The clock against the wall struck 3 am. Kurosaki Ichigo lay awake thinking of his battle hours ago. Rukia was attacked, and he had failed to protect her. It was eating him up on the inside.
Ichigo sighed and sat up slowly. He ran a large hand through his hair. Only a few more hours and he would have to face the woman asleep in the next room. The woman he had failed. Ichigo figured she probably didn't blame him, but as of now that didn't matter, he blamed himself. This thought made him groan. Sleep suddenly seemed trivial, so he escaped the confines of his room.
Ichigo raced through the lit city in his shinigami form. The rush of the wind against his face made his eyes water. He laughed because this seemed a discreet way of crying. He licked a stray tear from his cheek.
A homeless man in an alleyway tightened his coat as Ichigo flew past him. Ichigo was moving faster every second, his guilt driving him. Everyone within Kurakura with spiritual awareness could feel Ichigo drawing nearer to the edges of the city, all of them wondering were on earth he was heading at this hour! Ichigo wasn't even sure, but he just had to get out. All the possible destinations eased their way into his mind. In the end he let instinct take control. It led him to a place he would visit with his mother as a child. These visits became more frequent after her death.
Ichigo skidded his sandals against the pavement. His breathing was ragged and hurried. He had after all run for miles. He crouched over and rested his hands on his knees, trying to catch his stolen breath. Ichigo glanced at the grassy hill he stood next to. This was the place he and his mother visited together. Now he stood here alone. Ichigo straightened and sighed as nostalgia washed over him. These damn emotions were taking their toll on him.
Kurosaki Ichigo felt drained and weak as he planted himself on the ground. What had gotten into him lately? He had been feeling off in his heart. Deep despair had fallen on him since yesterday evening when he couldn't save Rukia from that hollow attack. It was a feeling like nothing would be the same again, like he'd always be sad no matter what. Which is partly true. Things would never be the same again. They couldn't be, not since soul society and Aizen were such a big part of his life.
I'm probably just being a baby.
Ichigo yelled loud and fell back against the dewy grass. He stretched his arms wide and flexed his fingers. His heavy lids shut tight then relaxed. Ichigo breathed slowly in and out, calming himself. He lay unmoving, just listening to the nightlife. Ichigo called on unseen forces. He asked for peace and clarity. Hoping that just this once he would get what he asked for. He did.
It was like a veil had been lifted from the world. His eyes opened to greener grass and brighter stars, each one noticeable against the inky sky. His heart was finally beating a familiar rhythm.
Ichigo inhaled the new air loudly. He exhaled it slowly but just as loud. He took more inhales and exhales, each one getting slower and quieter. He turned over onto his back and pressed his face to the dirt and grass, breathing it in. Ichigo kissed it lightly and pushed himself off the ground. He turned his broad back to the tall hill he had laid next to. Finally…finally, he knew what he had to do. It didn't involve fighting or training. If he wanted this weight off his shoulders, this despair, then he would have to shrug it off himself. He would go home and apologize to Rukia. She would protest, but he needed to do this. For it would be his last apology. All he could do now was protect her the best he could. Shit happens he had heard. For once he wouldn't take all the blame. He would let others shoulder it too. Ichigo smiled in spite of himself.
I'll call it atonement. Yeah, let's leave it at that.
Yaaaayyyyyy!! I'm done! This was inspired by Death Cab for Cutie songs. Kubo owns BLEACH!!