Everywhere but the room

A tag to season 4's Divide and Conquer

A/N: Season 4 is my favorite season and I've always found myself wondering about the conversations we missed between episodes. So I added this onto the end of Divide and Conquer, because I don't think the events that transpired could really be pushed away that easily. This will be four chapters.

wackyjacqs: You have my eternal gratitude for being my beta. And for your patience in actually receiving one of my stories

Chapter 1

As he absently took another bite of his slice of pumpkin pie, Jack O'Neill's thoughts wandered back to the infirmary, where he knew Carter was probably saying her final goodbye to Martouf. Jack swallowed his bite of pie and set the rest back on his plate in dejection. He sighed deeply and shook his head at the chaotic day he was having. Thinking of Carter wasn't helping re-establish his equilibrium.

"Damn Tok'ra" he mumbled to himself. He grabbed the fork he had originally ignored and tapped at his pie, making indentations. His mind continued to wander, eventually focusing on that look on Carter's face when he had uttered those words. The ones he couldn't take back. Because I care about her, a LOT more than I'm supposed to. Carter's eyes had closed in what looked like anguish and his gut had clenched tightly in that moment. When she had approached the chair after his test, their eyes had met and he saw everything. Everything they had worked so hard to push away and trample out of existence. Her glassy eyes told him what her words later confirmed. She felt the same way. He forced away the instant joyous reaction he felt coursing through his veins at that thought and once again, pushed his feelings for a certain blonde astrophysicist into the deepest part of himself that he could find.

Jack tried to bring up the latest episode of the Simpson's in his mind, but Marge kept morphing into Sam Carter. Then his mind wandered even further and he himself became Homer, drinking beer, eating donuts and generally acting like a dolt. Jack didn't mind though, because in that world, he came home to a hot wife and crazy kids. He couldn't help but wonder, not for the first time, what his life could be like if he retired again. He could grab Sa….someone special and kiss her senseless from here to the moon. Well, further if he could still make use of the Stargate….

"Jack." He was snapped out of his ridiculous musings by Daniel's voice. Jack looked up and saw the archeologist standing near the other chair at his table, a cup of coffee in one hand and a notebook in the other, and his glasses slightly askew on his face. Jack snorted as he was suddenly struck by a vision of Daniel as Milhouse. He found himself wondering how hard it would be to "accidentally" color Daniel's hair blue. When Daniel raised his eyebrows at the snort, Jack just shook his head and waved him into the empty chair with his now pumpkin covered fork. As Daniel slid into the chair, a glop of pumpkin landed on his notebook.

"JACK!" Daniel snapped in frustration, and then rolled his eyes when Jack simply shrugged.

"Daniel-"

"Jack-"

"Dan….."

"AHHHH! Okay, stop that. " Daniel cut off their familiar back-and-forth and wiped the pumpkin off of his notebook with Jack's napkin. As he placed it back near Jack's plate, he raised his eyebrows and gestured to the pie.

"What did that pie ever do to you?"

"What are you blathering about?" Jack asked him in confusion. When Daniel pointed at his plate, Jack looked down and saw that he had apparently turned the rest of his slice into mush. He hadn't realized he had been trying to make a pumpkin smoothie while his thoughts wandered. He looked back up at Daniel and saw something in his friend's face that looked surprisingly like concern. He wasn't sure why Daniel was concerned about him. It was just a piece of pie.

"Oh…well, I was…thinking. Guess my mind….wandered" Jack waved his hand around in the air helplessly to try and make his point and then dropped it awkwardly to the table when he realized that he didn't know what his point was.

"YOU, were thinking? About what?" Daniel leaned forward as if Jack were about to tell him about some deep and meaningful revelation he'd had. Why the younger man even expected something like that, Jack had no idea, but he decided to run with it. He looked around the commissary, making sure no one was listening. Considering only one other table had people at it, he figured they were safe. He leaned forward toward Daniel and kept his voice low.

"Well, remember those armbands we wore? I decided that I liked them so much that I am going to sign up for this experiment that the Air Force is doing on officers. They have this new drug that's like…Steroids….ON Steroids. It's supposed to create superhuman strength and speed. I'd have to leave the SGC for several months of course, but General Hammond assures me that if the drug is successful on me, I would still be a hot commodity here." He leaned back and struggled to keep a straight face as Daniel gaped at him in astonishment. How the hell Daniel was still so gullible after more than 4 years, he didn't know, but Jack would take advantage of it for as long as he could.

"Jack! That's insane! Are you serious? That can't be safe. What are the side effects? Is there a risk to you?" Jack watched in amusement as Daniel's forehead furrowed and his hands waved wildly with each new thought. He just loved flustering the man. It was so easy. As he watched his friend get more and more agitated, Jack decided to have a heart and put the man out of his misery.

"Whoa! Danny-boy, relax! I'm just messin' with ya."

"What? You're not going to be experimented on?"

"Nope."

So, why'd you say all that?"

"To see if you'd buy it."

Daniel sat back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"Very funny Jack. I'll remember this the next time you need help catching up with your reports."

"Totally worth it Space Monkey!" Jack grinned devishly at his friend and watched as Daniel simply shook his head in defeat.

"So, what were you REALLY thinking about before I came in? I mean, your pie looks like that stuff we ate in Handante now." Both men shivered in revulsion at that reminder.

"Oh ya know, not much…just….ah" Jack floundered for an explanation about his wayward thoughts, refusing to allow himself to tell Daniel that he had been daydreaming about he and Carter as Homer and Marge Simpson. "The Simpsons episode I watched a few nights ago. That Burns really reminds me of someone. I just can't place it."

