HI GUYS. I'm back. Here's my contribution to the death that is Seddie. Hope you like it =)

Pardon my interruption. This dream's just setting in.

The sound of my alarm clock and sun blaring through my closed eyes annoys the hell out of me. I reach out to turn the beeping sound off, but end up falling to the floor. I literally and figuratively woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I stand up slowly and brush my hair out of my face. I limp towards the mirror and look at myself. I'm a mess. Sleeping only 2 hours each night cause you're too busy crying and thinking is not good for you. My eyes are red and puffy, and the dark bags under it only add to my horrid features.

I also can't smile.

No matter how hard I try. I only end up slapping myself mentally.

I tie my blonde, messy hair up into a messy bun and walk over to my wall covered with post-it notes. I take out the ones that I have already done and throw them away.

There's only one more left. And it's not much of something that I will do.

More of something that another person would do.

All I'm gonna be doing is crumbling, breaking and scattering.

Written on the piece of paper is:

Freddie and Carly's Wedding

On my preservation, reaching out don't exist

I step into the shower and breathe out a sigh as the hot, searing water touches my skin. The pain is helpful. I've gotten used to it somehow, but not completely. Not ever. I'll never be back to the Sam I was before all of this happened.

How did this happen?

One moment, we were dating, then we broke up, then we got back together for the whole of college and a year after that. Then he went away for a business trip.

And came back with Carly, a ring on her finger.

I couldn't do anything. He told me he found more love in Carly in 5 months than he ever did with me. I was begging – I never beg. I was begging for him, for a nub. For a nub I once called my boyfriend. A nub I love.

Jerk.

He says: "Can you keep a secret? A ceremony set for June. I know it's a rush but I just love her so much. I hope that you can meet her soon."

Months before he went on the trip, he held my hand and looked at me straight into my eyes. I can still see those brown eyes staring back at me. I don't understand how such a small detail can leave you scarred once it's gone.

You never know what you have until you've lost it.

He whispers something in my ear and I scream the truest yes I could ever answer. I thought that was true happiness. I felt it. I felt happiness even for just a short time.

But nothing ever lasts, not even happiness. Something took revenge on me and left me with a scar burnt into my heart. Healing it is impossible.

He's told his mom.

"I know we're young, but I love her to death. And I just really want to see you there, at the Church, watching me watching her walking down the aisle."

I heard those words come right out of his mouth. He looked so sincere, so real. And I even felt a tear slip away from my eyes. I couldn't ever believe that someone would love me as much as he would.

I should have never believed.

No, I don't wanna love if it's not you.

I dry my hair and put on my clothes.

I don't know what to do.

.

.

I cry.

The tears spill without any warning. I'm already catching for breathe. I can't believe it's actually happening. Their wedding is actually happening right now. Carly's probably putting on her make up right now, not giving a care in the world that she just broke her best friend's heart and stomped on it. Freddie's probably gloating on how he's on his way to living his life the way he truly wanted it to be.

I scream.

And to think, that I never, not once, took interest in any other guy. No matter how hard I tried to move on, and fall in love with someone else, I can't. I'm too broken to love.

I don't think I ever want to love anyone else.

I'll still be wishing you were the one.

I open my eyes and the room is already a mess. I've been throwing so many things around. Glass is shattered on the floor and the windows have cracks.

It's so quiet.

I can hear the ticking of the clock and the drips of water.

I don't like it.

I scream some more.

Am I insane?

No, I don't wanna hear the wedding bells bloom.

Prove that we can't try one last time.

Could it ever happen again?

Do I still have a chance to be happy?

Is Freddie really the only person who can give me happiness?

I'm a mess.

I don't wanna hear those wedding bells chime.

.

Trying to fall asleep and you wake me up.

I shut up. I need to shut up. I curl into a ball and hide my head on my knees. This is so sad.

I close my eyes and pray to God that I fall asleep, to be absent from life for a short while.

