Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Deeper Kyo. Never have, never will. I'd probably fuck things up anyhow.

A/N: this is a request I took for Hikari Mibu, whose birthday was yesterday. So YEAH happy birthday! Sorry, a little late.

"Open it open it open it!" Akari chanted excitedly, waving her arms in the air and shaking the pathetic couch with the movement.

Hikari Mibu, the birthday girl, shot her a wary glance from across Shinrei's stiff form, then fixed her gaze back on the box. It was wrapped with bright wrapping paper, pink and purple, with a giant red bow on the top.

"You might not want to do that," Bon piped up, chewing thoughtfully on the end of his cigarette. "It could be poisoned."

Akari quickly slammed her high heel into her comrade's shin, dragging a strangled wail from him as he double over, cradling his bruised leg. He glared at her through an eye full of unshed tears and angrily planned his revenge.

"Or some kinky underwear," I added cheerily. I was cheery not only because there was cake on my plate, but a very adorable looking Hotaru was seated disinterestedly beside me, poking at his own plate of cake. [ I inwardly planned to get him alone when nature inevitably called. Of course, that was after more cake and the opening of my present]

Hikari's face twisted into a horrified grimace and she gave the box an even more wary look.

I glanced over to my left at Akira, whose cheeks were flushed a delicate hue of pink. [ I wonder if, during those early Four Emperor days, Akari tried to give him some kinky underwear for his bday…yeow, hawtness. I'll ask later]

"Stop your bitching and open it already," Kyo growled from the many folds of the leather armchair across from us. "Its not like anyone will stick 'round long enough to see you naked, let alone wearing kinky underwear."

"You shut your mouth!" Hikari hissed, clenching Akari's present tightly in her lap. "and leave my kinky underwear alone!"

"Yeah!" I agreed wholeheartedly, jabbing a huge morsel of cake into my mouth. "If anyone's gonna see her naked, it's Shinrei!" That said, I effectively sprayed Akira, the coffee table and the couch cushions with crumbs.

Akira shot me a deadly glare promising a very painful death and gathered the remainder of his dignity to agonizingly slowly swipe the crumbs and saliva from his face.

Shinrei jumped to his feet with a snarl, screaming, "How dare you make such accusations!"

"You're not denying it, stupid." Hotaru said, listless golden eyes peeking curiously at his half-brother. "So you and her…"

I quickly slapped a hand over that cute little mouth of his before that, and the rest of his being, were destroyed in a fit of rage via the birthday girl and the water lover. "Why Hikari dear, why don't you open your present!?" I hollered, praying that somehow they'd ignore what was about to slip past Hotaru's lips.

She narrowed her eyes at me suspiciously while Shinrei sank back into his seat, then pried the lid off the box.

She froze the moment of contact.

The rest of us subconsciously leaned forward in our seats, cake forgotten, trying to get a better look at the item in question.

"Huh." Hikari murmured. "Wasn't expecting that." She glanced at Akari, who was beaming back at her with pride.

"You like?"

Hikari grinned back, "I love it," and closed the box, setting it aside on the table.

Then she went for a delicate bird egg blue box with a pure white ribbon on the top and settled it on her lap. "Anyway, let's"

"No!" We cut her off with a yell of outrage.

She stared at us wide eyed. "Uh…?"

I bolted from my seat and dashed over for the present, only to get it yanked from my grasp by none other than the birthday girl herself.

"Mine!" she growled, and tucked it behind her back.

"I wanna know what it is!" I whined piteously, attempting the cutest face I could muster. "They do too!" I accused, jabbing a finger at the others, who were all faking various poses of nonchalance [ that dumb dumb Shinrei was even whistling under his breath, all innocent-like].

"I'll tell you later, Liz-chan," Akari cooed soothingly, rising from her own seat and making two long strides to me. "Let her open her presents first." That said, she led a very sulky me back to my seat.

Hikari turned her attention back on the slender blue box, curious eyes peering around her guests for the culprit. Shinrei sent her a shy smile. "It's mine."

