Breathe.
How was it possible to be too quiet and too loud at the same time? The crackling of the fire was loud enough to be cannon fire in his ears, the soft chirps of the wildlife around him like violent roars in his thoughts. There came a soft whispering, possibly from Kya or Bumi, which was just spoken above the low breath of the winds. His brow furrowed and he tried once again to block everything out, to reach that state of tranquility that would allow him to reach—
No. No, he couldn't allow himself to think of her at this moment. It would only hinder his process. Instead, the monk let his thoughts drift to his home back in Republic City. His office. The scent of the sea breeze on a warm day, the lemurs flying past his open window, the children racing down the corri—
Her face smiling back at him.
Breathe.
"How is she?" He asked, his voice gruff as he broke his meditative stance once again for the fifth time that night, running a hand down his haggard face. Behind him sat his brother and sister, both watching after the unconscious child who was wrapped in a blanket for warmth. Kya wiped at her eyes quickly before looking at her younger brother.
"All of her vitals are still normal. It's just like she's sleeping." She said, reaching out to brush the hair out of Jinora's face with a fragile smile. Tenzin tilted his head to watch the tender action before tearing his eyes away from the scene, his throat constricting at the sight of his eldest child in such a vulnerable state.
How could he have let this happen? How could he have put her in harm's way like that? She was young, innocent; she was his little girl and he was so careless! What could Unalaq possibly want with Jinora besides to use her as a pawn against Korra? Tenzin steadied himself with another deep breath and put himself into the meditative stance once more, trying to reach out to his daughter.
Breathe.
Open fields. Clear skies. Kyoshi island and elephant koi's. Ember island sandcastles. Flying. The air at his command, his first glider ride. Watching the children on air scoot—
Kissing her injured knee when she fell off her first time.
Breathe.
In and out. In and out. He hung his head, chin hitting his chest as he let out a straggled gasp. Why? Why couldn't he do this? He had read everything required, done everything needed. His father had been able to, his people before had been able to, even his own daughter. Was he just the first airbender to not be able to reach that level of spiritual acceptance? Was something preventing him? Here he sat, pitying himself for his incompetence while his daughter was being held hostage in a place he couldn't get to. The monk felt like a failure as an airbender and a father, not in that particular order either.
Tenzin felt a large hand come to rest on his shoulder, prompting him to lift his chin and look up to see his brother staring down at him as if he understood. He wiped at his eyes with his forefinger and thumb, giving a nod of thanks up at the former commander.
"I just can't…I can't get to her, Bumi. I've been trying but it's no use. I don't know what to do." He said lowly, his voice cracking at the end. His older brother sat down next to him with a grunt, his arm going around the bender's shoulders as he pulled him to his side.
"Hey, she's one of us. She's a fighter, whether you like it or not. She'll be just fine." Bumi assured the air nomad, rubbing his brother's shoulder in a comforting manner. It was rare for the other to put aside his jokes and bad humor to step into the role of big brother, but when the time came to fill those shoes the nonbender wore them well and with pride. Tenzin looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye and felt a bare ghost of a smile on his lips, nodding slightly in return.
"I suppose you are right… I just feel disappointed that I was unable to protect her. I'm her father and I let this happen to her." He ran his hand over his shaven head and released a shaky sigh. "Look at me, Bumi. We both know what I'm trying to do is pointless. She's all on her own and I can't do anything about it!" Tenzin tossed his arm out, sending a gust of wind towards the trees and causing a few lemurs to leave their refuge. His siblings looked at one another with matching frowns, Kya's hands lingering over Jinora's tiny frame before a shuffling sound interrupted all three of their thoughts.
"If you don't mind, I'm trying to concentrate." Korra huffed, her voice holding an edge of annoyance in it as she turned her back to them all, the firelight casting a tall shadow on the stone column in front of her. Tenzin stared at her in confusion, her straight back and focused figure almost mirroring his own. He scrambled out of his brother's grasp and ran to kneel in front of her, grabbing hold of her arms tightly to break her out of her trance.
"What do you think you are doing?" He demanded in an angry tone, shaking her once. Her blue eyes shot open, almost fearful but quickly masked by her usual fierce spark.
"I'm going in after her. She's my responsibility, Tenzin." Korra tried to reposition herself into the meditative stance yet he kept his grip on her arms tight, stunned that she was foolish to attempt it again.
