AN: I had parts that I really liked from a story I wrote years ago for another fandom and saw potential in recycling these sections of that idea for something different and well this was born. This idea was originally inspired by the [Vocaloid] Kagamine Rin and Len [Append] song titled Mechanism/Karakuri Burst. This has been sitting in my documents for years itself so I decided that instead of it withering away on my computer, I'd at least breathe some life back into it.
Warning: mentions of torture and twisted conditions.
Summary: Friends turned enemies. "I don't want to hurt you, please, don't make me hurt you!" A weeping boy forced to grow up. A hardened girl with a forgotten past. And one forbidden love. "If you love me, then kill me" Let's run away together. Mako/Fem!Haru. Slightly dark AU.
The Invisible Wall
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"We'll always be together, Makoto"
"We'll always be together… then why can't you remember me?" Makoto whispered as he played around with an olive green lock of hair. He laid down on his stomach as it ached to even move an inch. He sighed knowing this was the price to pay for failing his mission. He tried to blur out all the torture he went through last night. He hated to remember the sounds of whips and chains and a sizzling rod.
As soon as Makoto returned, he immediately went to the Major's office. Sighing before he entered, he thought of several ways to explain himself. They all seemed hopeless and his 'Father' had no heart so he just knocked and waited until he was allowed entry. Inside the cold office, stood Major Tachibana against the lit chimney, watching the cinders crackling.
Makoto mentally sighed as he braced himself. He hated reporting back, especially when it was a lost cause on his behalf.
He hated this life…
Makoto cleared his throat and bowed down, "I have failed to retrieve the subject. She managed to escape before I could get her. It's my fault, Sir. For a millisecond, I looked away. I will not fail you again next time, you have my word" Makoto stood straight, biting the inside of his cheek, and awaited his punishment.
He would not show fear.
Major Tachibana grabbed the chimney poker from the rack against the wall and placed it inside the burning flames, watching as the bright red and orange waves of fire engulfed the black poker and turned it a glowing sizzling red. He turned around after thirty seconds and stood next to Makoto.
"Tongue" He ordered.
Makoto gulped and bowed forward, sticking out his tongue. The hot sizzling poker was pressed against his tongue making Makoto wince as it dried his mouth instantaneously and burned like a thousand hell fires. His eyes cried as the slow numbness started to comfort him. After what seemed like an eternity, Major Tachibana took it out as Makoto fell to the ground choking and crouching in pain.
"Men do not fail; men do not crouch in pain. You take it as a man! You obey!" Major Tachibana coldly yelled, angered by the news as he grabbed his whip from his belt and spun it around Makoto's neck and suffocated him. "You'll be treated as a dog until you can show me you're a man!" he tugged on the whip causing Makoto to harshly cough as the Major ordered him to take his uniform's jacket, tie, and shirt off.
Taking the whip away from his throat, the Major took hold of Makoto's hand and forced him to stand up so he could place both his hands against the wall as he began the whipping torture. The first strike was the hardest and fastest as a tiny droplet of blood hit the Major's cheek.
Makoto tried his best to not show he was in complete and utter pain, but he couldn't help let a groan or two escape his lips. The second whip was administrated as Makoto grasped the wall, balling up his fists, turning his knuckles pale white.
The third and final strike hit the mark as it made Makoto's weakened body collapse to the floor. He huffed and wheezed heavily, trying to breath and intake as much oxygen greedily as he could as the Major walked away to his desk and grabbed a small white towel and cleaned his black leather whip from the blood.
"Get out of my sight, next time I see you, you better have progress or else" Major Tachibana coldly said as Makoto forced himself to suck it up for a little while longer as he grabbed his stuff and bowed one final time and left the room. He knew that 'or else' would mean a far greater punishment and he didn't know how much more he could take from the lectures.
Walking down the corridor, placing his hands against the wall to not fall, Makoto made his way to his room grateful to have not bumped into any one he knew. Falling onto his bed, dirtying his bedsheets in blood as he fell into a deep sleep. His mind roamed on the events that happened with Dr. Nanase's daughter and turned to something from a forgotten past.
"Wake up sleepy head! Drills are about to start!" A chipper voice announced as Makoto slowly opened his eyes. Groggy and in immense pain, he turned his head to look at none other than Nagisa – his only friend.
