Disclaimer: All rights save for the plot belong to House of Anubis
A/N: Hello all! A lot of you know me as Deffy, the author of Scarred and my two other oneshots, Graveyard Tales and Forever in Our Hearts. If you haven't read my stories, then hello! I'm Definition of a Writer, and it's a pleasure to have you reading my story. Whether you're a veteran of my writing or a newcomer, I hope you enjoy.
Aurea Vale - Golden Goodbye
September 20th, 2022
"There is a world," she would tell him, "A world hidden to only those who have enough courage to seek after it."
This would be one of the first things he says to her, and yet she would be the one to speak them first in his presence. The young woman would smile a bittersweet smile alongside the vague answer, and she would leave, because the boy had disappeared. It was a comment that only they would understand, and if anyone else in the park had overheard the strange encounter, they would chalk it up to having too much to drink.
It was an odd final goodbye, because in some ways, it wasn't a goodbye at all.
To the boy, it was the first of hellos.
X
January 13th, 2005
When they ask her how it all began, she would recall the snow that morning. At only ten years old, snow days were typically a celebration - no school, which meant eating Lucky Charms to her heart's content on the couch while watching TV. This one looked to be a bad one, too, with more than one day free from school. But today, all she could do was cry.
Her parents were at work, and she didn't know how they would ever get home.
The phone lines were down, she didn't know anybody in the apartment complex, and she couldn't even reach the lock on the door - or, at least, the working one. She'd always been short for her age, and the step stool was in her mom's car - also gone. She stared at the chain lock high up on the door, her tongue sticking out of her mouth a little, and decided she'd have to go get a chair. If she left the door unlocked, anyone could break in-
A naked man came bursting through the door.
She screamed and dove for the couch, scrambling over it and grabbing the baseball bat leaning against the wall with her little fingers. She could barely lift it up, but she held it out before her while she tried to figure out where to run. The man was shivering - and thank goodness, he had boxers on - and he snatched the blanket off the loveseat. He shook his head and shut the door with his foot. "N-Need h-heater. Nina, can you go grab the h-heater for me? It took me a whole f-fifteen minutes to get here, and it's below freezing out there. C-Cops stopped me."
"Go away!" she squeaked, backing herself into the kitchen table and making the possibly unwise decision to hide under it. "I'll c-call the cops!"
The man laughed, but it was shaky and broken up by his chattering teeth. She couldn't see anything but his bare, blue toes from this angle. One of them was bleeding. "Nina, come on, this isn't the t-time for games. I'm going to get frostbite if I don't warm up." The feet moved closer to her. "Where is it? Your room? We can play hide and seek after, I promise-"
"Please," she blubbered, tears starting to stream down her cheeks. "Please just leave. I won't tell anyone you were here, I pinky swear. Don't hurt me."
There was a chilling silence. The feet had stopped moving, and the man held his breath. Then he was moving again, closer to her, and suddenly his knees entered the picture. The blanket. His arms, and finally, his face.
He was young. Younger than her daddy, at least, though there were a few gray hairs sprinkled across his head. His nose was red, but his eyes were bright, and he extended a hand toward her. She shrunk away from it with a small whimper. "Please don't hurt me."
"Nina, have you ever met me before?" he asked quietly. The excitement was gone from his voice, left with a deadening resignation. "Have you seen me once, maybe? Twice?"
"How do you know my name?" was her only response.
His shoulders sagged, and he stood back up, making his way over to the kitchen. There were a few clashes of glass, nothing too loud, and a scraping noise. The fridge opened and closed, and then he was moving back to her.
When he knelt down, he had milk in one hand and cookies in the other. "From the cookie jar," he said, pushing the plate toward her. "I know where your parents hide it."
Nina sniffled and looked from him to the cookies. "You know my parents? Are you their friend?" Something about this seemed to sadden him further.
"No, they don't know me. But you know me. Just… not yet." He picked up a cookie and dunked it in the milk. "One day, this is going to be our favorite snack. We'll eat this every time I pop in to say hello." The man took a moment to chew before speaking again. "Listen, I'm sorry for scaring you. You didn't tell me last time that this would be the first time we met. I-" He shook his head. "I'm making no sense."
She nodded and waved the baseball bat again in warning. "No, you aren't. You're crazy. Leave me alone!"
"No, I'm not crazy. I know you. You're Nina Martin, you're ten years old, and you have a dog named Buddy." He paused, and rolled his eyes. "No, I'm sorry, you get him next June. You don't have a dog, but you have two fish. Nemo and Dory, right? You won them last year at the fair your parents took you to."
