, and he rubs at his cheek with a hand, making himself look away.
"Er… don't say things like that," he pleads, and she can only sit back and observe the cuteness of his blushing face with confusion. "'Cause I have to remember that we just confessed and I want to take it slow, so I don't want to do anything stupid… like I want to right now."
Rin swallows, realizing what he means, and nods quickly. "Ah, right, s-sorry…"
He glances back at her, and then clears his throat, running his fingers through his hair.
"So, um… It's a bit late now for me to plan anything special," he tells her sheepishly- and when she tilts her head in confusion, he continues. "You know, for Valentine's day."
Oh. That's right. She nearly forgot all about the holiday being today.
"So… Would you mind spending Valentine's just, y'know…. Playing video games?" he asks hesitantly.
Her heart thumps, and she can't keep the smile off her face. Instead she leans in and plants a chaste kiss on his cheek, pleased to hear his squawk of surprise.
"I'd love to," she grins. "Happy Valentine's, Len."
Len nibbles his lip a moment, then follows her example- leaving a soft kiss on her forehead and then smiling back at her.
"Happy Valentine's, Rin."
A/N: Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.
May this holiday be filled with confessions, reciprocated love, and a lot of fluffiness. This is fic 1 of 2, so be sure to read the other. I promise it's all fluff specifically for this, the most romantic of holidays.
What better way to spend it than by reading your OTP getting together or having sweet moments?
(Going dateless this year- shout out to everyone who's like me :))
Anyways, thanks for reading. I hope this is reminiscent of my past fluffs, because lately I've gone full angst mode. I appreciate everyone that's still reading my work and keeping up with my various profile updates.
Read on~!
~Disclaimer~. I own feelings of love and happiness, but nothing more.