"I'm in a lot of pain, sorry Nagisa" Makoto weakly replied, his tongue too swollen to say much.
Nagisa frowned and made a pouting face as he crossed his arms, "Did your Dad do this to you, again?"
Makoto cleared his throat with much effort and looked away, "Yes, the Major punished me. I deserved it" he solemnly said, his mouth and entire being in intense, miserable pain.
Nagisa bit his bottom lip as he slapped Makoto's back knowing what it would do to him. Makoto's back arched in pain as he loudly groaned. "That wasn't very nice, Nagisa!" Makoto bit down on his pillow.
"He's your Dad! You can't be serious! Tell your Mom!" Nagisa complained.
"I can't!" Makoto closed his eyes and yelled, "a man does not show fear. A man does not go crying to their Mother when they see a wolf in a flock of sheep. A man obeys just as he orders, commands, and leads!"
Nagisa sighed, "Being the good son will prove nothing to him unless you've drowned in a sea of red. He wants you to drown in bodies and what for? Approval?"
"If you're questioning his methods, then why are you here?" Makoto coldly asked.
"The Major is a great man but I can't stand how he treats his own son. We're perfect soldiers in his eyes and what about you? What does that make you?" Nagisa questioned.
Makoto gritted his teeth, staring Nagisa straight in the eyes, "I'm supposed to be far more superior than you," he grabbed a handful of his bedsheets as he angrily looked passed him, "I want out, Nagisa" he confessed in a moment of weakness, the tears already forming in the corner of his eyes.
Nagisa stared at him with cold eyes, "you know that's not an option"
"I don't… I don't care! I'm sick and tired of this. No matter what I do, I'll never be good enough for him. Once my back heals, I'm leaving Nagisa, and you can't stop me. Don't you dare tell my Mother, she's pregnant and needs to watch her blood pressure" Makoto warned as he weakly tried to get up.
Nagisa sighed and helped him sit up as he sat next to him, "You are so hopeless, Mako-chan"
Makoto chuckled, "that's what friends are for"
"So what are you going to do once you're free?" Nagisa curiously asked.
"I'm going to look for my dream" Makoto replied as he got up on wobbly legs. He walked over to his mini freezer and filled a small cup as he took an ice cube and sucked on it. The cold helped his aching burnt tongue.
"What's that?" Nagisa tilted his head.
"Classified information, I can't tell you" Makoto teased as he put a front; a facade. He couldn't tell his friend his dream. That would give away too much seeing as how he's supposed to kill said dream.
Nagisa swung his leg up as he jumped off Makoto's bed, "Whatever, just don't leave without saying 'goodbye' okay?"
Makoto nodded, "Sure thing"
That was the last time Nagisa ever saw Makoto.
The last time Makoto was ever seen by anyone who personally knew him.
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"I don't want to hurt you, please, don't make me hurt you!" Makoto yelled as he held the gun to his best friend. His hand shaky as he gulped and tried to keep his strong determined stance as it quickly faltered.
Years of not seeing her.
Years of wondering what happened to her.
What did happen to her?
His best friend continued to stare at him, observing and taking in his shaking knees and hands as he held the pistol.
"Haruka, I'm warning you. I have to do this!" Makoto pleaded as he closed his eyes. He really did not want to do this. Why did he have to do this? A question that constantly ran miles in loops in his head over and over and over again.
Haruka? Ah, that's right. It was this boy's best friend's name.
"Ma… Ma.. Makoto" she finally spoke, her voice loud enough to cut through the thin air – the anxiety of having to kill him. She couldn't tell the difference between life or death as she watched Makoto struggle with himself.
"Haru!" Makoto smiles as he briefly loosens his hold on his weapon forgetting his place.
Haruka tilts her head, examining Makoto and the familiarity in his voice as he spoke to her. She didn't know what it was, but she couldn't bring herself to harm him, it was her mission as well, but something inside her long forgotten past was pulling her back, refraining her from taking action.
Walking closer to a hesitant Makoto, Haruka took hold of Makoto's gun as she placed the tip to her head, "if you love me, then kill me" she calmly says, taking hold of the cold metal in her hands as she closed her eyes.
Makoto's eyes widened.
Hands shaky.