"Yeah right Jack. The look on your face when I came in could not have been related to the Simpsons."

"I was too thinking about the Simpsons! Can we move on?" Jack questioned Daniel in exasperation, refusing to continue on about his previous musings.

"Ah…sure" Daniel relented and drank from his mug. "So, how are you? It's been quite a day."

"I'm good Danny. Why do you ask?" Jack tried not to sound defensive with his answer, but wasn't sure he was successful.

"Well, I mean, you almost went into a sort of induced coma, then decided to possibly have your brain scrambled, then you admitted your feelings for Sam, then we watched a friend of ours die. It's been one of those days. I just wonder how you are with all of it." Daniel rattled off quickly all that had happened that day and kind of mumbled the part about Sam, but Jack had still caught it, and since Daniel hadn't been in the room when the Za'tarc test was happening, he knew someone had blabbed. Jack sighed in resignation and prepared himself for what was sure to be a serious conversation with Daniel. Jack knew Daniel wouldn't let it go, so he was going to suck it up and deal with it in the moment.

"Who told you?" He stared Daniel down and just kept staring when Daniel tried to act like he didn't know what Jack meant, but his head turned down and he sheepishly looked back up at Jack.

"Janet" Daniel answered softly "but I don't think she told me to be a gossip. She's concerned about Sam with the whole Martouf thing, and I think she just wanted me to know, in case Sam needed someone to talk to that isn't…military…you know? Besides Jack, it's not like I didn't suspect."

Jack ran a hand over his face and sighed…loudly.

"Daniel…I'm fine, really. And I know you want to have a heart to heart and discuss my feelings, but that just can't happen. I realize that I can no longer deny that Carter and I…have….a thing…" Jack moved his hand around in the air, trying to emphasize the 'thing' and he knew it wasn't enough… "but we decided to leave it in that room, and that's where it's staying. So…just…try not to think about it huh? Trust me; it's less of a headache."

"What do you mean, you've left it in that room? You aren't going to talk about it, or do anything? Don't you want to…I mean…does she want…you're not going to change your relationship?" Daniel awkwardly and in one breath asked him. He then leaned forward again and opened his mouth, but Jack beat him to it.

"Look Daniel, we're not going to change anything. It's against the regs, and besides, you wanna know what happens to women who become involved with a superior officer? They get booted Daniel. And even if they didn't kick her out, she'd never be taken seriously again. You want that to happen? The Air Force may like to say it's not sexist, but women are the ones who are punished for stuff like this, so I hope you'll keep this to yourself." Jack began to stand, wanting to be done with the conversation, but something Daniel had said suddenly clicked. He sat back down and pierced Daniel with his gaze.

"What do you mean you suspected?" Daniel seemed dazed and hesitated until he understood what Jack meant and smiled sheepishly.

"Oh…ah you know, all those missions off world. Teal'c and I kind of watched you and Sam…err…you know, develop…well…"

"Careful Daniel" Jack growled in warning before Daniel could finish his fractured answer.

"Oh umm…well we sort of figured out the 'thing' you have with Sam. I think I started noticing after we rescued you two from Antarctica. She looked at you differently after that. Like…softer somehow. I don't know. And you started sitting closer off world and when we would split up, you started pairing with her more. And Janet figured it out when you were trapped on Edora and Sam was…well…she was pretty distraught. We've never really talked about it much, but we all knew." Daniel informed Jack. "I think that Teal'c and I only noticed because of how well we know the two of you though, and Janet because she's pretty much Sam's best friend, so I wouldn't worry about it. I don't think anyone else has noticed anything."

"Oh…well. You ahh…haven't mentioned this to the General, have you?" Jack asked in apprehension.

"No, of course not. It was never relevant anyway. You guys have never let it get in the way." Daniel smiled at Jack and the colonel was encouraged. He had been tempted to panic when Daniel began this conversation, but it had gone surprisingly well. He still hated that anyone knew, but Daniel was being downright blasé about it, so Jack figured he could let it go. He stood and motioned for Daniel to walk with him. As they walked out of the commissary into the almost deserted hallway, Daniel broached another question.

"So, you were really going to let them do that procedure on your brain. What if it had made you kill yourself like Astor?"

"Well Daniel, I guess that would have sucked" Jack told him, a little annoyed that Daniel was questioning his choice. "Besides, like I said before, they could have dug around in my brain and helped Carter. That would have been worth it Daniel." He stopped walking when he noticed that his younger friend was no longer next to him. Jack looked back and saw Daniel looking at him in bemusement.

"What!" Jack walked back to Daniel and waited impatiently.

"Jack, you LOVE her?!" Daniel half asked, half stated, his eyes wide and his whole face grinning.

"Ah…Daniel, we talked about this. You said you already knew and now we leave it alone. Got it?!" He started to turn back down the hallway, but Daniel's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"No Jack, I said we suspected you guys had…feelings…I didn't know you're IN LOVE with her." Daniel's smile faded and Jack watched as his friend realized the implications of him loving Carter. "And you guys can't be…I mean you won't know if….are you going to wait until….I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything Daniel. Let's just leave it alone huh?" Jack did his best to stare Daniel down again, hoping his friend would know that thinking and worrying about his feelings for Carter were too painful. As long as he could ignore it, it wouldn't be as hard to only be colleagues. Daniel seemed to come to an understanding about it, because he just nodded, slightly squeezed Jack's shoulder and resumed walking. Jack jogged a few steps to catch up and tried to overcome the slight tension in the air.

"Ya know, I really WAS thinking about the Simpsons. In fact, you were there Space Monkey. Have you ever considered blue hair?"

A/N: Thanks for reading! Coming up in chapter 2: Daniel talks with Sam