Note from the author: If you ever fancy a laugh or something, this is the fic for you. It's always been a childhood dream of mine to be on Star Trek or Doctor Who- I wish I could be on both, but you know :) I recently started joking about Spock going around in a Stetson and well, this story was created. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

"I'm giving her all she's got Captain!" Scotty screamed at Kirk. "All she's got isn't good enough Scotty! We need more than that!" The Enterprise's hull was cracking under the pressure of maximum warp speed. "We're not going to make it Captain! We're gonna have to crash land on the nearest habitable planet!" Kirk turned to his second in command, a Vulcan known as Mister Spock. "Spock, how far is the nearest habitable planet?" Spock checked his monitors and made some quick calculations. "200 lightyears away Captain. It is not logical however to-" Kirk interrupted Spock to address Mister Sulu. "Sulu, take us to the nearest planet." He then turned to Uhura, the xenolinguistics expert. "Search all known frequencies to see if there is life on this planet 200 lightyears away." Uhura nodded. "Aye Captain". "We're never going to make it!" Scotty shouted at Kirk, furiously trying to adapt the warp core to keep up with the ferocious speed of the Enterprise. "I agree with Mister Scott Captain. The only logical solution is to drop out of warp speed now and repair the ship after." "WE'LL MAKE IT!" Kirk shouted at Spock, trying to defy the Vulcan's logic. "I hate to say this, but I agree with Spock on this one." A tall man with a light blue top and a medical insignia on his uniform stepped onto the bridge. Everyone stared at him. "Bones, are you sure you're alright?" Kirk asked quizzically, but Dr McCoy reluctantly nodded his head. "I have a full medical bay, and so since nobody else had any other goddamn solution I'm going to have to agree with Spock!" He replied, his patience had become incredibly short over the years. "Mr Sulu, prepare to drop out of warp." Kirk ordered. "The Enterprise is ready to drop out of warp Captain." Sulu replied. "Punch it." Suddenly the whole ship was engulfed in a white light...

Chapter 2

Kirk opened his eyes as he regained consciousness. "Mr Chekov, where are we?" Kirk proceeded to look around the ship, observing the devastation which had occurred in the previous event. Chekov finally woke up and looked at the monitor. "It seems that we have crash landed and have ended up on a unhabitable planet Captain." Kirk stood up. "Show me visual." The front window of the Enterprise showed the vast western desert land in front of them. "Is the atmosphere breathable?" "Aye Captain, and it also appears that the planet is populated with humanoid lifeforms...Fascinating." Spock continued to type into his console. "What is it Mister Spock?" Kirk asked and started to walk over to Spock. "The planet appears to be very similar to a place back on Earth in the 1800s, otherwise known as 'The Wild West' if my knowledge is correct." "Right. We split up and find life on this planet, and hopefully some resources to fix the Enterprise. Scotty, Spock, Uhura and Chekov you're with me. The rest of you can split up and try to find parts for the Enterprise." He continued to walk around the bridge. "Now remember that we have little power left on this ship and so teleporting is not an option. Communication will be minimal and our phasers only have enough power for one shot, so only use it unless you really have to. Good luck." The crew exited the Enterprise and entered the vast desert.

It wasn't long until they encountered a small town, bustling with people. As soon as Spock walked into town, the townspeople stared in horror. "I-it's a demon! My god! I'm too young to die!" a villager screamed, and promptly ran away from the Vulcan. Spock raised an eyebrow. "I am not a demon. I am a Vulcan." Kirk placed his hand on Spock's shoulder. "I think you're going to have to cover up your ears before they think that you're here to terrorise the whole village." Kirk chuckled to himself, and then proceeded to find a hat shop. "There you go, now find an appropriate hat while I go with Scotty and discuss the Enterprises' fate."

Ten minutes later, Kirk and Scotty turned back to find their Vulcan friend walk out of the shop, wearing a Stetson and Spurs. "Is this adequate Captain?" Both of them stared in shock. "A-a Stetson Mister Spock? I remember the stories I had been told about the Wild West when I was a wee boy, and this all seems very cliché... Now all this planet needs is a few Indians!" The townspeople gathered around Kirk, Spock and Scotty. "Who are you? Nobody comes to these parts, it's too far out. Are you angels?" A man enquired. "Are you kidding me?! You people are ridiculous! So primitive! One minute you call everyone demons, the next, they're angels! Are you out of your goddamn mind?" Bones proceeded to barge past the villagers to make his way to Kirk. "Nice hat. Really brings out your eyes." Bones muttered to Spock, leaving the Vulcan puzzled. "I don't understand Dr McCoy." "It was a joke Spock, now just relax!"

The villagers started to close in on the 4 members of the Enterprise. "We don't like to be called primitive..." All 4 of them armed their phasers. "Oh, this is going to be fun..." Bones muttered to himself.

Chapter 3

Suddenly, all the villagers parted and a man in a tweed suit appeared. "Now, what is all this fuss about eh?" He walked towards Spock, and grinned. "Nice Stetson by the way. Stetson's are cool. Needs a bow tie though." He took off Spock's Stetson and put it on his own head. "Oh, oh! You're a, no, don't tell me..." The man hit his head in an attempt to jog his memory. "A VULCAN! AH! THAT'S IT! OH! I'M ON FIRE!" He spun around and grinned at Spock, a emotionless response was returned to the man. "Is that a smile I see there?" The man winked at Spock, causing the Vulcan to raise an eyebrow. "He doesn't convey emotion, and you of all people should know that Doctor." The Doctor spun around, looking Scotty straight in the eyes. "Mister Scott! Long time no see! How's the Enterprise going?" Kirk looked at the Doctor, and then back at Scotty in amusement. "You know this person Mister Scott?" Scotty nodded in acknowledgment. "Ay Captain, but he is not ordinary person sir. He has saved civilisations and has seen the universe! I fixed his ship once and-" The Doctor scowled. "I said I was in your debt. Please don't tell me you want me to owe you, because I do not want to have a whisky-drink off again, I'm sorry but I'm a different man now. Well, physically but not mentally." "Fascinating- so you have the ability to regenerate your body image?" Spock scanned the Doctor with his tri-corder. The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Oh, you Vulcans spoil my fun! I mean come on, no other species would ever figure that out! I know it's the only logical argument but it's the most boring argument! I've been accused of being a shapeshifter and that is so much better than a person who 'regenerates'!" He looked Spock straight into the eyes. "Go on, read my thoughts. It's what you Vulcans like to do, and I believe it will answer a lot of your questions..." The Vulcan then proceeded to place 3 fingers on the side of the Doctor's face, and closed his eyes.

