Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Chuck, and receive no benefit from this story, just doing this for fun.
Spoilers for Season 2, Episodes 1 and 3.
Just a bit of angsty character study for my first try. Might turn into a first act, if inspiration strikes. Inspired by Sarah vs the Second First Date, my take on the same situation.
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Casey and Sarah are standing in the home theater room at Buy More. Casey looks mildly constipated as he says, "Where's the geek? Our briefing is going to start in a minute, and he's probably off somewhere fondling his Game Boy."
"I'm right here." Chuck says as he walks into the room and hits the switch closing the curtains. "Are we ready to get started?" He looks a little thinner and more rumpled than usual, and has circles under his eyes.
On cue, the screen goes live, and General Beckman greets the team. "Team, we are having a quiet week so far. I have some routine intel for the Intersect to review, which I'll route to the Castle, but other than that, take some down time. That's all for today, and enjoy your weekends. We'll touch base again on Monday morning." She reaches out and the screen goes blank.
Chuck turns and quietly leaves the theater room, while Sarah and Casey talk for another moment. Sarah hurries to catch up with Chuck as he walks through the Buy More.
"Chuck, is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine, Sarah," Chuck says quietly.
"You seem kind of subdued lately."
"Just trying to figure out how to win a game, it's no big deal."
"Which game?"
"It's called Kobayashi Maru. You probably wouldn't have heard about it, it's a bit obscure. It's kind of captured my attention lately, and I can't stop thinking about it."
They reach the Nerd Herd desk, and Chuck picks up a clipboard and starts looking at it.
Sarah says, "You know, we haven't been doing much couple stuff together lately, we should do something to maintain our cover tonight."
"Sure, whatever you think," he says distractedly, still looking at the clipboard.
"Okay, I'll stop by your house at 7:00 tonight, and we'll go out and grab some food."
He looks up at her for a moment. "Sure, sounds great," he says unconvincingly and looks back at his clipboard. "See you then."
"Give me a hug for cover maintenance before I go."
Chuck sets down the clipboard and gingerly puts his arms around her. He looks sad when she puts her arms around his neck and hugs him back.
"See you after work, Chuck."
"Bye, Sarah."
Chuck picks up his clipboard and starts checking off items as Sarah walks out of the store.
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Morgan stops over at Orange Orange on his break to grab some yogurt.
"Hey, Sarah, how's it going?"
"Oh, you know, just serving up the yogurty goodness. What can I get for you?"
"A vanilla-chocolate swirl with gummi bears and extra sprinkles, please!"
While Sarah fixes his yogurt, she asks, "Hey, while you're here, I was wondering about this game that Chuck's hung up on right now, he really seems obsessed. What kind of game is it?"
"Um, I'm not sure what his current obsession is, except for the incomparable Call of Duty 4! Was that it?"
"No, it was a Japanese name, Kobayashi Maroon or something like that."
"The Kobyashi Maru? That's not really a game, Sarah, are you sure you heard right?"
"That sounds like what he said. I'm pretty sure that's it. If it's not a game, what is it?"
"Oh, it's classic Trek lore. In the second, and in my opinion best of the original Trek movies, there's a training simulation that can't be won that all command-track Starfleet Cadets have to go through. No matter what you do, your ship is destroyed and everyone dies. It was supposed to be a test of character. Except that Kirk cheated, so he beat it once, so he never had to face the test of character. Do you want to watch it? I could bring the DVD over for a movie night at Chuck's this weekend."
"Maybe some other time, but thanks for the info."
Some more customers come in, and Morgan leaves while Sarah serves them. After her customers leave, she stares into space, looking thoughtful.
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It's night time outside Casa Bartowski. Chuck and Sarah are walking towards Sarah's car.
"So, where would you like to grab dinner?" she asks him.
"I'm not very hungry, why don't you pick?"
"How about some sizzling shrimp?"
"Sure, sounds fine."
They start driving, and he stares out the window.
"So tell me about this Kobayashi Maru game that has you under its spell."
"Oh, I don't think that you would be really interested. It's set in the classic Star Trek world, there isn't much to recommend it."
"Why are you so interested in it then?"
"Parts of it seem really relevant to me right now, for some reason."
"Which parts?"
He turns and looks at her. "Why so curious, Sarah? My games aren't normally that interesting to you."
"Okay, you're on to me. I talked with Morgan about it a little today, and it has me a little worried, particularly with how down you've been. What's wrong, Chuck?"
He looks at her for a moment, then out the window, then back at her.
"Do you know if your car is bugged? I would rather not have this recorded and analyzed up the chain, if you don't mind."
