Disclaimer: we all know I don't own any of this.

Summary: Alternate ending to OMWF. After Buffy made her big reveal I still didn't think all of the scoobies understood just how much they hurt Buffy and how much pain she's in. In this version they really get to see the damage they've caused – it may be a little over the top.

Authors note: I am dyslexic, I have tried but there are still bound to be some grammar and spelling mistakes in their somewhere. I'm sorry in advance and hope it's still readable. This is my first Buffy I have posted.

Broke down Girl

*Where do we go from here*

As the last notes of the song began to fade the awkwardness rose. Feet shuffled and no one was sure where to look, though unable to meet the eyes of their co-conspirators, guilt was a common theme on all their faces. Guilt and shock and devastation. How could something that had seemed so right have turned out so wrong. And how could they not have seen it, how could they have seen Buffy everyday, talked to her everyday and not have seen it. Because it wasn't there? Because she hid it so well? Or because they didn't want to see it?

"Where'd Buffy go, did anyone see her leave?" Dawn's voice broke the silence. They all looked dumbly around the Bronze to find Buffy was indeed no where in sight.

"Maybe she wanted some space." Tara spoke in vain as Dawn was already heading out the fire exit, the others close behind.

"Buffy?" Dawn called out as she entered the alley. There was no answer but they could make out two figures huddled together against the wall of the alley softly lit by the glow of the street lamps.

As they approached they could see Buffy curled up in Spikes lap, head tucked in under his chin and her hands fisted in the front of his shirt gripping tightly. The only thing to be heard was Spikes soft murmuring.

"Buffy stop, let go luv, let go." Spike's hands were moving gently trying to pry her fingers apart and uncurl her fists, "That's it luv. Open up, please Buffy, come on luv let go, you're hurting yourself."

"What?" Buffy's voice came quiet and confused as she shifted her gaze to look up at him, her face wet with silent tears.

"Let go, open your hands luv, that's it." Spike's voice soft and soothing as Buffy finally let go of his shirt to reveal bloody palms decorated with shallow crescent shaped wounds a matching set to the holes in his shirt. Buffy stared at her hands her eyes cloudy with tears and confusion.

"I...I..I didn't mean to."

"It's alright luv it's ok, it's not deep we'll go get you cleaned up."

Buffy didn't respond still staring at her hands and frowning oblivious to her surroundings.

"Buffy?" Dawn called, her voice shaky with worry. Buffy didn't respond still completely absorbed in her hands

"I didn't – I didn't feel it, I don't feel it." the voice of a lost little girl came from the quiet as Buffy stared at her hands, silence followed as Spike continued to try and soothe a clearly distressed Buffy stroking her hair lightly. After a few moments there was a palpable shift in the air as her body tensed, her next words came out harsh and angry. "I don't feel it! I don't feel anything! I don't feel anything!" She struggled against Spike's light hold on her beating lightly against his chest, he let her go instantly and she stood and backed away.

"Buffy." Spike reached out wanting to comfort her then dropped his arms as she took a step back.

"I can't feel anything! There's nothing, nothing!" Her eyes were alight with pain and anguish, "I didn't want to go, I didn't! But the darkness, it just kept pulling and pulling at me and tearing and it tore me apart. But it doesn't stop Spike, it doesn't stop. I'm being tore apart from the inside, every second of every minute and it hurts. It hurts. Everything hurts and hurts until I'm numb to it all and It leaves nothingness!"

The fight suddenly left her and sunk to her knees on the ground visibly folding on on herself. The full force of her words hit the Scoobies hard. There was a collective step back, the abject horror of what they'd done was plain to see on their faces, the more she spoke the worse it became as she impressed upon them the full impact of their actions.

"Buffy?" The voice came from the Scoobies, though it was so distorted with emotion that its owner was unrecognisable. As the scoobies retreated Spike, Dawn and Giles moved in, to offer what they did not know. What comfort could they possibly give, what on earth could ease their loved ones pain? As she came close Dawn reached out her hand toward her sister but Spike stopped her placing a stilling hand on her arm. Buffy did not want to be touched right now.

"How could you? How could you do this to me?" She said finally looking up and acknowledging her friends presence.

"Buff we..." Xander started but hesitated, what could he say? There was nothing to say. Nothing could make this better. There was no answer, no reason, no justification for what they'd done.

Buffy continued on ignoring him, her tone pleading, desperate.

"Want more do you want from me, what more can I give? I gave you everything, everything and now there's nothing left, I am nothing." She hugged herself tightly.

There was silence as Buffy's despair seemed to swallow them all, all except...

"Come on pet, lets go home get you cleaned up." Spikes face appeared before her own as he crouched down in front of her.

"No I don't want to, I can't be there, I don't belong there, I'm not her not anymore. I can't pretend anymore. I'm so tired." Her voice was cracking as a fresh wave of tears began to fall.

"Where'd you wanna go then? Anywhere you like." His own eyes becoming misty with tears, her pain like a twisting knife to his heart.

"Walk, I just want to walk...be alone..."she picked herself off the ground and turned to start walking out of the alley, then she paused and looked back. "...keep me safe?" The request was quiet, hesitant but there was no doubt who she was talking to.

"Always pet, always." Spike gave her a small smile and fell into step behind her as they walked into the night.