Usopp watched him from a distance, his hands slowly gripping that, long, hard, wooden spoon. He drooled as he stirred the stiff, wet, caramel sauce that he was preparing for a special treat. He pushed his blond bangs out of his eyes. He did need a bit of a haircut.
"Oh God, he's so hot..." The afro man said, standing behind the door way, hand in his pants, SCRATCHING HIS BUTT. Just. Scratching. His. Butt.
"Yo, cook." A piece of lazely cut grass strolled into the kitchen, carrying booze. Oh wait, that was Zoro. Never mind. Sanji turned around, glaring at Zoro.
"I told you guys not to bother me, it won't be done for another hour."
"It's caramel apples cook. It shouldn't take this long, and I hate sweet things."
"These are made with specially crafted ingredients, and it takes a while to get the caramel to its proper thickness! Plus, these are for people with good taste, not for stupid mossheads like you."
A loud thump was heard, and lettuce was on cheese, hot hands on thighs, meat on meat.
"Jeez, do you have to this now? It's gonna burn."
"We'll be done before then."
"YOU'LL be done before then."
"Same difference."
Usopp watched in horror as his crush was stripped and screwed by another, another man.
There were three things Usopp never knew till this moment.
1. That this animu bishi ladies man could also be an animu bishi mans man.
2. That sweat could come out of your eyes.
3. Sanji's voice could go that high.
Usopp ran, ran so far, a whole three feet to his room, and hugged his pillow.
"whY YOU DO THIS." He sobbed. "I WANT TO BE A HOT MUSCLAR SEME GAY MAN TOO."
"Don't worry, Usopp, I'll always be here."
"Thank you, Cthulhu-senpai-kun-sama-kawaii-desu-chan." Cthulhu-chan smiled thoughtfully, and handed Usopp his deluxe hair spray.
"You always know how to make me feel better."
"Super style..."
"Extreme Deluxe Kawaii Big Moe Finger Lickin' Spank My Ass And Call Me Sally Hair Spray To Make Cute Boys With Cute Butts Fall For Your Dope-As-Hell Afro."
Usopp frowned again at the mention of cute boys with cute butts, but shrugged it off. This horrifying monster was all he needed, and he was happy with that.
"I love you Cthulhu..."
"screw you get rekt usopp."
"fack off to you too."
HAHA GOT YOU
BUT SERIOUSLY
I HATE THIS
AFTER READING UP ON H. P. LOVECRAFT FOR SCHOOL REASONS I DECIDED TO RESEARCH INSANITY CAUSE HIS DAD HAD IT OR SOMETHING
THEN I GOT INTO THINGS LIKE SLEEP PARALYSIS AND SEXSOMNIA AND HONESTLY I KNEW EVERYTHING IT HAD TO SAY BUT IT BROUGHT BACK BAD BAD MEMORIES.
BAAAAAD
But anyways, I decided to screw with those bad memories and make a joke out of this by using cthulhu and now if you excuse me I hate the internet.