Happy belated birthday, happyvictory29
Sorry I'm gifting you angst... but here's a bit of birthday angst
I love you and your work is always inspiring. You're an amazing person and I sincerely hope your year is amazing.
He is born on a vibrant spring day, when the trees are pink with blossoms and laden with life. Petals cascade from the large trees that shade the palace, showering life onto the black rafters as a soldier announces to the world that the fourth prince has arrived.
The kingdom rejoices, and the baby is celebrated. While commoners pray for the prince's health and wellbeing, the baby sleeps in his mother's arms as his father coos at him. His older brothers, Yo and Tae, sit beside their parents and smile at their little brother, adoring and kind. Their family is happy.
The boy lifts his head. He crawls, walks, and speaks. On his first birthday, the king bestows a name upon the little prince, calling him Radiance. Wang So.
His mother adores him, yet she favors his brother more. Some things are unavoidable, and though the queen's attention rests heavily on Tae, on So's birthday, when the trees bloom pink after a season of barren branches, the queen holds her third son's hand and walks with him through the trails around the king's forest to see the flowers. Over the years, So grows, and he is given a baby sister along the way. So loves Nak Nang as much as he loves Tae and Yo.
His favorite color is the shade of pink that floats down from the trees in soft petals that tickle his nose. His favorite time is when he holds his mother's hand and runs with her through the falling flowers, jumping on empty spots on the ground to avoid stomping on the delicate slips of nature that hold such beauty in his eyes. His mother laughs at his antics, kissing his cheeks and saying he is such a sweet child. He will never be king, so she adores him, not as an heir, but as her youngest and most darling baby. He will forever be faultless in her eyes.
One day, So's oldest brother falls ill, an infected cut from shaving his face turning his skin black and mottled. So is not allowed near his brother, neither is Yo. They may only sit in front of his bedroom door as the king and queen watch a doctor cut away the rotting flesh from the second prince's face. Yo hugs So as their older brother screams. They can hear their mother sobbing.
Tae dies, and So finds himself in white and black robes of mourning, too young to understand why his mother is not taking him to see the flowers on his birthday. He goes to ask her one evening, after Yo has gone to bed. But when he arrives, his mother is screaming at his father. His father no longer wears robes of mourning, but the bright red robes of a man celebrating. So is too young to understand.
His mother hugs him, yet she shouts. Her voice is a furious screech meant for the king's deaf ears. So does not understand her words, yet he cries in fear, wanting to run to his father's legs and hide from the harsh embrace he is unused to. He has never been roughly dealt with, and when his mother brandishes a knife, he wishes she would not cut his hair.
He is wrong. Wang So is too young to understand why, but he can feel the fire that douses his vision in red. This is how his brother died. So screams as the pain sinks into his very bones, yet he begs for his mother's soft embrace. He does not know why she hurt him, yet he seeks her out. She is his only comfort.
His mother does not touch him, too busy sobbing on her hands and knees. Instead, his father and Wang Mu reach for him and force his hands away from the searing agony that forces him unconscious.
The flowers come and go on his birthday, but Wang So cannot see them.
He becomes a monster to his sisters first. They curiously ask to see what is under his bandages and scream when he shows them. So hides when he sees his sisters. His brothers do not speak to him anymore. Yo no longer wants to play. Now that Tae is gone, Yo is the only son their mother can see, and So grows angry. He wants to see the flowers but they are already gone.
But his mother never mentions them, never lets him see her. He learns from a servant's whispers that his mother is with child. So wonders why she did not tell him herself like she did when she carried Nak Nang.
So never meets his sibling. He does not know if it is a girl or a boy. Instead, they send him away, not allowed to bid his family farewell and carted off like a piece of luggage. His love for his mother remains. He has already forgiven her for hurting him, but he is not allowed to tell her that he still loves her… she rebuffs all requests for an audience.
The soldiers do not speak to him. They play games that So is not allowed to take part in. The loser must ride with the prince in saddle. So is too young to understand, but he knows they are bullies. He demands their respect as prince, yet because he is powerless, they laugh at him and flick their fingers at the mark on his face, calling him foul words whose meanings he learns too soon.
The trees in Shinju are beautiful. They are less cultivated than the capital and grow wild and free. So knows they will bloom beautifully in the spring. He hopes to view the flowers with his new brothers in Shinju.
But Shinju is unkind. The injured little prince that enters his new home learns that he is not wanted. His wounds are left untended and scar, his body is forced to hit or be hit, and his mind becomes their toy.