Heart pounding.
Sweat trailing down his forehead.
Makoto's grip on his pistol failing as Haruka gripped his hand tighter to her head.
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"If you love me, then kill me"
"If you love me, then kill me"
"If you love me, then kill me"
Makoto shook his head, wanting to forget his last encounter with Haru.
Haru was different.
Haru was acting like she barely knew him.
Like she barely recognized him.
Makoto gripped his jacket, tugging on the material close to his heart. Now in civilian clothes – he closed his eyes as he gripped onto the necklace underneath his shirt.
He never took it off.
Never.
He kept his promise.
It was the last gift Haruka gave him as kids.
A weeping boy crouched in the corner of an empty room. The floorboard creaked as someone approached him. He flinches when he feels the warmth of the person who approached him closer as they crouch down and offered their hand, "Mako-chan, it's just me"
Makoto wipes his tears away as he looks up, "Haru-chan?"
Haru nods as she offers her hand helping Makoto up as the boy clings onto her, sobbing and uncontrollably shaking.
"Don't leave me! Please don't leave me!" Makoto's tears start up again as he sobs and shakes in Haru's arms.
Haru holds him as she sighs. This wasn't easy for her either but she had no choice. She was getting adopted just as Makoto and there was nothing she could do about it, no matter how much she didn't want to leave her best friend behind.
She didn't know if they would ever meet again.
"Mako-chan, don't cry. It's… It's pathetic! You have to be strong!" Haru bites her bottom lip as she roughly pulls Makoto away at arm's length.
Makoto sniffs and stares at her with pleading red puffy eyes.
Haru tightly shuts her eyes as she grips onto Makoto's shoulders, "you have to be strong… you have to be… for the both of us!" she shouts. Her voice vibrating in the dark chilly air.
She told herself that she wouldn't cry. Fighting the urge to cry turned her knees weak. She loved her best friend, she couldn't leave him. It pained her to leave Makoto! Haru tried to calm herself down as she loosened her grip on Makoto's shoulder as she searched her pockets for the one thing she came to give him.
Taking the small silver orca pendant out of her pocket, she pulled Makoto to her again as the chain of the necklace came undone from its tangled hold. Shaking the chain, Haru unclasped the necklace and properly put it around Makoto's neck as her cold hands reached behind and clasped the necklace back together. Luckily, while he was taller than her, he hadn't had a growth spurt in months which made it easier for her to reach his height just fine.
Haru smiled as she wound her arms around Makoto as she gently placed her warm lips against Makoto's soft cold cheek, brushing her lips against the skin, she whispered, "promise to never take it off and I promise I won't ever take mine off" she tells him, slightly tugging on the collar of her shirt to take her dolphin pendant necklace into view.
Makoto's eyes widened as his eyes brimmed with tears again, "I… I promise!" he choked.
Makoto heavily sighed as he stops walking, pressing the crosswalk button as he waits for the white signal to cross. He needed to find Haru. He needed to make her remember. He missed her. Terribly.
Crossing the street, Makoto made his way to his apartment. Now in Tokyo he was miles away from his old home, his old life. Starting anew would be difficult but it was something Makoto had to do. Too many eyes were on him, both in the past and the current present feeling like he was slowly suffocating.
It only pained him to leave his pregnant Mother behind. She was the only one who ever cared about him, he guessed she had to be – being his biological Mother and all. When he was adopted, due to circumstances he didn't fully understand back then, he was left in the orphanage until his Mother was able to bring him home again. If he was never left there – he would have never met Haruka.
Makoto sighed again, he was so overjoyed and excited to become a big brother to little siblings, but his Father didn't make it any easy on him. He knew his Mother would love his little siblings unconditionally, just as she loved him, but his father… the Major was something else. He only wished his siblings would have a better childhood than he did. A childhood where they weren't separated from someone they loved and cared deeply for. A childhood where they weren't forced to live with no free will nor having a say in anything concerning their own lives. A childhood made entirely their own and not following the Major's agenda.
Makoto wasn't perfect.
He was far from it.
But he was broken.
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"All done, Haruka. You may go now"
Haruka winces as she carefully examines the small puncture wound of the needle that was just in her arm. Lightly poking the tender reddened spot, she watches as it slowly bruises and feels as it throbbed and pulsed around her prodding fingertip.