The baseball bat was lowered, and the classic curiosity of childhood started to drown out her fear. "Yeah. How do you know?"
"Because I know you when you're older. I come around every year or so, sometimes more, sometimes less. But each time you see me, I'm going to get younger. It's messed up, I know, but it'll make sense later. One day, we're going to be really good friends." He extended one, still-shaking head. "I'm Fabian, little one. My name is Fabian."
She eyed his hand like she was worried it would bite her, but she scrunched up her nose and gave him her best glare. "I'm not a little girl. I'm Nina Martin, and I'm 10, and I'm not a kid!" The baseball bat was forgotten on the floor, but she crossed her arms over her chest to prove that she wouldn't shake his hand. She did snatch a cookie from the plate, though, and forced herself not to smile when he laughed. There was still something about him, though. Something… "Sad," she announced. "You're sad. Why are you sad when you're laughing?"
"Because, little one," he said, and she was pretty sure he did it just to annoy her, "this is the last time I'm going to see you. You'll see me for a long time after this, but I won't. This is the youngest I'll ever see you." He closed his eyes, then opened them just as quickly, like he was afraid she'd disappear. "You've been in my life for as long as I can remember. And I wonder how soon-" He shook his head and pressed his lips together. "No, a girl your age shouldn't hear that. Forgive me. I'm used to your older self."
Nina sat up a little straighter. "Am I pretty when I'm older?"
His responding chuckle was tired, and he pulled the blanket tighter around himself. "Yes, Nina. You're very, very pretty. Your hair gets long, and you try to straighten it sometimes, but I've always liked it natural." He set down his cookie. "You look so different, and yet your eyes are still the same. And what's inside them, of course."
"Inside them?"
"Your endless curiosity. Your faith. Your maturity. That, through all the years, never changes."
She crawled forward more to sit in front of him, halfway under the table still. "Are you an alien?" He laughs, and her nose scrunches again. "That's a real question!"
"No, I'm not. I'm just as human as you, as far as I know, but with a… side effect. That's how I see it." He smiled thinly. "I can certainly be injured as easily as humans."
His feet flickered into invisibility, and she screamed. He soothed her with a hand on her arm, and he pulled her gaze back to his face. "It's okay, little one. It's time for me to go." Tears gathered in his eyes, and he pulled her close. Nina had the sense not to struggle, and actually found that his hold was warm and reassuring. "You'll see me on June 17th, 2005. Don't forget, and don't let anyone tell you I'm not real." He pressed his lips to her forehead just as his bottom half disappeared entirely. Her body slid down to the wood. "I love you, Nina. Thank you for making me who I am. I will miss you."
When she opened her eyes, he was gone, leaving only the blanket and the cookies as proof he had been here.
Her parents never come home.
X
June 17th, 2005
This time, he's dressed, albeit in a 1920's era suit. She'd been staring at the door all day, hoping he'd show up before her grandmother got here.
Hoping he was real, and that the past six months of waiting hadn't been for nothing.
He's lost the grey specks in his hair that she remembered, but the crinkle to his eyes are the same, and his smile when he walks in the door is wide. "Hey there, cutie. How's my favorite girl?" She runs over to the kitchen and climbs onto a chair, pulling down the cookie jar. She comes back and offers it to him shyly.
"You came back," is all Nina can say, and it's small. Relieved. "I'm not crazy."
Hers words make Fabian's smile soften, and he shuts the door, kneeling down in front of her. The movement is so familiar to their previous meeting that she wants to cry. It was real. It wasn't a dream. I'm not crazy. "Let me tell you something, darling. When I swear to something, I will always make it happen. I am a man of my word, do you know what that means?" She nods a little, because her dad once said that to her.
He'd said he'd always be around, and so would her mom.
They died two weeks later.
But in essence, she knows what it's supposed to mean, so she continues to nod until he reaches up and touches her cheek. His eyes are worn, and filled with a deep pain that even ten year old Nina can relate to. It's a pain of loss, of death, of seeing things that can't be unseen. She knows that pain, and yet his share of it is clearly so much worse.
She doesn't want to know what he has seen, and he doesn't tell her. Instead, he says- "Nina, I will always come back. I swear on it."
He twists something around his finger then - a ring, a golden band with a single imprint on it. N.R. Her curiosity is too much to bear, and so she asks. "What's that ring?" The pain in his eyes grows, and she regrets asking, but it's too late for that.
"It's my wedding ring."
"You're married? To who? How do you see her if you're always traveling so much? Is she pretty? What's her name?" The questions sprout from her lips, and she has to admit she's upset. A part of her had hoped that he was married to her in the future, but those weren't her initials.
