„I can do this!"
"What's wrong with you?", my mum asks me, while we're eating breakfast.
I shake my head: "Nothing, just have a bad day, that's all"
"You have a bad day like yesterday", she looks at me lifting her eyebrows.
I nod my head: "Exactly"
"And this has nothing to do with Emily storming out of our house?", I can't see her eyebrows anymore.
I look anywhere but her: "No it hasn't…"
"Naomi, I'm not stupid, you were different, when you were around her or after you were with her, bad or good different, but defiantly different and you're the best example, that I was in love in my life before…", she begins, but I can't let her finish.
I shake my head: "I'm not in love…"
"Oh, hon, you so are and you know this, Naomi", she smiles kindly at me "and I tell you one more thing", she says softly "don't let your fear role your life like your father did, when he found out that you were at your way"
Did she just told me that I am like my father, that never felt the need to get to know me?
"I don't say that you're like him, but you once have to pull out your little finger instead of pushing it or better her away, you understand?", that's so weird normal parents would be happy, if their children don't act on their homosexual crushes but not my mum, defiantly not her.
"You still have one year in college and she is a part of your group, what do you think would happen to your group of friends, huh?"
"I think, that this conversation is extremely weird, I'll go upstairs"
Yes I know I'm stubborn but this was the weirdest conversation I ever had, you understand? I mean, how would you react, if you had a conversation like this with your mum? Yeah I can tell, you would react rebelling, too, I mean I don't need my mum to tell me, who I'm in love with, do I?
So now I'm sitting in my room afraid of going downstairs to my mum, who could talk shit like before again, but sitting here in THE bed Emily left me a while ago, jeez, not to forget the great conversation with Katiekins, not in here, but it's still hunting in my head!
Life sucks, mums suck, what so ever Emily was for me, her breaking up sucks, her twin sister sucks.
I hate this.
I can't be gay, that's so not true, it can't be true. I mean it's true, that I can't stop thinking of her, but that's normal when someone does that to you, isn't it?
God, who do I try to fool? Myself? It doesn't work at all, of course I like, like Emily, not just mum sees that, but Effy (okay, that's not a real argument) and obvious Katie, I don't think, that Ems would have told her, I mean, her twin is the person she mostly is afraid of, or she didn't see it, but someone told her? JJ…? Oh yeah, there is still the JJ thing, she is defiantly gay, but why did she still sleep with him?
It can't be to upset me, because she would have told me, to hurt me…which wouldn't have been her way, mine maybe…god I'm such an ass, why should she want to be with me? That's insane!
Okay she always does things that aren't closely as good as her, thanks Katie!
Oh god, what should I do? I can't call her again, if Katie picks up, I can't never show up at school again, not that there is anything she could destroy but…I'm a mental wrack!
Okay, the only thing she ever really asked me to do, was to go to this stupid Love Ball and why am I so afraid of doing this?
Like I said, there is not much to destroy…okay there would have been something, but I did it pretty good myself: My friendship, relationship, or what so ever you wanna call it, with Emily.
Okay, I already said calling her won't be an option, going to their house, yeah I think Jenna would love that and Katie no question. Just going to the Love Ball and hoping that she will show up, yeah great! Besides I don't have something to wear anyway…
"You should stop talking out loud to yourself, when you're alone, Nai", my mom grins at me from my doorframe.
Guess she is right…like with some other stuff.
That's stupid, why on earth did I show up here? It's not like she'll go here without a date or hope that I'll show up, other wise she would have spoke to me, when I called her in the past. Okay, I can do this, I can go in there and wait for her to show up and than I'll tell her, that she is more to me than just a friend and she will…what if she doesn't tell me that it's okay and that she in fact doesn't want to do anything with me? Or that she is with JJ now? No, no, no this can't be true, she is gay, JJ loves Effy, everybody can see that, Ems and I will work that out…hopefully.
Come on what the hell should happen? Mum gave me a lift to the Love Ball and no I'm just 100 meters away from the entrance.
Oh god, she came! Or I guess so, from being here, I see two redheads on the stairs. Everything will be okay, Naomi, she is here, she'll see, that you do just that what she asked you to, hopefully that's enough, not that I'll stop fighting, if it isn't.
What the fuck?! She AND JJ, how can she do this to me? I mean, they, she, I mean she is gay, she can't do this and how can she look so beautiful at the same time, while she breaks my heart!
Running away is not a possibility now, this sucks. But this won't be just awkward, it'll be hard for me.
Okay, I can do this, I will do this now!
My first Naomily and English fanfic! Please review and be nice :D