"It's okay to talk, Chuck. This build up is a bit ominous, but I swept my car before I came over, so you can talk freely."
"Maybe you could just drive around while we talk for now? Um, okay, have you thought about how this assignment is going to end?"
"Not too much, between watching you, keeping up my cover, and executing our missions, I don't have the energy to think about the future too often."
"I guess you are used to assignments ending and new ones starting, so it's no big deal for you, just something routine. My problem is that this is probably the only assignment I'll ever have. Have you thought about what happens to me when they finally build a new Intersect?"
"Not really, just that they'll break up the team, and Casey and I will move on to other assignments."
He nods. "Yeah, that makes sense, that is what is of most concern to you. And you would normally never see me again anyway, so the other stuff won't have much impact on you."
"What other stuff?"
"How likely do you think it is that General Beckman will leave me alive when this assignment ends?"
She looks over at him while still driving, "Chuck, why do you think that?"
"Sarah, I know that from your perspective I am naive, but even naive people can learn eventually. I've had a chance to watch two very good agents at work for more than a year now, seen a number of missions go down, accessed a lot of information from my flashes and from the intelligence you guys have asked me to review, and this is a no-brainer. Look at this from General Beckman's perspective. Benefit: She leaves a nice guy like me alone. Risk: She leaves a living Intersect exposed to capture, interrogation, and analysis. Just because the information in my head isn't as up to date as it was, it doesn't mean it still isn't valuable, and there may be value in studying me just to see how I tick, to help our enemies counteract future Intersect activities, or to make their own Intersects. How long do you think it would take her to do that particular analysis? Five seconds? They may choose to stick me in a cell somewhere as insurance, at least before they get their new Intersect on line and tested, but after that, I am all liability and no benefit. It's pretty clear to me how it will end."
"Chuck, I think you are being a little paranoid here..."
"This from the woman who wouldn't tell me her middle name. Sarah, the General has depersonalized me so much that it is hard for her to even refer to me by my name. To her I am a highly classified computer that is inconveniently located in a person. Unless they figure out a way to remove my memories, they won't want me around. And even if they could remove memories, they would worry that they missed something, so they'll want to take extra big bites out of my head just to be certain. If the choice is between killing me or leaving me a drooling idiot for Ellie to take care of, I'd rather they just kill me."
She pulls to the side of the road, stops the car, and turns to look at him for a long moment. "Okay, Chuck, so what does this have to do with the Kobayashi Maru?"
"Well, the Kobayashi Maru was a training simulation that couldn't be won. In the end, no matter what you did, you lost. Your ship was destroyed and you and your people died. It was a test to see how you'd react to an unwinnable situation. I think that's pretty much the situation I am in. If I'm lucky, it's only me who dies. If I make too bad a mistake, I jeopardize Ellie and Devon, maybe you, Morgan, or Casey, or maybe just innocent bystanders who are too near me when the time comes. My options seem to be in how I react to this and use my remaining time. Can I live and die well and make my remaining time matter, or do I crack and do something dumb or shameful? I'm not brave like you, Sarah, I'm just a nerd who's trapped in a game he can't win, and I'm not sure how to handle this."
"Chuck, I think you've been very brave. Nobody has expected you to do as well with this as you have, and you've saved so many missions because you haven't given up, with your brains and your bravery. There's no shame in showing your emotions the way you do. Being controlled and closed-off are not positive traits, they just happen to be useful to spies. And I still think you might be getting a little carried away here. Director Graham said that you were going to be free when the new Intersect was built."
"Actually, he said that Operation Bartowski was coming to an end, and that I wouldn't have any more missions, and no more spies in my life. I don't think he lied, that would have all been true, it's just that Chuck Bartowski was going to end shortly after Operation Bartowski did. Go back and listen to that briefing again, it's kind of interesting to analyze. And if you still don't think it makes sense, ask Casey what his orders were after the second Intersect came on line. Even if he won't answer you, you can read people. Talk to him, watch his reaction, and then tell me I'm wrong."
She stares at him for a minute. "What do you know that you aren't telling me?"
"Just ask him."
"Chuck, if you think this is true, why are you talking to me about this?"