Fabian shakes his head. "No, I'm not married. I guess it's less of a wedding ring and more of an engagement ring. She has my initials on hers. We couldn't get married officially because of what I am." He smiled sadly. "If they'd pulled up records on me, they would've found a boy born in the 1800's that went missing at ten years old. There's no explanation for that." His head tilted. "As for your other questions… I still get to visit her, when I can. She's gorgeous. The prettiest woman I've ever seen."
He doesn't tell her her name, and she decides not to push. It's only later, after he's faded into nothing and her grandmother has returned, that she realizes that his wife - fiancée, girlfriend, whatever - could've taken his last name regardless of whether they'd gotten married or not.
She also realizes that she never asked for his last name.
With a maturity too large for a ten year old, and a wisdom that tells her it's best to leave it up to chance, she decides she never will.
X
March 23rd, 2007
Two visits and two birthdays later, she's staring out at the empty front yard of her grandmother's house, trying desperately to keep from crying. The swing beneath her rocks back and forth in the chilly wind, dragging her feet across the ground without her permission.
"What's wrong?" She shrieks and falls off the swing, but a warm hand is there to catch her wrist. Fabian pulls her back to an upright position and leans down wiping the tears off her cheeks. "You're crying. Why are you crying?"
She sniffles quietly and rubs at her eyes, embarrassed that he'd seen her. She can't quite meet his gaze, but she can feel his concern in the way he doesn't remove his hand from around her wrist. "It's nothing."
"Obviously it's something. C'mon, Nina. I can be a good listener when I want to be."
She turns away from him and sits down on the cold grass. Dawn hasn't broken across the sky yet, and warmth is out of reach even in California at this time of day. She hates the heat here, the lack of snow that she'd grown up around. "It's been two years since my parents died, two years since I moved here, and nothing has gotten better. My grandmother is sick and she sleeps all the time, I have no friends, I hate this city, and I hate being so alone!" She rocks back and worth until Fabian's grip steadies her. "I have no one."
"You have me."
And she thinks, then, that nothing has ever sounded more true.
X
July 16th, 2008
"I missed your birthday. I'm sorry. And it was the big 14, too." He ruffles her hair, longer than it had been last year, and he seems relieved. "You look happy."
Yes, happier than last time. Last time, when he had held her until the sun had risen, and she watched the hands disappear from around her waist.
"Life has been good." And it had, really. She's gained two friends, Amber and Jerome. Both were people she'd never expected to like. Amber was a year younger than her and convinced she would grow up to be a fashion designer. Nina was almost as convinced, based on how good her sketches were, but Jerome always teased her about it. Jerome, who was flunking every class including health, but somehow managed to ace all the end of course tests.
Some people, she'd learned, just got through life with different methods than she. Who was she to judge?
"Where did you just come from?"
He had to think for a second, rack through his brain for the year. "500 AD, I think." Her jaw drops, and he grins. "I picked up some modern clothes on the way here. The sales lady nearly called the cops when she saw me, but we worked it out in the end." He is tanner, she realizes, but that means-
"How long were you there?"
Again, a pause. "Three weeks, I think. That's my usual timing. Why?"
"You-" She stomps her foot. Literally stomps it, even though she looks like a toddler when she does it. "Three weeks?!" She pokes him hard with her index finger, and he rubs the spot, looking both wounded and afraid. Someone else might consider the situation hilarious. "You go off for three weeks at most places, and you spend a few hours here? Why do I get you for a shorter time? Do you not want to be there? Do you choose when you get to go? Why don't you just-"
He puts his hands on her shoulders and shakes her gently, just enough to get her to stop talking. "Nina, calm down. Trust me, I wish I could stay here longer, but I have no choice in the matter. I am constantly jumping from place to place, and in almost all of those places, I stay for two to four weeks. Everywhere I go, I have some sort of mission to complete, some person to save, some civilization to help. It's different every single time, and I never land in the same place at the same time twice. I haven't yet, at least."
Her confusion is expressed loud and clear in the crinkle of her eyebrows, in the way she purses her lips. "But-"
"You are the only stop I get to repeat, even if it's not at the same time. Every year or two in my time, I get to see you, and you get younger every time. Sometimes it'll be longer than a few hours in your future. I think the longest time we've clocked is 52 hours. Every time, it's not just to a place. It's to you. When you move out of the house eventually, I still land within a 10 meter vicinity from you. Every time I come here, it's because fate, destiny, whatever controls this thinks I have a reason to be there. Whether it's you crying, or me just needing a few hours of relaxation before my next mission, I still have a purpose. And once that purpose is filled…"
She doesn't need any more explanation to finish that sentence. "Then you're sent off again." She shakes her head. "This whole time, I knew you were going places, but I never knew what you were doing. When you're not with me, you're saving people. All the time."
