Significance
by panyasan
Disclaimer : Enterprise and its characters are property of CBS/Paramount.
Rating: K
Author's note: Inspired by the ENT-episode Breaking the Ice. Many thanks to my beta Opal.
The day had begun like any other day, as T'Pol followed the routine that had been part of her life since she was a child. She woke up at four o'clock in her cold surroundings and rose from her small bunk. She had adjusted the temperature to that of this cold Human ship the previous night - her habit since she had joined Enterprise- so as not to waste any resources unnecessarily.
She made her bed, did her exercises, put her cushions on the floor and lit her candles. The dry smell of the candles then filled her room. She exhaled and concentrated on the flame that gave some warmth in the room.
She needed her routine; she craved for it during the day. When she had first entered the Human ship, she was met with a cold and metallic colored ship that was filled with waves of sounds and voices and whirlwinds of emotions. The men: streams of energy and tension rolled from them like thunder waves in the desert. They appeared to be strangely intrigued by her. They looked at her and the lines of her body with attention that bordered on rudeness. No Vulcan male would look at her in that way – maybe only in Pon Farr - but being unattached she wouldn't know. She saw no difference in her appearance from human women, besides her ears. The women – they treated her like the alien she was. They weren't aware she could hear all their unfriendly remarks and gossip about her and every time she let it glide and vanish, a result of years and years of control and meditation.
So every morning, in her white space, she found order in the chaos of this alien vessel and achieved contentment.
When she retreated from her meditation, she stared for a moment into the flame, before extinguishing it. She stacked her cushions in a corner, after which she placed her towel, washcloth and body soap in the shower. She undressed and soon she felt the warm water of the shower streaming down her arms, back and legs, chasing away the cold in her bones. That morning she found that her mind had wondered to thoughts of the previous evening.
She had always told herself that this was not only a mission to observe and to guide humans in their first deep space mission of exploration, but also an a scientific opportunity for her. It was a chance to study another species close by. She had become aware, almost reluctantly, that there was no other person on the ship that held her interest more than Commander Tucker. Maybe this was because he was a strange mixture of high intelligence and brilliance in engineering, combined with an almost childlike joy of exploring new things. However the thing that disturbed her the most and what she most suppressed was a rather strange feeling of sadness and disappointment, at the times when she observed that they were worlds apart; both lost in non-understanding.
Yesterday evening she had seen another example of his typical attitude. He was commenting on her evening meal and had challenged her to try some of his pie; to experience new food. She hadn't taken up his challenge. She had seen that Commander Tucker's habit of eating sweet hadn't affected his health nor his regular formed white teeth, still the pie looked very unhealthy. It was almost completely coated with sugar, an ingredient with no nutritious value. She had declined.
She noticed that she was indulging herself by letting her shower last longer then the necessary two minutes. She finished her shower, got dressed, had breakfast and started her shift.
While performing her duty, Commander Tucker came to her. She noticed that he lacked his usual confidence. He explained the situation that he had read a personal letter meant for her and he apologized. He had sincerely apologized. It was the first time any Human on the ship had offered her such honesty and she could sense that he felt uncomfortable about invading her privacy. It was that attitude of being uncomfortable that made her realize there was more to Commander Tucker then his usual facade.
It was logical for her to ask him for his advice, because he was already aware of her situation. When he talked about free will and choosing her own path, she pictured her life in her head. It would be either a life full of new experiences or the safety of the accepted way; marriage to Koss. Today she had once again experienced the disapproval of some Vulcans because she did not follow the Vulcan path by serving on a Human ship. When she married Koss, she would be following Vulcan tradition and meeting her obligation to her family. However, as Commander Tucker had pointed out, she had her own reasons to avoid that marriage and the arguments were still valid. Besides, she could serve Vulcan better on Enterprise. So she wrote to Koss' parents that she would not return to Vulcan and she stayed on Enterprise. It had caused a smug smile to form on Commander Tucker's face, but she knew her decision had nothing to do with him.
However when she returned to her quarters and started to mediate, something was different. She had changed. She had chosen her path and at sometime in this day, she had started to feel more alive and warm. Joy and rebellious undefeated hope touched her katra. She suppressed them. She should calm down.
She left her quarters and walked through the empty corridors. She ended up in the Mess Hall where she got some tea, sat down and drank the warm drink with small sips. Her eyes fell on the cooler. This evening Commander Tucker had brought her some pecan pie "to celebrate that you are staying", as he called it. Did he realize what a step she had taken, away from her Vulcan heritage, choosing an act of free will? Maybe she should give him more credit then she had before. For a second time, she had not accepted his offer, it had been logical. On the other hand investigating human habits and customs, including food, was very scientific. She was now alone, the Mess Hall was empty. There was still that one piece left, in the same spot as Commander Tucker had put it, after her refusal.
She went back to her quarters and adjusted the temperature so that slowly her room became a comfortable and warm place. During meditation the sweet smell of pecan pie penetrated her nostrils. She opened her eyes and looked at the untouched pie. She studied its unique form, the way the pecans were arranged and the way in which the pieces of the pie slowly melted and left drops of sweetness on the plate. She stared, contemplating if she would take a bit and about all the different ways this new path and freedom would take her. She was home.