Shrugging her curiosity away, she gets up from the seat as she staggers down the hallway to her room. Holding onto the walls for support, she blinks as she tries to not lose focus before she can manage to reach the bedroom. She mentally cursed as she slowly starts to feel the effects of the new drug that was just administrated. Like all the other experimental drugs, she didn't know what it was, just knowing that she had to be a good girl.
Her 'parents' were pharmaceutical doctors who dealt in the black market.
She didn't know much other than that and didn't much care to dig into it any deeper anyways – all she knew was that her parents had many enemies and it was her mission as the good daughter she is to take them out. She didn't know how the medicines, injections, and pills helped. It's not like they gave her super powers, just a very lonely, deranged deteriorating mind and a hazy sense of direction.
Haruka tightly shuts her eyes as her eyes flutter, eyelashes gently brushing against her skin as she balls up her hands into hard fists against the wall, fighting the urge to collapse and pass out. Either the dosages she received daily were getting higher or her strength was already failing at such a young age.
She was only eighteen…
Rain clouds and dark skies greeted them that fated day.
It was a sad day.
Two little kids screamed and struggled against their adult authorities. They put up temper tantrums and tried to hold each other's hands as they were roughly separated.
"Mako-chan!" Haru yelled, tears blurring her vision.
She never cried. Never.
"Haru-chan!" Makoto screamed as he desperately tried to reach for his best friend's hand.
He loved her. This was a nightmare!
The adults took them away as they pretended to be gentle and caring.
Once both young children were separated – their lives turned to hell.
The nurturing environment which they slowly grew accustomed to, changed within the first year of their new homes. It was a misleading, false sense of security in a pivotal time in their young, innocent lives.
They soon learned of their positions in life.
How two childhood friends turned into enemies.
Haruka remembers her first injection. How she struggled and fought. How terrified she was. Heart quickening and pounding within her small chest. The cries of pain in the corner of her room filled with white walls and echoing silence. Haruka remembers shutting her mouth tight, jerking her head back and forth as she tried to not drink the mysterious thick radioactive looking green liquid in the small plastic cup. She remembered crying when they yelled at her and forced her mouth shut, making sure she actually swallowed it. She remembered how she would not eat, starving herself every night as she silently cried herself to sleep, thinking only of Makoto for the first year of her new living arrangements.
She grew frail and thin as a child, being stubborn back then.
Only for Makoto…
Haruka tightly gripped her long hair as she groaned. Her head pounding as the memories of the distant and cold past resurfaced. She hated remembering anything from back then.
She accepted how her life was now!
She was a good girl, a good daughter.
She accepted her clipped wings.
She accepted this hell.
This misery.
Hot tears slowly trailed down her cheeks as they curved against her chin and silently fell down. Haruka stood still as her eyes locked onto the end of the hallway. Blue eyes distant as a shaky hand loosened their hold on her hair as she touched the tears. She flinched at the feeling of the warm saline tears coming down from her eyes.
Haruka never cried. Never.
Not when she was getting punished.
Not when she was getting tortured.
Not when she felt sick to her stomach and wanted to vomit.
Not when she saw something grotesque.
She never cried.
"I need to find Makoto" her voice whispery as she clenched onto the white material of her shirt close to her heart, feeling the necklace underneath. She may not remember much about the origins of her silver dolphin necklace but she never took it off.
It felt wrong to, something telling her that it was a precious gift.
A precious exchange of promises.
Blinking the tears away, he gulped as she realized the truth.
Haruka did not accept this life.
Not one bit of it.
She was broken.
Her mind would have moments of clarity in where she would remember a tall, weeping boy with the greenest eyes that could light her dark path. In those moments of vivid dreaming, she recalled his name, his voice, his scent, his touch. Everything.
It was in those moments that she truly desired to live in.
No more clinical trials, no more unnecessary bloodbaths, no more misery.
Even if it killed her, she did not accept this life any longer.
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"We were… both fools… to think… running away would be so… simple" Haruka weakly tried to gather her thoughts. Coughing as she rose, chest heaving as she swallowed her own blood.
"Don't say that! You're going to survive! You're going to get through this, dammit!" Makoto yelled with gritted teeth, tightly gripping her frail body in his arms.