"Yeah, pretty much."
She wraps her arms around him. "You're a superhero," she mumbles into his shirt. "That's so cool." She doesn't have to look at his face to know he's blushing.
"Well, it's not like I succeed every time. Many things have been affected by my failures. The Abraham Lincoln assassination? I was there. I was too late. That's just one of a long list."
She shook her head and squeezed him tighter. "It's not nearly as long as the list of successes. I should know, I'm on that list." His chuckle rumbles through his whole body, and she can hear it in his chest.
"You're not one of my successes. You succeeded all on your own. I rather think that I'm yours instead." He sighed, and it ruffled her hair. "You make me human." Now he squeezes back, holds her so tightly that she's worried about him, but a second later she understands why.
Because when she opens her eyes, she is holding nothing but empty air.
X
December 18th, 2011
The first time she sees Fabian fully naked, she's 16 and lounging around in her pajamas, watching Doctor Who on TV. She'd enjoyed material about time travel ever since Fabian had entered her life, and the plotline about River and the Doctor held a particular interest to her.
Married, even with this crazy timeline. They aren't going in exact opposite time streams, though.
Her rewatch of Silence in the Library is interrupted by a very naked and a very bloody man appearing in the middle of her living room, and then collapsing to the floor. She can't hold back her scream, even when she recognizes him, and she's distantly glad her grandmother decided to go to her friend's lake house for the weekend.
"Fabian? Fabian, what happened?" She's shaking him, trying to figure out if this blood is his or not, but all he does is curl up in a ball and whimper. She knows she can't move him, she's not strong enough without his help, so she reluctantly stands. "I'll be right back."
He doesn't respond.
She dashes to grab all the towels she can hold, as well as the first aid kit and the jug of water in the fridge. She sets up shop around him, and forces him out of his ball, covering his lower half with a blanket as soon as she does. There's a large gash across his chest, but she knows that all of this couldn't have come from one wound. He whimpers again, and it rattles her to see him so vulnerable. "Shh, Fabian, I'm here. Try to stay calm." He doesn't respond, he doesn't open his eyes, but he relaxes a little at the sound of her voice, so she keeps talking.
She rambles about the past eight months while she cleans him off in the softest, most soothing voice she can manage when she's trying not to tear at the seams. It's an hour later that he's finally cleaned off - part under the towel excluded because there were some lines that she couldn't cross - and she's properly cleaned his wounds. She leaves a few times after that, to use the bathroom or to grab a granola bar, but other than that she never moves from her spot.
She wonders what the blood was from, and she wonders if he'll wake up by the time he fades away.
"Nina," comes a soft murmur from the man beside her, and her focus snaps up, her eyes shooting to his. "Nina, you're here." She leans down to push his hair back from his face, smiling weakly.
He tries to kiss her.
She scrambles away from him, and he sits up dazedly. "What's wrong?" He tries to get up, but he quickly realizes what a bad idea that is and sits back down. "How old are you?"
"I'm 16 right now. Why did you try to kiss me?" she demanded, blushing hotly. He groans and covers his face.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realize last time would be the last time. You never told me." He sighs. "It's been five years since I've seen you, Nina, in my time. Five whole years. When you meet me next, I'm going to be 21, and you'll be 17. I'm going to kiss you. We've been in a relationship since I was 18. I'm not feeling well, I didn't think about ages, I just… just wanted to kiss you," he mumbled, chuckling weakly. "I guess that time is over now."
She tries to shake herself out of the daze she'd put herself in, and wraps her arms around herself. He recognizes her protective barrier when he sees it, and his face falls even more. "Nina, darling, I won't try again. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," she whispers. "I'm okay. I'm just… processing." We're in a relationship. Does that mean the rings…?
He blinks then, suddenly looking dizzy, and a pained groan escapes his lips. "I'm really not feeling well…"
That's when he faints, head banging back to the floor, and doesn't move again.
"Fabian? Fabian?" she calls out, breaking out of her ball to shake him. Nothing, not even a slap to the face, can wake him, but his pulse still beats out a steady rhythm in his throat. So she goes to get more blankets, and a few pillows, and takes them back to him. She sets a timer, wanting to know if this will be his 52 hour visit, and curls into his now-blanketed side. She puts separate blankets over herself and tucks herself tight against him.
She falls asleep more comfortable than she's ever been.
X
December 19th, 2011
When Nina wakes the next morning, he's up and moving, blankets still tucked tight around his waist. A timer goes off on the stove, and he quickly goes over to it and pulls something out of the oven. She stands, trying to clear the sleep from her eyes. "Fabian?"