Once I close my eyes, I see his face smiling at me. I hear his laugh, lifting me up.

I scream again.

Do I still have any more tears to spill?

And I'm trying to see the light, instead of you in white.

I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm driving to their wedding. I can't believe I'm adding more pain to the scar.

But I think I need this. I think I need to see him one last time, at his happiest. And then maybe I can fall asleep at night.

I hear the wedding bells chime.

I don't wanna hear the wedding bells chime.

I cringe, holding back a scream, holding on to sanity.

Pardon my harsh reaction. You put me on the spot.

I step off the car 3 blocks away from the Church. I hide behind some bushes for a short while, then realize how stupid it is.

I sit down on a bench, in clear sight, just steps away from the Church.

I see Freddie talking with some of his guy friends. He's happy. I can see it.

But that's what I saw when we were together.

I don't know what to believe.

I think this is enough.

But if I'm being honest, I hope that I get caught.

I stand up to leave, but I see him staring at me. His mouth is agape, eyes set into fear and shock. I'm reminded of the days when I would beat him up just for the hell of it.

I want to walk away, but I can't. Our eyes meet and I feel like it's just us.

He's walking closer, almost running.

He's right in front of me.

"Sam."

I miss his voice. I miss his face. I miss the worried expression in his eyes. I miss everything about him.

He hugs me. I feel his arms wrap around my body and squeeze me tightly, his face on my shoulder. The sudden warmth I feel shakes me. It's beautiful, too much for words.

"I miss you." He says, letting go.

If only I could talk right now, he'd know what hell I've been going through without him.

He should know.

I slap him.

He touches his cheek. I could see that it really hurt.

But instead of screaming at me, he looks at me worriedly, like I'm a lost puppy. I want to slap him again.

"Sam, I know it's been hard for you." He starts.

"Oh, do you?" I cut him off. "I've barely fallen asleep ever since that night. I cry and scream everyday. I'm practically dead, Freddie!" The words vomit out of me. The tears start falling and my voice gets choked.

"Are you?" Freddie continues. He holds my cheek in his hand. I bite my lip to keep myself from screaming. "Sam, you're beautiful and I can't ever give you happiness. Only you can. I'm happy now and I want you to be too. You were and still are part of me, but I've set you free, Princess. Now, it's your turn. You have to let go of me. Please. "

Hearing those words from him, telling me I'm beautiful, that I deserve happiness, that I'm part of him, the way he still calls me Princess. I couldn't take it. "Do you know how hard I've tried?" I scream at him, pushing his hand away. "I've tried my best. I pushed myself to an edge I didn't know was there. I need help, Freddie! I need yo—"

He cuts me off with a kiss.

This is so wrong yet so right.

I feel a part of me slowly getting fixed. His lips on mine, the memories that come with it, the sudden surge of happiness that electrifies me.

His arms wrap around my waist and mines around his neck. It feels just like when we were together, before all the drama. I miss it.

We break apart.

I smile. For the first time, I smile.

But I don't want it to happen again.

I don't find myself wanting more. I don't want to run off with him and let him leave the happiness he has now.

It shocks me. But in a good way.

He smiles at me, our bodies still close.

"Are you okay?" He asks, through the smile I love.

I step away from him. Without hesitation, I answer. "I think I am."

"Maybe, you just needed something to stop you, to remind you that I'm not all you have." He laughs. "I think it's reverse psychology."

I chuckle. "I miss your nerdiness."

He looks over to the Church. "Are you staying?"

I sigh, letting go of a bit of him. "I think I've had enough."

He smiles and watches me leave.

"Hey." He calls, and I turn back. "I love you."

I smile. "I love you too."

So, maybe the scar will always be there, but at least, I've learned how to heal it. And maybe I don't want the scar to fade. I want a part of him to still be with me.

No, I don't wanna love if it's not you. I don't wanna hear the wedding bells chime.

(ending parallel to iLove You)

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