Disclaimer: I do not own Oregairu, If I did we'd have a third season already.

"I love you Hikigaya-kun/I love you Hikki"

'...what the actual fuck?' I thought as I stared back at my two club mates in shock

I, Hikigaya Hachiman, somehow found myself in a situation better suited for riajuu manga protagonists.

Seriously, they should just blow up already...although that would mean I'd have to blow up too now.

Yes...that might be for the best.

...

Who am I kidding?

I'm not dense! Of course I fucking noticed all the advances they made towards me! And yet I still acted like one of those confused protagonists!...I honestly don't know what to do, for months I tip-toed around them, watching what I say...when Iroha threatens to blackmail me I know why she does it.

Because she knows I'm afraid of what would happen if they see it.

And no, it's not because I thought Yukinoshita would call the authorities (Although she might have in the past), but because in the back of our minds...we all knew what was happening. It was never spoken about, because up until this point we were too afraid to even hint at it.

Afraid that this sudden change would break us apart.

I'm a fucking hypocrite.

I preach off to Hayato about his disgusting façade, how fake he is...but I've been doing the same thing.

With my club mates, some of the closest people to me.

It wasn't right.

It wasn't genuine.

Those words I've spoken to them, a selfish desire of wanting to know people inside and out, what I wanted the most out of this world.

...and I toss it aside and stomped on it, and in the name of what? Comfort? Status quo?

'Run away, make them hate you'

My shoulders tense, the girls looked at me worried at my response. I could see the hurt in their eyes, they knew what they were doing coming out with this, it could break us apart.

'No one else has to get hurt, just sacrifice yourself'

I didn't want them to be hurt...I wanted to take the pain all to myself, just like how I did with all my methods. Take the blows.

But I know very well that won't work, not here.

"There are people who'd be hurt when they watch you in pain"

...I finally understand what those words mean. The tears I saw on the corner of my club mates eyes finally opened mine.

My rotten eyes landed on my club mates again.

Yuigahama Yui, a bubbly airhead who has trouble standing up for herself, she is a nice girl...I hate nice girls.

But as I got to know her more, I learned that there was another side to her coin. She is a selfish, but hardworking girl, willing to do her best no matter what. Once upon a time if you told her she couldn't do it, she'd believe you. But now...she would turn the other cheek and try anyway, because she knows what she wants, and she'll do whatever she can to get it.

Because she is a selfish girl.

Then there was Yukinoshita Yukino, a upstanding student and cold hearted ice queen...but just like Yuigahama there is another side to her. She likes cute things like cats and pan-san, she is someone who feels and lies just as anyone else does. She cries, she laughs, and she enjoys hanging out with her friends, but she cannot seem to make them, she can't approach them.

She is a lonely girl.

Then there's me...a loner who is rejected by society. Always by myself, known as either creepy and disgusting or is so unimportant you would forget my name.

'What do they see in me?' I'm despicable.

'Is it because I helped them? Is it because I stay by their side?' My logic questioned, wondering, not knowing. Perhaps there is another side to my coin as well, one that they can recognize.

I want to know.

I don't care about being understood.

I simply want to understand.

To rest in that peace of mind.

It is a completely and utterly selfish wish. A fairytale that could never be achieved...

...but...

"...I..." The girls perked up at my voice, fear and worry in their eyes...yet a sense of relief washed over them, as if a burden they've been weighing has been released.

"..." 'Why the hell is this so hard!?...am I afraid?'

Of course I'm afraid.

"I want to..."

But the moment I told them my desire, there was no way I was going back.

"I want to understand"

This moment would change us, I know it will. We'll probably crash and burn, because we chase this stupid dream.

But if I can share it with them... if there's even the slightest chance of me truly understanding them...

I'll take it.