He spins around and smiles a little. "Hey, Nina. I hope you don't mind, but I made breakfast. How does cinnamon rolls and eggs sound?"
"I don't mind at all. It smells wonderful. What time is it?"
"11 in the morning. Your timer is still ticking away at 14 hours right now. Is this your longest yet?" She nods and ducks into the fridge to grab the milk. "Ah. Well, here's to new experiences. 52 hours has been the longest for me. I guess we don't break any more records, then." He turns around to face her, and she blushes again, because the last time she saw him shirtless, she was 10 and he was up in the early 40s. It was different then, and last night, both the intensity of the situation and the darkness had kept her from thinking about it.
All the familiar lines from his face are gone, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes when he smiles. Even at 40, she vaguely remembered him having abs, but now he's got the full six pack. His expression is haunted, but his smile is younger. He isn't the same, wise man she'd once known.
She wonders how he will look next time, when she kisses him.
She realizes that he'd stopped moving, letting her study him, and he's doing the same to her. She's self-conscious of the rattiness of her hair and the lack of makeup on her face, but he doesn't seem disgusted by what he sees.
"What happened to you, before you came here?" she asks quietly, because she can't stand not knowing anymore. The gash, while scabbed, still remains on his chest. "Why did you arrive naked and bloody?"
His face is pained, and he turns away from her, piling the door on their plates. When they've finally sat down, he starts talking.
The last five years of his life, he'd been in one place. It'd been the longest he'd ever stayed somewhere, and he'd begun to think he wouldn't travel anymore. He had made a life for himself - he had made friends, like Joy and Mick, and he'd owned a home. He kept the small village safe; he'd saved it from harm several times. He lowered his defenses. Grew attachments to the place, and especially to Joy.
Creatures, things he had never seen before, attacked the tribe. Just the tribe. They had gone right around him, like he was invisible, and he couldn't find a way to kill them.
He got to watch Joy die a painful death right before his eyes, and by the time he'd blinked, he was standing in her living room last night.
Her heart burns for the man, and she wraps her arms tight around him, holding him and comforting him in the best way he knows how. They'd moved to the couch by now, and he shakes in her arms. She doesn't comment on the tears she can feel on her shoulder, and she doesn't blame him. They sit in silence for a long while, until his shaking has stopped.
"Nina," he says, and his voice is rough. "I love you."
He's told her this before, he'd said it the first time they met, but this time it entails a different meaning. These are not the words of a friend, but of a lover, and she's glad that when the time is right, she gets to know him as more than what he's been to her so far. She wants that same passion in her voice, that deep seated need - not lust, but a simple need to be with her, to be around her. "I love you too, Fabian." And she hopes he can hear the honesty in it, her own love in her voice, even if it isn't the same as his. "Never forget it."
His body begins to waver, to fade from existence, and it pulls tears from both their eyes. This is the end of an era for Fabian, the last time she will know him as something other than a good friend, and she knows how it must pain him. "I love you," she says again, because it's the last time he will hear those words from her lips.
She kisses his cheek just he disappears altogether.
X
March 6th, 2013
When she sees Fabian next, his face is so much more innocent that is steals her breath away. Until this point, she hadn't realized how hard the next five years would be for him, how deep of a scar it would leave on his mind. He has a boyish charm to himself now, though he looks nothing like a boy, and his grin is full of happiness.
As much as she loves seeing this 21 year old version of him, at the same time, she knows she's seen the last of the wise man she'd first met as a child, and it hurts a little to know that.
"Cookie?" he asks, pulling the jar down from the shelf, and he sets it down just in time to catch her in his arms. "Hello there, darling." He kisses her cheek, and she tenses slightly, enough that he puts her down on her feet. His eyes search hers, a worry growing there. "How old are you?"
"17. 18 in a few months. It's okay. I know about our relationship and everything."
He bites down on his lower lip, and he looks nervous. "17?" She nods, and takes his hand, squeezing reassuringly. "I don't know if we should be doing this, not when you're this young-"
"Fabian, I'm almost 18, and I'm not having sex with you this time around, so it's not wrong. You're a time traveler who gets younger every time I see him. Have some perspective on the word 'odd.'"
He smiles then, and his hand comes up to cradle her cheek. "So this time… is it the first time you've kissed me, for you?"
Her response is a kiss.
She'd kissed boys before - come on, she was 17 - but it had been fleeting and meaningless. Since she was young, she knew she wouldn't date anyone, not when Fabian was still in her life. And this kiss gave her proof that he was the one for her. It's a gentle kiss, and yet it's full of emotion that she can't put into words. His hands slip around her waist, but they don't travel anywhere, so she puts one hand on the back of his neck and the other in his hair.
