Karol N / A: Well, I can say I'm very happy that this day has finally arrived! This story has been written by me and Speisla night after night for almost six months, and finally I feel ready to publish it!
It's a Trinine (for once xD) and the story develops from Insurgent. We changed some things from the original (in this story, Tris's parents and Will are alive, for example) and you can better visualize the changes along the history. This story is too long, and it will be updated weekly. Sorry for possible grammatical errors. Speisla and I are Argentine and Brazilian, respectively. We strive a lot in the translations, but we are human, after all xD
We hope you like it! Enjoy your reading!
Speisla N / A: Hi guys! Kary and me strive hard in this fic. I want to dedicate it to Ashlynn and Paulystia, who helped me with the comics of "Doll". A big kiss and enjoy it!
…
Two Months Ago...
Jeanine always hated white.
That was the characteristic colour of tranquility, but all that it did was make her nervous. It gave her bad memories. Memories of things she should forget.
But unfortunately, this was Angela's favorite color.
They had agreed to meet where they always, in a secluded area of the city. A place where the damn cameras of the Bureau have not reached. Where they could talk face to face.
But Angela wore white. As usual. And this irritated a little the Erudite Leader.
Jeanine got out of her car and approached her, turning away of the dirt road. Angela was a few years older than her, but her chocolate eyes always looked jovial, although it had seen too much sadness in the world. Like her.
She smiled at her. She always smiled. Jeanine tried to return the smile, but failed.
- Your speech was very motivational. Must be exhausting thinking a new one every year. - she said with a quiet smile.
- Choosing Ceremony is important, the least it deserves is a good speech.
- That's true.
- Were you there?
- I'm everywhere. You already know.
Jeanine don't answered. Those meetings with Angela made her feel like a child, but she had to do it anyway.
- I'll do it. - Jeanine said without looking her.
The smile disappeared, and it was replaced for a serious expression. But Angelas's eyes remained calm.
- You know that there are other ways to win this war we have against David.
- Really? The "damaged" already have rights outside the fence? - Jeanine said sarcastically.
- No. This is difficult, but I think ...
- No, Angela. The number of divergents increases every day in my city. Soon the Bureau will invade us. We can't finish like the other city.
- And what will you do? Killing all the Pure?
- If I achieving develop a serum that can hide the Pure, it will not be necessary. You know I don't want to make it. But I see no other way out. Abnegation would say: "We must open our arms to foreigners, their intentions are good."
- I understand they are very wise.
- No. They are naive. - the blond woman muttered - Nobody knows anything. Nobody would understand. I've the only been outside the fence. I'm the one who understands what it would be to live under Bureau's government. I have to do this.
- Jeanine ... You're going to start a war, do you realize what that means?
- It means a possibility of salvation. - she replied looking at the other woman's eyes - And a possibility is better than a certain disaster. And after all, it is what I was prepared my whole life, right? To preventing the Bureau of turning this city into another hell.
- And that is too heavy for a single person. - Angela put a hand on her shoulder - You're a Faction Leader and I became leader of Global Rights of Non-Pure. I can tell you, Jeanine, that you're meddling into something that can destroy you.
- It would be a price I'm willing to pay.
Angela withdrew her hand and smiled. It was a sad smile.
- If there is no choice ... But be warned: if everything explode, David will not hesitate to intervene.
- I know.
- Nor I either. - her eyes returned to be serious - At the first sign of disaster, I will intervene. It is a warning. There are things in Chicago who we can't afford to lose.
- Genetic Equality?
- Also, the second smartest person on the planet.
- Don't presume. - Jeanine smiled a little.
Having said that, Jeanine Matthews turned around and walked to her car. Halfway, Angela called her.
- Jeanine.
- What?
- Be very careful with fall in love. I tell you from experience: these things destroys your brain.
Jeanine shook her head. Sometimes, that woman was too eccentric to her liking.
- I assure you it will not happen.
And then, the Erudite Leader returned to her car to start her way into the city.
…
Tris
I forgot to bring my clock.
It's the first thing I think when I approach of the Erudite headquarters. It seems irrational to worry about something like that when I'm walking to my death, but strangely don't having the prospect of the time makes it all even worse.
In my mind, I still hear Christina's voice: "You will not do that, okay? I forbid you!".
I remember the last look that I gave to her sleeping body before leaving the hideout and take a train towards my execution. I remember the words of Tobias and Will, promising that we would find another way to resolve things.
But then, I remember Marlene and her robotic voice, controlled by the simulation. I remember the vacuum of her eyes and her body on the floor, lifeless. I remember the pain in the eyes of Uriah and Lynn, the fear in all Dauntless members.
I could not live with that. I could not allow more people were slaughtered because of me. Jeanine would not stop until she got what she wanted, and although give it to her is not the best choice, I could not find another way.
But even then, even with the certainty of my death, however absurd that was, a thought dominated my head, making me suffer.
I think about how it would be if reality were different. If there were no war or threat. I think of, mainly, about how Jeanine would be. If she was a person sweet like Christina or good like Tobias. If she were someone I could come closer by affection and not by a threat.
