Every now and then, it's like I'm not even here anymore. I disappear, yet she's still there. Holding this person, kissing this person. His face looks familiar, but I'm not sure it's me. I feel like screaming, but the words can't find their way out. What if it'll stay like this forever? What if this is how we are supposed to be, if we are even supposed to be. It shouldn't, we shouldn't. She's the perfect girl everybody fancies and I'm just a shadow of the lonely boy sitting by a tree. Why is it that out of all people, my heart rose for her, and eventually another sound evolved?
Lydia is all I ever wanted, all I ever needed. People are saying that I got the girl, that I achieved my goal, but in fact she has never felt so far away. My heart can't seem to reach hers anymore. I'm not even sure there's still a heart left in me anymore. What if he stole it? What if it doesn't matter that I survived him, because I didn't? And if maybe I did survive him, he left marks. Scars. A tattoo of darkness is growing all over my heart and there is no way to stop it. I may even end up looking like the devil in disguise. I might become this creature, this devil. My inner devil might come forth any day and no-one would notice. They would all be blinded by this weak fragile piece of bones, blinded by love. And I do you know, love them. I love my friends, my family... I love Lydia Martin, the girl of my dreams. But what is all of it worth if one day I might turn to stone?
"Stiles?"
I can feel her hands all over my face, her energy mixing with mine. It's not my intention to be this distant person, to continuously disappear into thoughts she can never know about. It just kind of happens every now and then. When they found my body lying there as cold as ice, something might have snapped within them. Maybe experiencing that moment made a trigger go off in her head. The only thing I can remember is waking up in the hospital, her strawberry blonde hair colouring the room, her smell making me smile. After a while she looked up at me and I swear- I had never seen her so happy before. Her smile reached both ears and I bet she even cried. Next thing I know we are tangled in a hug, kissing each other fully on the mouth. A few years ago I probably would've fainted in that moment, but all I could do was blush and give in to the girl of my dreams.
"... not answering... hours... maybe."
My ears are only able to pick up a few words, but my heart knows they're talking about me. They're worried about the friend that suddenly loves to disappear in his own head, wondering whether or not he's possessed by another demon.
"Stiles buddy, c'mon man, wake up."
Wake up. A vague memory flashes through my head. It's not real, it's not real, but what if it is?
"Heh what?" I snap back to reality as I look at my best friend. "Dude, are you going to kiss me or what?" Scott laughs as if he only just realized his head is almost touching mine. He pets my shoulder and moves backwards. I'm still smiling when I slowly turn my head beside him to look at my girlfriend. My girlfriend, it sure feels good to say that. Since she feels like all she ever did in relationships was being reckless, she is trying to go for this serious-girlfriend-type, but it's not really working out all that well. You can't make a sunshine stop smiling or darkness will rule. And Lydia Martin is all but dark. I on the other hand... I shake my head, trying to get the dark thoughts out of my minds. Nobody can ever find out they exist in the first place. Not Scott, not Lydia, not even my father or Malia. Malia, thinking about her always gives me chills. To know that I handed my virginity over to my girlfriend's sister just kind of makes me feel weird. Actually them being sisters is just a weird thing in general, let stand the fact Peter is their father. The same Peter that seduced Lydia. It's all very... complicated. As I said, thinking about it gives me chills.
"If you're not coming I'll take some other boy to the dance."
I looked up at Lydia, who was now standing next to me. That single sentence was the only sentence in a while that got me off my feet. I was afraid that this darkness within me was going to consume her and ruin our relationship, but the thought of another boy coming between us – again – made me even more afraid.
I held Lydia's hand as we walked next to Malia and Scott. They had been dating for quite some time, too. After Kira left town for another boy, Scott and Malia had the chance to grew closer and closer and eventually they ended up really close. And there we were walking, the four people that had finally found happiness… or so they thought, because I knew better. This war wasn't over, it was just beginning.