When they separate, they're both breathless, and Nina think she'll never stop smiling.
"I think I'll take that cookie now," she says, and he laughs into the crook of her neck, but he takes the cookies with them to the couch.
By the time night has fallen, most of the cookies are gone, the milk glasses are empty, and Nina knows she will never tire of kissing him. His shirt is a little twisted, but her own clothes are barely even rumpled. Not once in this whole visit had his hands strayed anywhere. He had been a perfect gentleman, and had even refused when she'd tried to pull off his shirt. Now they lay on the couch together, her body tucked into his, and Doctor Who continues to play on the television.
"The next time you see me, we have sex," he says quietly. "You're almost 19 when I come again, and I'm 20. February 28th, 2014. You told me to tell you when I saw you again, so then you'd be prepared." This reveal creates a bundle of nerves in her stomach, a mixture of fear and nervousness, and he kisses her cheek. "I'm very gentle. We go slow. I stay with you for almost 36 hours, and you tell me that in the future, so I know I can do it right. The way you deserve."
He holds her a little tighter, like he's afraid to let her go, like he's afraid the news will disgust her. She kisses his hand in response. "I trust you."
She falls asleep in his arms soon after that, and when she wakes, she is alone.
X
February 29th, 2014
He's right.
He's gentle, and it's slow, and it's everything she ever hoped for.
"You know this was my first time, so obviously you know that I haven't had sex with you before this. When you see me again, tell me what's going to happen. Explain that there's nothing to be worried about. It helps." He nods, and they go out to watch the dawn rise together on the roof of her house. It's only then that a question comes to mind. "Do I ever get pregnant or anything?"
"No. Your birth control does its job. And it's a good thing, too. Our child might have my gene, and I couldn't do that to him."
"Him?"
"Yeah. I feel like it would be a boy, if we ever had a kid."
She smiles into his shoulder. "Fabian Junior. I like it." He laughs and nudges her, and they talk about aimless things for a while. Fabian's visit to pre-revolutionary France. Her trip to a concert last week.
"I want to give you something." He swallows hard, and she can see how nervous he is. "You give one to me, when I'm 18, and you told me I gave you one when you're 18. You've been wearing yours since I first met you, and you called it your wedding ring, but you said you weren't married."
He pulls out a ring and her heart stops.
"Nina, will you marry me?"
It's a band, much like the one he's wearing now, and it has the initials F.R. carved into it. Tears pool in her eyes, and she nods, throwing her arms around him. "I love you," she whispers in his ear, and he's quick to return the sentiment. The ring fits perfectly, and she cries a little more. "I don't even know what your last name is," she said with a choked laugh.
"Rutter. My name is Fabian Rutter."
She kisses him, and smiles against his lips. "Nina Rutter. I like the sound of that."
"As do I."
He disappears that night, and when he does, she sobs into the blankets, because she wants him. She wants him to stay. She wants to really get married. She wants to be able to call him hers for the first of her life.
X
March 30th, 2014
Fabian lied.
For the first time in her life, Fabian had lied to her.
The little plus sign on the pregnancy test - and the three others sitting on the counter - prove that.
She cries, and this time, she isn't sure if it's because she's happy, sad, or terrified.
X
July 16th, 2014
It's a boy. A healthy, perfect baby boy based on what the doctor says.
They give me a picture of the ultrasound, and she tucks it away safely.
She don't know how she'll tell Fabian.
She doesn't know if he already knows.
Fabian Jr.
X
July 20th, 2014
A car crash.
A car crash is what they tell her, but she can't remember the accident. Everything is hazy. Her arm is in a cast, and so is her leg.
A car crash.
A car crash she had survived.
A car crash her unborn child had not.
And she realized, then, that Fabian had not lied to her.
He'd probably never even known.
X
September 20th, 2014
When he arrives, she's in bed.
He offers her cookies. He tries to get her to sit up. He grows more and more concerned, until he's shouting her name. He pleads her to tell him what happened, what's wrong, if she was alright. He asks why she's in two casts.
"I'm okay," she whispers finally, and she thinks it's the biggest lie she's ever told.
In the end, he lays down on the bed and holds her in his arms, rocking her as she cries, never asking again what happened. They sit there for hours, but she never falls asleep. Eventually she rolls out of his arms, but she faces him, inches away from his face. She closes her eyes, because she can't stand to look at him when she tells him. She finally works up the courage to say it.
"Whatever you do, Fabian, don't have sex with me the next time you see me."