"Well, because you asked. And because I need your advice. If I talk openly to Morgan or Ellie, I probably sign their death warrants. Even if they believed me, what advice could they give me about something like this? I am tracked, monitored and recorded at home and at work and on the trip in between. I don't know if I have any private moments, including the bathroom. I'm pretty sure that I can cry in the shower without Casey noticing, because I don't think he would have been able to resist ragging me about it, so that's about the extent of my privacy. Unless he's saving that for some special occasion when he really needs to make me feel like shit, in which case I really don't have any privacy except for what's in my head. You and Casey are the only ones I know that I can talk about this stuff with, and I'm not sure that Casey even has feelings, except for anger, and I've got that part covered already. I'm pretty firmly into stage 4 depression, trying to push through into stage 5 acceptance*. You live in this world, you must have come to terms with some of this. You work with me, knowing that you might have to sacrifice me on thirty seconds notice from your boss. How do you do it?
"I have to do this. If I don't work with you, my benefit to the General goes to zero, she gives the order and it's game over. But how do I pretend to be your friend and your lover, to risk our lives together on any random mission, knowing that you could get the order at any moment? How can I trust you two enough to face this life, when by any rational standard I can't trust you? I am still highly classified. You, Bryce, Casey, and the General know about me, plus maybe a few others on her staff. When my time comes, it's pretty obvious that you or Casey will end up either getting the order to kill me, or to at least get out of the way so that someone else can. I don't know how to keep going in the face of that. How do you do it? I mean, the barriers you have in place are pretty obvious, you can't 'compromise' yourself by feeling anything for me, and while one reason may be to keep your judgement unimpaired when protecting me, another reason is to allow you to do what you have to do when it isn't time to protect me anymore."
He looks down and shakes his head slowly.
"You guys have other advantages. You chose this life, and you have training for this, and you have a category for me. I'm not a person any more, I'm an 'asset', or 'the Intersect'. In so far as I'm a person it just pisses Casey off even more, so that probably makes it easier for him. I think that disposing of old assets is easier to think about than killing people."
He pauses. "I guess I answered my own question about how you do it. But I don't think I can use those methods. I might be able to put an 'Agent' label on Casey and pretend he's not a person, but it would be impossible for me to not think of you as a person. And I never had barriers up with you, and I think it is a little late to try and put them up now. So what do I do? If I run away, the government comes and gets me, or else Fulcrum does, and it's game over. I can't win this fight. I'm not Bryce Larkin, I can't go off by myself and fight the whole world. All I can do is make myself useful and buy myself some more time, but it is getting so hard to keep playing the game. Lately, when we hug as part of our cover, I've been wondering what it will feel like if you have to break my neck to make it look like I died in some accident. When we get ready to go in for a mission, I've wondered a few times if this is the day you and Casey stop protecting me and let the problem take care of itself?" He takes a deep breath and says, "I don't know how to keep going in a situation like this. It's really hard to live without hope. Right now my best option is that maybe a stranger will kill me before one of my friends does, and that no one else will get hurt before it happens. That's not the kind of thought that makes you jump out of bed in the morning to greet the day. And my time is running out."
He stops for a minute and looks away from her out of the window. "I've been hoping that it takes them long enough to rebuild the Intersect that I get to see Ellie and Awesome get married. The last one took about a year to build, but Ellie hasn't set a date yet, so my odds aren't looking too good right now. I want to see Ellie walk down the aisle, and to see you as her bridesmaid. You guys are going to be so beautiful..."
He looks back at her. "You know, I'm sorry, I don't think that I can talk about this much more tonight. I'm going to embarrass myself soon, and that's not how I want you to remember me. I'm not really very hungry anyway." He glances around. "We aren't far from home, so I think I'm just gonna hoof it back from here. Maybe we could talk about this again some time when my head is more together. I'm just so tired right now... By the time I get back, we'll have been gone long enough for us to have had dinner together, so our cover is good for now. If anyone asks, the story will be that I had a headache and cut the evening short. That's even the truth, for a change."
He opens the door, gets out, and leans his head in to the car. "Thanks for listening. I doubt this is in your job description, but it helped to talk about it. I normally can't write this stuff down or even say it aloud to organize my thoughts without having Casey getting a hold of it, and that probably isn't a good idea. If they think I'm too depressed, I'm probably more likely to get sent to the bunker. I know this game is rigged, but maybe I can find a cheat code, or the rules will change, if I just play long enough. It's not a lot of hope, but it's all I have for now. I'll see you at the briefing on Monday morning." He closes the door and starts walking down the street, head down, shoulders slumped, with a bleak look on his face. Sarah watches him until she can't see him anymore, while tears run down her face and she keeps staring at the point where he disappeared into the night.
* From the Kübler-Ross model of grieving. Stage 1 = Denial, Stage 2 = Anger, Stage 3 = Bargaining, Stage 4 = Depression, Stage 5 = Acceptance