"You are a very improbable being Doctor." Spock finally concluded. "Improbable? I guess you could say that, because you must have eliminated the improbable..." He grinned again while Bones rolled his eyes. "Will you stop bearing your teeth?! It's highly irritating and a waste of my time!" Kirk grabbed The Doctor by the jacket. "Scotty said that you owe him one..." The Doctor nodded, slightly shocked by the fact that he was grabbed by Kirk. "Consider your debts paid if you fix the Enterprise." Scotty stared at his Captain. Why didn't he think of that? The Doctor paused. "I might have a problem... you see, my ship is sort of missing and several aliens are trying to kill me. I would love to help you, but I have my own problems for the minute!" It was within that minute that two Klingons arrived and pushed Kirk away. "Ah. Now, today is not a good day to die..." The Doctor ran towards the desert, the two Klingons following him hot on his feet. "Follow him!" Kirk barked at Scotty and Bones, who dashed after them.

Kirk's communicator beeped. "Captain, it seems that there are-" "Klingon frequencies on this planet. I know Uhura, they just attacked Scotty's...friend." He paused. "Have you located the ship?" "We have located the wessel Captain. It is 10 miles east of your current location." Kirk sighed. "Well, I guess I better get a horse..."

Chapter 4

After what seems like an eternity to Kirk, Spock finally managed to ride a horse successfully to the Kingon vessel. With their phasers armed, Kirk led the way into the vessel, the other crewmates following him. In the distance they heard the cry of "Geronimo!" making Scotty grin. "Aye, The Doctor is here." At the very mention of his name, the Doctor popped up behind Scotty. "Well hello again! Fancy seeing you here! Yes, ah, well, I can explain-" Kirk put up his hand to dismiss him. "Just tell me who you are, and how do you know so much about, well, everything?" The Doctor started to speak, and then stopped. "Speak to your Vulcan buddy- I don't have the time." He chuckled at the joke and then pulled his sonic screwdriver out of his pocket. "What is that?!" Kirk asked, and Spock ran the tri-corder over it. "It appears to be some sort of sonic probe." "OI! That's screwdriver!" The Doctor then continued to let the light go all over the ship, leading to a Klingon announcement being made. "Oops. Wrong button." Kirk grabbed the Doctor again. "What the hell did you do?!" Spock paused for a minute. "It appears to be a self-destruct sequence Captain." The Doctor grinned nervously. "Well, I guess I better get my ship and leave!" He dashed off into the distance, while Scotty followed him shouting "Don't forget me!"

Kirk decided the wisest move was to abandon the Klingon bird of prey, regretfully leaving Scotty behind. He began to lead his small party off the ship and out of the blast range. Suddenly, his communicator beeped, and he answered. "We cannae find The Doctor's ship cap'n. We are leaving now-" A huge blast took out the Klingon vessel, and Kirk ducked. "Mister Scott? Scotty can you read me? Scotty?!" Kirk started to run towards the wreckage of the Klingon ship, until Bones held him back. "He's dead Jim."

Chapter 5

"D-dead? I don't think so." Kirk stumbled over in shock, grief taking over him. "How do you propose we get home now?!" He screamed at Bones. "Dammit Jim I'm a Doctor not an engineer!" Bones quipped back. "I do believe that the only logical solution is to locate The Doctor's ship." A blue box suddenly appeared. "You Vulcans never seem to stop amusing me!" The Doctor bounded out of his police box and slapped Spock on the back. "Well, you've located me, and I do believe I owe you a favour... I've always wanted to say this" He cleared his throat. "Beam me up Scotty!" Scotty stumbled out of the Tardis. "Ha ha, very funny you wee little- I can't beam anyone up right now, so can we just use your ship?" The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes. "ALRIGHT!" He shouted, and signalled for everyone to get into the Tardis. "Fascinating- I never thought that trans-dimensional objects were possible." "Not impossible Spock, just very improbable." Bones smirked at Spock.

After what seemed like an eternity of the Doctor bouncing around the Tardis control room, they arrived back at the Enterprise. "Now! Oh, she is a beauty Mister Scott! Such a shame that you broke her!" Scotty scowled. "Just shut up and fix it." The Doctor ran back and forth with his screwdriver, banging parts of the ships- Kirk constantly heard the cries of "Oi! Watch it!" from Scotty for over an hour. When The Doctor had finished, he walked up onto the bridge. "Well, this is rather...spacey isn't it?" Kirk rolled his eyes. "I gather that you've repaired my ship, want to stay while we take her around the block for a spin?" The Doctor started to walk off the bridge. "As much as I love to, I gotta dash. The universe can't save itself you know!" He grinned and saluted at Scotty. "See you around Mister Scott. It's been a pleasure." "The pleasure's all mine Doctor, until next time!"

The Tardis de-materialised and Spock couldn't help but notice a tear run down Scotty's cheek. "So that is what true friendship is" He murmured to himself, and looked at Kirk.