She open her eyes.
He's no longer there, and she's too late.
X
February 13th, 2015
By the time he visits again, unaware of her break down the next time he comes, she's gone to therapy. A lot. They're both 19, and she feels calmer about what happened. She has sex with him, and they take extra precautions this time.
When he tells her he loves her, and interlocks their left hands, she tells him the same and watches the sunlight glint off of their rings.
She's not okay.
But she's getting better.
X
July 3rd, 2015
They're both still 19, and he doesn't understand why he's showing up more often in her life all of a sudden (because she tells him it's only been a few months since she last saw him, and he says it's been two months since he last saw her) but Nina understands why.
She needs him more, and their fate recognizes that.
And when they're in bed, her in pajamas and him in night clothes he keeps at her place now, he tells her about Germany, and about Australia, the two places he's been since he last saw her. She tells him about her job, about her photography.
She does not tell him about the therapy.
"I love you," he says.
She smiles, and it's the biggest one she's managed since she lost the baby. "I love you too."
X
July 4th, 2015
When she wakes up, Fabian is still there, and she wonders if this is the 52 hour stay. Regardless, she takes the happy miracle for what it is, and they go experience the fourth of July together. It's his first in America, and she teaches him all the traditions. They kiss when the fireworks start, and they share a funnel cake. They ride the ferris wheel, and she kisses him at the top of it. It's perfect. It's exactly what she wants in her life. Him, with her, every day of forever.
When they get home, she looks at him. "I think I understand what you said to me once, finally."
"What did I say?"
"There is a world. A world hidden to only those who have enough courage to seek after it."
His jaw drops in surprise, and she smiles. "What is it?"
"You tell me that, when we first meet. Where did you hear that from, anyway?"
And she laughs. "From you. You said it the first time we met. That's a paradox if I've ever heard one." She feathers her hair with her fingers and shakes her head. "For a long while, I didn't understand it, but I think I get it now. The world is my world, my life. It's hidden to you because you wish you could be a part of it. But it's also vice versa. Your life, and my wish."
"Our lives are separated because we want to be together so bad," he mused. "That's rather tragic, you know."
She kisses his cheek and shakes her head. "No, that's not tragic. That's us."
X
July 5th, 2015
And he wakes up in her bed again. This hurts so much more than she thought it would, because this is her first experience of having him with her every day, without wondering when he'll leave.
"You'll leave at 2 o'clock this afternoon," she says sadly. "Or somewhere around then, at least."
He smiles, and he kisses her pain away. "We better make these last few hours count, then."
They do.
He teaches her how to cook something other than mac-and-cheese, and he teaches her how to waltz to pop music. He tells her about his childhood, about how he'd had a sister, Mara. He didn't know if she time traveled too. He'd never thought to check, to see if she'd grown up in her own time.
They make love, and he tells her it's the last time. Next time, they'll kiss, and she'll give him the ring. She holds him tight and begs the skies to let him stay.
He disappears anyway, a final I love you on his lips.
She doesn't have time to return it.
X
June 19th, 2016
When they see each other again, she's older than he is, and he isn't wearing their ring, and both things rattle her down to the bone. She wonders if this is what he felt like, when his time came.
Surprisingly, he's the one to initiate the kiss, but later he admits that they hadn't kissed before then. It had been something he'd wanted to do for a long time, but he'd promised himself he'd wait until they were only two years apart.
She was 20. He was 18.
It still boggled her.
"I have something for you," she whispers. "You give one to me, when I'm 18. It's less of a wedding ring and more of a promise ring, because we can't get married, but-"
"I like the wedding ring idea more regardless," he interrupts, grinning from ear to ear. "Oh, and I accept, by the way."
She groans. "I hadn't even taken out the ring yet, you impatient idiot!" she complains, pulling the little box out of her pocket. "I had a whole speech and everything." She shows him the ring, and she slides it on to his finger. She'd handpicked it from a hole in the wall jewelry store and had paid to get it engraved. "N.R. Nina Rutter."
"Is yours engraved too?" he asks curiously, comparing their two rings. "You never let me see. Said something about spoilers."
Nina laughs and nods. "Yes, it's engraved. F.R."
His grin widens, and he kisses her once more. "I've never told you this before, but I love you," he admits, and his cheeks go red. "I've loved you since I can ever remember, and I just realized how screwed up it is, that we just got engaged and I haven't even told you that yet. But it's true. I love you."
Her heart tugs at the way he says it, like it's a simple truth. This is the last time she'll hear those words, and it kills her. "I love you too, Fabian."
She goes to grab the cookies. When she comes back, he's gone.