I shake my head, crushing that stupid fantasy. The intensity of those thoughts was beginning to scare me.
Before, it was just a confusing fantasies. Now, they really scared me. Mainly when I close my eyes and the first thing I see is a pair of silvery eyes staring me in the darkness. Mainly, when the look that should cause me fear, cause me excitement.
Erudite's building is in front of me.
When I enter, I'm not surprised to see guards pointing at me. Without bothering to be cautious, I raise my hands. Anyway, they grab me roughly.
The corridor seems too long. They frisk me, looking for weapons.
My situation can't be worse. I'm trapped by my enemy, in her headquarters, no way to escape. Maybe I'll spend what remains of my life being a lab rat, and then Jeanine Matthews will kill me.
And then I see something that chills my blood in my veins. Caleb is standing behind the windows of an office, watching me. Accompanied by Jeanine.
- Caleb? - I say without being able to contain, but I know it's useless - Caleb!
My brother looks away.
And then anger explodes inside me. All my frustration and my fear turns to hatred.
Traitor. My brother is a traitor.
I fight the guards, knocking two of them before the third to hit me in my head.
…
I wake in the brightest cell that I have seen in my life.
The colors stand out on the bright white, painfully bright for my eyes.
Barely aware of where I am, I count to three, take a deep breath, and hit the wall with all my might.
Damn traitor. Damn traitor. Damn traitor. And damn Jeanine Matthews.
What I was thinking before? That this woman could have a noble intention in what she did? I'm crazier than her.
If things had been different, she would still be ruthless and manipulative. And she never would approach me for reasons so innocent as affection. She can not feel anything for anyone. Even hatred. She just wants power. And she will kill whoever is in the middle.
As Marlene.
- Forgive me, Marlene - I whisper in the light while I rub my two hurt fingers - I couldn't to save you.
A camera is in the corner of my cell.
- I hope you're comfortable, Jeanine. - I say with frustration at the camera - I hope you enjoy everything you can in that comfortable chair. Because when you fall, Factionless will break your head with that nice furniture. And you too, dear brother. At the end, you're worse than her. And if not, then you're a idiot!
Yelling at the camera is a waste of time, I know. But at least, I can feel the satisfaction of imagining Caleb in the other side.
I want to kick my bed, but I decide not to do it. I will not delight Jeanine with more samples of my fury.
The door opens and I see Peter.
- You know that these cameras have audio, right? - It's his greeting. He puts a gun to my head and forces me out.
We walk down the corridor to a transparent door. He pushes me into the room and closes the door. It's so white as my cell. Full of books everywhere. And in between, there are a table and two chairs.
And Jeanine is sitting on one of them.
Her long and toned legs are crossed one over the other, being interrupted by the blue skirt. As before, she is wearing a dark blue jacket, that subtly provokes the eyes to want to see what is underneath.
I wonder how someone so beautiful on the outside can be so rotten inside.
- I'm sure my Dauntless companions are disappointed - she says - that you haven't tried to claw my eyes out yet.
- That would be stupid. I gather it's a waste of time, while not a bad idea for later. - I answer coldly.
- Sit down.
- Tell me what time is it.
- You want to know the time. That's funny.
The first time we have talked, she at least tried to pretend not to be crazy. Now, she no longer need to pretend anything.
- Go to hell.
Her expression not even is changed.
- I asked you to sit down, Beatrice. I have no all the time in the world.
- I don't care about your time. You wanted a divergent, right? You have one in front of you.
"I want to you choose what you really are, your true place." Jeanine's voice echoes in my thoughts, as sweet and soft as a caress. "No for a whim or desire to be someone you aren't, but because honestly you know yourself. I want to you choose wisely, and I know you will."
I look her and try to find that sweet and wise woman who said those words looking into my eyes in my Choosing Ceremony. I try to find her smile, still so clear in my memory, and I remember the chill that that smile caused on me.
But I find nothing.
In a way, she was right. I made a choice based on who I am.
A girl raised to be selfless, that never never would be idle while people are harmed by her fault.
- I need to tell you what you came here to do. But I think you're smart enough for that.
- You will study me until supposedly you develop a serum capable of affecting the divergents. - I answer as indifferent as I can - And then probably you will execute me, am I right?
I try to ignore the meaning of my words and try to convince myself that I knew that all the time. I will die in this place at the hands of the woman in front of me. I always knew. No reason to panic.
This, however, don't prevents a chill travels my body. I look at her, waiting for an open smile and something about how I'm smart, but she says nothing.
Her face remains unchanged, but I can see her breathing accelerate significantly. Her eyes burn in mine. In this brief moment I think I see an emotion there. Something similar to suffering.
And then, as quickly as it arises, the emotion disappears.
- I see that you are smart. - she says quietly - And, moreover, you are very knowledgeable. I'm glad you are fully aware of your situation. This saves me much time.
- You are despicable ... - I whisper with a voice too tired to be angry. The irritation was something that consumed too much energy. Energy I had not at that moment.
She don't answers my insult, and that somehow frustrates me more.
