These characters belong to MGM studios and TPTB. I own nothing because if I did we would have had a sixth season.

Standing Still

Standing here on a balcony of Atlantis in the middle of the San Francisco Bay and again I can't believe the life I've come to have…these people who have become my family. The last five years we've been though so much together, literally faced life and death together, but for the most part we're still here…well, most of us.

Woolsey did good. He's come a long way from being the IOA prick that used to rub me the wrong way to someone I have come to trust and respect. He's not Elizabeth no one could ever truly replace her. Yeah Sam was great to work with, she understood me on levels that Woolsey and yes, Elizabeth could not, but no one loved Atlantis more than her. She gave her life for Atlantis…for us, not once but twice. She would have been proud of Atlantis today, of her team and family and somehow I know she is.

McKay and Keller seem to have found the *real* thing. Never would have seen those two together I never see this stuff coming, but she's been good for him and I wish them well.

Carson did a good job today. He's no fighter pilot but he was strong for Atlantis and her crew when they needed him. He sometimes doubts that we truly see him as Carson. I can always see the sense of *other* sometimes in his eyes when he thinks no one is watching. Carson, this Carson…our Carson was there when we needed him, willing to give all he had, has for those he cares about. In the end that is what always defined who he was and *is*.

Seems Ronon's found him a lady. The big guy deserves some happiness. I meant what I said about getting him home, but to have him put into words what I've always felt about Atlantis myself…well. I'm just glad he hanging for the duration. I've gotten kinda use to getting my butt kicked by him.

And Teyla, you stand by me and the light in your eyes isn't the light I've come to know…to love. The look of wonder I had hoped to see when I would finally truly bring you to see my world... what had been my home are tainted by the sadness of what you left behind. We stand here side by side but it is as if we are miles apart. Truth be told that has been the case for the past year. You've lost so much, given so much for so many and I've been selfish to wish for you to be willing to give more to have given more. How I would love to be holding you like Rodney is holding Jennifer now. To share that look of mutual affection and growing wonder that Ronon and Amelia now share. Yet we stand here both guarded and alone by our own making.

You turn and smile, not the brilliant smile that can light the darkest of my days, but one that barely reaches your lips as you nod my way.

"It is a bit chilly and it has been a very long day. If you will all excuse me I think I will take my leave."

We all acknowledge her leaving, we all know why wants to go and we respect that , give her the space to deal as only Teyla can…does. But I can't, so I head after her.

"Teyla"

She turns toward me with a barely hidden sigh and that smile again.

"John"

"Listen. You know you don't need to worry. I'll make sure you…"

She raises her hand before I can finish.

"I know John, I know."

And with that she turns and continues on her way.

I watch until she rounds the corner taking in the defiant set of her shoulders; the strong lift of chin; the graceful determined stride and I know without a doubt I will make sure Teyla gets home,even if that home doesn't include me.