She shook her head, spitting out the blood that had accumulated in her mouth, "don't" she begged. She begged him to not start filling her head with silly things such as freedom and happiness. Concepts that they could not longer afford, if they even ever had the chance to.
When he didn't say a word, their silence was filled with his sobs.
"Man up, don't you dare cry for me!" Haruka warned, using the last of her strength to push herself up so that he could cradle her instead.
"I'm… exhausted" he narrowed his tear-brimmed eyes at her. "I'm exhausted" he repeated himself, "I'm sick and tired of people telling me to be a man. I'm allowed to have emotions too, Haruka. I'm allowed to unconditionally love you and see to it that you live a long happy life! Even if you're accepting death now, well, I sure as hell am not, Haru-chan" he closed his case as he winced, trying to lift her in a bridal style.
Makoto staggered a bit, the bullet wound in his arm causing him immense pain. He had a feeling that he had an exit wound but the bleeding punctured sight still hurt like a bitch.
"They'll find us again to finish the job and you know I can't function without my medications. You need to leave me and get out of here, Makoto. An execution awaits you if you return to the Major and I know you're not that stupid to not know at least that much. I'm… more likely to just get higher security back home. They can't afford to lose me and what's in my blood but you… you're expendable and I won't have that. Please don't be stupid for my sake, Makoto"
"Haru, shut up. I'm not returning to that place and you will learn to battle the withdrawals from whatever drugs they've been giving you all these years. We'll leave the country once we're both healed. I don't think a man shot in the arm and a woman who just jumped out the third floor of a parking garage and miraculously survived without dying wouldn't look suspicious in an airport" he darkly chuckled to himself as he carried her off the emptied street.
Neither of them had gotten the memo that the Tachibana private military and the Nanase Pharmaceutical Corporation had decided to team up to terminate both of them.
They both had failed in killing each other especially after Haruka made the effort to run away from her own confines.
Without her constantly under the influence of whatever drugs they'd give her, she had an easier time coming out of that confusing false sense of reality.
Makoto never stopped believing in her and his dream.
Haruka had always been his dream and no broken bones, injuries, amount of blood lost, and psychopathic parents would ever dare tear them apart again. He had been on his own for some time, savoring what life had to offer him as a now adult. He wanted to share that carefree freedom with the one he loves.
Halfway off the dark empty street with a stoplight coming into view, Haruka spoke up.
"Makoto"
"Hm?"
"Thank you for not giving up on me when I was already and for everything else"
Makoto deeply breathed, growing tired with every stride, "thank me once we're in a hotel with a nice big bed"
Haruka smirked, "no funny ideas now, I still need to stitch your arm back to health"
Makoto lightly shook his head and agreed, "noted"
They knew that they'd always be on the run from their parents and their henchmen.
If the Major couldn't have his perfect solider then no one else could.
If her parents couldn't have their biologically modified perfect specimen then no one else could.
They knew that their choices had consequences, both with very hefty prices of their own.
They knew that someday they'd be paying with their lives.
Not today.
Today they'd escape and live another day to tell their tale.
They still faced many obstacles in their way, both from opposing sides that wanted them dead or recaptured. They still face other obstacles as well – those of a couple trying to relearn everything about each other while discovering themselves again.
But together, as long as they remained together, they could get through anything life threw their way.
For there were no invisible walls that they couldn't break.
Together.
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Done!
I honestly really liked this idea way too much to just see this story AU get tossed away and lost in time. I don't know what to even categorize this AU as but aaayyyyyee, it's here. I'm thinking I should've posted this for Halloween but oh well!
Please don't ask me to continue this story idea because I only intended for it to be a one-shot based on what I had previously written for a long since deleted fic for another [Vocaloid] fandom.
Anyways I don't really have much else to say other than I just really love Fem!Haru and wanted to contribute a bit more to that side of the fandom.
Remember to R&R! Reviews are greatly appreciated if you enjoyed this random spark of an idea. I always love reading reader's thoughts/feedback! Plz & Thankies! :]
I don't own Haruka Nanase or Makoto Tachibana nor all other characters mentioned – FREE! is owned by Kyoto Animation.
I just own the idea/plot/story/whatever you want to call it~ lol :P