In Shinju, he is not a prince. Wang So is just So, and he is unwelcome and unnecessary. His death would be a service to them, but the little prince is a survivor.
He goes to see the flowers on his birthday, yet they only remind him of his real mother, and he weeps before the raining petals. The flowers in Shinju bleed from their trees, falling with anger and pain. For Wang So, there is no place that he can call home except for Songak.
As he grows, the flowers become ugly to him. He steps on them without care because in Shinju, animals and flowers are the only things his anger releases itself upon. Prince So is a myth. Now, he is the Wolf Dog, a teenager unwed, tearing open animals for sport and killing humans just as easily.
Yet, beneath his anger, his heart is a broken mess, the pieces scattered and kicked aside like the falling flower petals. He only attacks when attacked. The animals that hunt him are the ones that know his scent. Wolves track him, so he kills them all. Men declare he is a beast whose skin is a worthy prize, so he hunts them in return. Wang So rids Shinju of wolves and bandits, but the farmers do not hail him as a hero and weary travelers do not thank him. Instead, they call him a monster and run.
Wang So cares little for the flowers that fall on his birthday. As he grows, spring means nothing to him, and the seasons are but a hindrance to his daily battle for survival. All he can do is continue to live and return to his home. Shinju has torn into and infected his heart, but he holds his memories from childhood close. He yearns to become the fourth prince again and hold his mother's hand as they walk through the sunlit trails, gazing at the flowers that are undoubtedly more beautiful in Songak.
One day, a messenger arrives, and Wang So knows his time has come. He is too eager to see his family. He knows of the children that were born after he left and wishes to meet each and every one of them. His mannerisms have changed and his actions are different, yet he knows they will not hate him. As their older brother he is still above them, thus requiring their respect. He does not hope for their love… he already knows that he is not one that can be loved. Instead, he hopes they might understand.
So packs all of his ragged clothing. The black garments are expensive in make, but his violent lifestyle has left them worn and shredded in places. The scars on his body match the tears in his clothes. He takes everything that he needs; there is nothing that he loves in Shinju. Nothing in that damned region will ever hold his interest or care again.
He rides for days on end, uncaring of the Shinju men that tail him. They are there to make sure he does not stray from his path, so So lets them attend to their tasks. His path never strays, and he pushes the men to their utmost. When he is in charge they cannot act out of line- not even the head of the Shinju Kangs. The closer they are to the palace, the more So's power increases.
Aside from resting for an hour or two at night, they ride without stopping. So's stamina outrivals the Shinju mens' and many fall back until only five remain, tailing his every move. When they arrive in Songak, So only stops to buy a small trinket for his mother. He can only afford silver; the coins in his pockets are meager for that of a prince, but he spends all he has left on a hairpin he hopes will please her. He wants to buy something with flowers, but he can only afford a butterfly.
His siblings fear him. That much So did not prepare for. He joins them as much as he can, yet they bow to him as if he is a stranger or they insult him.
"They say he understands the speech of beasts better than he does men." When Yo snidely injures him, So does not let himself pause. He has been hurt too much to feel much from the brother he had once revered. So knows that if Yo truly cared, he would have sent a letter or at least tried to meet him.
When he meets his mother for the first time in years, he expects warmth and welcome. His siblings may not know him, but Queen Shin Myung Soon Sung is the woman that birthed and cared for him in childhood. He will gladly walk through the gardens if it is with her. The hairpin is warm against his chest, where he has stored it, and though he is saddened at the thought of not being invited to tea with her, he still bows, kneels, and smiles for his mother. He has missed her so much. She is still as beautiful as he remembers. Her smile and her laughter are the same as he remembers, yet she does not bestow either upon him. Instead, all of her love goes to the youngest, Jung. The queen does not even acknowledge So as her son, and Yo is there to agree with her.
The humiliating ordeal ends when Jung presents a hairpin to their mother in a gilded chest. The boy has bought their mother gold and jade and pearls, something So would never have been able to afford. Suddenly, the harpin with no wrappings and nothing but a pink butterfly on it feels cheap and unnecessary. So was a fool to think his mother would accept silver. He had to do better.
Then, she happens. Her cheeks are a pale pink, her hair a flyaway mess. He recalls throwing her off of his horse, but he laughs when she punches the tenth. So does not yet know everyone's names, but he thinks that Wook's wife's sister's… whatever she is was right to hit the tenth.
So hates her. She appears everywhere and is the most inconvenient brat he's ever met. Hae Soo. He memorizes her name first because of how much she pops up without warning. If he had known she was going to burst out of his bath, he would have carried a knife in with him. He has no qualms with killing women… especially ones that have seen his scar.
