"Hey, quit steppin' on my foot!"
"Well then point the darn MG that way!"
"Hey guys, which direction does the bullet come out of?"
The three Soviet soldiers stood around in their little trench, not knowing that they were being watched.
Snake looked up from his binoculars and smiled. Three more noobs to get rid of in the world. He took out a sniper rifle and noscoped the first two and threw a knife at the last one. They all died while raising the middle finger at him. Then a fourth soldier came out of a tree and started to strip. "What the f***?" Snake said. The soldier was soon wearing nothing but a pair of undies and said, "Come, let us fight like real men, with our bare hands!"
Snake smiled and rocket punched him in the balls. As the soldier lay on the ground in pain, Snake calmly walked up to him and started to crouch up and down. The soldier looked at him confusingly until it hit him- he was being teabagged! And he thought it only happened in Halo!
"Boss! Boss!"
Snake stopped what he was doing and answered the codec. "Yeah?"
"Boss," said Kaz. "Boss, don't do that. That's just wrong."
"No." He started doing it again.
"Boss, seriously, stop that. It's disrespectful. It's not right to do that."
"Shut up Kaz, you're just jealous because you're missing a leg and you can't do this."
"Uhhh, I intentionally have no prosthetic leg because I want to remember my fallen brothers in arms… stop acting so weird Snake."
Snake ignored him. "I yam who I yam!"
Kaz watched helplessly as Snake continued to teabag the wounded soldier and watched him plant c4 charges all over a village. So many lives would be lost.
Ocelot walked in. "Snake still actin' weird?"
Kaz turned to him. "I don't know, it's as if he wasn't the same guy I fought alongside with 10 years ago during the Peace Walker incident. He no longer recruits anyone and seems to kill everybody he meets…that 9 year coma must have really changed him…"
Ocelot scratched the back of his neck. "Uhhh, yeah… about that…"
Luckily, an explosion distracted them and the two looked at the screen. They heard Snake laugh manically and heard him taunt the cries of help by the other poor Soviet soldiers.
Kaz stood up, "That's it. I'm taking Snake back. Ocelot, I want you to train him."
"Huh?"
"You heard me, tell Pequod to pull him back here and I want you to train him not in fighting, but in morals."
Ocelot looked confused. "I thought in war, nobody cared about rules…"
Kaz grabbed him by the collar, "Well we are pro-fess-ion-al. We have a code of honor, and we follow it, ya big nosed cowboy."
Ocelot sighed as we walked out of the door to the main command center. Everyone had to rub it in. Why didn't he have a regular nose like everybody else?