X
August 15th, 2020
Three visits later, when he comes again, he's 14 and she's 25. Eleven years apart, so close to when she first tried to kiss his older self. It's still bizarre to see him so young, and it boggles her, but she doesn't mention it to him. She discovers that he's much shier as a teenager. He blushes constantly, whenever he even looks at her, and she grins every single time.
She had wondered if it would be hard to get over her lust for him, if it would be awkward for a while knowing that she'd had sex with him when he was older. But it wasn't, truly. The Fabian now and the Fabian she's known then were like two different people, just as they were both different from the wise man she'd first met. She looked at him, and she didn't see anything but a friend, a person to look out for.
But today, when he walks in the door, his face is pale and there's blood on his hands. "Fabian, are you okay?" she asks, running over to him. He stares right through her. "Fabian, darling, speak to me."
"I killed someone," he breathed. "I just killed someone. I've never killed someone before."
Her heart twists. He'd told her about this once, in the future. Of course to save someone, there had to be an occasional casualty, but the first one had hit him hard. "Breathe, Fabian. Go sit down on the couch and don't move, okay? I'll be there in a second." He nods numbly and heads over to the living room. She runs to grab a towel, a water bottle, and the milk and cookies.
While she cleans off his hands, she talks about saving people, about his constant mission, and how there would be consequences for the bad people sometimes. "It doesn't make you a bad person, Fabian. I promise. You saved someone's life." By the time she's done with her little speech, the color has returned to his cheeks, but he still looks a little hollow inside. She tries to fill that hollow spot by all the milk and cookies she can, not to mention a warm hug. It does some good, and by the time he disappears, he's looking a lot like his normal self.
"Goodbye," he whispers.
She doesn't see him again for another two years.
X
September 20th, 2022
She's 27 and strolling through a park when she hears someone crying.
It's not the cries of a toddler, or of a child who didn't get what he wanted.
It's the cry of someone without hope, and in seconds, she's running to the source of it. She has to duck through the woods around the park to get to the clearing where a 10 year old boy stands, sobbing and pulling at her hair. His back is to her, but she can recognize the Victorian style clothing. "Fabian?"
The boy spins around, his tears cut through by a ragged gasp. "Who are you? Where's my mom? Where is this place?" he begged, taking a few steps towards her. "Please, help me."
Where's my mom?
She had never realized.
"Fabian, were you just at home before you came here?" she asks gently, going down on one knee to look at him. He nodded, his sobs ceasing but the tears still rolling down his cheeks. Her breath catches in her throat. This is the first time he's ever traveled. I'm his first stop. She extends a hand. "Fabian, I'm Nina Martin. You're going to know me for a long, long time."
"How do you know my name?"
She sits down fully, so she's looking up at him a little now. "I know all about you, Fabian Rutter. You're my best friend. You know how you just popped up here?" He nods, looking around again, as if checking to make sure the world around them was still there. "Well, you're going to do that a lot. It's called time travel."
She goes through and explains everything as gently as she can. When he realizes he's never going to see his parents or his sister again, he starts sobbing again, but this time he does it in her arms. She picks him up and carries him out of the woods, soothing him the whole way. "You're going to see me again, in about four years. And after that, you're going to see me every year, sometimes even more. But every time you see me, I'll get younger. By the time you're in your 30's, I'm a little girl. I know it's complicated, and I'm so sorry you have to go through this." She kisses the top of his head. "Here. Let me give you something."
Nina sets him down on his feet and pulls a bag out of her purse. Of all the luck in the world, I had to have bought a cookie today. She pulls the cookie out of the bag and splits it in half. "I'm sorry I don't have milk. That's what we always drink with it."
He's stopped crying again. He stares at the cookie, and then looks at her. "When I travel, like you say I will, are you going to come with me?"
"Oh, I wish I could. I've tried, really. But I never can." She smiles sadly. "You save everyone you meet, Fabian. You're a hero, just like in all the fairytales. You saved me. You saved my life, more than you know." He finishes the half of the cookie right before she does, and just then, he starts to flicker. Tears gather in her eyes. "It's time for you to go save the world. And when the time is right, go find a little girl named Nina. Comfort her, because one day, her parents aren't going to come home. Save the world, and save her, too."
His feet disappear, but she keeps his attention on her. He doesn't have to see himself turn into nothing. "There is a world," she tells him, "A world hidden to only those who have enough courage to seek after it." And you are my world. "I love you, Fabian."
The last thing to disappear is his face. His face, with a soft smile on it. His face, with hope sparked in it.
And that's the last time she ever sees him.
X
She had told him to save the world.
She had told him to save her.
He does.
Finis - The End