But something stops his hand. He sees surprise in her eyes. There is fear as well, but it is less pronounced than the utter and blatant sympathy in her big, brown irises. Sympathy. He detests how much she cares. It's foreign and strange to him. No one but his mother ever cared for him, but even she sent him away in the end.
She doesn't fear him, she glares at him and stomps around. When he is angry, she appears and distracts him for some odd reason. When he is amiable, she comes by with a pronounced swagger found only in men whose prowess on the battlefield allows them that sort of arrogance. So understands enough about modern trends to know that her big eyes are an anomaly and considered quite ugly, yet he finds himself strangely pulled towards her.
She stops him from destroying shrines the day he realizes his mother has forsaken him. Hae Soo does not judge or hate. Instead, she asks if he is alright, and something inside him breaks. No one has ever asked him that before, and to hear it from the only person he considers a semblance of a friend is jarring and scary.
She leaves him in the cold night, repenting in the rubble of his own doing.
They become something more. Hae Soo sees something in him that So did not know existed, and slowly, she takes the mangled pieces of his heart and places them back in their rightful positions. Her gentle hands soothe his aches and her soft voice eases his pain. And with each soft word or poignant side-remark, So realizes she must be his person. She would not stay and help him if she was not willing to be his.
His love for her takes physical form when she covers his scar and turns him into a man. He is no longer a scarred beast or the Wolf Dog, but Wang So, fourth prince of Goryeo. So swears that he will protect Soo over any in his life. He will have her if it is the last thing he does. She cannot belong to anyone else because she is his.
He could not be more wrong.
When he kisses her, it is out of desperation and fear. She wants to leave his side, so he forces her not to in the only way he knows will not hurt her. But it does hurt her. She weakens in his grasp and has tears in her eyes when he pulls back from her lips. So abhors that he was the one to bring pain to her. He hates that he is the reason she is crying. So, he takes her out and to the ocean. He knows how much she craves fresh air, and he needs to leave the palace as well.
And one day, So finds himself walking with Soo on the very trails he had once travelled with his mother. His birthday arrives, and the flowers are there to greet him, but this time, So can only gaze at the woman before him. She is more beautiful to him than any flower.
"Why do you step on the flowers?" Soo asks as he walks without care. She looks at him with imploring eyes and So glances back at the dark footprints he has left behind in the pistine blanket of light pink petal that match the color of Soo's cheeks.
"Because I don't care about them," So replies. He knows he is wrong to say such things, but Soo understands; she always does. She takes his hand in response and leads him to an area with no petals so they can stand together. "They're dead. Why should I give a damn?"
"They may be dead, but even death has its beauty." Soo speaks with the wisdom of someone thrice her age, and So listens intently, watching the flowers gently float to the ground. "Everything around us belongs where it does for a reason… I belong here for a reason, and so do you. The petals are beautiful and make people happy, so why marr others' happiness?"
When he becomes king, he dedicates the forest to Soo, and for years, they walk together in those very woods. And if Soo cannot walk, So carries her.
Eight years after the love of his life dies, So finds himself still walking the trails of his childhood on his birthday. This time, he walks with care and avoids stepping on the piles of flowers that let off sweet scents and sights. However, his new walking partner does not share his sentiments.
So watches with love as his daughter stomps on the fallen flowers with her slippers, a perfect replica of Hae Soo's feistiness and attitude. Wang Seol bounces around and plays well on her own, her gold and white dress already stained with pink and green from her stumbles into the grass and flowers.
The king kneels for no one, yet he kneels before the daughter of Hae Soo to hold her shoulders and gently smile at her. "Tell me why you step on the flowers," he says to her, replicating Soo's question to him.
"Because they're mine," Seol replies childishly. "Uncle, I wanna kick them and watch them fly!"
Chuckling, So brushes a slip of pink from her hair and nods his head. "These gardens belong to your mother, child, and this palace belongs to me. You are in your parents' home… so show it respect. Your mother says even flowers have a reason for falling where they do, so let's be wary and let them be pretty for others to enjoy as well."
She does not catch his slip of tongue, but she nods her head instead. "Yes, Uncle. I'll be good," Seol affirms with a nod of her head.
So smiles before standing straight and nodding his head. "Do you want to play a game with me? It's one I played when I was your age." He takes her hand when she bounces with eager legs, already excited at the prospect of a game.
"The goal is to run all the way over to that big tree without stepping on any flowers, understand? Ready, se-"
"Go!"