Akari's mysterious present not forgotten by shoved to the back of my mind for now, I 'awwww-ed' and nudged his side. He in turn blushed slightly and coughed into his hand, playing off his embarrassment as a simple cough.

Hikari took that as encouragement and tore the wrapping paper off, revealing,

"Oh my god, it's the Twilight dvd!"

Hikari dove for Shinrei, wrapping her arms around his neck [narrowly kicking me in the face in the process]. "Thank you thank you thank you!" she squealed excitedly. Unbeknownst to her, she was currently embarrassing the hell out of the water user, as well as squeezing the life out of him. [His face was rapidly turning a disturbing shade of blue, his eyes twitching]

"You're killing the poor bastard." Bon piped up, while Akari merely awwww-ed at the sight.

Hikari managed to blush from shame, climbing off the disgruntled Shinrei, and shyly sank back into her seat.

"So you guys do…"Hotaru muttered to himself.

An awkward silence followed. I chewed thoughtfully on a morsel of cake, and two of the emotional retards [Kyo and Bon] smoked, lazy trails of smoke drifting into the air.

Bon shoved the cigarette into the corner of his mouth and promptly dropped a sloppily wrapped box in Hikari's lap, grinning from ear to ear. "Open mine next!"

Seemingly over her embarrassment, [for the moment, it'd probably flame on any time now] Hikari once again pried the lid off the box, and froze.

"….Thanks….Bon," she awkwardly said as she lifted the gift from its confinement. It was a doujinshi, featuring two very hot males in compromising positions. Beneath it lay a thick stack of more doujinshi, featuring even more hot males, and a few sets of het pairings.

Bon grinned smugly. "No problem, I knew you'd love them."

I sulkily crossed my arms over my chest and muttered darkly. "No one ever buys me pr0ns for my birthday…".

Akira blushed crimson. "You guys are all perverts!" he hissed.

"You weren't saying so last year at your birthday!" Akari barged in, a sly grin curled across her lips.

I leaned forward eagerly and wiggled in my seat. "Ooooh, do tell!"

"Akari!" the blind man snarled warningly.

The pink haired woman winked, a finger against her lips in a 'secret' gesture. "All I can disclose is…it involves pink ass-less chaps."

My eyes widened and our company dissolved into amused snickers [Bon, Hikari, Hotaru and, yes, even Kyo spared a small smirk] while only Shinrei remained, stiffly rooted to his chair, disturbed.

"Damn you Akari, you fiend!" Akira hollered, drowning out the peals of laughter.

Suddenly it sounded, the tell-tale wrrrr, wrrrr, wrrrr, wrrrrr against cardboard gave it away.

The laughter came to an abrupt cease fire as all eyes turned to Hikari.

"….Hi there."

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"And here's where you two will be sleeping," Hikari said.

Bon and Akira were floored.

"What the hell?! Where's the other bed!?" Bon exclaimed, Akira chiming in with his own protest of, "I'm going home!"

Hikari rolled her eyes [weariness already set in, and honestly, fuck hospitality, if they wanted to bitch about it, they would do it on their own time, there just weren't enough rooms to make everyone happy with their choices and leave Kyo non-butt raped by one or more of the guests]. "There isn't one," she deadpanned. "and you're staying right where you are. No going home yet." This was directed at a disgruntled Akira.

"Well thanks captain obvious," Bon hissed, "we can see that shit!" He hefted one hand on his hip, the other regulating a steady point towards the single bed. "What I want to know is, why the fuck do I have to share with this brat?!"

At the 'this brat' statement, Akira ceased from wiping the cake frosting and confetti off of his face, and glared heatedly at his comrade. "Hey, who says I want to share with you in the first place?! You snore like a pack of ravenous tyrannosaurus rexes, and not to mention molest whatever is close at hand!"

[Hmm, we'll have to see how that one plays out]. Hikari snickered at that, internally wondering how Liz was fairing at the moment.

"I do no such thing you lying little bastard!" Bon retorted adamantly.