"Are you…are you out of your mind, Korra? You barely made it there yourself. You had to have my ten year old daughter guide you to the spirit world! You can't just expect to-"
"I have to try!" She snapped, her eyes bright with an anger that had him leaning back from the girl. "She trusted me, you trusted me to bring her back and I failed. I have to bring her back Tenzin. My uncle has her and I don't know what he's doing to her right now. Let me do this." Her eyes locked on his, begging as she grabbed his hand in an iron grip. "I need to do this. I'm the only one who can."
The weight of her words hit the monk like a ton of bricks. As reluctant as he was to admit it, she was the only one in their little party that was capable of reaching the spirit world to help Jinora. However, he was still wary of her going from her account of what happened during her visit. After she managed to calm down long enough, Tenzin's imagination began running amok, going into the darkest corners of his mind to think of the most frightening things he could dream up. He couldn't… he couldn't begin to fathom what monsters lurked on the other side with his daughter.
His gaze turned downwards and he shook his head. "Korra, I'm sorry. You can't—"
"Tenzin I have to go!" She insisted. "Look at Jinora! She needs me!" At the mention of the younger airbender, the monk noticeably stiffened. His siblings looked at one another before making their way towards the two.
"Korra…" Kya started, raising a hand to stop a potential shouting match between tutor and pupil, but was too slow. The waterbender and her older brother watched in shock as the airbender snapped his head up and glared at Korra, the air billowing around them.
"That is exactly why I can't let you do this! The world can't risk losing the Avatar, not when you barely came back the first time. Think of your parents, your friends! We can't risk it, Korra!" By now his anger had dissipated, leaving him shaking and cold but it had its effect. The camp had gone quiet, his brother and sister standing back in mute shock while Korra sat in front of him fighting back tears while she met his glare. He hung his head in shame at his outburst, letting go of her arms slowly. Everything was finally getting to him, all the stress the past few months too much strain on his calm shoulders. His eyes glanced over at his daughter's still form and he could feel his heart sink to the pit of his stomach.
His little Jinny… his sweet child…
"Please… I can't… I can't lose another child." His voice was barely above a whisper, his vision of red and yellow swimming. Under no circumstance would he cry in front of his siblings or his former student. He had to maintain composure. He had to keep calm or else he would not be able to reach the spiritual plane. He had to…
Breathe.
"I've lost one child tonight. I won't sit back and watch myself lose another…please."
There was a prolonged silence and he was sure by now someone should have said something, silently praying the Bumi would make a wise crack but after a few moments of nothing he stood to move back to his original spot without a word. Kya kept her gaze trained to the ground, blue eyes swimming with tears while his brother looked at him directly, an unreadable expression on his weatherworn face as Tenzin sat down and resumed his attempt to connect with the spirits.
Relax. Open beaches with Pema during the honeymoon. A family picnic in the South Pole. Penguin sledding. First date. First sleepless night. First word. First steps. First airbender to reach the spirit world since his father—
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
His chest heaved with the first broken sob with tears that followed after, each coming harder and faster than the previous that racked his body. The monk broke his stance for the last time to hide his face in one hand, his shoulders shaking as he didn't bother to hide his grief. His little girl… his little Jinora was alone and he couldn't do anything to help her. He felt helpless and disgusted with himself for not being able to reach out to her, for not being the one to lead Korra instead of placing that responsibility on his daughter. What sort of father would do such a thing? How would he tell Pema and the children? The thought of seeing his wife anguished over this as well brought on more tears.
He felt thin muscled arms wrap around his middle, and he didn't have to look to know it was the arms of the young Avatar. Her embrace was familiar and warm, and more than comforting during his time of need. His free hand grasped hers almost desperately, her arms holding him tighter.
"We'll get her back Tenzin. I promise." She whispered in a broken voice, what was usually so lively was now thick with emotion. The airbender stared down at his robes, watching as the bright red material darkened from his tears. He could hear Bumi comfort his sister behind them, their words muffled but oddly soothing. Korra tightened her hold on him and buried her face in his back, hiccupping softly.
"We'll get Jinora back." She repeated with certainty.
Of course they would. There was no other alternative he would accept. Jinora would come back….
…even if he had to go in her place.