- Just to make you fully conscious, you will be executed in this same room.
Jeanine rises from her chair and made a wink to Peter. Then, I feel his strong arms around me, leading me to the door again. We are followed by Jeanine, who opens the door and lets us go first.
Once I'm close enough, I think of how tempting it is the idea to throw myself on she and disfiguring her angel's face until it was unrecognizable.
- Let's what matters. - she says before closing the door behind us - We will do what must be done.
She walks in front me and Peter by another broker even longer and cold. Her heels echo on the white tile floor.
They take me to the room that is in the end. Unlike the others, this room is of light and dark blues tones. There is a metal stretcher and many advanced computers. My brother is in one of them. We look each other deeply, reflecting the identical color of our eyes on the other.
He not even says a word, and that infuriates me.
Peter throws me hard against the metal stretcher. It's cold. He keeps his gun pointed at me with a clear warning: if I try to move or escape, he will shoot me.
Jeanine goes to the table and takes a syringe.
- Serum Simulation: Version 1.0.
And without another word, she takes my chin and turns to have better access to my neck and injects me.
…
And almost every day are equal.
Early on, Peter leads me to the Blue Room. Jeanine tests serums following serums in me until sweat soaked my clothes. None works. She orders Peter to take me to my cell. I bathe in the shower that is annexed. I stay some time staring into space and then sleep.
Honestly, I'm proud of my self-control. Nor Jeanine neither Caleb would guess that when I stay perfectly still, I'm actually in the middle of a panic attack.
During those times I think in life that I will never have.
I'll never be part of my faction. I'll never finish growing. Maybe I could have a good life if I had not decided to surrender to Erudite. Maybe someone else would have done something to stop Jeanine. Maybe I would have fallen for someone with the patience to put up with me, and had children. Now that does not seem a bad idea. Perhaps it would have been Tobias, I liked him and he's a good boy.
But it will never happen.
Peter again comes for me, like every morning.
I just get up and let him take me. There is nothing new in that.
- I wonder how far will your self-control. - Peter says nonchalantly as we walk down the hall. I don't answer, not worth it.
Next to the table, Jeanine is waiting for me, and I realize immediately that something is wrong. She looks at me strangely. It's the same look I saw a few days ago, a tired and sad, almost desperate look. As if something is hurting her.
I stare her for a moment, and she holds my gaze. Her eyes are wetter than usual. She has a syringe in one hand, and this hand is trembling imperceptibly. For a moment, I'm too surprised to move. Thus, with her tortured eyes and the trembling of her hand, she seems almost fragile. Almost human.
I can't stop looking at her.
I can't think about the long day of simulations that I'll have, nor imagine what they will show me. I can't project in my mind the faces terrified of my parents and my friends when they realized that I had given myself. I can't even panic at the thought of my impending death. Because the whole focus of my thoughts is Jeanine Matthews.
All of me longs to understand what I see in her face. I wonder what she's thinking, I want to know why she look so stunned, why she is shivering and looking at me as if she was doing something that was killing her. I would do anything to be able to read her mind. To understand this contradiction that was driving me crazy.
Peter observes strangely the long look we give each other, and Jeanine is the first to look away. She nods her head, and Peter puts me on the table. The serum is applied in my neck, and I close my eyes.
…
I wake with Jeanine's scream of frustration.
- Tell me! - she screams and snatches the gun from Peter's hand. She points the barrel of the gun to my head. - Tell me what is the secret! Tell me now or I will kill you!
The gun trembles in her hand. Her eyes has several emotions simultaneously. They still has the same look of despair that I had seen hours before: a mixture of fury and now something new. Fear.
She will not shoot me, I'm sure. She will not kill me before she get what she wants.
- You will not do it. - I reply calmly - You will not kill me before discovering the answer to that same question.
- You think this is about you, and your abnormal brain? This is not about you. It is not about me. It is about keeping this city safe from the people who intend to plunge us into hell!
- You are crazy! - I scream - Crazy and psycho! But I will not reveal anything. No matter what you do, I will not say anything!
Finally, I'm blinded by hatred. Everything around me disappears, and suddenly I don't care losing control. I just want to kill her. Kill her.
Without thinking, I raise from the table and throw me against her, clawing at whatever skin my fingernails find. She screams and tries to shake me, but I'm faster and punch her face hard.
Peter's arms take me away from her. I try to get away of him and attack her again, but his fist meets my side. I'm panting and laughing like crazy, savoring Jeanine's angry expression and the hate in her eyes.
Jeanine is as breathless as I am. She has scratches all over the left side of her face, and her nose is bleeding.
- You failed. You can't control me! - I scream so loud that hurt my throat. I stop trying to get rid of Peter's arms. - You will never be able to control me!
In the same way that I'm laughing, I feel like I'm crying. And I think that's exactly what I'm doing while Peter pulls me back to my cell. Before out the room, I have a last glimpse of Jeanine.
She's cleaning the blood from her nose with a white towel. For a moment, I see her face bathed in tears, but it's probably just a trick of my mind, in this point extremely weak.