Hikari rolled her eyes once again and thought back to how that random smudge of cake got on Akira's face.

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"Care to explain?" Liz demanded, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Hikari giggled nervously, back planted firmly to the couch. "No. No I would not." And she picked up Liz's cake, bare handed, and threw it, where it sailed through the air until it hit it's target dead on.

"Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! CAKE!!!" Liz wailed mournfully while scrapping finger-fulls of it from her chest. "Whyyyyyy!?! What did it ever do to you?!" Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over.

Suddenly a new piece was thrust under her nose, and giving a shrill squeak of joy, the crazy authoress stabbed a random fork [ no really, it hadn't been in her hands seconds ago, or Hikari would have had it lodged somewhere unpleasant] into it and began to eat, mumbling, "I love you!!"

Though whether she was talking to the cake or Hotaru, whose cake it formerly was, was a mystery.

"I think we all know what this means," Akari spoke up, a grave look set upon her features.

There was a deep inhale of breath.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

The air was instantaneously strewn with cake, party goody bags [which no one was too sad about losing], and other random items, such as mustard.

Liz quickly ducked behind the couch, one handedly pulling a startled Hikari with her, oblivious to the shouts of,

"Bon you Cyclops!! That was my EYE!"

"Serves you right! Welcome to my world now, boy."

"A fight?! Me too, me too!"

"Oi, don't throw the alcohol you savages. We'll need that for later."

"You hooligans stop it this instant! No, wait, n-not that, anything but that! AHHH!!"

"Haha Shinrei, you look stupid."

"Why YOU!"

"Akira, where are you hiding?! I'll tell your secrets!"

"Don't you dare!"

"Ah, there you are! Take this!"

"Ack! Dammit Akari!"

"Bombs away, you sullen asshole!"

"….Bon. This means war."

"How dare you get Kyo dirty! I'm the only one to do that! In holy matrimony!"

"I didn't know boys could get married. Interesting."

"Why are you looking at me like that you imbecile?"

"………..What were we talking about?"

"Never mind. I can't believe we share the same blood, let alone a father."

"Where are Liz and Hikari? They're not getting any of this."

"Who cares? Maybe we can actually go get some beer this time."

Hikari glanced over at Liz expectantly. "So now what?"

"Busy. Cake." The other girl replied.

Hikari sighed. "Fine. But I'm not cleaning this crap up."

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Funny how a few hours later, the stains and splotches were still there, and no one fessed up to the giant hole in the wall [though Bon was the prime suspect].

"Happy birthday, Rhe," Liz whispered from her make-shift bed on the floor, far from the bundle that was Kyo and Akari.

"Thanks." the girl replied. "And also, thanks for the stuff for Shinrei. It worked wonders. He was out like a light in five minutes." [He was indeed, and snoring lightly on the couch where the girls had dragged his slender form]

Liz grinned and cuddled a snoring Hotaru. "Hell yeah, it kicks ass." There was a contented pause. "Did you get the picture?"

Hikari held up a small digital camera to eye level and grinned back at her. "Hell yeah," she mimicked her companion. The screen displayed a very comfortable Bon snuggling an equally comfy Akira, half way on top of the older man, a think trail of drool extending from the corner of his open mouth.

"They're gonna be so mad."

"Yeah."

"Good." Liz frowned. "Bon backed up my toilet again."

"Yeah he did. Thank god for modern day toilets."

"….don't think I'll forget about Akari's present."

"I know you won't."

"Okay then. Goodnight."

"Night."

"Sleep tight. Don't let Shinrei bite…too hard."

"Ha ha ha. If anything I'll be doing the biting."

"Mmm, kinky."

"Hey, keep it down, some of us are trying to get Kyo's pants off!"

"…."

"…."

"Yeah, I'm just gonna blast my eardrums with my ipod."

"Have fun with that. I plan on going the 'ol 'Molest Shinrei' route."

"Night."

"G'night deary."

Owari.

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MMMMMM Hotaru rape.